Political Nanny : fundraising

Nanny Cam: Hillary's Playdate With Jack Nicholson

Madeline Holler — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:45:00 GMT

All right, all right, all right. Hillary and Political Nanny have just returned from a very fun playdate with a very special friend of Hillary's. Yes, yes, yes, Political Nanny was just saying Barack has the coolest friends, and it's true: he does. But Hillary has the weirdest ... and we like weird. Weird is good.

Her buddy Jack Nicholson put together a little video montage featuring himself, which supposedly presents arguments for why she should be in the White House. The nice thing is, Hillary's campaign is trying to leverage some of its support from professional entertainers. Not amature ones whose homages to the New York Senator kind of added to her dork factor.

No, you won't get goosebumps like you do watching videos starring Obama. But you get some laughs, and not the kind of laughs that might wind up looping on a ballpoint pen.

Political Toys: The Laughing Pen

Madeline Holler — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 22:42:00 GMT

Political Nanny knows it's wrong to giggle at this laughing pen, but it cracks her up. And mind you, she loves Hillary Clinton as much as the other candidates and thinks ridiculing Hillary based on her laugh -- which is infectious, well-timed and rarely inappropriate -- is, well, laughably ridiculous.

There's something so compelling and fun about all the opportunistic junk that's out there and related to this campaign -- Political Nanny wants one of everything. Is it advances in technology that make it all so possible? Our open-trade borders that allow for cheap production and quick turnaround? If John Kerry were running this year, would we be able to buy a Swift Boat Lego set (with bonus wind-surfing figurine)?

Who knows. But between onsies for Obama (whether appropriate or not), Pat the Politician, wearable campaign art, pin-up girl calendars and now this Hillary Pen (with a jaw that moves up and down ... the whole thing comes with replacement batteries), this has to be the election year with the best collectibles ever. Go here to listen to pen.

"I Like Ike" buttons seem quaint/tacky in comparison.

NB: Political Nanny only plays with campaign toys when the candidates aren't around, delicate self-esteems of her dwindling group to consider and all.

via LA Times Top of the Ticket

Photo: Etsy.com (Obama fingerpuppets also available)

Ronnie, You Naughty Boy!

Madeline Holler — Mon, 18 Feb 2008 16:07:00 GMT

Political Nanny loves her little Ronnie's friends. They're everywhere. They're kind of kooky. And they look like this! Take that, Obama girl!

Pictured above is Miss February, a special education teacher from Detroit and lately defender of the Constitution and the founding fathers' ideals.

From LA Times Top of the Ticket:

"The current challenge to our civil liberties, combined with a never-ending welfare state, will serve to weaken the constitutional framework laid by our founding fathers." Seductive!

Miss February is one of twelve women who make up the "Hotties for Ron Paul" pin-up calendar. Only 50 are left, it's nearly March and the good Dr. Paul has backed off considerably on his presidential campaign to focus on saving his seat in Congress. So get your orders in quick!

The calendar fundraiser's creator, Juliet Annerino of Los Angeles, sunk her own money into the project. She's also Miss July.

Annerino is shown, head up in a defiant, Libertarian-kind of way, lips slightly parted, wearing an ammo belt and holding a rifle. She said she was going for a Revolutionary War look, although Betsy Ross didn't sew long leather coats and short black hot pants.

Purrrrr. Did she send Ron Paul a copy?

Photos: via Hotties4RonPaul.com

Who Loves You, Campaign Baby? (Rambo, Porn Stars and Writers, That's Who)

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Running for president is not a popularity contest. Oh, wait, it is! And just like high school this competition hinges on the backing of other popular kids. This year's election has been a veritable Endorsement Bonanza. Everybody is getting in on it, no matter what their relevance levels, which for most, in Political Nanny's estimation, peaked somewhere between 1983-1989.

So for every Maya Angelou that steps up to stump for Hillary Clinton, there's a Toni Morrison who thinks you should vote for Barack Obama. Mike Huckabee's campaign took off after Chuck Norris promised to kick campaign butt. Now Hulk Hogan is throwing his weight around to encourage support for Obama. Rounding out the Aging Muscle-Man endorsements is Ric Flair, also for Huckabee, and Sylvester Stallone, a McCain man, naturally (this endorsement suspiciously coincided with the release of Stallone's latest Rambo movie).

