Political Nanny : Ron Paul

Ronnie, You Naughty Boy!

Madeline Holler — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:07:00 GMT

Political Nanny loves her little Ronnie's friends. They're everywhere. They're kind of kooky. And they look like this! Take that, Obama girl!

Pictured above is Miss February, a special education teacher from Detroit and lately defender of the Constitution and the founding fathers' ideals.

From LA Times Top of the Ticket:

"The current challenge to our civil liberties, combined with a never-ending welfare state, will serve to weaken the constitutional framework laid by our founding fathers." Seductive!

Miss February is one of twelve women who make up the "Hotties for Ron Paul" pin-up calendar. Only 50 are left, it's nearly March and the good Dr. Paul has backed off considerably on his presidential campaign to focus on saving his seat in Congress. So get your orders in quick!

The calendar fundraiser's creator, Juliet Annerino of Los Angeles, sunk her own money into the project. She's also Miss July.

Annerino is shown, head up in a defiant, Libertarian-kind of way, lips slightly parted, wearing an ammo belt and holding a rifle. She said she was going for a Revolutionary War look, although Betsy Ross didn't sew long leather coats and short black hot pants.

Purrrrr. Did she send Ron Paul a copy?

Photos: via Hotties4RonPaul.com

And Then There Were 5: Another Candidate Waves Bye-Bye

Madeline Holler — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:35:00 GMT

[UPDATE BELOW] Another candidate has thrown in his teddy bear bath towel and will withdraw from the rugrat election race.

He hasn't made it official yet, but advisers to the once very likely GOP nominee are confirming that former Massachussetts governor Mitt Romney will announce Thursday that he is ending his presidential election campaign. He's expected to make the announcement when he address conservatives at a convention Thursday afternoon.

Romney takes with him his five sons, loads of grandkids, his lovely wife and a much lighter personal fortune. Leading up to the Super Tuesday primaries and caucuses, he had spent more than $35 of his own money to keep his campaign afloat.

More details as we get them. In the meantime, Political Nanny will pack up his change of clothes and favorite playthings and prepare for another good-bye. We suppose Huckabee was correct Tuesday night when he said it's now a two-man race over on the GOP side (sorry, Ron Paul).

It's now John McCain's nomination to lose. With more room in the sandbox, the rest of them win!

[UPDATE] Romney told a shocked audience of conservatives his reasons for abandoning his presidential dreams. In summary, Iraq:

“in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.

“Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror. They would retreat and declare defeat,” said Romney.

“And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child’s play. About this, I have no doubt.”

Others, like Brian at DailyScanner, see it as a postponement of the Apocolypse.

What's your take? Good news? Bad news? If Mitt was your guy, who will you support now?

via Politico

Good Enough Wednesday: Some Thoughts

Madeline Holler — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 13:25:00 GMT

Oh, sweet Mitt. Mitt, Mitt, Mitt. Super Tuesday? Not so super for you, Mitt. If you're planning a very special speech today, know that Political Nanny always liked you second best among the GOP. But if you're planning on burning through another 10 acres of stacked 20s from your own personal fortune, she'll think you're crazy, yet love you more than ever. Let's hope post Super Tuesday is a good-enough Wednesday for you.

And Mike! Southern voters hearted Huckabee! Sure, the West Viriginia win feels kind of disingenuous, but you take what you can get, right? Any chance you're going to turn this around and kick John McCain in the teeth? Because you are knocking them off, one-by-one.

John ... well played. That West Virginia move was slick. The rest of your wins obviously earned. Your own political surge is working.

Hillary and Barack ... this is exactly where you need to be. Tied. A continued battle. It's too soon to know. Wait! A reversal! Obama wins Missouri, not Clinton. Oops, it's still pretty close. She's got more delegates, he's got more states. She's got the old white ladies, he's got the young and the beautiful in every color and creed.

(Question: When you're George W. Bush -- or any Bush -- and you see all this "energizing" and "calls for change" and record number of voters, do you feel in any way embarassed for having created such a fuss?)

Ron Paul, you'll take (second in) Montana -- your best showing. There's a fire in this nation ...

Some extras:

Whenever reporters said "delegate-rich California," did anybody else start craving cake with a delicious, calorie-rich buttercream frosting?

Damn kids! Arnold Schwarzenegger's 18-year-old daughter followed mom Maria Shriver's endorsement, not the governor's, and voted for Barack Obama. (And wore a T-shirt in case there were any questions.)

