Political Nanny : Oprah

Who Loves You, Campaign Baby? (Rambo, Porn Stars and Writers, That's Who)

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Running for president is not a popularity contest. Oh, wait, it is! And just like high school this competition hinges on the backing of other popular kids. This year's election has been a veritable Endorsement Bonanza. Everybody is getting in on it, no matter what their relevance levels, which for most, in Political Nanny's estimation, peaked somewhere between 1983-1989.

So for every Maya Angelou that steps up to stump for Hillary Clinton, there's a Toni Morrison who thinks you should vote for Barack Obama. Mike Huckabee's campaign took off after Chuck Norris promised to kick campaign butt. Now Hulk Hogan is throwing his weight around to encourage support for Obama. Rounding out the Aging Muscle-Man endorsements is Ric Flair, also for Huckabee, and Sylvester Stallone, a McCain man, naturally (this endorsement suspiciously coincided with the release of Stallone's latest Rambo movie).

This year's backers come in all shapes, sizes and professions. Here are a few more:

Vampirist Anne Rice and barrister-cum-crime-novelist John Grisham heart Clinton.

Porn star and writer of "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" Jenna Jameson would like to tell you how to vote like a porn star -- casting a ballot for Hillary Clinton. She has her reasons. Of course, Porn Stars are not a monolith. Savanna Samson wanted to toss her lot to Rudy Giuliani, but his campaign climaxed prematurely and made a huge mess. Equally deflated is King of Porn, Hustler's Larry Flynt, who made his sweet love for Dennis Kucinich well known. Now, all Flynt has left are a few good memories of what might have been.

There was, of course, the Grande Dame of endorsers -- Oprah for Obama. Here are some other celebrity endorsements (a couple of which are even 21st-Century relevant)

Kevin Bacon - John Edwards
Donnie and Marie Osmond - Mitt Romney (Political Nanny KNEW he'd have someone!)
Lance Armstrong - John Edwards
John Mayer - Ron Paul (that body of thought is a wonderland)
Jeff Gordon - Rudy Giuliani
Bo Derek - Rudy Giuliani (eh. 7.5)
50 Cent - Hillary Clinton (word?)
Adam Sandler - Rudy Giuliani
Martha Stewart - Hillary Clinton (you OK with that, Hillary?)
George Clooney - Barack Obama (double swoon)
Harry Belafonte - John Edwards (daylight come and he went home ...)
Wilford Brimley - John McCain (dinosaurs, unite!)
Scarlett Johansson - Barack Obama

You're relevant to Political Nanny no matter when you peaked. Whose endorsement are you endorsing? Whose endorsement do you find stunning?

Thanks to BuzzFeed

Barack-tober and 9 More Reasons to Vote for Obama

Madeline Holler — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 19:19:00 GMT

Political Nanny is absolutely sure -- at least twice every day -- that she's going to vote for Barack Obama in her state's Feb. 5 primary. To her endless frustration, she chews through candidates like bubble gum, reluctantly spitting one out, gleefully unwrapping and enjoying -- if only for a few minutes -- another.

Like a lot of people she talks to, Political Nanny finds she likes Obama most when there's no one else (read: Hillary Clinton) around to distract her and plant the idea that the Republicans will tear him to shreds. Indeed he IS inspiring. His healthcare plan IS a good start. He BEST represents change. And while Clinton IS likeable enough, Obama is likeable likeable. Like, really likeable. Like, we like him like him likeable.

Last night on Letterman, he gave us the Top 10 more reasons to like him like him, including a vice president quite the opposite of evasive, sour, mean, mean Dick Cheney.

(Speaking of, if you're wavering between parties, here's an alarming round of answers from the GOP candidates at last night's debate in Florida. Except for Ron Paul, they all say Iraq has been worth the lives and money. After Paul gets cheers for the smackdown, Huckabee comes back with a comparison of WMD to Easter eggs. What in God's name does he mean?)

Back to Obama ... Political Nanny is going to enjoy the next few minutes of voting certainty, because she feels another round of impending indecision coming on. (Oh, hey, Hillary, hey John ... nothing to see here). We can't wait to learn who all those undecided Dems in South Carolina like the very minute they cast their votes on Saturday.

As read by Mr. More Than Likeable ...

10. To keep the budget balanced, I’ll rent the situation room for sweet sixteens.

9. I will double your tax money at the craps table.

8. Appoint Mitt Romney secretary of lookin’ good.

7. If you bring a gator to the White House, I’ll wrassle it.

6. I’ll put Regis on the nickel.

5. I’ll rename the tenth month of the year “Barack-tober.”

4. I won’t let Apple release the new and improved Ipod the day after you bought the previous model.

3. I’ll find money in the budget to buy Letterman a decent hairpiece.

2. Pronounce the word nuclear, nuclear.

1. Three words: Vice President Oprah.

Anybody else out there stuck with too many to like? Seriously, tell Political Nanny who you're voting for.