This year's backers come in all shapes, sizes and professions. Here are a few more:

Vampirist Anne Rice and barrister-cum-crime-novelist John Grisham heart Clinton.

Porn star and writer of "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" Jenna Jameson would like to tell you how to vote like a porn star -- casting a ballot for Hillary Clinton. She has her reasons. Of course, Porn Stars are not a monolith. Savanna Samson wanted to toss her lot to Rudy Giuliani, but his campaign climaxed prematurely and made a huge mess. Equally deflated is King of Porn, Hustler's Larry Flynt, who made his sweet love for Dennis Kucinich well known. Now, all Flynt has left are a few good memories of what might have been.

There was, of course, the Grande Dame of endorsers -- Oprah for Obama. Here are some other celebrity endorsements (a couple of which are even 21st-Century relevant)

Kevin Bacon - John Edwards
Donnie and Marie Osmond - Mitt Romney (Political Nanny KNEW he'd have someone!)
Lance Armstrong - John Edwards
John Mayer - Ron Paul (that body of thought is a wonderland)
Jeff Gordon - Rudy Giuliani
Bo Derek - Rudy Giuliani (eh. 7.5)
50 Cent - Hillary Clinton (word?)
Adam Sandler - Rudy Giuliani
Martha Stewart - Hillary Clinton (you OK with that, Hillary?)
George Clooney - Barack Obama (double swoon)
Harry Belafonte - John Edwards (daylight come and he went home ...)
Wilford Brimley - John McCain (dinosaurs, unite!)
Scarlett Johansson - Barack Obama

You're relevant to Political Nanny no matter when you peaked. Whose endorsement are you endorsing? Whose endorsement do you find stunning?

Thanks to BuzzFeed

Break Out the Diapers: Candidates Demand a Change!

Madeline Holler — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 04:35:00 GMT

Candidates from both parties are beginning to sound like a room full of neglected toddlers wearing sagging, saturated diapers. "Change, change, change," they all yelled, screamed, demanded, whimpered during a weekend of debates in New Hampshire. "I'm here for change!"

Well, hold on a second, Mitt and Hillary and John McCain. Just last week you were bragging about your experience and training and ability to, if elected, go on the potty starting from Day 1!

But Political Nanny understands. You're all wetting your pants after the Iowa Caucus when the new kids Barack and Mike got most of the attention and a whole lot of love -- love and support you had hoped (expected?) would mostly be yours. Since everyone is reading these not-totally-surprising-but-still-very-notable wins as Americans wanting change, well, that's what you'll all give them: change!

In Saturday's Facebook/ABC News back-to-back Republican and Democratic debates and again on Fox for Republicans on Sunday, the talk was about change. Change in immigration. Change in healthcare. Change in Iraq. Change in foreign relations. Change in the status quo. Change in monetary systems. Change in leadership style. Change in change.

The Republicans:

On Saturday, Fred Thompson sounded like he was BSing, a lot, let Political Nanny just get that out there. He seemed caught off-guard. John McCain was ready with a zinger for Romney at nearly every turn. Giuliani got in a couple as well. It was kind of a Mitt Romney pile on. Interestingly, Mike Huckabee sat back a bit. Answered his questions. Stayed out of the fray. Safe.

Side note: perhaps Political Nanny is starting to identify with her captors, and some kind of mainstream media Stockholm Syndrome is clouding her judgment, but Saturday's debates were the best so far for both parties. There was no schtick to upstage the candidates (like videos or planned questions from the audience), and Charlie Gibson allowed the candidates to talk and ignore the clock a bunch.

Even better, Gibson followed up on a couple of points Political Nanny has been curious about: He pressed Republican candidates, who say tax credits are the way to get more Americans insured, by crunching the numbers -- basically laying out how $15,000 in annual premiums (which is essentially what employers are paying for a family) can't possibly be written off the taxes of families with incomes of $60,000. They would only be able to write off something like $3,000. (This is the same problem I see with health savings accounts (Guiliani's healthcare strategy). How do you build up enough to cover ongoing health checkups -- particularly for families who have young kids (well baby checkups must add up to a fortune) and need those expensive immunizations and still have something left over for a catastrophe or, say, minor surgery?)

So Charlie crunched the numbers for them, which no one responded directly to, but that's about when John McCain jumped in and said the trick is to control inflation, so that healthcare won't cost $15,000. Riiiiiight. Huckabee said we have a "disease care system," and not a health care system and wanted to shift to prevention and, of course, control costs (yet have it remain a free-market enterprise. Hmmm.). Romney wants the states to handle it how their governors see fit. But he wants to give support (and money?) at the federal level.

