Knocked Up

Baby Fat

Not the fat on the baby.  The stuff that's left on me.  I know the saying - nine months on, nine months off.  Yeah, I should be patient.  Yeah, I should be in awe of the fact that my body nurtured and sustained an entire little person who is still living off of milk that I'm creating.  Yeah, I should be thankful that I have two healthy boys and that I'm healthy and strong.  Yeah, I should remember that the last time around, I didn't lose all of the weight until I stopped nursing.  I know.  You're right.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

 

But right now, I am selfishly focused on my desire to zip up my pants without having that little (and sometimes, depending on the pants, and assuming I'm able to actually zip them up, pretty big) bulge over the top.  I want to wear a shirt that doesn't have an empire waist without feeling self conscious.  I don't want to look like I'm carrying baby number three.  I want to fit into my work clothes and be able to button a blazer without the buttons threatening to pop.  I want my boobs to return to the size of a more decorous fruit, like an apple, rather than rivaling mutant cantaloupes.  Most of all, I want to stop having the disconcerting experience of catching sight of myself in a shop window or in the mirror and thinking, "Oh my lord, that's my body?  Seriously?" 

 

There's another mother in my neighborhood - a lovely woman who I truly like, despite my postpartum body envy - who is the around the corner version of Heidi Klum walking in a Victoria's Secret show two months after having a baby.  This neighbor had a baby around the same time I had Jonas, also her second, and if I hadn't actually seen her pregnant, I might not believe that she'd been with child just a few months ago.  OK, so I haven't seen her in a bikini, and she says she still has a few pounds left to lose, but the girl looks amazing.  I'm pretty sure she looks better now than I looked before I got knocked up.  It should be motivating to me to see her walking around looking fabulous, but the only thing it inspires is a frustrated desire to eat a brownie because my body is just not programmed to shrink down that quickly. 

 

I'm working on my body after baby.  I'm exercising - sort of.  I get out for a slow run a couple of days a week, chase a toddler everyday, and squeeze in stomach crunches and lunges between naps and feeding sessions.  I'm eating well - sort of.  I eat lots of fruit and vegetables and try to have regular meals, but will succumb to M & Ms and pretzels during late night moments of weakness and exhaustion.  By 7 pm, my patience and willpower stores have been used up.  With little time and less energy and my body's own personal timeline that won't be rushed, it will take awhile.  And I probably need to lower my standards.  Afterall, I didn't exactly have abs of steel before bearing two children.

 

My mantra: be patient, it will happen, skip dessert. 

 

Or just eat one small serving of dessert.  I guess that makes the mantra a little clunky.

 

Hey, I'm breastfeeding.  I need a little chocolate.

 

 

 


+ DIGG + DEL.ICIO.US

Comments

 

coolteamblt said:

Oh lord, James is nine months old and I still look awful. I''ve always been a big girl anyways, but it makes me sad. According to the scale, I'm 15 lighter than I was prebaby. However, my bulk's all shifted around in such a manner, I wear 2 sizes bigger than I did prebaby. I was so sick while I was pregnant, I lost a lot of muscle mass, and I'm fairly sure I just replaced a lot of it with fat. I'm working at least 50 hours a week right now, and the idea of hauling my butt to the gym, or even just leaving the house after work to jog almost makes me cry. I'm just impressed you're determined enough to do all that you're doing already.

September 14, 2009 12:02 PM
 

emily b. said:

THANK YOU for writing this post, oz.  for the comraderie alone.  i'm 5 months postpartum and still dealing with the strange transformation my body has gone through since pregnancy.  although the scale reads 11lbs under my prebaby weight (neat!) things are NOT the same (boo.)  between my giant mutant breastfeeding boobs and crepe-y tummy skin, it's difficult not to feel awkward at times.  and by "at times" i mean every day.  like, throw-a-tantrum-while-trying-to-get-dressed and snap-a-plastic-hanger-in half kinda awkward.

when i was pregnant, i LOVED my swollen belly and i felt lovely and womanly and proud.  i was sure that after baby came, i would feel the same way - that all the changes represented the new life i was creating, and i would rock the stretch marks and flabdomen like a badge of honor!  needless to say, such is not the case, and all i really want is to physically look like i never had a baby...

so, i leave you with the assurance that at the very least, this lady TOTALLY understands.  best of luck to us both, i suppose!  cheers!

September 14, 2009 12:48 PM
 

Shifting body said:

No one told me that even if you return pre-baby weight, pre-baby clothes will fit weird. And I seem to have an inordinate number of friends with babies the same age as mine who can wear bikinis without flab or a stretch mark in site. sigh.

September 14, 2009 1:10 PM
 

Melissa said:

I think I only really felt back to normal fairly recently, and my son is 2!  

It really takes awhile for things to shift back to normal.  Give yourself a break. You have baked two babies in less than two and a half years and you're still nursing.  At least you do work out occasionally, which I haven't done since I can't remember when.

September 14, 2009 2:38 PM
 

PlumbLucky said:

My mantra, roughly a year later?

"Looks good in clothes and husband still thinks I'm a hottie".  The remaining bit will peel off...eventually.  But the stretchmarks will always be there, and I will be shocked if my (lovingly termed by hubby) bodacious tatas will ever return to even mutant cantelope stage...

September 14, 2009 2:59 PM
 

beyond said:

give yourself TIME. and don't deny yourself a special treats every once in a while, you deserve them.

