Pre-K to College
The preschool duck duck GOOSE has begun. We’re exploring all the ducks out there, and they seem to be multiplying.
Axel’s at a childcare center/preschool that we like. We like his teachers. We like the other kids, and so does Axel. He has fun, he learns, he plays, he eats, he naps, he works on important things like sharing and waiting his turn. We like (most) of the other parents. When Jonas is old enough, I’d happily send him there, too.
Except it’s just a preschool for kids 18 months and up. It doesn’t have K – 5. That doesn’t seem like a problem at first glance because the boys aren’t yet 5. They don’t need the three Rs, or dodgeball, or to learn to play the theme song from Top Gun on the recorder with 24 of their closest friend.
It is a problem, though, when you start to think about elementary school. Because to get into some elementary schools, you need to have enrolled in their preschool programs. To get into those preschools, you need to be on the waitlist. In two years, Axel will be ready for a three/four classroom (with a November birthday, he’s one of the older kids). For some of the schools, we are late coming to the game. I should’ve been on waitlists while I was still pregnant. Maybe I should’ve been on some of the wait lists when I was still in high school, or at least narrowing down the options. Why weren’t they telling me about that in Home Ec, instead of having me cart around a fake baby doll and make imitation Orange Julius?
It started with a tour of the local preK – 8 Catholic school. I heard I needed to tour early, if I wanted to get on the waitlist for preschool. Then I thought, if I tour this one, shouldn’t I tour all the options? If I am OK with Catholic school, then why rule out other (highly priced) private schools without actually checking them out in person? And hey, what’s wrong with public school? Didn’t I turn out OK, with a suburban public school education? Don’t I believe in high quality public school for everyone? So why wouldn’t I send my boys to public school?
What I thought at first would be a fun, informative tour of local preschools is now filling me with anxiety. In picking his preschool, we must think of elementary school. When thinking of elementary school, we must think of middle school and, thus, high school, which bleeds into college and career and good lord my oldest child still wears diapers and has tantrums because he’s not wearing a shirt with a picture of a tractor on it.
Deep breath.
Here, in no particular order, are our options (just for pre-K – 8. I’ll hyperventilate if I start thinking about high school, and AP classes, varsity sports, growing armpit hair, SATs, etc. etc.):
Respectable neighborhood elementary school (with paid pre-K), bad middle school, unless the boys get into magnet schools or are lucky enough to get into a charter school, and do I really want my sons’ eduction left to to the lottery gods when I don’t even play dollar slot machines?
Nice, high-quality Catholic preK – 8, which means we must join the Catholic church to get in, though I am Lutheran. Luckily, Sean had some devoutly Catholic grandmothers so the Pope sort of approves of us. Affordable private school, with a Montessori track for the wee ones.
A few private school preK – 8s or preK – 12s, with gorgeous campuses on rolling hills and well-groomed children with admirable test scores and tuition higher than my private college education (which we can’t really afford for two children)
Amazing neighborhood elementary school (after pre-K elsewhere) still in the city, not so good middle school, have to buy a new house (which we may not be able to afford, ever) to get in that neighborhood elementary school
Good public schools from elementary to high school. Have to move to the suburbs. Have to pick which suburb to move to, among the many overwhelming suburb options.
Other local preschools, like the co-op yoga preschool or the Montessori schools or Axel’s current center, and one of the above options starting in Kindergarten
There are also the local Waldorf option and home schooling, but I already know those aren’t for us. It’s nice to have something that’s ruled out, however minor. I’m overwhelmed by all the choices.
This picking a school? It’s a fulltime job in itself. when I can barely handle the actual paid job I’ve got now. What will we do? How do we pick? How can we, without knowing what will be the best fit for our kids in kindergarten, let alone the best fit ten years from now?
At this point, a safe place with loving and effective teachers, low ratios, delicious snacks, a nice playground, and a little fingerpainting works for us. Soon enough, though, we’ll need more.