Hillary: Send Me to Prison

Madeline Holler — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton said in an interview that her dream would be to compete on America's Next Top Model. She admits, though, she wouldn't have much of a chance. Now, Political Nanny doesn't like to traffic in the superficial, but, since Hillary brought it up? Yeah, not a chance.

However, the former first lady and presidential hopeful thinks she could go all the way as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, and we don't see why not. Especially, as she says, if she gets one of the really good pros. (Oh, but not if Barack Obama is one of her competitors. In that competition? He'd be ready to lead his rhumba partner on Day 1.)

Clinton tackled these and other difficult topics with Tyra Banks earlier this week in a taping for Bank's eponymous talk show. Her interview airs Friday (check for local times ... or check in with Political Nanny, who vows to set up the Political Nanny Cam and bring the video to you.)

Other interesting tidbits: Clinton likened the White House to a prison. Some outtakes (thanks L.A. Times Top of the Ticket):

"Do you ever get lonely?" Banks asked the New York senator. "Do you ever sit in your room by yourself sometimes and just feel alone?"....

"I don't feel lonely," Clinton said. "But I do feel sometimes isolated. Because when you are in these positions that I have been in, it can be very isolating. It is one of the reasons I put on the dark glasses and the baseball cap and go out of the White House. President Harry Truman once said that the White House was like the crown jewel of the American penal system because you can feel confined."

The two also talked about what Bill Clinton should be called if he winds up the First Spouse, and whether she -- remember, future Dancing with the Stars hopeful -- does hip hop or knows the Soulja Boy or the Spongebob dance.

Well what did you expect? Oprah?

Elsewhere on Political Nanny's Playground ...

Club Dem Refuses Race Bait, One Calls Bush 'Pathetic', and Island Survival Strategies

The Democratic candidates clobbered not each other in the debates last night but two of the reps from the media. Brian Williams and Tim Russert tried hard to keep racial discord alive in their early round of questions for Clinton and Obama. But the candidates refused to be baited, bragged on the Democratic party, blah, blah. They defended each other, for example, against how their statements had been reported in the media (Barack on Russert's claim that last night's pledge to take troops out of Iraq was a change from earlier refusals to make such a pledge). They offered excuses for insinuating racism and claims of misusing historic icons being brought up in the first place. (Clinton: “We both have exuberant and sometimes uncontrollable supporters ...”)

Sure, the debate was something of a snoozer (though Political Nanny perked up when Hillary Clinton described Bush, on his trip to Saudi Arabia, as "pathetic" and "begging for lower oil prices.") The questions got so banal that toward the end candidates were asked their strengths and weaknesses. Strengths and weaknesses? Even a teenager looking for work at a video store knows how to answer that one. "I refuse to stop working until the job is done" (Clinton gave her version of that) ... I've been told I'm committed to a fault!" (Edward's take on this "weakness" classic.) Political Nanny was fully expecting them to have to tell Russert the one item they'd like to have with them if they were ever stranded on a deserted island. (A book on shipbuilding, of course!) Mercifully, there was a commercial break.

Michigan

Mitt Romney stays in the GOP race, winning 39 percent of the Republican vote in his boyhood state of Michigan. Headlines 'round the nation say this win, Romney's first, and yet another candidate with a first-place finish in these early states, "scrambles the GOP field." McCain came in second with 30 percent of the vote. Political Nanny's glad these candidates will push on for more of the statewide contests.

Also in Michigan, Hillary, the only of the three frontrunners whose name appeared on the ballot, got 55 percent of the Democratic vote. Uncommitted (code for Edwards or Obama) got 40 percent.

Iowans Play Favorites. Political Nanny Still Doesn't

Madeline Holler — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:34:00 GMT

Well, that was that. The candidates stepped out and tested the cold, cold waters of voter approval last night in Iowa. Political Nanny stood at the side, waiting with towels and hot drinks and, for some, a soft hankie to cry in.

Her boys Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama swam confidently to shore, winning their parties' races by about 9 percentage points each. Obama won most of the female vote and most of the younger voters' support too.

Her tough fighters Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, and recently challenged Mitt Romney, flapped their arms and gasped and fought their way to finish in respectable positions and not terribly far behind the winners. Each of them vowed to continue fighting. Each of them is ready to regroup and start again. In five days. Whew!

But quite a few of Political Nanny's babes sank to the bottom. Fred Thompson, John McCain, and Ron Paul made it to the double digits. Joe Biden, Rudy Giuliani and Bill Richardson, and especially Duncan Hunter and Chris Dodd, wellllll, they did their best. But it wasn't great. In fact, Political Nanny will spend the day packing up Chris's bag, gathering his toys, taking down his pretty pictures, and telling him good-bye. He has decided he won't be needing Political Nanny's care any longer. His little friend Joe Biden -- God, remember how hard it was to tell them apart? -- is leaving Political Nanny too.

