There are times when I'd really like to write a post about something. But if it doesn't happen to be what's happening in our son's life right now, then that means I have to either dredge up an old photo or stage one. I'm not particularly fond of staging them because: a) they often look just that-s-t-a-g-e-d; b) it's hard enough to get an 18 month old to hold still, let alone stage a picture with him; c) my record is clean so far. So one morning while Ty was waddling down the sidewalk, squawking and giddy he stopped in front of a sign that is displayed in one of our flower beds:
Who told him that I have wanted to post something about gay marriage? It was like, snap, there's my post for today. I think he just felt like giving me a little hand in the creative juices department.
So that sign that he's getting ready to rip out of the ground, "Civil Marriage is a Civil Right" was part of a larger effort to bolster support for a case in the Maryland court system where a group of same-sex couples were suing the State for denying them a marriage license. Ultimately the case went to the State Supreme Court where the 34-year old law banning same-sex marriage was upheld. I wrote a very long piece for the Family Equality Council on the subject. Of course we were pretty disappointed. We continue to keep the sign in our front yard because for us, the issue has not gone away. I have to admit though, that I am actually a little tired of hearing about gay marriage. I hate that it is political fodder; that one side uses it as some kind of mantle to drive their own political agenda while the other runs from the subject as if it were some deep dark family secret.
Maybe I just want a piece of jewelry. I don't really wear that much, but a ring would be cool. The joke around our house is how bare my ring finger is. We've tried on a lot of rings and for whatever reason we never seem to go through with the purchase. And now that we have Ty I can imagine what a jewelry store shopping experience might be like. We've also taken a couple stabs at the idea of a ceremony but again, we don't get very far. It isn't that we don't love each other or are any less ready to be officially married than any of our already married friends. I'm just not sure what it would all look like if we had one--a wedding. Neither of us are big on tradition so tuxes and flowers and cake are probably out. We have talked about it just being the two, er, I mean the three of us, down in front of the reflecting pool some cool autumn night at the foot of the Capitol (the place where we met). The two of us saying a little something, toasting and lifting little Ty up in the air with joy--weeeeeeee!
Then again maybe the reason we haven't gotten very far is because it is only ceremony. When people get married there is some recognition, some status bestowed upon the couple and with it a whole package of rights and benefits that extend to their children. You see the important thing that gets lost among all of the crap in the media is that this isn't about any political cause, or fears about gays, or concerns about the deteriorating institution of marriage. This is about me and Darrow and Ty. It's about ensuring that should something bad happen to someone in our little family it isn't made worse by the fact that we have no legal foundation. It's about protecting my family at all costs, at all times, and not having to think about it at all.
So the story continues, the opportunity in Maryland has passed for now and so has my ability to write this post. You see as quickly as Ty gave me the stimulus to write a little something about marriage and family, then he decides to set off again. We are in constant motion these days. It is a fun time and we continue to enjoy our lives together. Someday maybe this issue will no longer matter to anyone and we will be allowed to be legally what we are in reality.
--J