The Democrats:

There was some fun sparring to watch, especially as Barack Obama and John Edwards hooked harms and took on Hillary Clinton, later pointed about by moderator Gibson and getting a laugh from Clinton, "you noticed?" Overall, Clinton wanted voters to believe that she doesn't have to convince them that she's a candidate for change (see? "change!"), since she's been about change her whole life. Then she cited a few things that she's changed, particularly getting healthcare for children in Arkansas. And said, as the first woman president, she would quite distinctly embody change.

Edwards wanted us to know that he has lived through the struggles facing American families and that his desire for change is personal. And possible: he claims he has never taken money from lobbyists or PACs and that he wouldn't allow lobbyists in the White House and, therefore, would be beholden to no one but Americans.

Obama defended his ability to inspire as an important catalyst for change, that inspiring Americans builds momentum and support for change.

Bill Richardson said, "I love change," after also defending experience, a notion that has taken a beating as of late. "What's wrong with experience? We want to change this country, but we have to know how to do it." (Political Nanny detected a defense on behalf of Hillary. So kind.)

Speaking of Richardson, Political Nanny would like to hug him. He provided just the right kind of levity the debate needed to ease the tension and pull the rhetoric back a little to remind everyone they were talking about real issues, actual events, and American lives.

Next up ... the New Hampshire Primaries tomorrow (Tuesday, Jan. 8).

Election Milestone: Candidates Take First Steps In Iowa (Quick, Get the Camera!)

Madeline Holler — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Political Nanny is sitting on pins and needles, at once excited, deliriously proud of and terrified for her candidates. Today, the 15 reach such an important milestone: the Iowa caucuses. They look so grown up! It seems like just yesterday ...! It's all happening so fast (well, not really.)

As the unruly group of them toddles around on stages, grabbing at microphones, saying "cheese" for the camera, and slobbering all over Iowans one last time in hopes of charming each and every one of these Midwesterners to go out tonight and be counted at the caucus (and chances are, they won't), Political Nanny is watching and trying to remember Iowa is not the final word. It's the first, only the first. We caregivers -- those of us experienced with cadidate-children -- know that the early walker in Iowa will not acurrately predict who gets to sit in the White House highchair. (Remember little guy Dick Gephardt?) See, there's time to catch up.

In the meantime, Political Nanny will be watching her babes today as they smile and shake hands and talk pretty and learn their numbers (polls and precinct percentages are the new flashcards!). She'll be watching tonight as the reports come in. Tomorrow, she'll usher the remaining ones over to New Hampshire for primaries there next week.

Those little buggers never could sit still.

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Rudolph, With Your Campaign (Not So) Bright

Madeline Holler — Wed, 19 Dec 2007 11:36:00 GMT

Political Nanny loves all her charges unequally, she really does. But it’s not what you think. She doesn’t love her boys and girl based on family background or affluence or which color figure they choose for Candyland or which side of the gameboard they like to sit on, right or left. She loves them for who they are.

Which is why she’s in a bit of a panic for one of her secret favorites:

Her fake conservative Rudy.

Reports about his struggling campaign have made Political Nanny’s heart heavy. The fact that some are making it seem like he could drop out of the race stirs her viciously protective side. No, it can’t be, not the little fighter (and obviously skilled lover!) Rudy. This election season will be so worse off without him.

He is a joy to look after on so many levels: his personal life is a blast, his missteps even blastier. There’s something so dirty-politics about the guy, and Political Nanny is not stranger to dirt.

Rudy got roundly criticized during some of the GOP debates but Political Nanny thought he was a gem (and let’s face it, the dullness of the others made this little diamond-in-the-rough sparkle madly). Political Nanny was tense, yes she was, during the nitpicky “did not, did so!” kinds of tussles over sanctuaries with another of her desperate GOP charges, Mitt. And she cringed when Rudy tried to quickly recall Bible details discussed during catechism so many years ago. But he needs to stick around. He has to.

