Political Nanny : government

Mighty Heartin' Huckabee

Madeline Holler — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:31:00 GMT

How is it that Mike Huckabee continues to enchant voters and carry whole states in these primary elections and caucuses? It can't just be his freaky ideas about Jesusing-up the Constitution. Can it?

Political Nanny thinks it has everything thing to do with the guy's persona, speaking style and ability to sound completely plugged in and relevant. The crazy talk gets lost in the one-liners. From The Caucus, the NYTimes political blog, we get these gems from a Chesapeake primary day breakfast with journalists:

On running for the United States Senate if this presidential thing doesn’t work out: “It’s more likely I’ll dye my hair green, get a bunch of tattoos and go on tour with Amy Winehouse.” He said "Amy Winehouse"! Does McCain know about Amy Winehouse?

On the recent flood of endorsements of Mr. McCain, now that he is close to securing the nomination: “What are these people saying – that they were for him all along but just forgot to tell him?” Ouch!

On why Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton seems to be struggling right now: “She does not have the personality of her husband. Very few people do.” See, he sounds completely reasonable -- not at all mean.

On why he stays in the race, despite the long political and mathematical odds: “The path to victory is a complicated one for me. The path to defeat is easy – I could just quit.” Thanks coach. Let's hit the showers!

Come on. Don't you heart Huckabee just a little? Maybe ... this much?

And Then There Were 5: Another Candidate Waves Bye-Bye

Madeline Holler — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:35:00 GMT

[UPDATE BELOW] Another candidate has thrown in his teddy bear bath towel and will withdraw from the rugrat election race.

He hasn't made it official yet, but advisers to the once very likely GOP nominee are confirming that former Massachussetts governor Mitt Romney will announce Thursday that he is ending his presidential election campaign. He's expected to make the announcement when he address conservatives at a convention Thursday afternoon.

Romney takes with him his five sons, loads of grandkids, his lovely wife and a much lighter personal fortune. Leading up to the Super Tuesday primaries and caucuses, he had spent more than $35 of his own money to keep his campaign afloat.

More details as we get them. In the meantime, Political Nanny will pack up his change of clothes and favorite playthings and prepare for another good-bye. We suppose Huckabee was correct Tuesday night when he said it's now a two-man race over on the GOP side (sorry, Ron Paul).

It's now John McCain's nomination to lose. With more room in the sandbox, the rest of them win!

[UPDATE] Romney told a shocked audience of conservatives his reasons for abandoning his presidential dreams. In summary, Iraq:

“in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.

“Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror. They would retreat and declare defeat,” said Romney.

“And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child’s play. About this, I have no doubt.”

Others, like Brian at DailyScanner, see it as a postponement of the Apocolypse.

What's your take? Good news? Bad news? If Mitt was your guy, who will you support now?

via Politico

President Jesus' Co-Pilot

Madeline Holler — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:41:00 GMT

As if there weren't enough candidates to choose from, a political operative for Jesus Christ has announced His run for higher office and opened up the miracle worker's candidacy for vice presidential nominations. The bumper sticker may declare Jesus as YOUR co-pilot. But who, indeed, is His?

Stephen Heffner, a lapsed Catholic and former reporter, recently launched the website JesusIn2008.com. He asks that people weigh in on the Holy Candidate's platform and also propose a running mate. Heffner hopes this process will help voters when they go to the voting booth in November. A Georgetown University professor sees it another way:

From USA Today: "[the website] will let the secularists and non-believers get their ya-yas out because it'll be funny to see evangelicals and fundamentalists fume." Damn God-baiting secularists!

There are three rules for participating: you can't preach or behave rudely. And no miracles.

After all, if Jesus were to use miracles to solve the energy crisis or fund Social Security, strategic debate would be pointless, says Heffner.

Instead, Heffner wants participants in this online convention to think of Jesus not in terms of the personal savior, or, Political Nanny assumes, Mike Huckabee, rather:

Our candidate is Jesus the man, the revolutionary individual who comes to us through history as a model for ethical and moral human behavior – the exemplar whose first instinct in any situation was, simply, to do the right thing, according to the website.

Feel free to weigh in on platform issues like the Death Penalty (some commenters make the case that Jesus would oppose it -- take that W!), Community & Capitalism (others argue Jesus would have been something of a regulator -- what do you think of that, Dick Cheney?), Abortion (a discussion that's a little less dogmatic than Political Nanny expected, better alert Ralph Reed!) and Gay Marriage (Jesus wouldn't hold how a person is born against them -- feeling woozy, state Republican leaders?).

As far as VPs, so far there are nominations for Mike Huckabee (ready to revise the Constitution), Mitt Romney (since JC lacks critical administrative experience, argues one), Jerry Brown (can't figure that one out), Lucifer (a secularist's ya-yas?), Mohammad Yunus, founder of the Grameen Bank of Bangladesh (the microloans guy), and a couple of others Political Nanny, who confesses to being woefully untrained in theology, does not recognize.

Of course, there's the small matter of the requirement that American presidents be born on U.S. soil. Hmmm, Jesus might want to hook up with Arnold Schwarzenegger and work on that one. (Now THERE'S a possible running mate.)

