Political Nanny : liberal

Bipartisan Dog House: Treats for Conservative, Liberal Pets

Madeline Holler — Tue, 18 Mar 2008 10:17:00 GMT

There you are, pumping your fists at footage from an Obama rally on YouTube, tears gathering in your eyes as you mouth "yes, we can!" Your dog, though -- your best damn friend! -- won't stop slobbering all over himself as he barks "the surge is working, the surge is working!"

You sleep in the same bed, you and your conservative pooch. Yet yours is a house divided.

Reach across the aisle and give your four-legged, small government, flat-tax, butt-sniffing Karl Rover a hand-out. Petlane makes tasty peanut butter-flavored biscuits that come in the shape of any conservative canine's favorite political beast -- an Elephant.

Wait, what did you just say? You're giving comfort to some Bobo, tax-and-spend, weak on defense, baby killing mutt? Well, she's sitting there with her paw out (as usual!). Better give her Petlane's donkey treats, which she'll love just as much as she loves taking away your right to keep and bear arms.

Not sure of your pet's political leanings? The maker of these bipartisan dog biscuits has a list of the signs.

Republican Pets

• They bark at passing neighbors and traffic; home security is very important to them.

• Their ears perk up when Fox News comes on.

• They are a big spender at the local pet store.

• Strongly believe pet matrimony should occur only between two cats or two dogs.

• Believe in the second-amendment right to bare teeth and claws.

• Are for electric border fences around the yard.

• Want national ID tags for all pets.

• They advocate for the pet-tracking chip -- you can never have too much surveillance.

Democratic pets

• They want universal veterinary care for all.

• They want their treats for free.

• They socialize with all breeds at the dog park.

• They prefer their owner uses biodegradable poop bags.

• Are very concerned with the rising cost of pet food.

• Have the young puppy and kitten vote locked.

• Want to end the war of dogs vs. cats once and for all.

• Think of Ralph Nader as the dog catcher.

Photo: Petlane.com

Nanny Cam: Hillary's Playdate With Jack Nicholson

Madeline Holler — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 04:45:00 GMT

All right, all right, all right. Hillary and Political Nanny have just returned from a very fun playdate with a very special friend of Hillary's. Yes, yes, yes, Political Nanny was just saying Barack has the coolest friends, and it's true: he does. But Hillary has the weirdest ... and we like weird. Weird is good.

Her buddy Jack Nicholson put together a little video montage featuring himself, which supposedly presents arguments for why she should be in the White House. The nice thing is, Hillary's campaign is trying to leverage some of its support from professional entertainers. Not amature ones whose homages to the New York Senator kind of added to her dork factor.

No, you won't get goosebumps like you do watching videos starring Obama. But you get some laughs, and not the kind of laughs that might wind up looping on a ballpoint pen.

10 Things You Don't Know About The Candidates ...

Madeline Holler — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:21:00 GMT

... and weren't necessarily afraid to ask, just not certain it would be relevant. Well, it's not! Still, Political Nanny knows them best and wants to share some of the unknown details of all three (fine, four -- she'll work in Huckabee) of the campaigning candidates.

With the help of NY Magazine's Electopedia:

1. Barack Obama is a lefty. No, Mr. Limbaugh, we don't mean THAT kind of lefty. Obama's left-handed. Cool! (Political Nanny is too, but enough about her ...)

2. John McCain is messy, really messy.

3. Hillary Clinton's first job was for the Chicago Parks and Rec. Three days a week, she pulled a wagon of “balls, bats, jump ropes, and other supplies” to a park a few miles away from her house. Obama's first job was at a Honolulu Baskin-Robbins.

4. McCain's hair started going gray in his twenties. It turned the white we see today while he was a POW.

5. McCain was known as "Punk" and "McNasty" at the Episcopal boarding school he attended for high school. Something tells us, he didn't mind.

6. In the olden days, pre-campaign, when the candidates had free time, what do you think they liked to do? Clinton played pinochle, Obama shot hoops, and McCain attended the fights.

7. As First Lady, Clinton used to carry a bottle of hot sauce with her to spice up the eats. In 2003, when the focus was on Bill's weight-loss, she became a celebrity adherent to the low-carb South Beach Diet. Also worth nothing, Obama hates beets and McCain would gladly eat nothing but donuts and Coke.

8. Once, in 2002, Obama had to be restrained in the Illinois Senate after debate over whether to close a child-welfare office got heated and personal. (Obama voted to close it, the other guy got heated and personal.)

9. There's a flip for every flop, but each of the candidates has a core position which they have never altered. For Clinton it's that kids have certain rights and should grow up with certain benefits; for Obama it's his belief in pragmatic, bipartisan politics; and for McCain it comes down to three words -- duty, honor, country.

10. Ooops, we're forgetting Mike, poor Mike, funny, entertaining, disarming Mike. Well, here's something you might not know about him: he's still running for the Republican nomination!