We thought a lot about this – my husband and I are both attorneys and there is a lot of pressure from our colleagues to send out boys to private school (especially living in Baltimore where when people ask you where you went to school, they don’t mean college or law school, but high school). But in the end we were most comfortable moving to the suburbs with a good k-12 public system. A religious institute was just not an option for us and we opted against private school. We chose this not just because of the money we’ll save, or our liberal sensibilities that we want to support public education (which we do), but because we liked the idea of an education option that really will provide a diverse student body – not just a handful of selected “diverse students” who are on scholarship (and by diverse, we don’t just mean ethnic/racial, but socio-economic as well). Also, most importantly, it just feels right for us. It might take a lot of work, but I think education isn’t something that should just be left in the hands of the schools anyway. And honestly, I look at my coworkers and there are some who went to those expensive schools and then there’s me (public school for k through law) and we ended up at the same job! Good luck with your decision!
I say think about taking the chance on your local school.
We live in a school district with good elementary schools but so-so middle and high, at least according to the word on the street. The area is getting pricier and pricier, and there are a lot of people in the district (like me) that think it’s a little bit crazy to pay $25k/year for private when we already paid so much to live in the gosh darn district. The current level of parental involvement at the elementary level is quite high, and I don’t think it’s going to stop when the kids graduate from 5th grade.
Michelle S, I’m from Harford County and my parents ruled out prep school on commuting grounds, which was fine with me. I wound up going to a fancy private college anyway, and doing well and all that.
I went to school in Douglas County, and I turned out just fine. I think public school is generally the way to go, because you get a wide slice of people, and a beginning glimpse into how the world works. Private school is a great choice for some, but it seems like a waste of a public school, you know? But I grew up with parents that were flat out against sending us to private school, and it’s rubbed off on me a bit. Even in the iffy public schools, there are enrichment options, summer classes at the museum and zoo, gifted tracks, etc. It’s not like Axel and Jonas are going to sit on milk crates and bang sticks together for sixth grade music class. Besides, school districts are fluid. They change year to year, and middle school is what, twelve years away? If the middle school is still bad by the time it’s time for the boys to go there, you can always move to a different district then. And if you need to move, that gives you a decade to save a down payment on those homes, right?
The nice part about public schools is that they can’t refuse to let you transfer if you’ve moved in district, too, so if you start in District 1 with the bad middle, you can move to District 2 with the better middle when it’s time. And you and Sean are great parents, you’ll make sure the boys are educated and well-rounded no matter which school you choose.
Also, sometimes the “conventional wisdom” is just flat-out wrong. For a long time there was one elementary school in our district that was considered “the very very very best one,” but once you start talking to parents who have kids in the various schools, it becomes clear that people make assumptions that are just not accurate.
I wish I could offer you some suggestions. However, my situation is exactly the opposite. In the county where I live, there are only two options: public PreK-12 or Catholic PreK-8 that then feeds into the public high school. Options aren’t always an option.
gosh. i have no advice. just some thoughts.
are public schools really bad in your area? (do parents have to be afraid for their child’s safety?) what are options for magnet/charter schools today as opposed to 5 years ago? (that might offer you a glimpse in the future.) are the $$$ for private schooling really worth it? isn’t there a recent study that shows that private schooling does not equal better college options than public?
i’m glad i am not faced with these decisions just yet. good luck.
I think you should take a deep breath! Middle school is a long time from now and you don’t know where you’ll be by then. I would first visit the public schools and see what you think of them. They might surprise you.
I hate to weigh in when my thoughts are so judgy, but I guess I feel the need. (That’s what the comments are here for, yes?)
In my opinion, if you’re happy where Axel is now, and have no reason to think your local public school is horrible/dangerous (and even if people say it is, you should always check it out for yourself, as others have mentioned), then you should definitely take some deep breaths and calm down. If pre-school and elementary are already acceptable, you have more than ten years to plot your next move, if it’s even necessary.
There is a lot to recommend public school beyond the price. I have to admit that I’m highly biased against private schools too, and grew up in NYC and attended a public school that was not considered “good” (i.e., let’s be real, not white. I think it’s important to acknowldge some of the racial/class subtext of these conversations.)
Don’t let the hype bring you down… and try not to let the anxiety spiral too high. Your kids have every advantage in the world in the form of you and the rest of their loving, attentive family, and will probably do great wherever you send them!
I’m sure you know all this: sorry for the preachy tone.