Down to 13 monkeys jumping on the bed. Time to pack for New Hampshire.

Photo: MSNBC.com

Guess Who Ralph Nader Just Endorsed!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Who cares what the governor of New Hampshire thinks, right? Or the editor of Iowa's largest daily. Or, sorry to say, Sean Penn. Political Nanny listens to Political Nanny when it comes to who she'll vote for in the primaries.

Endorsements, with a couple of exceptions, just haven't been that interesting. Until now ...

Public citizen, consumer advocate, sometimes presidential candidate, one-time election spoiler, and Babble "Timeout" subject Ralph Nader made an endorsement, just in time for the Iowa caucuses. He's throwing his support to John Edwards.

We're no experts, so who knows whether Ralph is a good or bad playmate for John. But Political Nanny adores Ralph and respects his opinion. His support feels like a gut-check: she's long suspected John really means what he says and contrarians like Ralph are the first to smell the BS, yet he thinks John, for the most part, is the real deal.

From Politico:

Nader said he has watched Edwards from afar and sees his more pugilistic brand of populism as a "glimmer of hope."

"It's the only time I've heard a Democrat talk that way in a long time," Nader said, acknowledging what was, for him, a rare moment of praise for a Democratic leader.

"Iowa should decide which candidate stands for us," he added. "Edwards is at least highlighting day after day that the issue is who controls our country, big business or the people."

Not the most unflinching of endorsements -- indeed, he's used the endorsement mostly as a way to criticize Hillary for being too Republican. But what's notable is that it's not himself that he's endorsing. Can we assume he won't be making a bid? Or does that depend on whether John Edwards gets the Democratic nomination?

In any case, Political Nanny is excited that Ralph Nader has come out to play.

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Supporting Fave Candidate is as Easy as Onsie, Two, Three!

Madeline Holler — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 18:07:00 GMT

An HRC pantsuit won’t show up on Oprah’s Favorite Things list for many reasons. And Mike Huckabee would have a hard time selling any family holiday outfit sets for obvious reasons (g'head and click. Totally worth it!). So for politicians who want to turn a profit in clothing sales, Political Nanny’s advice is to start small. Real small. Baby-sized small.

Like this:

The political onsie. The GOP bib. Campaign slogans in sizes 6M to 2T.

Some entrepeneurs and political supporters have already begun offering -- or are gearing up -- to cover babies in their parents' political opinions and Political Nanny says: awwww. How cute!

Want to support your man, Obama? BabiesforObama.com promises to start stocking political garb for Obama babies and donate a portion of the proceeds to his campaign. You can get a “Mitt Happens” bib here, though Poiltical Nanny is not quite sure whether that’s a vote in favor or against the GOP candidate (The fact that it's considered "Left Wing Wear" while also calling him the most electable candidate is further confusing. Oh, that and the description referring to Obama as a Moslem [sic]).

BabyPolitico.com has Hillary, Obama and Howard Dean (?!) kidwear, as well as general agenda items, like expressions of love for universal healthcare and affordable housing and exercising one's right to vote. (Today’s babies are so sophisticated!)

The debatable ramifications of dressing one’s child in political statements are hashed out here, though Political Nanny thinks it's a tired discussion. Is she the only one who thinks the hip, urban parent society and its critics discuss the kids in political and/or concert T’s with too much gravity? It’s a shirt! It’s a onesie! Do it now before they develop their own tastes, opinions and political talking points.

To prove her point AND to support all her candidates, Political Nanny will take one of each in every size, color and political statement. (They're machine washable, right? We wouldn't want questionable stains making statements of their own!)

It's Hard to Share Friends

Madeline Holler — Tue, 11 Dec 2007 20:43:00 GMT

Political Nanny has seen friendships melt down over cookies, games of Candyland and birthday parties that include some but not all of our classmates. So she wonders whether friendships ever break up over political endorsements? Political Nanny is sensing a little tension between her candidates' friends' friends.

Let's back up for a second:

Among Oprah's regulars, both in appearance and casual reference on her show, is Maya Angelou. Sometimes we see "Maya" (no need for a last name, just like "Oprah") talking about her poems and books. Sometimes we peek inside her home, curl up on her sofa and listen to the two of them talk about whatever is on Oprah's mind. The two women are close, it's clear, and Oprah has a deep respect and reverence for the poet, it's obvious.

So Political Nanny was a little surprised to learn that one of Oprah's newer faves, Barack Obama, did not have the support of Angelou. However, his chief rival for now, Hillary Clinton, whom Oprah subtley criticized during the past few days of stumping for Obama, does.

