Political Nanny : mike huckabee

Ugly Teeth on the Campaign Trail

Madeline Holler — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 17:13:00 GMT

The votes are in. Dentists are not impressed with the Republican nominee's smile.

A recent poll of 400 dentists found John McCain's smile the worst of all the candidates. Only six percent found McCain's smile the best of the lot (Mitt Romney got 45 percent of the vote.) Barack and the other John (Edwards) were nearly tied at 38 and 36 percent.

Mike Huckabee got 10 percent of the vote. While Political Nanny discourages her candidates from competing in the superficial, she can't help but feel that when your smile is judged worse than Mike Huckabee's, it's time to make an appointment with a Beverly Hills cosmetic dentist.

In fact, John McCain's yellowed, aging teeth are attracting attention (and comments) for what they are not: whitened, straight, youthful, lovely.

Alas, some kids, no matter how much their caregivers encourage brushing after meals and regular flossing, develop cavities and a surface patina. Still, we clearly have more work to do at the sink. John, sit please. Political Nanny's getting out a chisel and the Crest Whitestrips.

Thanks Buzzfeed for the tip!

Sniff. We Wave Bye-Bye to Mikey

Madeline Holler — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 05:03:00 GMT

We knew this day would come and we always thought it would be even sooner. But finally, loveable Mike Huckabee has told us good-bye.

Political Nanny has made no secret of her affection for little Mikey, and she'll miss watching him out on the campaign trail. He'll fade quickly into a footnote of this historical campaign. But we hope he'll still pop up once in awhile on TV, the radio, online. No, not making policy for the country (God no!), but lightening the mood in the room, laughing at himself, twisting all the seriousness around into one self aggrandizing moment punctuated with a smile.

Your bag's all packed, Mike. Keep in touch.

What happened to Political Nanny's brood?

It's Fun to Be Mike Huckabee

Madeline Holler — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 15:52:00 GMT

When Political Nanny tires of the Democrats' bickering and John McCain's tough talk, she seeks out her little Mike Huckabee. Oh, that boy is good for some laughs. Just look at the fun they're having with him on the plane.

While airborne and unable to use their cellphone and blackberries, Huckabee's campaign staff and the traveling press try to get a little sleep. The tireless, instead trade sleep for shenanigans. Their favorite: taping hand-written signs to sleeping passengers.

It used to be just the traveling press corps. Lately, everybody is free game. Here are some recent big "gets."

From ABC.com's Political Radar:

Some good examples of late are Chuck Norris with a sign that read "MH (Mike Huckabee) Can Beat Me Up" or Minute Man Project founder Jim Gilchrist with a sign that read "This Suit Made in Mexico".

Recently, Sarah Huckabee, Mike's daughter and a senior level staffer, got the biggest get of all: Huckabee.

Again, Political Radar:

As former governor Mike Huckabee slept, his daughter Sarah snuck a sign near him reading: "If I Close My Eyes This Feels like Air Force One".

Come on. That's tons more fun than good music or Jack Nicholson. Tons more fun.

Political Nanny's getting a little punchy. When's the next big primary, again? Or that's right, it's now, right now! Better line up the Kleenax and prep the good-bye bags.

10 Things You Don't Know About The Candidates ...

Madeline Holler — Wed, 27 Feb 2008 22:21:00 GMT

... and weren't necessarily afraid to ask, just not certain it would be relevant. Well, it's not! Still, Political Nanny knows them best and wants to share some of the unknown details of all three (fine, four -- she'll work in Huckabee) of the campaigning candidates.

With the help of NY Magazine's Electopedia:

1. Barack Obama is a lefty. No, Mr. Limbaugh, we don't mean THAT kind of lefty. Obama's left-handed. Cool! (Political Nanny is too, but enough about her ...)

2. John McCain is messy, really messy.

3. Hillary Clinton's first job was for the Chicago Parks and Rec. Three days a week, she pulled a wagon of “balls, bats, jump ropes, and other supplies” to a park a few miles away from her house. Obama's first job was at a Honolulu Baskin-Robbins.

