I'm going to put on a diaper and cry

TheFosters — Sat, 20 Sep 2008 02:00:00 GMT

I don’t know how to express this without it sounding a little weird, but here goes. I am needy sometimes. No, that’s not the weird part. And sometimes I want to be cradled and comforted and catered to. It’s true, I would sometimes just like to put on a diaper and cry about everything that I want and maybe just be a baby for a while.

“No, I don’t want to eat my cereal and no I don’t want any juice and no there is nothing you can do to get me to stop crying but I want you to continue to try.”

I have been through a lot lately and I don’t have to be rational, logic or even adult. I would be happy if someone would just pick me up, put their arms around me and rock me for a while. Okay, so that is the weird part. Did I tell you that I have been through a lot lately?

Somewhere along the way to becoming a daddy, I found that there was no more time for me. I don’t get the same attention from me or from my partner, but that is not a complaint, it is a fact—he has less time for me and I for him. The dreaded universe shift has taken hold. The cosmic forces have not only pushed everything out of alignment, they have fundamentally changed the dominant order. Planets that once were the center with all other celestial bodies in orbit are now the orbiters. And our little moon baby has become the sun.

I can’t be anything but a dad now and that’s what I want. But sometimes isn’t it going to be just about me? Can’t I be the center once in while? Why are there so many things to do? Can I have more than the small slice of free time that I get on the weekends—that precious two hours of Ty’s naptime on Saturday and Sunday to do everything and to take care of myself? How does one take care of oneself and partner and this old house and the dogs in such a small span of time? How do the rest of you do it? How do our friends who have two children under the age of three do it? How do Jon and Kate do it with eight? Whaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Now that Darrow and I are talking about number two, I have begun to fear that I shall never have me time ever again. And by me time I don’t mean being able to do household chores or the myriad of other things pulling on my coattails, nagging me around every corner, whispering in my ear, take care of me, and me, no, me next. Noooooooooooooooo!

No, me time is going to a coffee shop for however long I want with my laptop or drawings; taking a bath without plastic ducks floating by; reading a good book on top of the bed that doesn’t rhyme or have farm animals; going to a matinee with a bucket of popcorn and gummy bears that I don’t have to share. Miiiiiiiiiiine!

I know it’s out there—me time. My wonderful partner has offered to give me a break many times. I suppose I should take him up on it next time around. For now what I’ve discovered is that at night after Ty has gone to bed, when my eyelids start to droop, I can slip downstairs to our bedroom and go to sleep—just a little early. Our son has always loved going to bed. And maybe for now during this really crazy period I get to be a baby and have an early bedtime. Then maybe during the day I won’t be whining so much—just like a big baby.

--J

While you sleep

TheFosters — Wed, 20 Aug 2008 02:00:00 GMT

There is almost always someone sleeping in our house. Although there is a rambunctious pre-toddler who waddles everywhere sometimes pulling his wagon or pushing his mower or playschool bus, there is some heavy snoozing going on. Amongst the three dogs the oldest, Mika is typically asleep more than awake. She sleeps a little harder these days, and seems to be less aware of the commotion. But she tends to put herself in the middle of everything so she gets kicked more often than any of the dogs. We have been teaching Ty about doggie feet, that they aren't to be run over, stepped on or otherwise met with any kind of blunt force or trauma. For the first time yesterday, I saw him approaching Mika who was characteristically stretched out in the doorway to the kitchen, and maneuver his little wagon completely around her. Given her location I was impressed that he was so adept at avoiding her given that he didn't have much clearance to get through the doorway.

Milo also likes to sleep but demands comfort. Rarely will he stretch out on the bare floor or even the carpet. He requires a doggy bed or pillow when napping or sleeping at night. Seeing what a big brut of a dog he appears to be, it has always been a little endearing to see him whine at us and yawn in our faces to let us know that either the door is closed to our bedroom where his bed is, or worse that someone else has commandeered his pillow. Milo sleeps like we all wish we could: deeply, soundly, peacefully all the time. He is the only dog I know who will get excited when it's time to go to bed. He gets giddy when you cover him up completely in his doggy blankets. He absolutely loves to sleep next to us when we lay on the floor or with Rocky when they will curl up together on one little pillow when the weather gets cold. We will never understand how this wonderful dog ever made it as a stray, wondering the streets of a rural county in Maryland. He was destined to live a comfortable life in our home.

Then there is Rocky. This best friend to Ty and the sweetest and most affectionate of all, sleeps only as needed. He is otherwise on constant alert-someone, some dog, something has passed our house and he must bark. A leaf has fallen from a tree, a paper has rustled down the street, he must run to see what has happened. He is exhausting to watch, perpetually pesky, and loving to a fault. Rocky sleeps anywhere and only out of necessity. He goes and goes and goes until there is nothing left and this spent dog collapses.

When Ty came to us he loved to sleep. In fact he has slept though the night nearly every one of the last 305 nights that he has been under our roof. At first he was going down at all kinds of crazy hours: ten o'clock, midnight, eleven-thirty. After the first week he settled down to an eight o'clock bedtime. Those few times when he would wake in the night because he was sick, I would sit in the chair in our room while everyone else was asleep--Darrow and the dogs softly snoring--and rub his back as he slowly fell back asleep while on my chest. I think it is one of the most peaceful things I have ever experienced. It doesn't happen quite as often now that he is bigger, but when he is really tired he will still begin night-night time with his head down on my shoulder as I am hoisting him up the stairs to his bedroom.

There have been a few times when Darrow and Ty have gone down together for a nap. You can tell that there is some real parent-child bonding going on when they can enjoy one of their favorite pastimes together. And though it doesn't happen often, just every once in a while I am coerced into taking one too.

Meet The Fosters : sleep

I'm going to put on a diaper and cry

While you sleep