From The Root, an African-American woman confesses that, even though she's a big ol' lefty, she's nominating Condoleeza Rice as her candidate for president. After all, the fact that a woman might vote for Obama or an AfricanAmerican might vote for Hillary Clinton just boggles the mind of pollsters and the press. However do these women make up their minds! Last night over on ABC, Sam Donaldson (who needs to hang up his toupee and retire from live broadcasting) asked, incredulously, what's a black woman to do?

Predictions ... not so easy. Even estimated bedtimes were off. No sooner were folks at CNN shaking their heads saying, "this'll be a late one ... results from delgate-rich California won't be ready until the wee hours ..." when 5 minutes later, after retrieving a pack of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls, Political Nanny noticed they called the Golden State for Clinton and McCain.

Finally, a note to John Edwards. We all know who you're going to endorse. Now that Super Tuesday is over, just come out and say it.

We'll continue licking the bowl of this delicious election throughout the day, here at Political Nanny.

Scrapbooking the Election: Baby Pics

Madeline Holler — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Awwww, aren't Baby Candidates so cute? Look at those chubby legs. Look at those pretty smiles! Remember when they couldn't walk or talk or propose immigration policy with a team of top experts and the latest opinion polls?

During these quiet moments on the Mega Election Day, let's take a look back at the candidates. In this next installment of Scrapbooking the Election, Political Nanny cracks open the babybooks (or, at least Mitt Romney's -- he's the only candidate with a full pictorial life history online -- that's him up there) and look at the youngest, cutest versions of these already haggard possible presidents.

Mitt Romney (here as the hunky missionary on the right)

Mitt is a "miracle baby," the son his mother wasn't supposed to be able to have.

Fun Mitt baby fact: his name honors two important men in his father's life -- J. Willard Marriott, a family friend and future hotel magnate, and Milton "Mitt" Romney, a cousin of George's and a former quarterback for the Chicago Bears. Uh, connected.

(Is it bad that Political Nanny finds Mitt's father way more charismatic in old black and white photos than she finds Romney in other more dynamic media? Read the entire hagiography on Mitt the boy, the Mormon, the man, the president.

Hillary Clinton (the girl, the bigger girl)

Cute (!), but we all know she's a little sad. (Mean dad issues.)

Disappointing self-description that makes us think, "nature or nurture": her favorite subject in school was history and she got good grades, but she was ... here we go ... "bad at math." Did she throw like a girl, too?

Next youngest photo in the Campaign Scrapbook is a high school picture of Mike Huckabee. (No hunky missionary shots of him, just a knowing smile that says "Jesus loves me!")

Unsurprising Mike fact: At 14, he was an AM disc jockey in Hope, Ark.

Who doesn't love a McCain in uniform? (He's the hunky one, the other guy is his father.)

WTF McCain fact: the movie he most often references is "Weekend at Bernie's"

Ron Paul (he's super not into the fun part of campaigning, so there are no pictures of his uber-serious, gold-standard, ungovernment-funded youth to be found. You'll have to settle for a billion years ago, when he was in his 40s and visiting Ronald Reagan -- look, the pic is signed!)

Mundane yet at the same time fascinating Ron Paul fact: his favorite foods are tilapia and chocolate chip cookies

Baby Barack! (Or, little boy Barack, in Hawaii with his grandfather)

Excellent Barack family fact: His grandmother was called "Toot"!

Photos: boston.com, hillaryclinton.com, Chicago Tribune, deathby1000papercuts.com, CBSnews.com, azcentral.com

The Edwards Matrix

Madeline Holler — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:34:00 GMT

Think of it as the grown-up version of picking a prom date.

An Edwards supporter who doesn't know which box to check on her absentee ballot has come up with a cheat sheet to figure out which candidate she will support. She has posted the Edwards Matrix for all to see.

Problem is, the matrix is inconclusive. The mom who designed it gets all the important stuff -- Iraq, healthcare, experience, hair. But the would-be dates are still in a dead heat.

Political Nanny is looking for something definitive -- a gun to her head, marching orders, whatever you got. Clinton, Obama ... Obama, Clinton. To hell with choice. Could somebody help her decide!

Seems like Republicans are less undecided than Democrats, but there are still plenty who are (but with much less consequence, since McCain seems to be far enough ahead of the others). Apparently, we undecideds are not alone. Salon's Rebecca Traister brilliantly describes how millions of Democratic voters are feeling right this very minute. And this minute. And this one too.