4. McCain's hair started going gray in his twenties. It turned the white we see today while he was a POW.

5. McCain was known as "Punk" and "McNasty" at the Episcopal boarding school he attended for high school. Something tells us, he didn't mind.

6. In the olden days, pre-campaign, when the candidates had free time, what do you think they liked to do? Clinton played pinochle, Obama shot hoops, and McCain attended the fights.

7. As First Lady, Clinton used to carry a bottle of hot sauce with her to spice up the eats. In 2003, when the focus was on Bill's weight-loss, she became a celebrity adherent to the low-carb South Beach Diet. Also worth nothing, Obama hates beets and McCain would gladly eat nothing but donuts and Coke.

8. Once, in 2002, Obama had to be restrained in the Illinois Senate after debate over whether to close a child-welfare office got heated and personal. (Obama voted to close it, the other guy got heated and personal.)

9. There's a flip for every flop, but each of the candidates has a core position which they have never altered. For Clinton it's that kids have certain rights and should grow up with certain benefits; for Obama it's his belief in pragmatic, bipartisan politics; and for McCain it comes down to three words -- duty, honor, country.

10. Ooops, we're forgetting Mike, poor Mike, funny, entertaining, disarming Mike. Well, here's something you might not know about him: he's still running for the Republican nomination!

The Tina Fey Endorsement

Madeline Holler — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 22:21:00 GMT

It was all politics on post writer's strike Saturday Night Live's Weekend Update. There was Huckabee. And then this "bitch is the new black" endorsement from Tina Fey. It has been awhile since the senator has gotten an endorsement from somebody -- anybody -- who is culturally relevant.

Another skit had a moderator and two panelists swooning over Barack Obama (played by cast memeber Fred Armisen) and ignoring and/or badgering Hillary Clinton (played by Amy Poehler).

From NYT The Caucus:

“The three of us are totally in the tank for Senator Obama,” the moderator said, opening the debate.

After softballs to Mr. Obama, the panel asked Mrs. Clinton, played by Amy Poehler, why she had lost various states. She said she never expected to win Wisconsin, and “it was always our intention to lose Virginia.” She said that “getting blown out in Maryland has long been a dream of mine.”

Huckabee Does Hooters

Madeline Holler — Sat, 23 Feb 2008 02:34:00 GMT

The Mrs., that is. Now, tell Political Nanny, what was a good fundamentalist Christian like Janet Huckabee doing sleeping in a Las Vegas Hooters? Ordering hot wings from room service, we hope.

The not-in-this-lifetime First Lady bedded down in the Hooters casino hotel while her husband raised some dough over the weekend speaking in the Cayman Islands. The story she's going with is that the hotel was close to the airport, she had an early flight the next morning, the less buxom options were all booked, and her friend had a couple of rooms she could use.

Those Huckabees will do anything to earn/save a buck.

Photos: AP, travelswithchicken.com

Game Over for Hillary?

Madeline Holler — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 18:31:00 GMT

Is Hillary ready to pick up the Campaign Candyland gameboard and fling it across the room yet?

After Hawaii and Wisconsin, she has lost 10 in a row. Now this: the Teamsters will endorse her opponent, Barack Obama. The teamsters are some of the biggest kids over on the Democratic playground. They've got some pull when they pick sides.

Sure, there's still Texas and Pennsylvania (but Teamsters? Ohio?). And then there's the fancy math with the delegates. But Political Nanny's half-tempted to at least round up Hillary's toys and get ready for the big announcement, you know, as long as she is already prepping for Huckabee's eventual departure.

Photo: LA Weekly

Scrapbooking the Election: Candidates in Love

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:02:00 GMT

Warning: this might be a little like walking in on your parents. So if you've got some unresolved issues, you'll want to move on to the next blog. Because today, the loviest day of the year, we're going to take a peek at how the final four candidates fell in love (and how they show it now).

