Bipartisan Dog House: Treats for Conservative, Liberal Pets

Madeline Holler — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:17:00 GMT

There you are, pumping your fists at footage from an Obama rally on YouTube, tears gathering in your eyes as you mouth "yes, we can!" Your dog, though -- your best damn friend! -- won't stop slobbering all over himself as he barks "the surge is working, the surge is working!"

You sleep in the same bed, you and your conservative pooch. Yet yours is a house divided.

Reach across the aisle and give your four-legged, small government, flat-tax, butt-sniffing Karl Rover a hand-out. Petlane makes tasty peanut butter-flavored biscuits that come in the shape of any conservative canine's favorite political beast -- an Elephant.

Wait, what did you just say? You're giving comfort to some Bobo, tax-and-spend, weak on defense, baby killing mutt? Well, she's sitting there with her paw out (as usual!). Better give her Petlane's donkey treats, which she'll love just as much as she loves taking away your right to keep and bear arms.

Not sure of your pet's political leanings? The maker of these bipartisan dog biscuits has a list of the signs.

Republican Pets

• They bark at passing neighbors and traffic; home security is very important to them.

• Their ears perk up when Fox News comes on.

• They are a big spender at the local pet store.

• Strongly believe pet matrimony should occur only between two cats or two dogs.

• Believe in the second-amendment right to bare teeth and claws.

• Are for electric border fences around the yard.

• Want national ID tags for all pets.

• They advocate for the pet-tracking chip -- you can never have too much surveillance.

Democratic pets

• They want universal veterinary care for all.

• They want their treats for free.

• They socialize with all breeds at the dog park.

• They prefer their owner uses biodegradable poop bags.

• Are very concerned with the rising cost of pet food.

• Have the young puppy and kitten vote locked.

• Want to end the war of dogs vs. cats once and for all.

• Think of Ralph Nader as the dog catcher.

Photo: Petlane.com

Political Nanny : bipartisan

Bipartisan Dog House: Treats for Conservative, Liberal Pets