Scrapbooking the Election: Candidates' Kids

Madeline Holler — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 22:29:00 GMT

Remember when this presidential campaign looked more like a Disney On Ice tour, what with all the little, little kids running around getting their pictures taken with the stars of the show? Even Grampa Mitt, whose own children are now five strapping grown men, hauled his willing grandson around to mug it up and sway the minds of undecided voters.

Unlike a fairy tale, election Neverneverland takes some serious funding and voter approval to return to again and again. One-by-one, daddies have packed up their Iowa rental homes or emptied their already empty campaign schedules or headed back to the North Carolina compound.

The youngest campaign kids -- and our final hope ... yes, hope! ... at hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the White House -- are Barack Obama's 6- and 9-year-old girls, Sasha and Malia (pictured above). The rest of this election's second generation aren't as cute as the Obamas. Still, Political Nanny thinks we should familiarize ourselves with who could be calling Mr./Madame President "Mom" or "Dad" next year:

John McCain has a multi-layered family tree -- some of his offspring are way grown-up kids from a first marriage, some way grown-up kids from a second marriage and some thrown in later for good measure. His daughter, Meghan, is very visibly involved in his campaign (she's traveling with him and blogging about it ... and also offering make-up tips). McCain's youngest daughter is Bridget, who you may remember is the daughter he adopted from Bangladesh that some sleazy South Carolina Bush operatives used to undermine McCain's values credibility back in 2000.

McCain: Bridget, 16 and Meghan, 23

Hillary Clinton finally took the muzzle off of Chelsea last month, following the senator's New Hampshire win. Now we not only see Chelsea at all her mom's rallies and debates, we also get to see video of her talking to younger voters.

Clinton: Chelsea, 27

Mike Huckabee is the father of three grown children, a daughter and two sons. His daughter works on his campaign (watch her here ... she has a fantastically rich Arkansas accent) and clearly has it together. Political Nanny doesn't think Huckabee will be the next president ... but Sarah? Well, seems like we'll be nannying her a couple of decades from now.

Huckabee: Sarah, 24

One of Huckabee's sons, David, might be the former governor of Arkansas' skeleton in the closet. In 1998, when the boy was 17, he was involved in the hanging of a dog at a Boy Scout camp. What makes this a problem for Huckabee is that he appears to have fired the director of the state's police force for not helping him out with the problem.

Huckabee: David, 27

Mitt Romney has all five of his sons working hard on his campaign. They've got a website with personal blogs (a few of which need some updating, Ben!). And these guys, what with there being five of them, are all over the campaign trail riding bikes and shaking hands and flashing their big white teeth at the cameras. (Any chance at least one of these guys is gay or liberal or pro-choice or deeply in debt or unmarried or infertile or atheist or anything interesting like that?)

Romney: Tagg, 37

Matt, 36

Josh, 32

Ben, 29

Craig, 26

Ron Paul's "kids," Ronnie, Lori, Rand, Robert, and Joy, are all way grown and parents and some of them are even grandparents. Pictures of them are hard to find. But here's one with Ron and some of his grandkids. To see Paul's two daughters go here.

That sure is one big happy Family Campaign photo album! Awwww, aren't they all so cute?

Who Loves You, Campaign Baby? (Rambo, Porn Stars and Writers, That's Who)

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Running for president is not a popularity contest. Oh, wait, it is! And just like high school this competition hinges on the backing of other popular kids. This year's election has been a veritable Endorsement Bonanza. Everybody is getting in on it, no matter what their relevance levels, which for most, in Political Nanny's estimation, peaked somewhere between 1983-1989.

So for every Maya Angelou that steps up to stump for Hillary Clinton, there's a Toni Morrison who thinks you should vote for Barack Obama. Mike Huckabee's campaign took off after Chuck Norris promised to kick campaign butt. Now Hulk Hogan is throwing his weight around to encourage support for Obama. Rounding out the Aging Muscle-Man endorsements is Ric Flair, also for Huckabee, and Sylvester Stallone, a McCain man, naturally (this endorsement suspiciously coincided with the release of Stallone's latest Rambo movie).

This year's backers come in all shapes, sizes and professions. Here are a few more:

Vampirist Anne Rice and barrister-cum-crime-novelist John Grisham heart Clinton.

Porn star and writer of "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" Jenna Jameson would like to tell you how to vote like a porn star -- casting a ballot for Hillary Clinton. She has her reasons. Of course, Porn Stars are not a monolith. Savanna Samson wanted to toss her lot to Rudy Giuliani, but his campaign climaxed prematurely and made a huge mess. Equally deflated is King of Porn, Hustler's Larry Flynt, who made his sweet love for Dennis Kucinich well known. Now, all Flynt has left are a few good memories of what might have been.

