Temper, Temper

re: Temper, Temper

Monica — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 03:57:54 GMT

We adopted our son from VN at 5 months old and he is now 16 months. Our pediatrician told us that it was a great indication of bonding that your child throws a tantrum with you - that it shows how secure they feel with you. We now joke that it was just to make us feel better when they are happening, but we were very happy when she said it. Anyway, our bedtime has also been getting a little bit hairier recently. I actually think he's been getting so tired at daycare during the day lately that we need to move his 7:30 bedtime up to 7:00. The book Baby 411 (really like this one and they have Toddle 411 too) said that it's actually early to bed late to rise for your babies, so maybe that will take us out to a 6:30am wake up instead of 6 sharp. Fingers crossed! Thanks for your candid and funny writing - I really enjoy it and am rooting for you. Your boy is a beauty and your love for him and each other is moving.

re: Temper, Temper

mkrishna — Tue, 19 Aug 2008 14:13:18 GMT

It was so beautiful how you treated your son while he was having a tantrum. I feel inspired. I am a gay man who wants to parent and like you, am looking forward to being part of the process of a child growing. I also am a social worker in the foster care system and I appreciate what you wrote about your frustrations with workers and the system. There are some amazingly dedicated and competent workers and there are some lousy ones. I do know that here in NYC we are making efforts to improve the system, but it is so difficult. Thanks for sharing your parenting experiences.

Mohan

re: Temper, Temper

Rachel — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 20:23:49 GMT

Sending my sympathy!

We recently moved into the wonderful world of tantrums, as well. The first one lasted 45 minutes. It's heartbreaking to see our 19-month-old flinging herself around, especially now that she has some words and can interject a pathetic, sobbing little, "Pleeease??" The last time it happened, it was brought on by something or other infuriating about the grapes in the bowl in front of her. I kind of figure it's just a developmental thing about her abilities not yet matching up with whatever she is trying to do or say. (She wanted the grapes to be. . . different. And she couldn't figure out how to get them that way.)

But it's also abundantly clear that there's just about nothing we can do to help her out. Anything we try to do to soothe her just gets her more whipped up, and she gets into a cycle of hysteria that she's going to have to learn how to get herself out of.

Man, I don't know what I'm going to do the first time this happens in public.

By the way, what an incredibly beautiful little boy. You are all obviously very blessed to have each other.

re: Temper, Temper

EG — Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:35:56 GMT

Wow, that must've been a long 5 minutes! We have more mini-tantrums around here, although I didn't realize they were mini until I read about your 5 minutes!

re: Temper, Temper

Emsxiety — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 02:54:26 GMT

My son used to hold his breath, turn blue and pass out. Those were the days!

re: Temper, Temper

Melissa — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 17:41:52 GMT

Ah tantrums! Such a regular part of my world. Sometimes Michael goes to bed with no problems, other times, despite following the same routine, he ends up crying and kicking. You did what I usually do. Let him thrash it out, then calmly resume.

re: Temper, Temper

Tracey — Tue, 12 Aug 2008 02:29:58 GMT

Sounds like you waited just a wee bit too late to get him in the bed. When my son is overtired he is hell on wheels. He'll yell, tantrum, wail, cry, etc....

I did a lot of reading about sleep and found some very good resources, (http://www.babycenter.com)and learned to have a solid bedtime routine and get him in bed each night at the same time. Only under very odd circumstances does he not go to bed between 8:00-8:30.

Try this: before it's about time for him to get to bed, settle the house down a bit, quieten things down, figure out a routine, and start moving towards the bed before all of the screams of frustration, and teetering begin. Once those begin, you know he should've already been in bed. If my son rubs his eyes, he's off to bed. The routine helps him know bedtime cues and bedtime cues will help him know how to start settling himself down to sleep.

Once or twice, (before we figured all of this out) we were astounded by how excited and agitated out son would be when we thought he should've been tired. The irony is that he was OVERTIRED, which made him excitable, wired, and plain crazy.

Not trying to sound like a know-it-all, I've just been there before and as one who values my own sleep, I also value it for my son and know that he needs much more than I do.

Keep on keeping on!