Extra Cookie: John McCain Tells DJ to Shut Up

Madeline Holler — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 17:32:00 GMT

It's not easy telling a supporter to shut up. But that's essentially what John McCain did at a rally in Ohio.

Radio talk show host Bill Cunningham, who was warming up the crowd at a campaign event, repeatedly referred to the Democratic front-runner as Barack Hussein Obama. Sure it's Obama's full name, but we all know the intended effect. The DJ also called Obama a "hack, Chicago-style" politician.

Instead of laughing at the comment (like he did waaaaaay back in the olden days when an audience member referred to Clinton as "the bitch") or even just ignoring the disparaging remarks, McCain addressed them directly -- to the confusion of the comment maker.

From ABCnews:

"I did not know about these remarks, but I take responsibility for them. I repudiate them," McCain said. "My entire campaign I have treated Sen. Obama and Sen. (Hillary Rodham) Clinton with respect. I will continue to do that throughout this campaign." ... McCain called both Democrats "honorable Americans" and said, "I want to dissociate myself with any disparaging remarks that may have been said about them."

Asked whether the use of Obama's middle name -- the same as former Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein -- is proper, McCain said: "No, it is not. Any comment that is disparaging of either Sen. Clinton or Sen. Obama is totally inappropriate."

For such quick, direct words spoken without regard to the risk of alienating potential voters, Political Nanny is rewarding John two extra cookies at snacktime.

And because it's so fun to watch toddler tantrums, here's what Cunningham said after learned that McCain repudiated his comments:

... [H]e attacked the Republican front-runner as "John Juan Pablo McCain." THen: "I’m gonna follow the lead of Ann Coulter," Cunningham said on Fox News. "I’m going to endorse Hillary Rodham Clinton for president because she would do a better job in the Oval Office, I think, than the liberal John McCain. I’m done with him."

Big baby.

Photo: beloblog.com

Who Loves You, Campaign Baby? (Rambo, Porn Stars and Writers, That's Who)

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Running for president is not a popularity contest. Oh, wait, it is! And just like high school this competition hinges on the backing of other popular kids. This year's election has been a veritable Endorsement Bonanza. Everybody is getting in on it, no matter what their relevance levels, which for most, in Political Nanny's estimation, peaked somewhere between 1983-1989.

So for every Maya Angelou that steps up to stump for Hillary Clinton, there's a Toni Morrison who thinks you should vote for Barack Obama. Mike Huckabee's campaign took off after Chuck Norris promised to kick campaign butt. Now Hulk Hogan is throwing his weight around to encourage support for Obama. Rounding out the Aging Muscle-Man endorsements is Ric Flair, also for Huckabee, and Sylvester Stallone, a McCain man, naturally (this endorsement suspiciously coincided with the release of Stallone's latest Rambo movie).

This year's backers come in all shapes, sizes and professions. Here are a few more:

Vampirist Anne Rice and barrister-cum-crime-novelist John Grisham heart Clinton.

Porn star and writer of "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" Jenna Jameson would like to tell you how to vote like a porn star -- casting a ballot for Hillary Clinton. She has her reasons. Of course, Porn Stars are not a monolith. Savanna Samson wanted to toss her lot to Rudy Giuliani, but his campaign climaxed prematurely and made a huge mess. Equally deflated is King of Porn, Hustler's Larry Flynt, who made his sweet love for Dennis Kucinich well known. Now, all Flynt has left are a few good memories of what might have been.

There was, of course, the Grande Dame of endorsers -- Oprah for Obama. Here are some other celebrity endorsements (a couple of which are even 21st-Century relevant)

Kevin Bacon - John Edwards
Donnie and Marie Osmond - Mitt Romney (Political Nanny KNEW he'd have someone!)
Lance Armstrong - John Edwards
John Mayer - Ron Paul (that body of thought is a wonderland)
Jeff Gordon - Rudy Giuliani
Bo Derek - Rudy Giuliani (eh. 7.5)
50 Cent - Hillary Clinton (word?)
Adam Sandler - Rudy Giuliani
Martha Stewart - Hillary Clinton (you OK with that, Hillary?)
George Clooney - Barack Obama (double swoon)
Harry Belafonte - John Edwards (daylight come and he went home ...)
Wilford Brimley - John McCain (dinosaurs, unite!)
Scarlett Johansson - Barack Obama

You're relevant to Political Nanny no matter when you peaked. Whose endorsement are you endorsing? Whose endorsement do you find stunning?

Thanks to BuzzFeed

Democratic Dream Team?

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 03:56:00 GMT

Finally, someone asked the question on many, many Democrats' minds: How about an Obama-Clinton/Clinton-Obama dream ticket. It was a final question in last night's debate, which was notable for its lack of nasty slights and pointing fingers. Wolf Blitzer asked Barack Obama just that.

Laughter and smiles from the candidates. Loud and enthusiastic applause from the audience. No, nobody looked surprised. And no, nobody said "great idea, let's do it!" But neither of the candidates said it would be out of the question either.