GOP Love: John and Cindy McCain

Now, the McCains' love is never on full display. We have to search for the subtle clues. But here's how he describes the night that they met:

From AZ Central.com: She was lovely, intelligent and charming, 17 years my junior but poised and confident. I monopolized her attention the entire time, taking care to prevent anyone else from intruding on our conversation. When it came time to leave the party, I persuaded her to join me for drinks at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. By the evening's end, I was in love."

Flashforward 28 years ... Here they are as his campaign surge begins after New Hampshire.

On her blog, the McCain's daughter describes this photo as her mom and dad "having a moment."

John and Cindy McCain in a hotel room (no, not like that. Bummer.)

Southern Love: Janet and Mike Huckabee

From The Knot: It was young love for Mike and Janet, who met during junior high school. The two started dating their senior year of high school. Before Mike proposed, he asked permission from Janet's mother and stepfather. "I didn't have money for a ring yet, so I used a pull-tab from a soda can and proposed to her in her living room," Mike says.

Mike and Janet Huckabee's wedding day, May 25, 1974.

Must be inauguration day. Huckabee's in his fat phase. More of him for Janet to love?

Puppy love. Or not. Janet and a slimmed down Mike are in the Arkansas governor's mansion. Looky in the background! Governors' names are tiled into the steps. Fancy!

The Most Examined Marriage in National History: Bill and Hillary Clinton

From The Knot: It all began in the library for Hillary and Bill. "I noticed that he kept looking over at me," Hillary says. "He had been doing a lot of that." After exchanging several looks back and forth, Hillary stood up and walked over to Bill. "I said 'If you're going to keep looking at me, and I'm going to keep looking back, we might as well be introduced -- I'm Hillary Rodham," she says. "The way Bill tells the story, he couldn't remember his own name."

Wedding Day, Oct. 11, 1975

A kiss in Little Rock, Ark., 1992 (From the Telegraph)

He's a former president, she's a new senator. Bill and Hillary in 2001.

Now she's a presidential candidate. And he's, well, sometimes her advocate, sometimes locked away in a closet and told to be quiet. A kiss in the rain, November 2007.

America's Newest Political Sweethearts: Michelle and Barack Obama

It took a month of asking before Michelle would agree to go out with Barack. They went to "Do the Right Thing" on their first date. Then it was love. He swept her off her feet.

Wedding Day, October 18, 1992, at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

A snuggle in Illinois (love the camera ... that must feel so private!) For more on Michelle and the Obama marriage, go here and here.

A post 2004 monumental, much talked about, life-changing Democratic National convention speech. (Needless to say, well done, Barack!)

And in 2008 conceding New Hampshire (hey, don't look so sad. Like a good marriage, you're campaign is about to get better ... much, much better)

McCain and Tyra Rock It

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 12:50:00 GMT

Did you get chills watching will.i.am's ode to Obama? Then you'll feeling tingly for a different reason watching this video love letter to John McCain.

Can you figure out whether you'll support John McCain, Mike Huckabee, Barack Obama or Hillary Clinton? No you can't?

Finally, this random remix, only with Tyra Banks chanting "squat, pull forward, pee." We're not entirely sure why. But we'll trust Tyra and believe that it had to be said.

Hillary Plays Texas Hold-Me-I'm-Trembling-'em

Madeline Holler — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 05:10:00 GMT

The Potomac Primary is so yesterday. Which is why Hillary Clinton is in Texas today. She lost big in Tuesday's primaries in Virginia, Maryland, and Washinton, D.C. She's gambling all her chips on Texas and Ohio's March primaries, the next big races and what appear to be her last chance at the nomination.

Mike Huckabee, too, has to regroup if he's going to continue in the race. McCain won big in the veteran rich region of the country.

No more modesty or superstitions: Barack Obama and McCain have no choice but to adopt the frontrunner label.