There was, of course, the Grande Dame of endorsers -- Oprah for Obama. Here are some other celebrity endorsements (a couple of which are even 21st-Century relevant)

Kevin Bacon - John Edwards
Donnie and Marie Osmond - Mitt Romney (Political Nanny KNEW he'd have someone!)
Lance Armstrong - John Edwards
John Mayer - Ron Paul (that body of thought is a wonderland)
Jeff Gordon - Rudy Giuliani
Bo Derek - Rudy Giuliani (eh. 7.5)
50 Cent - Hillary Clinton (word?)
Adam Sandler - Rudy Giuliani
Martha Stewart - Hillary Clinton (you OK with that, Hillary?)
George Clooney - Barack Obama (double swoon)
Harry Belafonte - John Edwards (daylight come and he went home ...)
Wilford Brimley - John McCain (dinosaurs, unite!)
Scarlett Johansson - Barack Obama

You're relevant to Political Nanny no matter when you peaked. Whose endorsement are you endorsing? Whose endorsement do you find stunning?

Thanks to BuzzFeed

Debate Zingers, Right and Left

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 04:54:00 GMT

The CNN/Politico/LA Times Republican debate Wednesday night and the Democratic debate Thursday night didn't break any new ground. Except for one. There were some pretty funny zingers in both.

McCain tried his best to clobber a surprised Mitt Romney all night. Huckabee went after the moderators, who were ignoring him on the outerreaches of the seating arrangement. Ron Paul called the nitpicky Iraq discussion "silly," since he thinks the U.S. should even be there.

The Democrats aimed their mirth not at each other or the moderators. They aimed it at Republicans. Liberals (or whatever they want to be called, "progressives") haven't been this happy in a long time.

Here are two of the best from Thursday night (you can watch video here):

Barack Obama on whether Mitt Romney, a former CEO, might be more qualified to run the business of a country:

Let me just also point out that Mitt Romney hasn't gotten a very good return on his investment during this presidential campaign. (Laughter, applause.) So I'm happy to take a look at my management style during the course of this last year and his.

Hillary Clinton on umpteen years of Clintons and Bushes in the White House:

"It did take a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush and I think it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush," she said.

Keep'em coming, candidates. These debates are wearing thin.

Candidates' Cribs: Their Digs, Pre-White House

Madeline Holler — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:10:00 GMT

Readers, rest assured. America's housing market meltdown won't leave any of the candidates without a very, very pleasant roof over their heads. But you're kind for caring. How about we take a peek at those roofs and do a little real estate market analysis, you know, on behalf of those candidates who don't manage the upgrade to something bigger and whiter.

Mother Jones was kind enough to assemble a photo album of many of the top candidates' domiciles and CNBC ran the numbers.

John Edwards, that son of a mill worker, lives in the most expensive house of any of the candidates. His rambling $6 million compound, which he purchased in 2007, has risen in value over 4 percent. Think he went the exotic loan route? Incidentally, the average home value in his North Carolina county is $365,000. He's defintely on the other side of the tracks . And when this Chapel Hill estate won't suffice, he's got his $1.08 million beach home.

Rudy Giuliani lives in a $5.25 million nine-room co-op in Manhattan's Upper East Side, by far the best of all the candidate's cribs, in Political Nanny's opinion. The Manhattan housing market has been quite good to him -- the median price of a Manhattan apartment has risen 14 percent since moving day a few years ago. The average cost of a Manhattan apartment is $1.5 million, which, in local money, is kind of slummy, right?

Next up, John McCain's $3 million Phoenix condo (which, according to MoJo, is actually two condos combined into one). We all know the market in Arizona's cities is tanking. The average home price in Phoenix is $428,000, down 1.8 percent in the last nine months. Now, from the outside, his condo looks like a hospital. But for beauty, he can always go to his $1.1 million 6-acre ranch in Sedona.

A tie between Hillary Clinton's Westchester, N.Y., home price and the home Mitt Romney has in Belmont, Mass. There are others. These houses cost the candidates $1.7 million. Clinton has a slight edge in that her neighborhood's prices are down just 2.8 percent, while the Romney's are watching a 9 percent decrease around them. For the Clintons, the average price in the area is $1.13 million. For Mitt and family, the median home price in Belmont is $680,000. (MoJo pictures his $3 million New Hampshire house on a lake, which should not be confused with his $5.5 million main residence, a former ski resort in Park City, Utah. Yow!)

