Meet The Fosters : dogs

A Weekend in September

TheFosters — Tue, 23 Sep 2008 00:40:00 GMT

The thing about this weekend is that we didn't have an agenda. There was no place to go, no where to be, nothing that we really needed to do. After spending the entire day on Friday working on emergency repairs to our house with the assistance of a plumber (just love those plumbers), we were faced with a Friday night, a Saturday and Sunday all to ourselves. We relished the weekend's possibilities. We kept asking each other, "what do you want to do today?" Of course everything revolves around the little moon boy and his nap schedule.

On Friday night we went to one of our favorite restaurants, not because the food is all that great-it's okay. It just happens to be one of the best outdoor eating places in the city, right on the water next to a small park in a historic part of town. And sitting outside has its advantages, namely screams and flying food are not as noticeable when one is not in an enclosed space. At dinner Ty exhibited his mastery of the straw. It has taken some real effort over the last month to get him not to chew it.

After dinner with the boardwalk and park right there, we spent time running after the little man, making sure he didn't veer into the wedding party outside the restaurant or too close to the water's edge.

On Saturday morning the house was quiet at 7:30 am. It was amazing. We intended to take a stroll through the neighborhood and catch a yard sale down the street. The sale was a bust, but the morning was so nice we wandered down to the old village about a mile from our house. We went to a new breakfast place and sat outside. Then we headed to the local elementary school and hung out on the playground equipment. Believing that we were off for a short stroll we left the diaper bag at home. And after having had one big breakfast, one of us ended up with a dirty diaper. I know because just as we were about to go down the really big twisty slide, you could see the far away look and the head very still, the clear concentration and then the, "okay I'm done moment." By then he was climbing in my lap yelling to go down the slide. I turned to Darrow and notified him that I was showing real love, the love that only a parent could give or for that matter, understand. Yes Ty, you can sit down in my lap with your dirty stinking diaper and we can go do the slide-but just once, errrr, maybe twice, but that's it!

After a really long nap where both Darrow and I got lots of things done, we all settled down in the dining room for a little lunch. Darrow's left over pizza pie-really good! With lunch finished we sat for a moment waiting for what comes next and out of the blue Darrow leaned forward over the tray on Ty's high chair and began to sing to him-Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star. It was such a startling thing to watch. Ty leaned forward almost close enough to touch Darrow's face. He seemed to marvel over the sound coming out of Darrow's mouth. His face lit up with a smile and eyes fixed upon the sound. And at the end he put his hands together in raucous applause. At that point I asked Darrow if he was trying to make me cry. And without skipping a beat, Darrow started again and it was the same reaction-fixed stare, big smile, glowing face. But as the song continued Ty's expression began to overwhelm us both. Darrow was unable to finish the song, but it didn't matter. Ty broke into laughter and started clapping anyways, thinking the song was over. I realized afterwards that choking up wasn't always about our situation. Sometimes it happens just by watching the amazing little things that happen to us, like this little boy's response to a nursery rhyme song.

We tried to get grocery shopping out of the way on Saturday. But someone had a really hard time making it through the list. There were shrieks and screams and cries and, well you all know what it's like. And as you can probably tell from the picture, we like to think of the shopping experience that day as the time we were visited by the rabid UPS driver.

Then came Sunday. As often happens on weekend mornings, Darrow and Ty went for a walk through the neighborhood and as often happens they ran into neighbors. I realize that my partner gives me a little morning time each weekend to get my coffee and sit down in front of the paper for just a short while. After seven years I think he has figured out that I am a better me if I am not thrust into the day without getting a leisurely start.

Ty is just beginning to experience the finer things in life, now that he is a little older. Darrow has been introducing him to cereal--not the dry pieces that you toss on his tray, but cereal in a bowl with milk and a spoon. He patiently helps the little guy scoop up the pieces and the milk and guides the spoon upright into his little mouth. He got the hang of it quickly and three bowls later, was still asking for more-"mo." I think he had some of Darrow's bagel also.

After some story-time, more outside time and building blocks it was time for the big boys breakfast-blueberry pancakes. Ty seemed to have forgotten about wolfing down all that cereal not an hour before. Sitting in his highchair he was waving and pointing, grunting-and when we insisted-using his word-"mo." He had three pancakes, orange juice and god knows what else. He was beginning to make me nauseous.

