So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

ascott — Thu, 08 Jan 2009 15:41:41 GMT

Hello, u are so brave to display this info. I myself have experienced 7 m/c in 3yrs. 2 after successfully completing IVF cycles. Only to end in m/c. I too have felt like u. I am 35 with 2 children. I really get tired of being told or felling as though I'm not as worthy of having more children because some women have none. It does not make the feeling any better. I think with every miscarriage. I become more numb. More expecting of the m/c.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Luta — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 22:55:37 GMT

I came across your blog in my search to learn more about MTHFR. In the last 7 months I have miscarried 2 times after a positive pregnancy test and I believe experienced a third miscarriage as well. I was diagnosed with MTHFR a week ago. I just want to reiterate the many comments about U.S. culture not allowing or being able to talk about miscarriages and allow people to grieve. The number of 'stigmas' I've encountered from well meaning people had been overwhelming.

Blessings to you!

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

camille — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 18:13:44 GMT

We had our second loss a few months ago and turns out, I'm in the thrombophilia club, too. I'm so sorry for your losses, Katie. I feel like our culture doesn't really provide space for grieving such a loss...

I'm eager to read how you meet the upcoming challenges - you always inspire me to sally forth!

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Leslie — Sat, 18 Oct 2008 00:22:08 GMT

I am still grieving over the miscarriage I had in May. I cannot imagine how bad I will feel if I have another one, and I don't know how you've managed to remain stoic for so long. I think maybe it's a good thing to let yourself feel some sadness over this. Believe me, I totally understand feeling almost greedy to want just one more baby when we already have five healthy kids. But every kid is different--if they were not, we could all just have one boy and one girl and then stop! Feel sad about your losses, but don't feel guilty for wanting to add to your family.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

mamazee — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 18:25:21 GMT

I'd had six perfect pregnancies when i lost my little one - i got pregnant right away after, and it was so comforting to have a nursing toddler and a full womb - but your heart and your body know what is missing, who is missing. and it's right to be as open as you can with people who will be gentle with you...

We went to a "Walk to Remember" in our province this month - i made a photo montage of it - it was a very healing thing, to just be with all these other parents/siblings/aunties/uncles/grandparents - all different faiths, no politics involved, just meeting to remember in a beautiful way the little ones gone too soon...

www.youtube.com/watch

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

pregnancies6children2 — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 02:03:18 GMT

I understand your pain, and am very sorry for your losses. I had one healthy birth, followed by 4 miscarriages (like you, all at different times). I decided I could no longer try to get pregnant and made peace with all the positive things I could think of about having a single child. I then found out I was pregnant for a 6th time and now have a 9 wk old baby. After every test imaginable (all inconclusive), with no rhyme or reason, this one worked and we weren't even trying. I still struggle to make sense of it all. Good luck to you. (and it would never occur to me that your losses are any less because you have children already......if anything, you KNOW the reality of what you lost, and it hurts even more.)

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

sparkyd — Fri, 17 Oct 2008 01:27:52 GMT

I think it is great that you have started to talk about it. It doesn't matter how many kids you already have. Those were real little people growing inside of you and to lose that is sad no matter when it happens or whether it was "for the best". People need to be allowed to grieve when this happens. I had one miscarriage before I had my son and I really struggled because I hadn't even had a chance to tell anyone I was pregnant before it happened and then I didn't know how to tell even my closest friends - "Hey, I had a miscarriage last week" doesn't seem like a great way to start a conversation. I didn't start to feel better about it until I gave myself permission to be sad and screwed up the courage to tell my closest friends so I could talk about it.

We're trying to have another baby and I know that I'll be telling my friends as soon I know I'm pregnant so that I'll have that support at the ready should anything go wrong. Heaven forbid.

I wish you the best in your quest for #5!

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Nicole — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 23:26:54 GMT

I also miscarried several times before receiving a diagnosis of anticardiolipid antibody syndrome. Whatever. It meant injecting blood thinners twice a day throughout pregnancy, like you. You really do get used to it, and inject into the lower belly where there isn't much feeling. It works! I now have 4 kids. The funny part is I no longer have the problem- the test was negative with the last 2 pregnancies, and I didn't need the injections. There is a wonderful book about miscarriage, stillbirth, and infertility called "Unspeakable Losses" that was extremely theraputic and I have recommended it to many others. Once you tell others about a miscarriage it is comforting an frightening how many others admit to the same experience.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Taylor Blue — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:09:35 GMT

Hugs...It helps to talk about them. They were yours. I wish you luck..