Barack Obama bought his almost-South-Side Chicago house -- a beauty -- for $1.65 million in 2005 (the height of the market, what was he thinking?!). The average value of a home in his area is $310,315. Overall, prices are up 1 percent, so, he's doing OK and won't likely need to take advantage of Hillary's mortgage bailout plans.

Missing from the market analysis: the stats on Fred Thompson's McClean, Va., home, which set the Thompsons back $3.3 million. With prices dropping in the Northeast, though, we'd hate to see him get upside down on his financing. And also Mike Huckabee's Little Rock McMansion, which he and his wife paid $525,00. Sounds like a steal, but we're guessing it's one of the more pricey homes in Arkansas. Which would explain why they registered for house-warming gifts after they bought it.

Now, for any of the candidates trying to establish some Green credentials, Political Nanny's advice is: install solar panels and change those incandescent bulbs, quick! Most of these rather enormous homes likely have an oversized and embarassing carbon footprint. We're just saying ...

Finally, the ones missing from the collection are two that Political Nanny would have really liked to see and also a pair that could give some perspective: the homes of Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich. Send over the links if you think you have tracked either or both of them down. Is Political Nanny alone in imagining Kucinich's digs might bear some resemblance to Austin Power's pad? No, only her?

Primary's Baby: N.H. Girl Stalks the Candidates

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 17:47:00 GMT

You can tell a lot about a presidential candidate by the way s/he holds a baby. OK, not really. But we're going to deeply analyze it anyway. Why? Because it's fun, because it's naughty, because Political Nanny wishes SHE would have thought of doing what this forward-thinking and shameless contributor to Slate has done.

Darren Garnick, a New Hampshire resident, hauled his five-week-old daughter Dahlia to campaign events around his home state, handing her over to candidates and capturing the moment in a stillshot. The results? Fabulous! The slide show is at once a marvelous demonstration of parenting at its least protective and political coverage at its weakest. In other words, refreshing!

First up is Barack Obama, who winds up holding Dahlia on two different occasions -- the first time in a sweet (and completely competent) traditional infant cradle hold, the second time while Dahlia wears a "Black Power" bib at a rally. Let's look at the cradle hold: Obama is clearly a man who put in the hours with his own kids. He's got two, but they're young and there's not a lot of distance between daily baby-holding and this picture. (We need to keep that in mind when we look at the pics of some campaign trail parents whose own days of second-nature infant handling (the floppy necks!) are decades behind them.) At the rally, Garnick reports that Obama kissed Dahlia's forehead (melt) and then held her up for cheers.

Next up, Rudy Giuliani is stuck with the screeching girl in a fleece pumpkin costume. He looks like he's going to drop her, but he hangs on tight. He was at a disadvantage -- how do you securely snuggle with a squirmy winter vegetable? Let's not judge Rudy too harshly.

Then there's John McCain, who launches the beginning of a curious trend in the baby holds: he's circled his thumb and four fingers around one of Dahlia's legs. Political Nanny doesn't recall doing this with her babes. Perhaps it's an older generation male thing? Because Edwards, Kucinich and (look closely) Romney are doing it too. Political Nanny is not saying it's harmful, just curious. Did they learn this in a Kissing the Baby workshop at Let's Play President summer camp?

What you really want to know, though, is something about Hillary Clinton's baby snuggling chops. Well, hold your "cold-heart" comments, she does just fine with Dahlia, who gazes right into the mother-of-one's eyes. Sure, there's a bit of stiffness in the hold, but Hillary's kid is pushing 30. Maybe it's been awhile. Please note, however, that Hillary is doing that protective palm-around-the-shoulders upper hand thing, which Political Nanny always appreciates when strangers hold her little ones.

In addition to the leg-grip, Mitt Romney does the fingers-around-the-neck upright baby display so competently, he'd make any OB/Gyn proud (except maybe Ron Paul). Garnick notes that the picture, which includes Romney's wife, looks like the New Hampshire father is giving up Dahlia for adoption to a rich white couple. Agreed!

Finally, we see Huckabee and Chuck Norris in a horizontal split-screen shot. Huckabee's doing the hands-under-armpits-with-dangling legs hold (baby facing outward), while Chuck Norris has turned his arm into a seat, allowing Dahlia to rest against his chest. He lays a hand -- it's a registered weapon! -- protectively against her chest. Well done, Chuck, well done!