Ty seems to be growing closer to Rocky. He squeals when Rocky licks his hands and his cheek. When he comes across Rocky spread out on the floor, he waddles close, stoops and gives him a pat on his side. It seem like Rocky is the only name he will or can say yet--"ocky." He seems to notice all dogs now and typically will meet several each weekend. Darrow and Ty ran into a neighbor with her sweet German Shepherd. Last weekend it was another neighbor with her Labradoddle, Root Beer, who while still energetic and crazy-puppy-like, is very calm around Ty.

As the day went on, Ty's napping got a little out of whack. He ended up taking a long nap early which meant he was likely to have a slow but steady melt-down through the late afternoon. We forged ahead with going to the park and heading down to the waterfront. We spent time playing on the slide and swings in the kiddy section and then went to the lookout over the city to have lunch. It was a beautiful day. Ty dug the boats and the water and ran around the grass. He also noted the historic significance of the park as a fort during the Revolutionary War.

His nap schedule was beginning to show its affects on him. He was coming apart a little too early. We needed a few more things at the grocery store, but Darrow needed time to cook dinner. And I figured, well, if he is going to scream and be difficult what better place than the grocery store? How many screaming kids are being carted through the aisles every weekend? As we approached the produce section, Ty starting waving frantically at some ugly brown pears. As I approached the box he was pointing emphatically. I handed one to him and said, "this is a p-e-a-r." Then I grabbed another variety that was a greenish color and repeated, "pear." And as happens a lot lately, he said it back to me-"pa."

Ty began to tire quickly at dinner. He has begun to do this wonderful thing to let us know he has had enough of the day. He will reach for our hand and put it up to his face. It's some kind of comfort mechanism.

I took the little man upstairs to get him ready for bed and pulled out some new PJs. Now that it's September, even the mid-Atlantic is starting to get a little chilly at night. Before I called Darrow upstairs for Ty's final bow, I asked him if he wanted to read a book. He got this giddy look, this big grin and thrust his hands toward the bookshelf. I picked one of my favorites and his--How Does a Dinosaur Say Goodnight? As has become our practice, I prop up all of the pillows on the bed, he brings the book over to me and plops down in my lap....and the story begins. It is a great book because it teaches kids the right way to go to bed, it has a wonderful cadence to the rhyme, the artwork is fantastic, it has dinosaurs, and there are lots of places where I the reader, can act things out-like tossing teddy high in the air, crying on the bed, switching off the light, giving one last kiss and hug before goodnight. And of course I was brought to tears as Darrow and I put him into his crib. Sometimes our weekends end with a sigh and exhaustion, other times with bittersweet calm. No matter what happens to me in my life, I know I will always remember the times I have spent reading to him.

--J

While you sleep

TheFosters — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 02:00:00 GMT

There is almost always someone sleeping in our house. Although there is a rambunctious pre-toddler who waddles everywhere sometimes pulling his wagon or pushing his mower or playschool bus, there is some heavy snoozing going on. Amongst the three dogs the oldest, Mika is typically asleep more than awake. She sleeps a little harder these days, and seems to be less aware of the commotion. But she tends to put herself in the middle of everything so she gets kicked more often than any of the dogs. We have been teaching Ty about doggie feet, that they aren't to be run over, stepped on or otherwise met with any kind of blunt force or trauma. For the first time yesterday, I saw him approaching Mika who was characteristically stretched out in the doorway to the kitchen, and maneuver his little wagon completely around her. Given her location I was impressed that he was so adept at avoiding her given that he didn't have much clearance to get through the doorway.

Milo also likes to sleep but demands comfort. Rarely will he stretch out on the bare floor or even the carpet. He requires a doggy bed or pillow when napping or sleeping at night. Seeing what a big brut of a dog he appears to be, it has always been a little endearing to see him whine at us and yawn in our faces to let us know that either the door is closed to our bedroom where his bed is, or worse that someone else has commandeered his pillow. Milo sleeps like we all wish we could: deeply, soundly, peacefully all the time. He is the only dog I know who will get excited when it's time to go to bed. He gets giddy when you cover him up completely in his doggy blankets. He absolutely loves to sleep next to us when we lay on the floor or with Rocky when they will curl up together on one little pillow when the weather gets cold. We will never understand how this wonderful dog ever made it as a stray, wondering the streets of a rural county in Maryland. He was destined to live a comfortable life in our home.