Let's see what hand the voters in Texas deal her. In the words of Kenny Rogers (hey, he's irrelevant -- surely he endorsed somebody!), she's got to know when to hold'em ... and when to run. (Or, not run in this case.)

Oh, and she should probably congratulate her competitor, since it's become newsworthy that she hasn't. Just saying. Congrats Barack and John!

What do you think of a John McCain/Barack Obama match up?

Photo: Ron Niebruegge

Be Mine: Partisan Valentines

Madeline Holler — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:37:00 GMT

Only one day left to show that you love your dearest Democrat or Republican as much as politics. Will roses do the trick? Of course they won't. But one of these partisan Valentines just might.

You love healthcare. You hate war. You want change. You need something besides politics and passion as usual. What you want is to Barack that certain someone's world.

Your support for Hillary doesn't waver with the lastest exit polls. Your love for her -- and for your own first lady -- is heartfelt. Tell her in heart and felt. (If you're hearting Huckabee, or behaving like a lovesick fool around John McCain, don't worry. These hearts are fickle. You can get them in Republicans' names too.)

God damned liberals, you say! No don't say that, say this:

Or for all the knee-jerk conservatives/romantics there's this:

Or perhaps you're ready to reach across the aisle, in which case you'll want to join in with Hillary Clinton and send your registered sweetheart this:

Check out the rest at GOP.com. [Thanks, Brian, over at DailyScanner for the tip!]

Too late to send anything? Dim the lights, fire up the laptop and watch this political valentine montage from Politichill.

Mighty Heartin' Huckabee

Madeline Holler — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:31:00 GMT

How is it that Mike Huckabee continues to enchant voters and carry whole states in these primary elections and caucuses? It can't just be his freaky ideas about Jesusing-up the Constitution. Can it?

Political Nanny thinks it has everything thing to do with the guy's persona, speaking style and ability to sound completely plugged in and relevant. The crazy talk gets lost in the one-liners. From The Caucus, the NYTimes political blog, we get these gems from a Chesapeake primary day breakfast with journalists:

On running for the United States Senate if this presidential thing doesn’t work out: “It’s more likely I’ll dye my hair green, get a bunch of tattoos and go on tour with Amy Winehouse.” He said "Amy Winehouse"! Does McCain know about Amy Winehouse?

On the recent flood of endorsements of Mr. McCain, now that he is close to securing the nomination: “What are these people saying – that they were for him all along but just forgot to tell him?” Ouch!

On why Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton seems to be struggling right now: “She does not have the personality of her husband. Very few people do.” See, he sounds completely reasonable -- not at all mean.

On why he stays in the race, despite the long political and mathematical odds: “The path to victory is a complicated one for me. The path to defeat is easy – I could just quit.” Thanks coach. Let's hit the showers!

Come on. Don't you heart Huckabee just a little? Maybe ... this much?

Voters Kick Up Dust in the Campaign Sandbox

Madeline Holler — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:39:00 GMT

[WITH UPDATES] By now it's clear: no candidate for president of the U.S. goes down without a fight (except, of course, if it's Fred Thompson). The latest round of caucuses and primaries kicked up more sand in the faces of Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, make friends everywhere they go, collecting delegates like Valentines.

Here's the dirt:

[UPDATE] Once it appeared Hillary Clinton would lose Maine on Sunday, her campaign manager stepped down. The Senator's longtime BFF Maggie Williams is taking over. The weekend was nothing but bad news for Clinton, since Obama handily won the caucuses in the states of Washington, Nebraska, Louisiana and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Primaries in Maryland, Virginia and Washington, D.C., on Tuesday could push Obama officially to the head of the line.

The ghost of John Edwards made a small reappearance too, in the form of reports that both Obama and Clinton met with him separately, presumably to ask him for an endorsement. Let's hope Hillary used her nice words, because we more than suspect Obama is his guy.