Garnick didn't get Dahlia into the arms of Fred Thompson (who didn't do much in New Hampshire) or Duncan Hunter (what a relief!) or Ron Paul (coulda shown Mitt a thing or two). And he admits Mike Gravel freaks him out, so he didn't stand a chance. But Political Nanny is grateful for the slideshow and its insight. How will the candidates handle Iraq? Who cares! How are they going to cuddle the nation?

Photo: Slate.com

Iowans Play Favorites. Political Nanny Still Doesn't

Madeline Holler — Fri, 04 Jan 2008 05:34:00 GMT

Well, that was that. The candidates stepped out and tested the cold, cold waters of voter approval last night in Iowa. Political Nanny stood at the side, waiting with towels and hot drinks and, for some, a soft hankie to cry in.

Her boys Mike Huckabee and Barack Obama swam confidently to shore, winning their parties' races by about 9 percentage points each. Obama won most of the female vote and most of the younger voters' support too.

Her tough fighters Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, and recently challenged Mitt Romney, flapped their arms and gasped and fought their way to finish in respectable positions and not terribly far behind the winners. Each of them vowed to continue fighting. Each of them is ready to regroup and start again. In five days. Whew!

But quite a few of Political Nanny's babes sank to the bottom. Fred Thompson, John McCain, and Ron Paul made it to the double digits. Joe Biden, Rudy Giuliani and Bill Richardson, and especially Duncan Hunter and Chris Dodd, wellllll, they did their best. But it wasn't great. In fact, Political Nanny will spend the day packing up Chris's bag, gathering his toys, taking down his pretty pictures, and telling him good-bye. He has decided he won't be needing Political Nanny's care any longer. His little friend Joe Biden -- God, remember how hard it was to tell them apart? -- is leaving Political Nanny too.

Down to 13 monkeys jumping on the bed. Time to pack for New Hampshire.

Photo: MSNBC.com

Election Milestone: Candidates Take First Steps In Iowa (Quick, Get the Camera!)

Madeline Holler — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Political Nanny is sitting on pins and needles, at once excited, deliriously proud of and terrified for her candidates. Today, the 15 reach such an important milestone: the Iowa caucuses. They look so grown up! It seems like just yesterday ...! It's all happening so fast (well, not really.)

As the unruly group of them toddles around on stages, grabbing at microphones, saying "cheese" for the camera, and slobbering all over Iowans one last time in hopes of charming each and every one of these Midwesterners to go out tonight and be counted at the caucus (and chances are, they won't), Political Nanny is watching and trying to remember Iowa is not the final word. It's the first, only the first. We caregivers -- those of us experienced with cadidate-children -- know that the early walker in Iowa will not acurrately predict who gets to sit in the White House highchair. (Remember little guy Dick Gephardt?) See, there's time to catch up.

In the meantime, Political Nanny will be watching her babes today as they smile and shake hands and talk pretty and learn their numbers (polls and precinct percentages are the new flashcards!). She'll be watching tonight as the reports come in. Tomorrow, she'll usher the remaining ones over to New Hampshire for primaries there next week.

Those little buggers never could sit still.

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Political Nanny Wants a Raise

Madeline Holler — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 11:41:00 GMT

It’s time to broach the delicate subject of Political Nanny's wages. Let's start with Ron Paul.

Political Nanny works hard with this fledgling candidate whose language skills (fractional reserve-banking? gold standard? jury nullification?) make him difficult to understand, and whose lack of political stature leaves him extra needy in terms of her attention. Little Ron Paul is one of her more difficult charges to chase after (Mike Gravel from the Democrat playgroup is clearly the hardest).

Overtime and hazard pay is justified! Political Nanny has to search with purpose and an open mind for Ron Paul information. And then she has to read it.

She must constantly remind herself that, painful though it may be to listen to his friends, any political opinion is better than none at all. Not to mention, Ron is a terribly serious boy, kind of dry. And while he always tries to do his best, he has nonetheless made some really icky craft projects that embarrass Political Nanny to no end. (Watch one of them at the end of this post.) So, as with caregivers who pull weekend overnighters on short notice or agree to light housekeeping duties, political nannies should also be compensated for the extras.

Indeed this request for a bigger paycheck comes suspiciously timed -- just after a huge windfall of donations from all those people who love the little Libertarian. Ron Paul has raised more than $16 million this quarter (that’s three months!). He raised $6 million of that overnight this past Saturday. He raised $4.2 million on a single day in November. Please be assured, Political Nanny is not try to take advantage.