Then there is Rocky. This best friend to Ty and the sweetest and most affectionate of all, sleeps only as needed. He is otherwise on constant alert-someone, some dog, something has passed our house and he must bark. A leaf has fallen from a tree, a paper has rustled down the street, he must run to see what has happened. He is exhausting to watch, perpetually pesky, and loving to a fault. Rocky sleeps anywhere and only out of necessity. He goes and goes and goes until there is nothing left and this spent dog collapses.

When Ty came to us he loved to sleep. In fact he has slept though the night nearly every one of the last 305 nights that he has been under our roof. At first he was going down at all kinds of crazy hours: ten o'clock, midnight, eleven-thirty. After the first week he settled down to an eight o'clock bedtime. Those few times when he would wake in the night because he was sick, I would sit in the chair in our room while everyone else was asleep--Darrow and the dogs softly snoring--and rub his back as he slowly fell back asleep while on my chest. I think it is one of the most peaceful things I have ever experienced. It doesn't happen quite as often now that he is bigger, but when he is really tired he will still begin night-night time with his head down on my shoulder as I am hoisting him up the stairs to his bedroom.

There have been a few times when Darrow and Ty have gone down together for a nap. You can tell that there is some real parent-child bonding going on when they can enjoy one of their favorite pastimes together. And though it doesn't happen often, just every once in a while I am coerced into taking one too.

The Trip Out

TheFosters — Fri, 23 May 2008 12:20:00 GMT

So I don't have any horror stories yet to tell but we are only through day two of a seven day trip. I was so wound up by the time we were ready to leave for the airport that I wasn't sure I could handle screaming baby / evil passenger drama.

Ty and I had been to a doctor's appointment that seemed to drag on forever. First you check-in, then you wait, then you see the medical assistant, then you see the intern or resident, and finally the doctor appears a little over an hour after the appointment began. So I am already geared up by the length of time I have to entertain a 16 month old, coupled with the bad news that his specialist wants to do yet another test. I think she enjoys torturing my son. We both left there agitated and exhausted.

We sped home so we could pack up the dogs and cart them off to their doggie vacation. Try taking a baby and three, big, excited, fearful dogs into a dog kennel while serenaded by a chorus of the current canine residents. I was already feeling bad because I can't stand to leave the ol'lady of the house, Mika when we go on vacation. I have a fear that something might happen to her and I would not be able to be there with her. And to top it off she started giving me the shivering, quivering, daddy don't leave me at this awful place, bit. I had to scoop up the little one and leave without looking back. Also weighing heavily on my mind was the rescheduled hearing regarding our son's case that was just about to begin. We were not going to be able to stand outside the courtroom this time because this train was about to leave for the airport for one well deserved and needed vacation.

When we got home it was time to go through the list. Surely we weren't ready, would forget something, would regret not taking more time to pack. Darrow had beaten us home from work, had changed and was already doing the final packing and checking to make sure we were ready. I was beginning to realize that I could relax a little, not much, just a little. As our departure deadline approached, we began to load the car and were on the road just as we had planned.

Once we had parked the car and were on the shuttle bus to the airport it seemed like it was time to relax some more. Ty seemed a little perplexed by the whole thing. I don't think he had ever been on a bus before and I was certain he had never seen the inside of an airport. Security was a breeze, surprisingly. I guess they had figured out the whole liquids and baby bottle thing. They didn't even make Ty take off his shoes. We were also confused by the fact that no one questioned our authority to take this child on a plane for interstate travel. I had brought documents showing that Ty was our foster son and we had authority to take him out of state. Nobody cares--who knew. I suppose biological parents don't have to bring birth cerificates to prove "ownership" of their traveling children.

So we are off to the gate where there are wide open carpeted spaces. You could see Ty's little mind working, wanting to get out there and crawl around everywhere. A few times I had to retrieve a stray bag that had gotten away from us. For dinner we had luke-warm pasta that everyone seemed to enjoy, mainly because we were hungry. As we got near the gate, the agent began to announce, "those passengers who need a little extra time for boarding...." I always wanted to be one of those special people who got to board the plane first. Of course, just as they made the announcement, the little one started to smell. So I whisked him off to change the dirty diaper and while I was still wiping away his little behind, Darrow calls me on my cell phone to say the gate agent is giving him grief because they are ready to close the door. Hey, who can plan these things and it's not like I was taking my time or anything. So I get the little guy fresh again and we race in the stroller back to the gate.