September 14, 2009 4:02 PM
 

Michelle said:

It will come. With two children, you are bound to burn some of it off. Breastfeeding was the only way I lost the weight and things were still (and are) different. I'm hoping some day it will go back to semi-normal.

September 14, 2009 8:31 PM
 

Cara said:

I was just thinking today that there is no chance I am getting pregnant again until I am mostly back into shape because it is a lot harder and, frankly, demoralizing to be losing not just the baby weight but the "pre-baby, happy couple, eat out three times a week" weight as well. Don't stress it, you have a newborn, fercryinoutloud!

September 14, 2009 8:58 PM
 

EG said:

I was at a pool party with #1 shortly before #2 was born.  I looked at one young lady in a bikini and thought, "Oh, someone brought a babysitter."  Then I realized that was the mom.  Damnit.

Not that I've ever been a bikini girl, but still.

September 15, 2009 9:13 AM
 

Sara said:

Everyone's bodies are different due to babies. Or to aging, or whatever. I found a great website while I was pregnant: www.theshapeofamother.com, which takes submissions from real life mommies. Some of whom look as good as your neighbor, but most of whom are more like us... a little extra flab for awhile. Some stretch marks and sag, but all beautiful in a very real way that inspires us to accept our bodies for what they do AND what they look like as a result of the lives we are living. Good luck with the pants, though, too.

September 15, 2009 10:00 AM
 

Marie-Eve said:

Oh Oz, I understand... I never went back to the way I was... I'm not bad and I'm mostly OK with myself, but, you know. I just went back from a beach vacation and although nearly all women had young kids, they ALL looked like they could directly hop on a fashion show runway (they were mostly Europeans. Does it make a difference?)

I was wondering, though. It is different this time around? Does one's body bounce back the same way after each kid or is it increasingly difficult to lose the bulge, etc.?

September 15, 2009 11:07 AM
 

amanda said:

I don't think any food eaten between 9 p.m. and 5 a.m. should count when you have a baby. (I still have four pounds to lose myself - and I had my baby over TWO YEARS AGO.)

September 15, 2009 11:40 AM
 

Snarky Mama said:

I have 3 boys.  When the oldest was 14 months, I weighed 10 lbs less than I did in high school!  I'm not sure how this happened, although that was the only point in my life I ate breakfast (a banana and a yobaby yogurt) everyday.  (Note to self:  Umm, duh:  eat breakfast.)

With #2, I gained a million pounds and was still holding on to 20 of them when I got pregnant with #3--which was 3 years later.

When my 3rd son was born, I weighed 294 lbs. (Don't ask, I don't know how that happened.)  I was wearing a size 24 pant, which I could only get through Old Navy online, women's plus department--totally awesome and self-esteem-building to know "normal" stores don't carry your size.

Anyway, he's 17 months old next week.  I have been using a baby carrier since birth (first the Babyhawk, now the Ergo, both are awesome), and what with walking the older kids to school, I average about 100 blocks a week.  I haven't changed my diet, I don't do any other types of exercise, I still don't eat breakfast, but I do drink TONS of water.  I don't own a scale, but I do wear size 12 pants now.

I really think lugging the baby around literally strapped to my body was the most helpful thing in losing weight.  Although it is worth noting most of the weight came off once I stopped nursing, I think carrying Lukas helped build muscle which burned the fat off when my body didn't *need* it anymore.

September 15, 2009 1:26 PM
 

Rosana said:

That was hilarious.  However, I think is not fair to call it Baby Fat since in most instances, the weight we cannot loose is the aftermath of all the excess eating, cake eating, cheesecake eating, pizza eating, etc. that we did while pregnant.  I have never been skinny and I am not trying to be since I am tall, HAD nice thighs and was very happy with my body before my first pregnancy.  I even lost a lot of weight in two weeks after giving birth but my bad eating habits helped me gain the weight back and before I could loose it, I was pregnant again (I am due in January) but this time I will do better and get back in shape not only for my own sake but for my babies sake.  I am sure they will love more to play with me than to watch me sitting on the couch while watching cartoons.

September 15, 2009 2:50 PM
 

mamatulip said:

I started to lose my baby weight after Oliver started walking. Having two on the go was great exercise. ;)

(Notice how I said I "started" to lose the baby weight? Yeah...I stopped. LOL)

September 15, 2009 9:14 PM
 

Michelle S said:

I am cursed by having 2 sister-in-laws, each with babies under 1, who both have the opposite problem.  Whenever they breast feed (one is on her third baby) they get underweight and the doctors have them on special diets to gain weight.  This is very difficult for me at family functions as you can imagine.  Its tough not to be a little bitter when they're "forcing down" another serving of ice cream and everyone's looking at me wondering whether I really need to eat any at all. I definitely didn't have their problem with my son when I breast fed (which I did for 13 months) and somehow I doubt I'm going to have the problem when number 2 is born in December.  

September 17, 2009 12:47 PM
 

denise said:

Oh please give yourself time. And by that I mean more then the blink of an eye. If the boys are graduating from high school and you're still feeling the little extra weight, might be time to take it seriously.

I am sure you look fabulous! I just know it.

September 18, 2009 9:32 PM
 

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September 20, 2009 1:07 AM

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About the Blogger

Oz Spies

Oz Spies in Denver

Oz Spies lives in Denver, Colorado with her husband, a firefighter; their son, Axel; and a slightly obese dog and cat. She has a MFA in Creative Writing from Colorado State University.

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