As if there weren't enough candidates to choose from, a political operative for Jesus Christ has announced His run for higher office and opened up the miracle worker's candidacy for vice presidential nominations. The bumper sticker may declare Jesus as YOUR co-pilot. But who, indeed, is His?
Stephen Heffner, a lapsed Catholic and former reporter, recently launched the website JesusIn2008.com. He asks that people weigh in on the Holy Candidate's platform and also propose a running mate. Heffner hopes this process will help voters when they go to the voting booth in November. A Georgetown University professor sees it another way:
From USA Today: "[the website] will let the secularists and non-believers get their ya-yas out
because it'll be funny to see evangelicals and fundamentalists fume." Damn God-baiting secularists!
There are three rules for participating: you can't preach or behave rudely. And no miracles.
After all, if Jesus were to use miracles to
solve the energy crisis or fund Social Security, strategic debate would
be pointless, says Heffner.
Instead, Heffner wants participants in this online convention to think of Jesus not in terms of the personal savior, or, Political Nanny assumes, Mike Huckabee, rather:
Our candidate is Jesus the man, the revolutionary individual who comes
to us through history as a model for ethical and moral human behavior –
the exemplar whose first instinct in any situation was, simply, to do
the right thing, according to the website.
Feel free to weigh in on platform issues like the Death Penalty (some commenters make the case that Jesus would oppose it -- take that W!), Community & Capitalism (others argue Jesus would have been something of a regulator -- what do you think of that, Dick Cheney?), Abortion (a discussion that's a little less dogmatic than Political Nanny expected, better alert Ralph Reed!) and Gay Marriage (Jesus wouldn't hold how a person is born against them -- feeling woozy, state Republican leaders?).
As far as VPs, so far there are nominations for Mike Huckabee (ready to revise the Constitution), Mitt Romney (since JC lacks critical administrative experience, argues one), Jerry Brown (can't figure that one out), Lucifer (a secularist's ya-yas?), Mohammad Yunus, founder of the Grameen Bank of Bangladesh (the microloans guy), and a couple of others Political Nanny, who confesses to being woefully untrained in theology, does not recognize.
Of course, there's the small matter of the requirement that American presidents be born on U.S. soil. Hmmm, Jesus might want to hook up with Arnold Schwarzenegger and work on that one. (Now THERE'S a possible running mate.)
Ahhh, the virtual political process works in mysterious ways.
Photo: passtheammo.com