Still, there’s plenty of wiggle room in the budget for a little something extra toward his favorite Political Nanny. After all, what would he do without her? (No, that wasn’t a threat. Buuuuuut, if you’d like to continue with this quality of care …)

What do you say, Ron? Up her base pay 12 percent and throw in free use of the Range Rover for field trips along the secret NAFTA Superhighway?

Political Nanny Can't Help But Play Favorites

Madeline Holler — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:09:00 GMT

Political Nanny truly adores most of her charges, those rascally politicians begging for everybody’s attention and keys to the White House. Like any caregiver, each has earned her affections in different ways.

She is moved by the unselfconscious determination of Hillary; loves the charm and ease of Mike H., Joe, Chris and Barack; delights in the unpolished edges of Rudy and Dennis; winces at the grit and anger of John M.; and appreciates the attempt to be earnest by Mitt, Ron, Bill and Fred. Her Mike G. gets a little lost in the shuffle. Duncan and Tom get on her nerves (she quietly blames their parents).

But little John E. has to be Political Nanny’s favorite, always saying the right thing, always trying his best. He, too, is charming and determined. And kind. So kind. He seems to know what’s important, what the country needs now (or at least what Political Nanny needs now), how to help, what has to change. Perhaps he’s too earnest, too helpful, too smart. Or perhaps Political Nanny is just that gullible -- or old-fashioned, praising the actions and words of yet another white rich guy who wants to be head of the class. Maybe kind and topical just doesn't cut it -- maybe that shouldn't cut it!

It doesn't matter, actually, since John E. hasn’t managed to get most of anybody’s attention, even Political Nanny’s, and it doesn’t look likely that he’ll get enough of anybody’s support, even hers. Political Nanny wishes there was a little more of John E. in each of her other charges. Which would make picking a president just that much easier. If that were the case, she’d like the rest even more.

Here’s the latest endearment to come out of her little John E.’s mouth (she could do without the background music) that speaks to Political Nanny in just the right way. He doesn't just make a promise of healthcare for all, he makes an honest (if quick) assertion of who and what is in the way of accomplishing exactly that. Who else is pointing fingers (at the problem, not each other)?

Debate Summary: God and Guns Good; Taxes and Immigrants Bad; Families and Kids ... Huh?

Madeline Holler — Thu, 29 Nov 2007 05:04:00 GMT

The CNN/YouTube Republican debate last night was not a win for parents and families. But what involving Republicans ever is? (Oh, settle down, Political Nanny’s just feeling cranky.)

Only one question came close to being directly related to families and children, and it's not even one of the top concerns reported in the Parents magazine survey that Political Nanny has posted about a few times. The family-ish question?

Lead in toys. That’s right! Lead and toy recalls! A YouTube mom, flanked by her two beauties, wanted to know what each candidate would do about keeping toys with lead from being sold in U.S. stores. Duncan Hunter said we should only buy American-made toys (suuuuuure. That’s doable! We’ll start sewing our own clothes and building our own laptops too!). Others said blah, blah, blah. You know, none of the answers gave Political Nanny any confidence that at some point she won’t have to chuck the entire contents of her daughters’ room, which, incidentally, isn't half has filled with shit as the question-asking woman's playroom appeared to be. In any case, screw lead-filled Thomas, we're fighting a war!

Demographics of YouTubers: there were not a lot of females in the mix, a few African-Americans (none of whom had their very direct questions satisfactorily answered), loads of Jesus loving from YouTube and the candidates, some gun rights battles, and bizarrely some kid asking the candidates to comment on a Confederate Flag hanging in his bedroom. (Seriously, how did a producer win the argument to run THAT question?). Oh, and immigration, immigration, immigration. A real knock-down, drag-out fight over who hates immigrants more. It was a draw, except Mike Huckabee hates them, loves their kids (more on that in a second).

No questions on the economy (though some on Social Security and the national debt). Super-nothing on the mortgage crisis/housing market meltdown, and zero, zero, extra-zero on education. Seriously? Not one question on schools? Giuliani and Romney did mention schools in answering a question about black-on-black violence, but it's not like they mentioned plans or, heaven forbid, funding.

There was one question on college tuition, but it was a disguised accusation that Huckabee loves illegal immigrants' kids more than the children of military personnel, because he wanted to give them scholarships to go to college. Naturally, he denied having a preference. Also, nothing about gas prices, nothing about healthcare and nothing about the environment (nothing! And these are all things, we don't care how conservative the pickings, the next president is going to have to deal with).