Lalalalalaaaaa I caaaaan’t heeeeaar yoooooou (me with my fingers in my ears). I am trying to enjoy for the briefest moment the place I am right.this.minute that consists of being very happy with where Cooper is for day care and NOT worrying about where he will be once he is too old for day care, i.e. should begin school. It is likely we will go with the public school option.
I vote for the suburbs. 2nd choice: Montessouri/ Catholic affordable school. That sounds like a good option! Actually my vote is “cross that bridge when we come to it.” Short-sighted, maybe, but there’s no way to predict what will change between now and then. And they might do great in the public schools where you are now. Who knows?
What about homeschooling? HA ha ha ha. I crack me up. Hubby was homeschooled and it’s all I can do not to say “HELL to the No” when the stereotypical crazy religious fanatics from his youth ask me if we’ll homeschool.
Anon, I don’t think that your comments sound judgy, and I also think that you’re right that there are issues of race and class bound up in all this. I think that you’ve pinpointed one of the reasons that I have an underlying discomfort with the private option.
As for visiting the public schools, I have been to a few of the local middle schools (through my day job) and, unfortunately, I did not find all of the visits reassuring. There are definitley some options I feel comfortable about among the elementary schools, though.
Lots of you guys are right that middle school is a long way off. As a kid I moved around and changed schools a lot, and, even though it wasn’t at all horrible, I just don’t like the idea of moving districts or making big jumps if it can be avoided. But, of course, I can’t plan for everything that might happen.
I’m assuming you are talking about DPS since your bio says you live in Denver. I grew up in Park Hill & went through DPS from K-12. Elementary school and high school were awesome, middle school was horrible. Having said that, I feel like a lot of opportunities opened up to me because of DPS. I got into some really great college programs because of my “city-educated” credentials. Of all my now grown-up friends, I have the best stories about alumni from my high school (Tag Team, Earth Wind & Fire, even my plumber!). And honestly I feel like I got a great education too. Of course, my parents were super involved which I think made all the difference in my experience.
Yikes. I am going through preschool stuff right now too (they all want you to tour them during work hours of course, at 930 or 10 in the morning!), but it is just preschool for now as our public schools here are good. I don’t know what I’d do if I had to think farther ahead than that!
This is way, way off, but I have a strong suspicion that I got into my first-choice, fancy-poo private college since I wasn’t applying from a high school that regularly sent many students to selective colleges and universities. Sure, I had the grades, etc., but I wasn’t the 160th kid from my high school to apply to that college that decade.
Oh, Oz, once again I totally empathize with where you’re at. I’m freaking out because I realized that my kid should start pre-school in the fall and I haven’t researched anything yet. My problem is that a) we’re broke and b) I worked at a really amazing Reggio Emilia day care/pre-school in college. So I’m picky, but can’t afford what I want. And, needless to say, my kid isn’t on any waiting lists yet.
Also, I have to say that actually, in some public schools, sticks & crates would be more of a music class then they currently have, even in the burbs. In these days of budget cuts, things are getting cut in schools that wouldn’t have been dreamt of in our day. “Starting September 2nd, due to a $385,558 budget reduction, Sunderland school children will no longer have the same access to art, music, computers, library, gym and other programs that have been the heart and soul of the school for the past 20 years.” http://sossunderland.com/
A bake sale and fundraising effort brought back music class for this year, but our public elementary school is still short a librarian. Not to add to anyone’s anxiety or anything, I just want to point out that “I went to public school and I did just fine,” isn’t always the answer, either.
(Proud public school graduate who couldn’t afford to finish her private college)
I’m a product of public schools all the way through (urban Durham NC for elementary and then suburban St.Paul MN for middle and high school) and I got into a top-notch private college and med school, which my parents were able to help me pay for because we hadn’t thrown all our money away on private schools earlier.
Middle school is going to suck regardless. It’s a difficult transitional time for kids what with the growing-up-and-going-through puberty thing, and the amount of actual learning they’re supposed to do is relatively marginal. Basically they learn the basics in elementary school, then you bide your time for a few years until their brains are mature enough to handle high-school material. And even the worst public high schools will have some AP and honors level classes the boys can take. I’d stick to the public system if you like your neighborhood elementary, and work on the middle-to-high-school transition when you get to it.