Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

paulhartunian — Tue, 09 Jun 2009 22:14:54 GMT

Hi,

I feel you. It is really hard in summertime not to be able to be with your kids or take a long holiday. I've worked during the weekends and it was terrible because I couldn't get together with girlfriends and their kids for special outings. It sucked really bad.

I could understand what my mom went through when she worked fulltime and my brother demanded she should be more like the other moms. Oh well... my brother will eventually have kids and see what it is like.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Melissa — Fri, 05 Jun 2009 15:38:54 GMT

I'm so glad I grew up in working class family in the Bronx. I knew nothing of mothers who did not work. My grandmother babysat and I went to camp. I loved camp. We took a week-long family vacation each year and that was cool with me.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Heather — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:25:41 GMT

Don't your kids make friends at day camp? Those kids' moms (and dads) are at work too. They're definitely not alone in that respect.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Joanie — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 19:09:50 GMT

What -- really?? My mother worked, and my brother and I had a babysitter every summer, and we were expected to entertain ourselves. Other than swimming lessons we rode our bike to, we hung around in the neighborhood, made weird snacks, watched TV and made up games. We loved it. I would have been really bothered if some adult had tried to shuttle me around to structured activities all the time.

Time to take full responsibility for your children's happiness off your own shoulders, for goodness' sake. No good can come of that.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

your mama — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 00:30:46 GMT

I feel your pain. I felt your pain.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

acarman72 — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 19:36:55 GMT

I have feared this coming down and it appears this is the first summer in my household where my son (5) is realizing that summer is "supposed" to be break time. I am lucky that I too enjoy my job - makes it a touch easier to swallow - though yes, I would rather spend the summer hanging out with my kids in the sun. And the kids are in a great school that has care throughout the summer (for tuition that IS more than my mortgage payment) so I thankfully don't have the added issue of cobbling together care for them. Still it is a tough pill to swallow and I understand where you are coming from!

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Barbara — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 18:53:50 GMT

I feel for you, Katie. Also with this economy it's trickier to negotiate flex time. I do wonder about your experience with days camps. Who's there, isn't it kids with mothers who work? And don't your children have any friends with working mothers? Is J. old enough to work or volunteer at a camp or a daycare center? Are there no structured community service opportunities for her? E.'s a bit young for that. I'm lucky ... my son has great day camps. He's a soccer head, so three weeks of those, then two weeks of basketball. We love that there is no homework!

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Debra — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:51:34 GMT

Moms, don't forget the public library systems. They have lots of engaging programs for kids and teens, including summer reading and prizes. I would have loved to be taken to the library on occassion during the long summer break.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Clisby — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 17:01:23 GMT

I'm in-between. I work from home, but I work full-time, so I'm not available to do a lot of kid-shuttling. They're 7 and 13 - they can practice the invaluable skill of entertaining themselves. (It is, of course, easier that I'm here - I never need to worry about leaving them alone and unsupervised.)

I'm 55, and I don't remember my stay-at-home mother hauling us all over creation in the summer. Every now and then, sure. But she didn't consider it her job to be at our beck and call during summer vacation.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Courtney — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 16:54:59 GMT

Katie, I had a stay at home mom growing up and did absolutely nothing over the summers either. I watched old movies with my mom and struggled to fill the empty hours until school started again. All my friends were in summer programs, but neither my parents nor I ever managed to look into such programs in time.

Honestly, kids are always going to complain, and nothing's ever going to be good enough. Those kids whose moms take them to the beach are probably ticked because they have to go with siblings or because some other kid there has a better squirt gun/float toy/bathing suit/snack. Part of being a kid and becoming a functional adult is learning that you can't always get exactly what you want when you want it. Your kids will be just fine. They may not have all the things they want, but they have a wonderful mama who obviously loves them enough to make their summers as fun and stimulating as possible. They may not show it the way you'd want, but I bet they get that even now.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Stephanie — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:52:56 GMT

I promise your kids will understand some day! Both of my parents worked my whole life. My mom still pieced together enough activities to keep me happy and her up until 11pm most nights doing laundry or baking a last minute treat I forgot to tell her I needed for school the next day.

As a grown-up(by age anyway...) and a mom, I am now stunned at all she did for us while still keeping a job which kept her family fed and in new clothes each school year. I danced, went to church activities, and more. My summers were spent just hanging out in my neighborhood. I do regreet not getting to do summer camps, but now I know why. It is very expensive! Perspective and time are great teachers. As long as you know you are doing your best with them and your own life in mind, you are doing awesome!

And to be honest, as a stay-at-mom, I dread summer too! We can't afford lots of activities and since I have twins, it is super hard to just do simple things like go to the park with only one adult. So, even those of us with lots of time can't give them everything. We give our best, and that is what they want!

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Leslie — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:29:39 GMT

There is also stay-at-home mother summer guilt, though. Such as, shouldn't I have made them get up before noon? How late is too late to be wearing pajamas? Shouldn't we be going to the park, or the museum, or something besides hanging around the house all day? Why am I not accomplishing more with all this extra time? Is it bad to wish they were back in school? (Just kidding with that last one. No, really.)

Granted, I don't have your stress over where they are going to be or what they are going to do. I do get to listen to, "Is anything happening today? What are we doing today? I'm bored. I'm hungry and there's nothing to eat."

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Dewi — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 15:28:44 GMT

You need live somewhere with more mothers that have careers.

Up here in the NY metropolitan area most mothers work out of the house, and children J and E age would go to sleepaway camp.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Julie Arnold — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:23:17 GMT

Great blog post that perfectly sums up msy ummer-parental guilt. I have many friends who are teachers, or stay-at-home Moms and, while they are playing at the beach with their kids (we live in Florida near the beach) I am busy working. I have an added difficulty as I work from a virtual office at home, so keeping them busy and quiet becomes even that much more important.

I feel soo guilty, as they are all looking forward to the summer, I am dreading the continual juggle and cost associated with keeping them active and busy all summer long.

Glad I am not alone in this guilty world of parenting! :0)

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Debra — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:18:36 GMT

You are a good mom. I had a stay-at-home mom & we never did anything during the summer, except to get my braces tightened. Seriously, my brother & I would sleep until noon, eat, go back to bed, and be up all night. It was awful. I would have rather remained in school.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Sarah — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 13:11:32 GMT

Katie,

I read your blog alot but rarely comment. I feel this exact pull and just lamented to my husband how much I wish I had just half the summer off, because while I work part time my kids are at an age where most of the programs are full time or none at all so either I leave them home with a baby sitter the days I work so they can have relaxed days the other time or I pay a small fortune and put them in all day camps so the days I need are covered.

I really like my job, and it allows me during the year to work the same hours as my oldest is in school but somehow all of these convieneces and pleasure disaapear come the summer months.

re: Ah, summertime...the season that brings a big, fat, extra dose of working mother's guilt

Jane — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 12:23:00 GMT

A wonderful essay Katie.

This is one of the main reasons I chose teaching as a profession. I LOVE helping kids learn,yes; but I love being able to be home with my kids in the summer just as much.

For me, it's worth forgoing the kind of pay I could have earned as a lawyer to be able to be home with them.