Political Nanny : Dodd

Scrapbooking the Election: Candidates' Kids

Madeline Holler — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 22:29:00 GMT

Remember when this presidential campaign looked more like a Disney On Ice tour, what with all the little, little kids running around getting their pictures taken with the stars of the show? Even Grampa Mitt, whose own children are now five strapping grown men, hauled his willing grandson around to mug it up and sway the minds of undecided voters.

Unlike a fairy tale, election Neverneverland takes some serious funding and voter approval to return to again and again. One-by-one, daddies have packed up their Iowa rental homes or emptied their already empty campaign schedules or headed back to the North Carolina compound.

The youngest campaign kids -- and our final hope ... yes, hope! ... at hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the White House -- are Barack Obama's 6- and 9-year-old girls, Sasha and Malia (pictured above). The rest of this election's second generation aren't as cute as the Obamas. Still, Political Nanny thinks we should familiarize ourselves with who could be calling Mr./Madame President "Mom" or "Dad" next year:

John McCain has a multi-layered family tree -- some of his offspring are way grown-up kids from a first marriage, some way grown-up kids from a second marriage and some thrown in later for good measure. His daughter, Meghan, is very visibly involved in his campaign (she's traveling with him and blogging about it ... and also offering make-up tips). McCain's youngest daughter is Bridget, who you may remember is the daughter he adopted from Bangladesh that some sleazy South Carolina Bush operatives used to undermine McCain's values credibility back in 2000.

McCain: Bridget, 16 and Meghan, 23

Hillary Clinton finally took the muzzle off of Chelsea last month, following the senator's New Hampshire win. Now we not only see Chelsea at all her mom's rallies and debates, we also get to see video of her talking to younger voters.

Clinton: Chelsea, 27

Mike Huckabee is the father of three grown children, a daughter and two sons. His daughter works on his campaign (watch her here ... she has a fantastically rich Arkansas accent) and clearly has it together. Political Nanny doesn't think Huckabee will be the next president ... but Sarah? Well, seems like we'll be nannying her a couple of decades from now.

Huckabee: Sarah, 24

One of Huckabee's sons, David, might be the former governor of Arkansas' skeleton in the closet. In 1998, when the boy was 17, he was involved in the hanging of a dog at a Boy Scout camp. What makes this a problem for Huckabee is that he appears to have fired the director of the state's police force for not helping him out with the problem.

Huckabee: David, 27

Mitt Romney has all five of his sons working hard on his campaign. They've got a website with personal blogs (a few of which need some updating, Ben!). And these guys, what with there being five of them, are all over the campaign trail riding bikes and shaking hands and flashing their big white teeth at the cameras. (Any chance at least one of these guys is gay or liberal or pro-choice or deeply in debt or unmarried or infertile or atheist or anything interesting like that?)

Romney: Tagg, 37

Matt, 36

Josh, 32

Ben, 29

Craig, 26

Ron Paul's "kids," Ronnie, Lori, Rand, Robert, and Joy, are all way grown and parents and some of them are even grandparents. Pictures of them are hard to find. But here's one with Ron and some of his grandkids. To see Paul's two daughters go here.

That sure is one big happy Family Campaign photo album! Awwww, aren't they all so cute?

Now Casting 'Election 2008: The Movie'

Madeline Holler — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:36:00 GMT

Eventually, the 2008 Election is going to make a great epic movie. Sure, we don't yet know the ending. And yeah, so far the story centers mostly on the campaign and surprise Iowa win for a bi-racial Senator, and a pretty decent tearful plot-twist, courtesy of the ambitious, conniving, first woman to do anything important in this country ... ever! There's also the tension building over a New Hampshire comeback for the aging Republican stalwart. Comic relief/hints of horror from the fundamentalist Christian with populist appeal threatening the hopes and dreams of a Morman businessman with daddy issues. There's the 9-11 Mayor, the stinking rich son of a South Carolina mill worker and a second-rate actor on a ubiquitous television franchise to squeeze in there too.

You couldn't write this stuff! But somebody will. Though it's a bit early to be drafting a script -- and hiring a script doctor to come in and punch up those debate scenes (let's be honest, Monday night was 10 minutes of rancor surrounded by 100 minutes of the usual) -- we can start thinking about other ways to get this project greenlighted. Help Political Nanny cast the lead roles:

Slate has made a solid case for Reese Witherspoon as Hillary Clinton in this very amusing video that cuts several Hillary moments with those of another Witherspoon role, Tracy Flick in the 1999 movie "Election." The anger at a lifelong ambition suddenly under threat. The singular focus on winning. The tears. (If it gets on your nerves the first time, go back to it later and watch it again. Eventually, you'll love it.)

How about the rest?

