Home/Work - All Comments

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

melospiza — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:38:19 GMT

I don't really have a work uniform--but I do, like Catherine, tend to wear the same things on certain days of the week. For instance: on Mondays I wear my favorite pants (red!) to cheer myself up. So that day's taken care of. On Fridays I wear my (1) dress and boots. Somewhere in the middle I wear my sweatpants-that-mysteriously-look-dressy-enough-for-work.

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

Melissa — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 18:30:42 GMT

I work in an office so I have to look presentable, and I manage, just barely. I used to look quite nice before having a kid. Now it's harder since I don't have money to shop or time to really put that much thought into it. I have browns, blues and blacks, mostly and some beiges to help out. These colors work with each other, but I am so bored with my clothes these days it's not even funny.

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

Catherine — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 15:58:57 GMT

Well this week marks the official mark of winter for me because I have worn two different black turtlenecks. On another day, I even wore a grey one. Most of my attire involves something black and hopefully a splash of color. Today it's a black turtleneck, grey skirt, black boots but I have a bright houndstooth coat. I get to the point that you can almost tell what day it is by what I'm wearing. Thankfully, I have a lot of clients so surely THEY don't notice. I feel bad for my coworkers though.

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

Judy — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 14:06:11 GMT

I work at a University, so not only do I have to look half way decent...but I've got to keep up with the college kids! (Yes Leslie at the Ungodly hour of 7am.) My Garanimals: Luckily scarves are in right now so any stain can be covered easily, I count down the days to jacket weather because a khaki trench can make ANY outfit look good, and I'm LOVING the flats trend. (Bu-Bye high heals!) Also, I let my husband get our daughter ready for daycare because I simply can't pick out two outfits at 6:30am. Some days he puts her in the worst possible color combination...but who cares, it's just daycare!

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

Leslie — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:28:03 GMT

I cannot fathom having to get dressed to look good and be seen every single day. I'm glad you've been able to come up with a somewhat easy AND acceptable solution! Having worn a uniform every day for twelve years in school, I never have fully adjusted to having to choose something to wear every single day. My fall and winter "mom uniform" last year was a long black skirt I bought on clearance at Wal-Mart years ago and an Irish sweatshirt passed down to me by my daughter, with the addition of long johns masquerading as leggings when it got cold. Now the skirt has so many holes in it I am being forced to retire it and it is stressful to come up with something new to wear. Seriously, I am in awe of women who walk out the door made up and nicely dressed at some ungodly hour of the morning.

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

myanna — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 12:13:44 GMT

With my job (funeral director), I am pretty much required to wear black, black, black, gray, and more black. Lots of black suits, black shoes, and the occasional dark-gray. I don't even have a dog or cat, and yet somehow, I end up attracting the other things that show on dark colors, from my daughter's blond hair, to baby powder, to tissue lint. Word to the wise---buy the expensive tissues if you wear black a lot. And keep lots of scotch tape around to dab off your clothes before you meet with someone.

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

Clisby — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 09:43:11 GMT

I work from home, so my uniform is pretty much jeans, Tshirt/sweater, or button-down shirt. Come to think of it, that was my uniform when I did my computer programming in an office.

re: When working moms go berserk

Voice of Reason — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:22:38 GMT

Katie,

I got a big lump in my throat reading this. I'm currently a SAHM, having given up my job as a director of development for a local non-profit because I simply couldn't handle the pressure of balancing my home/work life. (My partner is trying to start a small business and something had to give; charity jobs just don't pay all the bills.)

So, for the moment, I'm one of the mothers picking up her child in a (not so gleaming) mini-SUV and I would hate, hate, hate it if anyone thought I was standing in judgement of them or their choices. We all make choices and decisions that we think are best for our families. Sometimes we feel we have no choice. Sometimes we are right and sometimes we are wrong. (I may look back one day and realize I overreacted and that I should have kept working through the tough time. Who knows?)

Regardless, we should do our best to support each other's right to make our own choices (understanding that their contexts are unknown to us) even if we don't feel we can support the choices themselves. I don't just mean as women, I mean as parents. I don't think any of us wants another generation of mean-spirited, judgemental parents.

The aftercare worker was rude to you and extremely naive about the circumstances that sustain her employment. She did nothing to support E - instead she fed into the stress and anxiety he was feeling that day. That's immature and unprofessional. She owes both you and E an apology which, I suspect from reading your blog, you will both accept with grace and good cheer.

re: Adult Garanimals: What's Your Working Mom Uniform?