Back to voting: Mike Huckabee, with his charm, moxie and evangelical roots, stomped the dirty soles of his shoes all over John McCain in Louisiana and Kansas caucuses. He's still hundreds of delegates behind, but he's not leaving the race anytime soon (he also said he's not in this to become vice president). In the state of Washinton, [UPDATE]they called the win for John McCain, though not all precincts had reported. Huckabee thinks something's weird is going on. His staff is looking at challenging those results.

A more subtle game over on the GOP side is the one Ron Paul might be playing. What does this letter on his website mean? Will it clear the air of clouds of doubt? Will he, indeed, keeping on keeping on?

In a dust-up related to the campaigns (and what, right now, isn't related to the campaigns?):

A naughty MSNBC reporter was suspended indefinitely after making a comment that Chelsea Clinton was being "pimped out." He made two on-air apologies, but Clinton said that wasn't enough and threatened to back out of upcoming debates on the network.

“Nothing justifies the kind of debasing language that David Shuster used and no temporary suspension or half-hearted apology is sufficient,” Clinton wrote to NBC News President Steve Capus, who apparently had already called Clinton to personally apologize.

We all know you don't mess with a mom's kids. Or Political Nanny's. Making fun of political policy -- or illogic, or general silliness -- is one thing. Pointing and laughing just to fill air-time is entirely another.

Now candidates, since we've all contributed to this messy primary election season, we all need to pitch in a little and sweep up. Oh, wait. It looks like Barack already did!

VP Talk: Who Wants to be McCain's BFF?

Madeline Holler — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:25:00 GMT

John McCain is used to being alone. After all, what kind of "maverick" would he be if he were, hands down, the most popular guy? (The general election kind, that's right.) So who would be a suitable vice president for McCain, both in netting him support and in convincing us they would play well together? Something tells us Mitt Romney is not going to make the vice presidential short list.

The Atlantic's political blogger has a few suggestions for McCain's VP -- some hardly believable. A lot of you have told Political Nanny you like McCain. So who's your pick? What should the strategy be? Would anybody like to see a McCain/Huckabee ticket? (We'll be watching to see what Huckabee says about his last real competition. He was so nice to McCain back when Mitt Romney was still hanging out in the GOP sandbox and triangulating the Republican vote.)

1. Gov. Tim Pawlenty (R-MN)
2. Gov. John Huntsman (R-UT)
3. Sen. John Thune (R-SD)
4. Ex-Sen. Fred Thompson
5. Ex-Sen. George Allen [PN noto bene: the "macaca" guy -- surely this is a joke!]
6. Gov. Bobby Jindall (R-LA)
7. Mike Huckabee
8. Gov. Charlie Crist (R-FL)
9. Mitt Romney

The Wall Street Journal's Pat Toomey has a few ideas as well, all of whom feel incredibly boring, as white and male as they all are.

Here are a few ideas: Joe Lieberman? Man, that would have the GOP party base wailing! Does Condoleeza Rice do anything for you? Maybe Huckabee, since he claims to be the last "authentic conservative" standing. Dems, please weigh in, too. Is there a VP that would surely sink the Republicans in November?

Photo: Time.com

And Then There Were 5: Another Candidate Waves Bye-Bye

Madeline Holler — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:35:00 GMT

[UPDATE BELOW] Another candidate has thrown in his teddy bear bath towel and will withdraw from the rugrat election race.

He hasn't made it official yet, but advisers to the once very likely GOP nominee are confirming that former Massachussetts governor Mitt Romney will announce Thursday that he is ending his presidential election campaign. He's expected to make the announcement when he address conservatives at a convention Thursday afternoon.

Romney takes with him his five sons, loads of grandkids, his lovely wife and a much lighter personal fortune. Leading up to the Super Tuesday primaries and caucuses, he had spent more than $35 of his own money to keep his campaign afloat.

More details as we get them. In the meantime, Political Nanny will pack up his change of clothes and favorite playthings and prepare for another good-bye. We suppose Huckabee was correct Tuesday night when he said it's now a two-man race over on the GOP side (sorry, Ron Paul).

