Political Nanny : immigration

McCain and Tyra Rock It

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 12:50:00 GMT

Did you get chills watching will.i.am's ode to Obama? Then you'll feeling tingly for a different reason watching this video love letter to John McCain.

Can you figure out whether you'll support John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton? No you can't?

Finally, this random remix, only with Tyra Banks chanting "squat, pull forward, pee." We're not entirely sure why. But we'll trust Tyra and believe that it had to be said.

The Edwards Matrix

Madeline Holler — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:34:00 GMT

Think of it as the grown-up version of picking a prom date.

An Edwards supporter who doesn't know which box to check on her absentee ballot has come up with a cheat sheet to figure out which candidate she will support. She has posted the Edwards Matrix for all to see.

Problem is, the matrix is inconclusive. The mom who designed it gets all the important stuff -- Iraq, healthcare, experience, hair. But the would-be dates are still in a dead heat.

Political Nanny is looking for something definitive -- a gun to her head, marching orders, whatever you got. Clinton, Obama ... Obama, Clinton. To hell with choice. Could somebody help her decide!

Seems like Republicans are less undecided than Democrats, but there are still plenty who are (but with much less consequence, since McCain seems to be far enough ahead of the others). Apparently, we undecideds are not alone. Salon's Rebecca Traister brilliantly describes how millions of Democratic voters are feeling right this very minute. And this minute. And this one too.

Election Milestone: Candidates Take First Steps In Iowa (Quick, Get the Camera!)

Madeline Holler — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Political Nanny is sitting on pins and needles, at once excited, deliriously proud of and terrified for her candidates. Today, the 15 reach such an important milestone: the Iowa caucuses. They look so grown up! It seems like just yesterday ...! It's all happening so fast (well, not really.)

As the unruly group of them toddles around on stages, grabbing at microphones, saying "cheese" for the camera, and slobbering all over Iowans one last time in hopes of charming each and every one of these Midwesterners to go out tonight and be counted at the caucus (and chances are, they won't), Political Nanny is watching and trying to remember Iowa is not the final word. It's the first, only the first. We caregivers -- those of us experienced with cadidate-children -- know that the early walker in Iowa will not acurrately predict who gets to sit in the White House highchair. (Remember little guy Dick Gephardt?) See, there's time to catch up.

In the meantime, Political Nanny will be watching her babes today as they smile and shake hands and talk pretty and learn their numbers (polls and precinct percentages are the new flashcards!). She'll be watching tonight as the reports come in. Tomorrow, she'll usher the remaining ones over to New Hampshire for primaries there next week.

Those little buggers never could sit still.

Guess Who Ralph Nader Just Endorsed!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Who cares what the governor of New Hampshire thinks, right? Or the editor of Iowa's largest daily. Or, sorry to say, Sean Penn. Political Nanny listens to Political Nanny when it comes to who she'll vote for in the primaries.

Endorsements, with a couple of exceptions, just haven't been that interesting. Until now ...

Public citizen, consumer advocate, sometimes presidential candidate, one-time election spoiler, and Babble "Timeout" subject Ralph Nader made an endorsement, just in time for the Iowa caucuses. He's throwing his support to John Edwards.

We're no experts, so who knows whether Ralph is a good or bad playmate for John. But Political Nanny adores Ralph and respects his opinion. His support feels like a gut-check: she's long suspected John really means what he says and contrarians like Ralph are the first to smell the BS, yet he thinks John, for the most part, is the real deal.

From Politico:

Nader said he has watched Edwards from afar and sees his more pugilistic brand of populism as a "glimmer of hope."

"It's the only time I've heard a Democrat talk that way in a long time," Nader said, acknowledging what was, for him, a rare moment of praise for a Democratic leader.

"Iowa should decide which candidate stands for us," he added. "Edwards is at least highlighting day after day that the issue is who controls our country, big business or the people."

Not the most unflinching of endorsements -- indeed, he's used the endorsement mostly as a way to criticize Hillary for being too Republican. But what's notable is that it's not himself that he's endorsing. Can we assume he won't be making a bid? Or does that depend on whether John Edwards gets the Democratic nomination?

In any case, Political Nanny is excited that Ralph Nader has come out to play.

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Immigrant-Hater (and Employer!) Tancredo Should Grow Up

Madeline Holler — Mon, 03 Dec 2007 18:44:00 GMT

Today’s lesson brought to you by anti-immigrant GOP candidate Tom Tancredo: If you’re going to run a campaign on hating undocumented workers, don’t hire them to build your big-boy playroom!