Oh, be quiet. A nanny can dream, can't she?

Photo: CNN.com

Hillary: Send Me to Prison

Madeline Holler — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 19:33:00 GMT

Hillary Clinton said in an interview that her dream would be to compete on America's Next Top Model. She admits, though, she wouldn't have much of a chance. Now, Political Nanny doesn't like to traffic in the superficial, but, since Hillary brought it up? Yeah, not a chance.

However, the former first lady and presidential hopeful thinks she could go all the way as a contestant on Dancing With the Stars, and we don't see why not. Especially, as she says, if she gets one of the really good pros. (Oh, but not if Barack Obama is one of her competitors. In that competition? He'd be ready to lead his rhumba partner on Day 1.)

Clinton tackled these and other difficult topics with Tyra Banks earlier this week in a taping for Bank's eponymous talk show. Her interview airs Friday (check for local times ... or check in with Political Nanny, who vows to set up the Political Nanny Cam and bring the video to you.)

Other interesting tidbits: Clinton likened the White House to a prison. Some outtakes (thanks L.A. Times Top of the Ticket):

"Do you ever get lonely?" Banks asked the New York senator. "Do you ever sit in your room by yourself sometimes and just feel alone?"....

"I don't feel lonely," Clinton said. "But I do feel sometimes isolated. Because when you are in these positions that I have been in, it can be very isolating. It is one of the reasons I put on the dark glasses and the baseball cap and go out of the White House. President Harry Truman once said that the White House was like the crown jewel of the American penal system because you can feel confined."

The two also talked about what Bill Clinton should be called if he winds up the First Spouse, and whether she -- remember, future Dancing with the Stars hopeful -- does hip hop or knows the Soulja Boy or the Spongebob dance.

Well what did you expect? Oprah?

Elsewhere on Political Nanny's Playground ...

Club Dem Refuses Race Bait, One Calls Bush 'Pathetic', and Island Survival Strategies

The Democratic candidates clobbered not each other in the debates last night but two of the reps from the media. Brian Williams and Tim Russert tried hard to keep racial discord alive in their early round of questions for Clinton and Obama. But the candidates refused to be baited, bragged on the Democratic party, blah, blah. They defended each other, for example, against how their statements had been reported in the media (Barack on Russert's claim that last night's pledge to take troops out of Iraq was a change from earlier refusals to make such a pledge). They offered excuses for insinuating racism and claims of misusing historic icons being brought up in the first place. (Clinton: “We both have exuberant and sometimes uncontrollable supporters ...”)

Sure, the debate was something of a snoozer (though Political Nanny perked up when Hillary Clinton described Bush, on his trip to Saudi Arabia, as "pathetic" and "begging for lower oil prices.") The questions got so banal that toward the end candidates were asked their strengths and weaknesses. Strengths and weaknesses? Even a teenager looking for work at a video store knows how to answer that one. "I refuse to stop working until the job is done" (Clinton gave her version of that) ... I've been told I'm committed to a fault!" (Edward's take on this "weakness" classic.) Political Nanny was fully expecting them to have to tell Russert the one item they'd like to have with them if they were ever stranded on a deserted island. (A book on shipbuilding, of course!) Mercifully, there was a commercial break.

Michigan

Mitt Romney stays in the GOP race, winning 39 percent of the Republican vote in his boyhood state of Michigan. Headlines 'round the nation say this win, Romney's first, and yet another candidate with a first-place finish in these early states, "scrambles the GOP field." McCain came in second with 30 percent of the vote. Political Nanny's glad these candidates will push on for more of the statewide contests.

Also in Michigan, Hillary, the only of the three frontrunners whose name appeared on the ballot, got 55 percent of the Democratic vote. Uncommitted (code for Edwards or Obama) got 40 percent.

Bill O’Reilly Incites Political Playground Scuffle

Madeline Holler — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 19:11:00 GMT

An angry, antsy and entitled Bill O’Reilly caused a scene Saturday afternoon during a New Hampshire campaign rally when, attempting to speak face-to-face with Barack Obama, he shoved the senator’s 6’8” bodyguard, called him an SOB and then, evading any personal self-reflection, declared the bodyguard “low class.”

Cute!

The whole scene is hilariously retold (including details of people shouting “hate-monger” at O’Reilly and flipping him off) by Slate’s John Dickerson, who, incidentally, would make a great Political Manny: he confesses to having, in the heat of the moment, yelled at O’Reilly to “grow up!”

“ … which was thoroughly unprofessional, except that I have little kids and I think it's important to discipline misbehavior immediately. If I don't dare to discipline, they'll grow up to be like, well, Bill O'Reilly.”

Forgiven!

Obama eventually talks to O’Reilly, who is trying to get the leading Democratic candidate on his show. Obama tells him there are people waiting in line. Watch the events unfold here.

Photo: New York Times