Andrea — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 05:19:34 GMT

Well, my job comes with an ACTUAL uniform, so I wear that a lot (and I NEVER wear khaki pants if I'm not at work), but my not at work "uniform" is jeans or black pants and a solid color top or sweater. I don't wear brown or navy blue, only blck and dark grey and colors that coordinate with them, and I usually tend to buy things that are similar in cut so almost every top I have works with almost every bottom.

re: When working moms go berserk

Katherine — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 04:05:58 GMT

I think our society could learn a lot by looking at other developed countries such as Sweden. Americans put our babies in daycare as early as 6-8 weeks. Great for the formula companies who put more money in there pockets. These same companies along with the government (tax paying mothers)benefit from women working right after birth because it is impossible for a working mother to pump enough during the day. And why can;t we have fathers pick up some maternity leave when the mothers runs out.

"IT IS a common sight in Sweden: a single man trudging behind a pram while shopping or on his way to a nursery. "Papa leave", the right of a father to take time off to care for his baby, is marking its 30th anniversary. Yet men take only a small fraction of their entitlement. They are under pressure to take more. "

Can you imagine if men in this country were given this right. Katie's Jon was so lucky to spend all the time he did with C. Now his mother is helping, what an amazing family.

I worked and had my child in daycare but when the second child came along it was impossible to make ends meet. We downsized, one car, sold house, shop at Goodwill etc. Nothing fancy here, no vacations, extras etc. Guess what - we have a pretty good time and sometimes meet my husband for lunch (brown bag, of course).

re: When working moms go berserk

diera — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 03:20:20 GMT

"It is not normal to only be with your child for about 3 hours of the day."

Actually, it's totally normal. It's just only Dad who gets this version of normal without guilt.

re: The school sick day dilemma: should they stay or should they go?

izzyx — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 20:41:17 GMT

i wake up every morning at before school feeling ill and not wanting to go to school because i feel so bad but my parents make me go to school this has been happening to me for 70 days it making my life so hard i cry all the time x

re: When working moms go berserk

Melissa — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:49:57 GMT

@Katherine How can you make such a judgment without knowing me or my child? I spend a lot of time with my child and we are securely bonded.

I do not live in the lap of luxury. I am an average working class person who could never afford to stay at home. I am a secretary and my husband is a postal carrier who has two other children so most of his check goes to child support. If you would like to go over our finances with us or come over and check out my child's emotional state you are welcome to it, but please don't question my choices. My "choices" are keeping my child healthy and happy. Please don't assume that someone is being negligent because they have to (or want to) work. My child is happy and well adjusted. He is truly thriving.

Also, please don't take a child's petulance over a certain situation as being a sign that he is generally unhappy. If you read Katie's blog(s) you will see that she puts a lot of time, thought and love into her family.

re: When working moms go berserk

melospiza — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 17:05:57 GMT

This post reminds me that I want to remember the director of our school's after care program in my holiday-time teacher gifts. She is always cheerful and professional and makes sure that the after care program is interesting, varied and supportive of parents & kids (that is NOT too much to ask). AND the program is open until 6:30, with plenty of kids getting picked up that late.

re: When working moms go berserk

LouAnn — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 23:09:57 GMT

I agree with the poster who said that if aftercare was more fun, your child might like it better. It shouldn't be any different than any other activity kids do after school, like sports, dance, etc. Sounds like the teachers are making it a bummer.

I would talk to her again if that makes you feel better, instead of going to the higher-ups. But I think there needs to be a follow-up discussion of some type.

And even in these comments, I hear that same old you 'choose' to work to have extras argument. As Americans we have to come to terms with the changes that have happened in our economy. We need the cushion, life is uncertain, jobs are uncertain. The days when a stable marriage and a stable job for daddy that would provide for the family forever are GONE for most people.

Besides, many women and their kids are better off when mom works, because she has that drive to, even when the money might not be necessary. I don't have kids, I don't have to work for us to make ends meet and save money, but I WANT to.

I think the first step is for women to quit blaming themselves or each other and turn that energy into changing policies so that moms who work have support, and moms who choose not to have security. Instead of being angry with other women, get angry at the system and demand some changes.

re: When working moms go berserk

Anne — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 20:39:02 GMT

i think often times we get the words "need" with "choice" confused. we need a place to live and food. we choose to have children, cars, mortgages, vacations etc. i often find people get defensive when they feel down deep what they are doing is not the right thing. thankfully we live in a country where people get to "choose" what they want.

re: When working moms go berserk

Moooma — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 19:58:44 GMT

I also bring my kids to daycare at 7:30 and they are picked up anywhere from 4:00 to 5:00 depending on the day. I am married but we both need to work full time to make it. We aren't extravagant-this pays our mortgage, student loans, insurance, gas (both our vehicles are 10 years old and paid off) food, other bills-and, of course, daycare. Could we survive on one of our salaries-yes-but there would be NO extras, nothing to put in emergency funds, no summer vacations-nothing. And honestly-I wouldn't want to not have MY salary-I will not depend on someone else to take care of me (or my kids.) What if my husband loses his job? What if we divorce? What if my husband dies? Yes, it sucks to not be home with my kids, but we make the best of the time we do have. Most chores wait until they are in bed, except the ones they help with. On weekends, we go and do all sorts of things. Or just hang out at home and movies. My kids are happy and well adjusted even though they may only "see me three hours a day." Either their father,or I, or both, (along with both sets of grandparents most of the time)are at every important function. Sorry to rant. I think everyone does what is best for their own families....and everyone else should butt out. What difference does it make to someone who does stay home with their kids, that I do not? Am I hurting that family? I think not.