Because here’s the deal with Rudy: he and Political Nanny (and, perhaps even you) share a nudge-nudge, wink-wink thing over games his GOP playgroup forces him to play. If someone has to go home now, she’d really rather let go of one of her gay-hating, woman-hating, immigrant-hating, healthcare-hating, ozone-hating, Mormon-hating (or Muslim-hating, ahem!) guys. Because Rudy doesn’t hate. He loves. He loves a lot (if you know what I’m saying). And he makes the others show their love just a little bit more. Problem is, Rudy’s loves includes most of all himself. Like a two-year-old, he is his own favorite person. And it shows. It shows a lot – in his face, in his words, in the paperwork.

He’s not the only one, of course. But he’s the one who keeps getting caught. And any kid will tell you, everybody’s breaking the rules, but only the ones who get caught get punished. It's too early for such drastic punishment for kid who is so fun to watch, so helpful in steering the others to love more.

Don’t go, Rudy. Don’t.

Political Nanny Wants a Raise

Madeline Holler — Tue, 18 Dec 2007 11:41:00 GMT

It’s time to broach the delicate subject of Political Nanny's wages. Let's start with Ron Paul.

Political Nanny works hard with this fledgling candidate whose language skills (fractional reserve-banking? gold standard? jury nullification?) make him difficult to understand, and whose lack of political stature leaves him extra needy in terms of her attention. Little Ron Paul is one of her more difficult charges to chase after (Mike Gravel from the Democrat playgroup is clearly the hardest).

Overtime and hazard pay is justified! Political Nanny has to search with purpose and an open mind for Ron Paul information. And then she has to read it.

She must constantly remind herself that, painful though it may be to listen to his friends, any political opinion is better than none at all. Not to mention, Ron is a terribly serious boy, kind of dry. And while he always tries to do his best, he has nonetheless made some really icky craft projects that embarrass Political Nanny to no end. (Watch one of them at the end of this post.) So, as with caregivers who pull weekend overnighters on short notice or agree to light housekeeping duties, political nannies should also be compensated for the extras.

Indeed this request for a bigger paycheck comes suspiciously timed -- just after a huge windfall of donations from all those people who love the little Libertarian. Ron Paul has raised more than $16 million this quarter (that’s three months!). He raised $6 million of that overnight this past Saturday. He raised $4.2 million on a single day in November. Please be assured, Political Nanny is not try to take advantage.

Still, there’s plenty of wiggle room in the budget for a little something extra toward his favorite Political Nanny. After all, what would he do without her? (No, that wasn’t a threat. Buuuuuut, if you’d like to continue with this quality of care …)

What do you say, Ron? Up her base pay 12 percent and throw in free use of the Range Rover for field trips along the secret NAFTA Superhighway?

Supporting Fave Candidate is as Easy as Onsie, Two, Three!

Madeline Holler — Sat, 15 Dec 2007 18:07:00 GMT

An HRC pantsuit won’t show up on Oprah’s Favorite Things list for many reasons. And Mike Huckabee would have a hard time selling any family holiday outfit sets for obvious reasons (g'head and click. Totally worth it!). So for politicians who want to turn a profit in clothing sales, Political Nanny’s advice is to start small. Real small. Baby-sized small.

Like this:

The political onsie. The GOP bib. Campaign slogans in sizes 6M to 2T.

Some entrepeneurs and political supporters have already begun offering -- or are gearing up -- to cover babies in their parents' political opinions and Political Nanny says: awwww. How cute!

Want to support your man, Obama? BabiesforObama.com promises to start stocking political garb for Obama babies and donate a portion of the proceeds to his campaign. You can get a “Mitt Happens” bib here, though Poiltical Nanny is not quite sure whether that’s a vote in favor or against the GOP candidate (The fact that it's considered "Left Wing Wear" while also calling him the most electable candidate is further confusing. Oh, that and the description referring to Obama as a Moslem [sic]).

BabyPolitico.com has Hillary, Obama and Howard Dean (?!) kidwear, as well as general agenda items, like expressions of love for universal healthcare and affordable housing and exercising one's right to vote. (Today’s babies are so sophisticated!)

The debatable ramifications of dressing one’s child in political statements are hashed out here, though Political Nanny thinks it's a tired discussion. Is she the only one who thinks the hip, urban parent society and its critics discuss the kids in political and/or concert T’s with too much gravity? It’s a shirt! It’s a onesie! Do it now before they develop their own tastes, opinions and political talking points.

To prove her point AND to support all her candidates, Political Nanny will take one of each in every size, color and political statement. (They're machine washable, right? We wouldn't want questionable stains making statements of their own!)