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Nicolette — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 22:04:59 GMT

My friend recently miscarried for the second time. We live in different countries, so its difficult to offer comfort, a warm cup of tea, or even know what to say from such a distance. thank you for sharing your story, it has helped me to understand a little of what she is going through, why she hasn't spoken about it, other than a brief message at the time it happened. i am sad for what you and her have gone through, my heart goes out to you both.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Andrea — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 21:59:30 GMT

I'm so sorry for your losses, kids or no. Anytime we don't get the family we want, it's ok to mourn. I hope yours works out. I got pregnant easily at 37, but miscarried. Got pregnant just as easily at 38, and had my beautiful daughter. Wanted to try for another, but at 41 just got diagnosed with estrogen-positive breast cancer. Guess it's one and done for me.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

villalena — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 18:07:43 GMT

i am very sorry for your losses. that is hard. i have two children and had a miscarriage in between them. i am not sure i want to have another so it is very refreshing to hear from a woman who wants more children! i love that you are embracing having a large family.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

steffmarcusky — Wed, 15 Oct 2008 03:15:17 GMT

I did not deal well with the miscarriage of my first pregnancy - I sort of went off the deep end and went through pretty bad depression. Thankfully, we have a beautiful baby boy, and I feel like I've made peace with it. I am sorry to hear about your multiple miscarriages - I couldn't go through that many.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Holly E. — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 15:51:26 GMT

I'm so sorry for your losses. I can't imagine what you feel like, as I've never had a miscarriage. And, just because you have four healthy, wonderful children, doesn't mean you can't feel sad or grieve for the ones you've lost while pregnant. You're in my thoughts -- and I'll be thinking about you as you continue along your journey as a mother. Wishing you well!

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Jessica — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 20:32:28 GMT

You know, people have all sorts of opinions about pregnancy, including when it is acceptable to get upset and when it isn't. But in the very long process of trying to get pregnant for the first time, I have learned that the feelings associated with these things cannot always be explained and certainly don't need to be justified to others. It's great to maintain perspective and be thankful for the blessings you have, but of course it still hurts when you miscarry. I can understand wanting to keep these things private to avoid other people's opinions (believe me!), but I hope you don't feel guilty about being sad. Sometimes these things just seem to go way beyond the bounds of the "logic" people employ when they aren't the ones enduring the pain.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Dewi — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:59:04 GMT

(((big hug)))I'm so sorry to read about the emotional roller coaster and miscarriages you've had while trying to get pregnant.

I have an idea, if you're doing early home testing, consider stopping that. Can you wait until you have missed a whole cycle before you test?

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

sajmom — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 14:52:15 GMT

I lost a baby at six weeks, in between my first and second children. I was terrified I wouldn't be able to have any more kids(I now have 4). I KNEW I was pregnant before I even took the test and was planning to tell my husband about it on Christmas morning-best present ever! I lost the baby 2 weeks before Christmas. It was awful and everyone said the wrong things. It did not make me feel better to hear that God must have wanted this or that it was all for the best. Or that at least it was only an early loss, no big deal compared to a full term baby! I felt as though people were telling me I shouldn't even feel sorry, as though I had no right to greive. It was a huge loss, I still feel it. Every once in a while I wonder about what might have been. Anyway, I'll just say I'm sorry, I sympathize.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Melissa Murray — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 04:41:37 GMT

I had 2 miscarriages between my two children. It is a different kind of loss. I have had people tell me (in an effort to comfort) that a loss is a loss, and that it's no different from losing a term baby. For me, that's not true, I don't think. It is *certainly* a loss, and should be grieved, but ultimately, for me, it is a loss of potential. A loss of someone that you'll never really know, rather than of someone that you dearly love. Not that I didn't love the babies that I lost, but really, it was a love of the *idea* of them. I don't even know their gender. Anyway, I just wanted to add my condolences and to say that I feel for you.

re: So, I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Melissa — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 02:17:52 GMT

I'm 42 and I had one before I had my son too. I think as women we put all kinds of head trips on ourselves about what we can and cannot feel bad about. We should just give ourselves permission to be human.

re: I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Alicia Jessmon — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:44:27 GMT

Wow...I can relate somewhat. I had two miscarriages before my little boy and actually began to miscarry at 8 weeks with him, losing his twin in the process. Of course I found out then that apparently my husband did have a positive blood type which clashed with my negative. The one before that hurt so terribly bad because it happened right on Easter last year.

*hug!!!* Good luck and thanks for sharing, I'll send lots of good luck and hope your way! ^-^

re: I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

Roper — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 23:23:47 GMT

I'm kind of amazed at how little people talk about miscarrying -- as if because it's relatively common, they don't have the right to grieve the loss. But it is a loss, and it sucks that you've had to deal with it multiple times. Thanks for sharing, and good luck.

re: I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

uumomma — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 20:56:48 GMT

(hug)

re: I'm kind of getting sick of miscarrying

knockedup — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 20:32:38 GMT

I'm of the opinion that a loss is a loss - and I am so sorry to hear about all those you've endured. I had just one miscarriage before having my boy, and it was hard - and I only had one, so I can't imagine what you're feeling after multipe miscarriages. Miscarriage is something many women seem to be silent about, and, for me, dealing with it in silence made me feel even more sad. I only told some people, because I wasn't prepared to have constant conversations about it, but their support helped so much.

Thanks for being brave enough to share your experience.