Over the weekend, Political Nanny read about an embarrassing little incident in 2001, when Tom Tancredo hired undocumented workers to construct a 1,053-square-foot basement rec-room in his Littleton, Colo., home.

Not unlike the “sanctuary mansion” rejoinder, which set off Mitt Romney’s and Rudy Giuliani’s tense round of verbal slapping at last week's CNN/YouTube debates, Tancredo says he shouldn’t have to ask for the legal status of every single person who comes in his house to hang drywall or cater parties or fix the roof or mow the lawn.

Political Nanny says: precisely!

None of us wants to do that. Oh, we have our suspicions. Like who put in the neighbor's lawn last spring? Who made those pancakes at the Sunday brunch. But even the most ardent closed-border types don't truly want to suffer the consequences of slaughterhouses employing legal workers only. Who else is going to expertly kill, cut and wrap that Family Pak of top sirloin to be sold for a mere $12? And even if we all did check, what the hell would we be looking for anyway? An I.D. card? A notarized paper? A special medallion? We don’t know. And we don’t want to know. Honestly, we don’t think Tancredo wants to know either.

Because once we know, we would have to do something about it. And that would be expensive. Not just legally or logistically. But we’d actually have to pay real money for things like nannies, new kitchens, restaurant dinners and clean pools.

Americans and their vast, undocumented, largely unrecognized, support staff are deeply entwined, as Tancredo himself found out. Checking the legal status of everyone in the chain of daily commerce is as futile and trying to live with a zero carbon footprint. Seeking products and services untarnished by the hands and sweat of “criminal aliens” (Tancredo’s term of endearment) is as arduous of a task as finding a loaf of sliced whole-grain bread that does not contain high-fructose corn syrup. Tancredo didn’t take the time to verify the status of his drywall finishers, or the guys pouring concrete. And who can blame him?

After reading a feel-good piece in his hometown paper in 2002, Trancredo did bother checking on -- and reporting -- the illegal status of a 14-year-old high school honor student, whose undocumented immigrant family went into hiding out of fear of being deported. Which, sure, legally might have been an option. But think about it? Not just morally, think in an economic sense. Already, his state had dumped thousands of dollars of resources into this student – the same amount as it had for “one of its own” – and to what end? To the end that this kid was succeeding, being a smarty-pants, learning! Achieving! Working hard so that he wouldn’t, one day, grow up to hang drywall in Tancredo’s sprawling McMansion. But this kid and his family were of no direct benefit to Tancredo.

So, while the candidates – GOP and Democratic – try to appear strong on immigration, or distance themselves from past tolerance and acceptance of undocumented workers (ahem, Giuliani!), the rest of us know that it’s not as easy as a fence, or stronger enforcement or harsher punishment. In the end, even those who say they want the workers out – have they actually thought about life without the invariably cheap labor of undocumented workers? Tancredo may have tried to send that student and his criminally alien family back to the homeland, but tell us, Little Tommy. Did you tear down your $60,000 tarnished pleasure den and send it back too?

Nanny Cam: Immigration Ad Where Thompson Plays DA Playing Himself!

Madeline Holler — Thu, 15 Nov 2007 15:08:00 GMT

Who needs Hollywood writers when you’ve got entertaining campaign ads? Tancredo’s is entertaining – sort of “24” as interpreted by a San Diego Minuteman’s kid.

Even better is this from Fred Thompson, also talking immigration, but in the manner of Arthur Branch, the district attorney he played for several seasons on NBC’s Law and Order. We can’t recall the details of the ad, having been too busy bracing ourselves for the final black screen … *Dick Wolf *… and wishing Fred, I mean Arthur, I mean Fred, would just put his feet up on the counter and take a sip of whiskey. (Political Nanny watched a looooot of Law and Order when she was pregnant.)

Nanny Cam: Tancredo Ad Reminds Us to Be Scared (No, Not of Him)

Madeline Holler — Wed, 14 Nov 2007 22:02:00 GMT

Yes, Political Nanny is jaded and very leery of being reminded to feel scared of dark-skinned non-Americans out shopping. GOP candidate Tom Tancredo has put together a stunningly amateurish ad summarizing his thoughts on immigration. In short, look out for hoodie-wearing radical Islamicists sitting on benches outside J.C. Penneys. (Cue the explosion; screen goes dark.)