I have a
foul mouth.
While I would love to admit
that I have mouth like a sailor, I must say that I have been around quite a few
maritime men and never met my match (proud, aren’t you mom!).
I’m not completely devoid of decency and
morals and though I enjoy the perfect opportunity to use a filthy word, I
refrain as much as possible around elders and little ones.
That being said, I am human.
I’ve dropped a few+ f-bombs around the babe and I always
just considered them as words floating around the air that landed where they
may. As long as I wasn’t teaching her to
say words like shit, fuck, crap, damn it, hell, and the many other creations
you can come up with, I figured I wasn’t really doing my child any
disservice. I also really, really don’t
think it’s appropriate to yell in front of GiGi so any bad words were said in
jest or simple conversation for the most part.
…and then she learned to talk overnight.
All at once my little girl went from being a little girl into becoming this
walking, talking, curious toddler. I’d
like to think that the whole “do as I say not as I do,” thing works, but it
just doesn’t when it comes to kids learning to speak. GiGi has been a good mirror for my awful
mouth and while I highly enjoy my language, I realize just how much I use the
wrong words in front of her. I would
die, absolutely die, if she said the ‘f’ word in front anyone. So, I’ve begun to swap damn it for darn it
and take up saying the word flock instead of fuck and shoot/shite/shitake in
place of shit. I’m trying my hardest to
clean up my mouth even if it means saying sass instead of ass. ***P.S.- sasshole isn’t nearly as satisfying.
I was sitting on the steps outside of our bath tub last
night, taking a video of my bubble faced child singing in the water. It was one of those adorable
remember-this-moment-when-you’re-gray times and then I saw poop floating amidst
the watermelon scented suds. My worst nightmare
caught on tape. This was worse than the
pooping on the slide incident from a few weeks ago. There were so many bubbles in the bath that I
couldn’t find it/them. I needed to get
her to stand up so that I could rinse her off, and then take her out of the
tub. In the split second that I took to
make a game plan in my head, she took the drain stop out and began to splash
like crazy, grabbing at things, poop included.
The entire time I tried to get her to stand up, she’s splashing poop
particles in my face (at least that’s what I told myself) and she’s raising
bath toys to her mouth as I bat them away.
A slippery child in a poop bath is not a good test for someone trying to
refrain from using bad words. The whole
time I struggled to get her out, I would say “GIGI!!” and she would “reply “DAMN
IT! DAMN IT! DAMN IT! GiGi!”
I struggled and she said “come on!” or “stop.” Both phrases are definitely more appealing
than damn it, but even she understood the proper usage of the words. Last night wasn’t the first night she said
the words “damn it,” but it was the first time she said “shit.” I don’t like that she said it and on normal
circumstances I would reprimand her and give her a little talking-to about
words on the No-No List, but when I’m on my knees with purple gloved hands,
picking poop out of the bath, it isn’t the perfect learning moment. Especially when you realize the water isn’t
draining because a poop log is stuck in the drain.
Gross.
No no…FUCKING GROSS.
How am I going to get through moments like that without
cussing? Can I just try my hardest to
watch my mouth in normal settings and then save up those words for something
really bad like poop baths? I suppose
the bottom line is that it isn’t cute when a toddler says bad words. Okay,
maybe the first time, but after that it’s just trashy. I don’t want her to be the 12 year old who
calls her friends bitches, or lets the f-bombs drop around her grandparents. Am I the only one actively struggling not to
cuss or is everyone okay with saying darn and oh shoot!?

(I'd love to provide photo or video from last night but, the camera is giving me some isues. Enjoy a pic from Saturdays' stroll in the park!)