For obvious physical reasons, Mike Huckabee should be played by Kevin Spacey. We're sure Spacey's already brushing up on Scripture, guitar chords and radical weightloss techniques in anticipation of this film (think Spacey will go fat suit or real weight-gain for background scenes as a tax-hiking governor of Arkansas?). It's so the role he was born for, not that Bobby Darin disaster he got a little too into a few years ago.

Fred Thompson could play himself. And he could play himself playing himself on Law & Order and it could get a little Being John Malkovich only with Southern aphorisms and lots of scheduled naps.

Political Nanny feels like Mitt Romney could be played by Tom Cruise (in lifts), what with them both being Scientologists ... or Mormons ... or whatever. Same difference. If Cruise refuses the height-enhancing orthotics, his hair could land him the Edwards role, which leaves Romney open for ... suggestions? A young Charlton Heston?

Joe Biden's role would be too small for the talents of Alec Baldwin, but we'd like to see him do it anyway. The two come so easily unhinged that we feel, just like the real Biden, Baldwin will steal the few scenes he's actually in.

Only Tommy Lee Jones and a box of jawbreaker candy could do the role of John McCain any justice. Which leaves Robert Duvall to play Rudy Giuliani (mmmhmmm, good one, huh?! And we know Duvall would say yes!). But Chris Dodd? We'll have to have open casting for him unless you've got some ideas.

Barack Obama has said he'd like Denzel Washington to play him in the movies but thinks his ears make Will Smith a better fit. Fine, but Political Nanny likes any excuse to watch Denzel so he's got her vote.

Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo, and Mike Gravel can be played by extras. After all, this film's got a budget.

And Dennis Kucinich. Dennis, Dennis, Dennis. Now, keep an open mind on this one. Political Nanny sees Mike Myers channeling a little Austin Powers channeling the comeback role of a lifetime. Think it'll work? (Julianne Moore gets to be the hot Mrs.K!)

Political Nanny also hears Ralph Nader is thinking about getting in the race. Who's going to play him? Jim Carey? John Turturro? Alan Alda? The talented and versatile Fred Thompson? Fred's got time to rehearse and he'll be available since, well, he called it quits Tuesday and will only appear in the first 20 minutes of this politico-historical epic.

That leaves squeaky Ron Paul, sweet Bill Richardson and gasbag Chris Matthews, who would no doubt want to play himself. Any suggestions? We're looking for an Oscars sweep.

Photo: Wonkette.com

Iowans Play Favorites. Political Nanny Still Doesn't

Madeline Holler — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:34:00 GMT

Well, that was that. The candidates stepped out and tested the cold, cold waters of voter approval last night in Iowa. Political Nanny stood at the side, waiting with towels and hot drinks and, for some, a soft hankie to cry in.

Her boys Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama swam confidently to shore, winning their parties' races by about 9 percentage points each. Obama won most of the female vote and most of the younger voters' support too.

Her tough fighters Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, and recently challenged Mitt Romney, flapped their arms and gasped and fought their way to finish in respectable positions and not terribly far behind the winners. Each of them vowed to continue fighting. Each of them is ready to regroup and start again. In five days. Whew!

But quite a few of Political Nanny's babes sank to the bottom. Fred Thompson, John McCain, and Ron Paul made it to the double digits. Joe Biden, Rudy Giuliani and Bill Richardson, and especially Duncan Hunter and Chris Dodd, wellllll, they did their best. But it wasn't great. In fact, Political Nanny will spend the day packing up Chris's bag, gathering his toys, taking down his pretty pictures, and telling him good-bye. He has decided he won't be needing Political Nanny's care any longer. His little friend Joe Biden -- God, remember how hard it was to tell them apart? -- is leaving Political Nanny too.

Down to 13 monkeys jumping on the bed. Time to pack for New Hampshire.

Photo: MSNBC.com

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Political Nanny Can't Help But Play Favorites

Madeline Holler — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:09:00 GMT

Political Nanny truly adores most of her charges, those rascally politicians begging for everybody’s attention and keys to the White House. Like any caregiver, each has earned her affections in different ways.

She is moved by the unselfconscious determination of Hillary; loves the charm and ease of Mike H., Joe, Chris and Barack; delights in the unpolished edges of Rudy and Dennis; winces at the grit and anger of John M.; and appreciates the attempt to be earnest by Mitt, Ron, Bill and Fred. Her Mike G. gets a little lost in the shuffle. Duncan and Tom get on her nerves (she quietly blames their parents).