Thanks to the LA Times for this link to a radio spot of Maya Angelou calling Hillary "My Girl." She refers to a long history of experience and, Political Nanny detects, subtely criticizes Obama. Sure, a 60-second South Carolina radio spot is no packed stadium of frenzied fans. But it's another sign of (1) the embarassment of riches facing registered Democrats and (2) the narrow differences of so many of the party's promising candidates.

Hopefully, our friends' new friends can continue to get along with each other and treat each of Political Nanny's candidates with kindness and respect -- despite their differing opinions. Political Nanny doesn't think a group playdate wouldn't be so bad, though things could easily fall apart if Mike Huckabee's best friend Chuck shows up.

Hillary and Barack: My Campaign Proxy Can Beat Up Yours!

Madeline Holler — Mon, 10 Dec 2007 10:57:00 GMT

Actually, this weekend's playground scuffle wasn’t even close. Barack Obama turned loose his sandbox bully and crushed the other Democratic campaigns this weekend by turning all eyes toward him. Starting with more than 18,000 people in Iowa and ramping up to 29,000 in South Carolina on Sunday, Obama’s people quite literally took names – attendees gave up their contact info in order to get tickets – and stood back while the crowd got what they came for: a little love from talk show queen Oprah Winfrey.

In contrast, Hillary Clinton brought out her daughter and mother. Sure, their rare appearance on behalf of Hillary managed to secure her a few paragraphs in the papers and soundbites on TV and the web. Political Nanny admits to feeling quite let down by the video at the bottom of the page here, which she hoped would be of Chelsea talking about her mom (or reading her grocery list or whatever. Political Nanny has a big sister/girl crush thing for Chelsea.) Instead, it was mostly about Oprah (see? Obama's big-time friend totally pushed Hillary down behind the merry-go-round.)

In any case, Clinton's mom and daughter kept the once inevitable Iowa winner from being overshadowed completely. Still, shots of the crowd video clips of her talks seem, um, modest in comparison to large, loud, chanting crowds hopped up on hope and empowerment and Oprah’s bared soul.

The playground scuffle is over for now and so far it’s a draw according to polls: Obama, Clinton and John Edwards (what? Did he take the weekend off?) are still in a statistical dead heat. Will that change on Monday? Because Political Nanny confesses, after reading partial transcripts of Oprah’s Iowa speech, she shouted at the spirit of Jane Pittman too: “Yes! He’s the one! He is the one!”

But Political Nanny's favorites never last for long.

Back to work. Political Nanny would like to brush the dirt off Hillary’s knees, hand her a band-aid and a juice box and remind her of this: As any King of the Mountain knows, the reign is short, it’s never secure, getting knocked off is brutal. But there are a million opportunities to claw your way back to the top – at least until you're called home for dinner.

Photo: Reuters

Mommmm, Can We Watch Oprah and That Oba ... Oba ... Oprah Guy?

Madeline Holler — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:02:00 GMT

No one knows the influence of TV characters like a person in charge of young children.

“Brush your teeth and we can go watch Ellllmoooo!”

“Caillou will be on after your naaaaaap!”

“Sponge Bob never cries in the bath!”

Trot out a favorite name and the hellions are putty in your hands. Or, at least more inclined to follow directions as you beg for one, tiny, ounce of cooperation.

Political Nanny wonders if this technique will work on grown-ups too? She won't know exactly until we see the outcome of the Iowa caucuses or a few of the primaries (or until someone does a poll after this weekend). In any case, she will be monitoring The Event in South Carolina on Sunday. That’s when Oprah Winfrey makes the first of several scheduled appearances before a live studio audience … no, no, no, … before a mob looking under their stadium seats for vintage-inspired, combed cotton twin sets … no! gah! That’s when Oprah will stand in front of an adoring crowd, telling her throngs of followers to vote for Barack Obama because he’s inspiring/a hero/a network of angels/remembers his spirit. But, like, it’s not going to alllll be about him, right? We want to see our girl!

The anticipation is killing us. Will she talk? How long? Will she ask questions? Present a check? (She's so going to present a check.) Will there be facing yellow chairs or a podium and a microphone? (Chair, chairs, bring the chairs!)

Will the throngs of ticket-holders – they moved the event to a stadium that holds 80,000 (!) – get to meet Oprah, get their pictures with her, go home with new Sony Cybershots and a tin of hand-crafted brownies?

Oh. And we wonder what Obama’s going to say. (Think he’ll say anything to Oprah. Think they’ll hug. What’s Oprah going to wear? Think she’ll do one of those remotes with Gayle where they pump their own gas? God, that’s hilarious. And do you think she’ll take commercial breaks and do that thing where she repeats herself, “we’ll be right back. We’ll be right back.”?)