re: When working moms go berserk

Katherine — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:20:51 GMT

One last thing, I disagree with Melissa who states her 2.5 year old, "is no worse for it". It is not normal to only be with your child for about 3 hours of the day. Granted there are some single parents who have no choice but for those who have partners it is so alarming. Sure everyone has the right to do what they want but be honest about it.

re: When working moms go berserk

Katherine — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 18:09:06 GMT

It is a long day for a child, just like it is for parents. I honestly have to say both you and the after care worker were correct. She let you know that E was having a hard time staying and although she did not approach it the correct way, sometimes we all put a foot/feet in our mouths...She did get the desired effect, E is no longer in aftercare. I see so many kids around me who are in the care of nonfamily members for a great deal of the day and my heart sinks for them. They are clearly unhappy. They would be so much more happy having a loved one care for them even if its means living in an apartment and taking buses everywhere.

My mother is in her 70's and she can recall vividly memories of not being with loved ones or in her home environment after school. Although my mom worked part time until I was in high school I always had someone who cared about me look after me until my mom got off work. We have chosen to live very minimally in order for our children to be with loved ones when they are not at school.

re: When working moms go berserk

renee — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 17:58:35 GMT

Just one more story that might (or might not) make you feel better. My mom stayed at home until I was about 10, and although she had been an elementary school teacher she really had no interest in being home with an elementary school kid. (She had untreated OCD and spent all her time cleaning the house and scrubbing me.) In 4th grade, I told my teacher that I didn't like being at home with my mom, and after a moment of alarm, he let me stay after school and play Scrabble and read the paper with him, things it would never have crossed my mom's mind to do. The next year my mom got a job, and I was quite relieved.

This is just to say that not everyone is cut out to be a SAHM and you should not feel a moment's guilt about it.

re: When working moms go berserk

Melissa — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 16:25:39 GMT

That woman has a problem. I don't know how old she is or whether she has children, but I find that so insulting. Before I had my son, I was a lot more judgmental of people's parenting. Now I know how hard it is.

As far as long days, it's probably more of what your son is used to than how long the day is. He is upset because its a change from his former routine. And he'll be fine.

I drop my 2.5 year old off at 7:20 and he gets picked up at about 5:00-5:30. If my husband can't make it and I have to pick him up, it might be later. We have no choice. It is a long day for him, but he is no worse for it.

Don't feel guilty!

re: When working moms go berserk

Ellen — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 14:40:34 GMT

You have got to report her to her supervisor. Her behavior was completely unprofessional and inappropriate in front of your son. If parents didn't have need of an after-care program, she wouldn't have a job-can't she see that? She could be making the time your son spends with her a positive experience, but instead is making it awful. Maybe SHE is the problem, not the fact that he needs to go to after-care.

At my son's school, kids need to be picked up by 6:00 p.m. Several times he's asked us if we would pick him up "late" (we usually get him by 4:00) because he has so much fun there.

I really hope you follow-up with her supervisor. In this time of economic stress with so many people out of work, I'm sure there is a caring adult who would love the opportunity to create a happy environment for kids whose parents are trying to make ends meet.

re: When working moms go berserk

Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:17:11 GMT

My mom worked LONG hours when I was growing up. And even though my dad was at everything (room mom, girl scout cookie mom, chaperoning field trips, etc) the kids still teased me that my mom wasn't there. I remember one very painful episode in the second grade where two boys taunted me saying my mom must be dead since they never saw her at school functions. TERRIBLE. And I HATED EVERY SECOND. About twice a year my dad changed from night shift to afternoon shift for a month and we had to go to after school care. And I was MISERABLE.

But you know what? Now that I'm a grown up I recognize the important, valuable ideas I was learning about gender roles and the give and take of a successful relationship.

And your kids will too. They will.

Not that it makes it any easier now, of course. But just remember that you're teaching your kids about working hard for something you believe in and sacrificing for the people you love most. They might not see it now, but they will!

re: When working moms go berserk

Erin — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 01:03:14 GMT

That's awful. I think I would mention it to her supervisor. What if she says something like that to another parent--and this person does not feel comfortable speaking his/her mind and confronting the issue? It is still bothering you--it could feel emotionally devastating to someone with a low self-esteem and/or inadeqate support system.

re: When working moms go berserk

Debra — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 00:58:51 GMT

5:45 isn't late. The martial arts studio I attend, The Edge, on Middlebrook Pike, has an after school program of fitness, free time and homework time. It's excellent and no one judges! The adults there are very cool.