Ahhh, the virtual political process works in mysterious ways.

Photo: passtheammo.com

Hillary: Send Me to Prison

Madeline Holler — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton said in an interview that her dream would be to compete on America's Next Top Model. She admits, though, she wouldn't have much of a chance. Now, Political Nanny doesn't like to traffic in the superficial, but, since Hillary brought it up? Yeah, not a chance.

However, the former first lady and presidential hopeful thinks she could go all the way as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, and we don't see why not. Especially, as she says, if she gets one of the really good pros. (Oh, but not if Barack Obama is one of her competitors. In that competition? He'd be ready to lead his rhumba partner on Day 1.)

Clinton tackled these and other difficult topics with Tyra Banks earlier this week in a taping for Bank's eponymous talk show. Her interview airs Friday (check for local times ... or check in with Political Nanny, who vows to set up the Political Nanny Cam and bring the video to you.)

Other interesting tidbits: Clinton likened the White House to a prison. Some outtakes (thanks L.A. Times Top of the Ticket):

"Do you ever get lonely?" Banks asked the New York senator. "Do you ever sit in your room by yourself sometimes and just feel alone?"....

"I don't feel lonely," Clinton said. "But I do feel sometimes isolated. Because when you are in these positions that I have been in, it can be very isolating. It is one of the reasons I put on the dark glasses and the baseball cap and go out of the White House. President Harry Truman once said that the White House was like the crown jewel of the American penal system because you can feel confined."

The two also talked about what Bill Clinton should be called if he winds up the First Spouse, and whether she -- remember, future Dancing with the Stars hopeful -- does hip hop or knows the Soulja Boy or the Spongebob dance.

Well what did you expect? Oprah?

Elsewhere on Political Nanny's Playground ...

Club Dem Refuses Race Bait, One Calls Bush 'Pathetic', and Island Survival Strategies

The Democratic candidates clobbered not each other in the debates last night but two of the reps from the media. Brian Williams and Tim Russert tried hard to keep racial discord alive in their early round of questions for Clinton and Obama. But the candidates refused to be baited, bragged on the Democratic party, blah, blah. They defended each other, for example, against how their statements had been reported in the media (Barack on Russert's claim that last night's pledge to take troops out of Iraq was a change from earlier refusals to make such a pledge). They offered excuses for insinuating racism and claims of misusing historic icons being brought up in the first place. (Clinton: “We both have exuberant and sometimes uncontrollable supporters ...”)

Sure, the debate was something of a snoozer (though Political Nanny perked up when Hillary Clinton described Bush, on his trip to Saudi Arabia, as "pathetic" and "begging for lower oil prices.") The questions got so banal that toward the end candidates were asked their strengths and weaknesses. Strengths and weaknesses? Even a teenager looking for work at a video store knows how to answer that one. "I refuse to stop working until the job is done" (Clinton gave her version of that) ... I've been told I'm committed to a fault!" (Edward's take on this "weakness" classic.) Political Nanny was fully expecting them to have to tell Russert the one item they'd like to have with them if they were ever stranded on a deserted island. (A book on shipbuilding, of course!) Mercifully, there was a commercial break.

Michigan

Mitt Romney stays in the GOP race, winning 39 percent of the Republican vote in his boyhood state of Michigan. Headlines 'round the nation say this win, Romney's first, and yet another candidate with a first-place finish in these early states, "scrambles the GOP field." McCain came in second with 30 percent of the vote. Political Nanny's glad these candidates will push on for more of the statewide contests.

Also in Michigan, Hillary, the only of the three frontrunners whose name appeared on the ballot, got 55 percent of the Democratic vote. Uncommitted (code for Edwards or Obama) got 40 percent.

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Survey Says Parents Not Satisfied. Are You?

Madeline Holler — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 16:37:00 GMT

Parents magazine recently survey 1,000 moms and dads about the issues they’re facing as a family and whether they think the government is responding to any of it. We already brought you their candidates-as-babysitters results. Now let’s look at what else they found out.

Parents are most concerned about sexual predators in the community (50 percent) and online (49 percent). They’re also worried about health insurance costs (47 percent). For 40 percent of those surveyed, their top concerns were violence in schools, the cost of raising children, kids growing up too fast, the quality of education and media influence on children.

Food Safety was a top concern of only a quarter of those surveyed.

Regarding their children’s health, parents were most concerned about environmental hazards, such as pesticides and pollution (18 percent). Next were childhood obesity (16 percent) and ADHD and Other Learning Challenges (13 percent).

Others were concerned about childhood cancer, allergies, asthma and autism.

In the area of finances, parents were most concerned about saving for college (57 percent). Only 22 percent were worried about saving for retirement.

Does this sound about right or is there something else more pressing for you and your family? Are sexual predators your biggest concern? Pollution too? Why did I assume childhood obesity would be all over this survey?

What's interesting is that you don't hear presidential candidates talking about any of this -- the environment, sure, but only in terms of global warming, not pesticides. If these are parents' top concerns, you have to wonder if the candidates are connecting with any moms and dads.