Teaching a toddler, my toddler in particular, to pee and poop on a toilet has always been something
that I didn’t particularly look forward to.
You can call me lazy, awful, horrible and a shitty parent all you want
(no pun intended) but I just never got super excited at the thought of potty
training GiGi. First
of all, the word “training”
instantly brings me thoughts of the Olympics, or animals who do tricks,
both of which are quite cool but not exactly the image of my child on a
potty seat. The idea of my daughter learning to go to
the bathroom outside of her pants isn’t first on the list, however screwed up
that is. So,
the wording alone puts me
off, never mind the actual possibility of my child giving me more fun
messes to
clean up in the future. (****And on a side note - if they call it
"potty training" does that make me the coach? If so, where are my
whistle, jersey, and both head and arm sweatband? Do we need a sponsor?)
I want her to have the independence that comes along with
going to the bathroom alone, really I do.
I also love entertaining the idea that my wallet will be fatter from
spending less money on diapers, etc.
With anything that my babe does, it’s on her schedule and at her pace,
this much I’ve learned. Family and
friends and lovely sites have talked about toddlers+bathrooms=challenge. It was inevitable that being a first time mother
I would try to pick up some tips on what might make sense for potty training
bathroom Olympics protocol. One week
GiGi had this epiphany that peeing in her diaper is something far too exciting
to keep to herself, and when she shares that news with me I change her
diaper. Voila! Picking up on what she was layin’ down, I
began the whole potty training thing with the deluxe clone of a big potty that
comes in the delightful shade of baby blue and produces stickers when she flushes
and music when she is both trying to go potty and when she actually goes. Sensors, stickers, music, and a flip up
toilet seat…what’s not to love right?
Right. GiGi played with the
potty constantly. Played as in the past tense of play. I opted for a potty seat that fits on the “big
girl potty” and removed the deluxe toddler potty because the only use we were getting
out of that was a make shift ipod (or would that be ppod?) and a removable pee
holder that my kid would suck on. Don’t
worry, it isn’t as gross as it sounds. If she had actually sat on the seat with
a bare butt to pee instead of giving the seat a little ass-drive-by, then I would have freaked out a little more.
GiGi is the proud owner of a princess pink designed potty
seat that I couldn’t care less about and she doesn’t understand at all (fyi: we
have stricken the word PRINCESS from our vocabulary here. Unless there is one shaking your hand at
Disneyland or you’re referring to a Disney song sung by one). She has a little step to help her off of the
potty and a few other items to assist in potty time. Being that I am doing this whole “training”
thing and the last that this situation arose I was a kid myself and on the
learning end of it – I don’t know jack about what I’m doing. Peeing and pooping and loving GiGi are all
natural things so I figure I’ll just wing it.
(Potty Animal)
I know that I have, thus far, created a potty monster. She is getting awfully demanding in the
bathroom although Im sure if she had better-than-terribly two- manners it would
just seem ritualistic and normal.
Anytime she is set on the potty, she screams “water!” and “bookie! Fish!”
which means, “Hey mom can you please fetch me a little cup by the toothbrushes
and fill it with water and then grab my Dr. Seuss One fish two fish Braille book?
Thanks, you’re a dear.” If the
previously stated needs are not met, then I get to deal with potty boss and her
wicked refusal to pee. I try to shutdown
her crankiness, and appease her wishes, since I am the one who created this
standard of potty training. When I
originally started taking her to the bathroom, I brought her a book for double
reasons. 1.) maybe she would sit longer
with a book she loves, and, 2.) who doesn’t like something trashy to read on
the toilet? I’m sure most people don’t
find Dr. Seuss trashy, and on the whole I don’t either, but how responsible is
it to have a fish driving a car in the water?
And counting too? Sounds like a
sobriety check to me, don’t you think
(coughcoughLindsayLohanoftheFishWorldcough)?
Im just saying its like a toddler version of In Touch magazine….ish.
Read More...