But little John E. has to be Political Nanny’s favorite, always saying the right thing, always trying his best. He, too, is charming and determined. And kind. So kind. He seems to know what’s important, what the country needs now (or at least what Political Nanny needs now), how to help, what has to change. Perhaps he’s too earnest, too helpful, too smart. Or perhaps Political Nanny is just that gullible -- or old-fashioned, praising the actions and words of yet another white rich guy who wants to be head of the class. Maybe kind and topical just doesn't cut it -- maybe that shouldn't cut it!

It doesn't matter, actually, since John E. hasn’t managed to get most of anybody’s attention, even Political Nanny’s, and it doesn’t look likely that he’ll get enough of anybody’s support, even hers. Political Nanny wishes there was a little more of John E. in each of her other charges. Which would make picking a president just that much easier. If that were the case, she’d like the rest even more.

Here’s the latest endearment to come out of her little John E.’s mouth (she could do without the background music) that speaks to Political Nanny in just the right way. He doesn't just make a promise of healthcare for all, he makes an honest (if quick) assertion of who and what is in the way of accomplishing exactly that. Who else is pointing fingers (at the problem, not each other)?

Second-Best Democrat Could Win Iowa

Madeline Holler — Sat, 24 Nov 2007 18:16:00 GMT

Like the runner-up in the 1984 Miss America pageant, the second-choice Democratic candidate in Iowa might end up winning the contest -- in this case, the state party's presidential nomination.

How? Secret nude photos of a top candidate?

Among the mysteries of Iowa and caucusing, is the math behind voter support and the fact that Democratic caucusers get to make a second-choice along with their first. So if a candidate doesn’t draw at least 15 percent of the voters at the caucus site -- remember, this is the church or school or community center in each precinct where self-appointed delegates meet, debate candidate platforms and then make their choice by standing in the corner designated for their favorite candidate -- the delegates get to go join the others under the sign of their second-fave.

So, those who like Chris Dodd may find themselves with few others once the doors close. If Dodd's counter calculates his group represents fewer than 15 percent in the room, the Dodd sign is pulled down, and those delegates hug good-bye and move to another candidate's group in the room.

In a recent poll, second-place preferences looks much like first: "34 percent of those voters would make Obama their second choice, 28 percent Edwards and 15 percent Clinton." But this also means Chris Dodd and Joe Biden and the rest of the Democratic candidates have a bit of influence, in that the top three also have to court them ... just in case.

While we’re talking about Iowa, let's go over the latest polls for first place and including Republicans who don’t have this second place back-up plan:

Hillary has slipped to 26 percent support from Democrats as Obama closed the gap at 30 percent. Edwards is still with 22 percent. But with this whole second-choice option, one wonders whether the difference in these numbers is terribly meaningful.

Dodd, who is behind even fourth-place runner Bill Richardson (11 percent), has been campaigning hard in Iowa, where he moved last month with his family. We'd like to know of their supporters, who the second-choice candidates are.

On to the GOP: Huckabee has really moved up in the polls and is almost even with front-runner Romney, thanks to support from the Iowa Christian conservatives.

The Iowa caucuses are Jan. 3, followed closely by New Hampshire primary Jan. 8. So as we chug along in this early, expensive election, the rest of the primary season picks up and moves fast. We are watching Iowa, and then New Hampshire and South Carolina so closely, because our state, California, doesn't hold a primary until February. While that's just around the corner, we know some will be knocked out and we're very curious who will be left.

Question: Have you made your pick, first or second place?

First-Spouse Primer: The Women (and Man) Behind the Men (and Woman)

Madeline Holler — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 14:53:00 GMT

Can’t tell a Tancredo from a Hunter? A Gravel from a Paul? Richardson, Thompson, Huckabee, Dodd -- is it all kind of blending together?

Then you’re really screwed when it comes to their spouses, because there are a lot of blond and younger second wives to keep track of. The good news is many will be old news in a matter of a few months.

So get to know them while you can. Salon’s Rebecca Traister has put together a fabulous guide to the first balls-and-chains, complete with how-they-met summaries and delicious little factoids.

For example, Mike Huckabee and his wife Janet, who lost a bid for Arkansas secretary of state a few years ago, registered for $6,000 worth of house-warming gifts after a recent move. The avarice! And Ann Romney, wife of recently declared pro-life candidate Mitt, once wrote a $150 check to Planned Parenthood. Mmmmhhmmmm. And there's so much about Judith Giuliani I don't know where to start -- that she buys an extra seat on airplanes for her purse?

The first-slate is also filled with professionals – loooooots of lawyers but also a college professor (Jill Biden), a business consultant (Jackie Dodd), the head of a huge family business (Cindy McCain), and a political consultant (Jeri Thompson). Don’t worry, the stand-by-your-man, cookie-baking first lady type – so defended after being disparaged by another first lady -- is still lurking there somewhere, but her chances aren’t looking very good.

Image: Salon.com