All aboard. All aboard? All aboard the empty plane! It seems that because this is one of their maiden flights on this new route that the plane is less than half full. In fact all of the families with kids began packing up and migrating to the back of the plane to get away from the non-child carrying passengers and to spread out in their very own row. Besides the really nice people sitting behind us who played peek-a-boo with Ty, there wasn't anyone within a few rows of us. How great is this! Even if our son gets the screaming me-mes, its just us parents and kids and we are all in the back of the plane. Ty played and goofed around and screamed just once or twice and then he went to sleep in the seat between us. And there he stayed until the landing gear came down. It was a beautiful thing.

My dad was there waiting for us at baggage claim. It was good to see him, he is a great guy and I was happy to have our son finally meet him. At first Ty played shy, by turning away a little and putting his head in the nape of my neck. But it wasn't long before he was sitting in "Poppa's" lap. My father does not respond to grandpa. All of his grandchildren call him Poppa. We made the trek to his house and we set everything up in our room. By midnight (3AM EST) all three of us were safely in bed, snoozing away. It was a happy beginning to our little adventure.

Introducing Mika

TheFosters — Sat, 17 May 2008 03:39:00 GMT

Regal. Loyal. Quiet. Territorial. Mika is a facilitator, life-changer and life-saver. She has seen and experienced much, yet remains steady as a rock. And at 12 years old, I know her remaining time with us is short, but I have a hard time imagining life without her.

If it weren't for Mika, there might not be a Juan and Darrow. Mika introduced herself to me at a candlelight vigil the night after the 9/11 attacks. In what I've since learned to be an uncharacteristic moment for Mika, she pulled on her leash, dragged herself over to where I sat and licked my hand - the hand of a stranger. Juan, my partner now but just another vigil attendee moments before Mika made her move, was on the other end of that leash. I often tease Juan and say that I spotted him and purposely put some food in my hand, knowing that his dog would catch the scent and come over.

Were it not for Mika, Milo might have missed his chance at being rescued or, worse yet, staying alive. Two years into our relationship, Juan and I wondered if Mika needed some company. She seemed lethargic, detached and maybe even depressed. We knew that finding a playmate for Mika would be no easy task. She was not, and still is not, a very social dog and we worried about how she would handle a four-legged addition to the family. Mika was going to have to tell us who would be a good choice. On Labor Day weekend in 2003, we took Mika with us to the animal shelter to meet Milo, a dog we had seen on petfinder.com. We let the two meet and in yet another uncharacteristic display, Mika went almost immediately into play-mode. While Juan and I were initially ambivalent about Milo, Mika was clear. She liked him and that was really all we needed to know. I picked Milo up from the shelter that weekend, only days before he was scheduled to be put down.

We weren't sure how Mika would be with a baby. My nieces have visited us twice in the past couple of years, but they have been out of diapers for a long time now and rarely drool or scream, except when candy or cakes are within reach. Mika gets along fine with them both. Ty's arrival back in October prompted little reaction from Mika though. She sniffed, wagged, sniffed some more and then went back to her favorite spot by the dining room table. Since then, she and Ty seem to have reached some sort of agreement. Ty has clearly agreed to occasionally screech at Mika while running into her with his walker and Mika has agreed to get out of his way as quickly as her old bones will allow...without eating him for dinner first. She has become very tolerant in her old age.

What has surprised us is that Mika has taken on the role of Ty's protector. She has made it her responsibility to inspect visitors holding or playing with Ty. She'll go right up to whoever it is, stick her nose right in the situation and sniff around for a bit. "Just checking things out," Mika seems to be saying. She takes a few seconds and then goes back to her favorite spot.

Ty and Mika aren't exactly the picture-perfect image of man and his best friend. Their relationship is more like patient old aunt and sometimes-pesky, loud nephew. There'll be no chasing of sticks and balls or playful romps in the yard in their future together. That's ok though. Mika seems content in her role as the family guardian and protector of Ty. And Ty is definitely happy to have yet another set of eyes watching out for him. I couldn't ask for much more than that.

--D