It's now John McCain's nomination to lose. With more room in the sandbox, the rest of them win!

[UPDATE] Romney told a shocked audience of conservatives his reasons for abandoning his presidential dreams. In summary, Iraq:

“in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.

“Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror. They would retreat and declare defeat,” said Romney.

“And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child’s play. About this, I have no doubt.”

Others, like Brian at DailyScanner, see it as a postponement of the Apocolypse.

What's your take? Good news? Bad news? If Mitt was your guy, who will you support now?

via Politico

Good Enough Wednesday: Some Thoughts

Madeline Holler — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 13:25:00 GMT

Oh, sweet Mitt. Mitt, Mitt, Mitt. Super Tuesday? Not so super for you, Mitt. If you're planning a very special speech today, know that Political Nanny always liked you second best among the GOP. But if you're planning on burning through another 10 acres of stacked 20s from your own personal fortune, she'll think you're crazy, yet love you more than ever. Let's hope post Super Tuesday is a good-enough Wednesday for you.

And Mike! Southern voters hearted Huckabee! Sure, the West Viriginia win feels kind of disingenuous, but you take what you can get, right? Any chance you're going to turn this around and kick John McCain in the teeth? Because you are knocking them off, one-by-one.

John ... well played. That West Virginia move was slick. The rest of your wins obviously earned. Your own political surge is working.

Hillary and Barack ... this is exactly where you need to be. Tied. A continued battle. It's too soon to know. Wait! A reversal! Obama wins Missouri, not Clinton. Oops, it's still pretty close. She's got more delegates, he's got more states. She's got the old white ladies, he's got the young and the beautiful in every color and creed.

(Question: When you're George W. Bush -- or any Bush -- and you see all this "energizing" and "calls for change" and record number of voters, do you feel in any way embarassed for having created such a fuss?)

Ron Paul, you'll take (second in) Montana -- your best showing. There's a fire in this nation ...

Some extras:

Whenever reporters said "delegate-rich California," did anybody else start craving cake with a delicious, calorie-rich buttercream frosting?

Damn kids! Arnold Schwarzenegger's 18-year-old daughter followed mom Maria Shriver's endorsement, not the governor's, and voted for Barack Obama. (And wore a T-shirt in case there were any questions.)

From The Root, an African-American woman confesses that, even though she's a big ol' lefty, she's nominating Condoleeza Rice as her candidate for president. After all, the fact that a woman might vote for Obama or an AfricanAmerican might vote for Hillary Clinton just boggles the mind of pollsters and the press. However do these women make up their minds! Last night over on ABC, Sam Donaldson (who needs to hang up his toupee and retire from live broadcasting) asked, incredulously, what's a black woman to do?

Predictions ... not so easy. Even estimated bedtimes were off. No sooner were folks at CNN shaking their heads saying, "this'll be a late one ... results from delgate-rich California won't be ready until the wee hours ..." when 5 minutes later, after retrieving a pack of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls, Political Nanny noticed they called the Golden State for Clinton and McCain.

Finally, a note to John Edwards. We all know who you're going to endorse. Now that Super Tuesday is over, just come out and say it.

We'll continue licking the bowl of this delicious election throughout the day, here at Political Nanny.

Scrapbooking the Election: Baby Pics

Madeline Holler — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 14:02:00 GMT

Awwww, aren't Baby Candidates so cute? Look at those chubby legs. Look at those pretty smiles! Remember when they couldn't walk or talk or propose immigration policy with a team of top experts and the latest opinion polls?

During these quiet moments on the Mega Election Day, let's take a look back at the candidates. In this next installment of Scrapbooking the Election, Political Nanny cracks open the babybooks (or, at least Mitt Romney's -- he's the only candidate with a full pictorial life history online -- that's him up there) and look at the youngest, cutest versions of these already haggard possible presidents.