Oh, and guess who should have been disqualified from asking a question but wasn't? Grover Norquist – whose bad facial hair mixed with low-quality video and my computer screen (had to watch online while eating dinner – West Coast time) made me think it was some guy trying to look like Hitler! Go look! Anyway, how unfair is it that he got to ask a question but not "professional bloggers"? There were rules! Whatever. The super-right wing guy wanted to know whether the candidates would sign a pledge not to raise taxes and oh, yes, yes, yes, they’d all sign. That is, until Fred Thompson got to answer and he said he wouldn’t raise taxes but he makes his agreements between himself and the American people and not between himself and Grover Norquist. Take THAT, sneaky, sneaky Grover.

The questions were clearly picked to see where on the spectrum – from center, to right, to Tancredo – each of the candidates' positions (and beliefs … it’s all about their beliefs!) are. So, no wonky policy, just scrambling to appear conservative, while hoping not to get busted with evidence of a more centrist past (tough going, eh, Mitt and Rudy?). Good times.

One more thing, Political Nanny would like to humbly apologize to CNN for incorrectly presuming they would not ask a couple of questions that, indeed, were asked(!): the one about jail time for abortion doctors and what’s so wrong with gays in the military. Political Nanny likes to believe great minds think alike so, CNN, keep it up and you’ll get to hang out with the gifted kids someday. (Incidentally, the answers on jailtime and abortions -- ahhbahhbahh, I know, the states would decide! The states would decide!; answers to gays in the military ranged from it's unfair that someone with strong Christian values should have to serve alongside such sinners (Hunter) to don't-ask-don't-tell is working (McCain -- saying this despite the fact that the question-asker, there in Florida at the event, said gobs of gays are discharged from the shorthanded U.S. military simply for telling or getting caught or whatever.)

The New York Times political blog has all the questions that were asked, if you’re curious, and CNN has plenty of blather about rancor and out-takes of the "debates" themselves.

First-Spouse Primer: The Women (and Man) Behind the Men (and Woman)

Madeline Holler — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 14:53:00 GMT

Can’t tell a Tancredo from a Hunter? A Gravel from a Paul? Richardson, Thompson, Huckabee, Dodd -- is it all kind of blending together?

Then you’re really screwed when it comes to their spouses, because there are a lot of blond and younger second wives to keep track of. The good news is many will be old news in a matter of a few months.

So get to know them while you can. Salon’s Rebecca Traister has put together a fabulous guide to the first balls-and-chains, complete with how-they-met summaries and delicious little factoids.

For example, Mike Huckabee and his wife Janet, who lost a bid for Arkansas secretary of state a few years ago, registered for $6,000 worth of house-warming gifts after a recent move. The avarice! And Ann Romney, wife of recently declared pro-life candidate Mitt, once wrote a $150 check to Planned Parenthood. Mmmmhhmmmm. And there's so much about Judith Giuliani I don't know where to start -- that she buys an extra seat on airplanes for her purse?

The first-slate is also filled with professionals – loooooots of lawyers but also a college professor (Jill Biden), a business consultant (Jackie Dodd), the head of a huge family business (Cindy McCain), and a political consultant (Jeri Thompson). Don’t worry, the stand-by-your-man, cookie-baking first lady type – so defended after being disparaged by another first lady -- is still lurking there somewhere, but her chances aren’t looking very good.

Image: Salon.com

Two Minutes in the Naughty Chair: Ron Paul’s Supporters

Madeline Holler — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 18:44:00 GMT

Ron Paul’s supporters have put their libertarian-turned-GOP candidate on the map. They’re vocal. They’re determined. They're creative. They’re loyal, enthusiastic, and dedicated.

They’re also totally paranoid, at times out of control, and well on the road to becoming campaign trail pariahs.

Paul’s supporters are showing up to other candidates’ campaign stops, wrecking photo ops and throwing off the opponent. According to “Top of the Ticket,” the LA Times political blog, “Every time Romney turned around, there was a Paul supporter trying to barge into the picture. One tall guy in a U-M bathrobe grabbed Romney's hand, then whipped out a Paul lawn sign and asked Romney what he thought of his rival. Three or four other Paul volunteers waved lawn signs behind Romney's head until Romney supporters blocked them with their own signs, sparking a campaign-sign aerial dogfight as Romney gripped and grinned.”

Paul’s rabid supporters have also gotten themselves banned from GOP blogs for comment dumps. And complain constantly about not getting any attention.

But damn if they can’t raise some quick cash. $4.2 million dollars, overnight. Settle down, guys, settle down. (And quit stealing attention from your candidate!)