Mitt Romney (here as the hunky missionary on the right)

Mitt is a "miracle baby," the son his mother wasn't supposed to be able to have.

Fun Mitt baby fact: his name honors two important men in his father's life -- J. Willard Marriott, a family friend and future hotel magnate, and Milton "Mitt" Romney, a cousin of George's and a former quarterback for the Chicago Bears. Uh, connected.

(Is it bad that Political Nanny finds Mitt's father way more charismatic in old black and white photos than she finds Romney in other more dynamic media? Read the entire hagiography on Mitt the boy, the Mormon, the man, the president.

Hillary Clinton (the girl, the bigger girl)

Cute (!), but we all know she's a little sad. (Mean dad issues.)

Disappointing self-description that makes us think, "nature or nurture": her favorite subject in school was history and she got good grades, but she was ... here we go ... "bad at math." Did she throw like a girl, too?

Next youngest photo in the Campaign Scrapbook is a high school picture of Mike Huckabee. (No hunky missionary shots of him, just a knowing smile that says "Jesus loves me!")

Unsurprising Mike fact: At 14, he was an AM disc jockey in Hope, Ark.

Who doesn't love a McCain in uniform? (He's the hunky one, the other guy is his father.)

WTF McCain fact: the movie he most often references is "Weekend at Bernie's"

Ron Paul (he's super not into the fun part of campaigning, so there are no pictures of his uber-serious, gold-standard, ungovernment-funded youth to be found. You'll have to settle for a billion years ago, when he was in his 40s and visiting Ronald Reagan -- look, the pic is signed!)

Mundane yet at the same time fascinating Ron Paul fact: his favorite foods are tilapia and chocolate chip cookies

Baby Barack! (Or, little boy Barack, in Hawaii with his grandfather)

Excellent Barack family fact: His grandmother was called "Toot"!

Photos: boston.com, hillaryclinton.com, Chicago Tribune, deathby1000papercuts.com, CBSnews.com, azcentral.com

The Edwards Matrix

Madeline Holler — Tue, 05 Feb 2008 11:34:00 GMT

Think of it as the grown-up version of picking a prom date.

An Edwards supporter who doesn't know which box to check on her absentee ballot has come up with a cheat sheet to figure out which candidate she will support. She has posted the Edwards Matrix for all to see.

Problem is, the matrix is inconclusive. The mom who designed it gets all the important stuff -- Iraq, healthcare, experience, hair. But the would-be dates are still in a dead heat.

Political Nanny is looking for something definitive -- a gun to her head, marching orders, whatever you got. Clinton, Obama ... Obama, Clinton. To hell with choice. Could somebody help her decide!

Seems like Republicans are less undecided than Democrats, but there are still plenty who are (but with much less consequence, since McCain seems to be far enough ahead of the others). Apparently, we undecideds are not alone. Salon's Rebecca Traister brilliantly describes how millions of Democratic voters are feeling right this very minute. And this minute. And this one too.

Scrapbooking the Election: Candidates' Kids

Madeline Holler — Sat, 02 Feb 2008 22:29:00 GMT

Remember when this presidential campaign looked more like a Disney On Ice tour, what with all the little, little kids running around getting their pictures taken with the stars of the show? Even Grampa Mitt, whose own children are now five strapping grown men, hauled his willing grandson around to mug it up and sway the minds of undecided voters.

Unlike a fairy tale, election Neverneverland takes some serious funding and voter approval to return to again and again. One-by-one, daddies have packed up their Iowa rental homes or emptied their already empty campaign schedules or headed back to the North Carolina compound.

The youngest campaign kids -- and our final hope ... yes, hope! ... at hearing the pitter-patter of little feet in the White House -- are Barack Obama's 6- and 9-year-old girls, Sasha and Malia (pictured above). The rest of this election's second generation aren't as cute as the Obamas. Still, Political Nanny thinks we should familiarize ourselves with who could be calling Mr./Madame President "Mom" or "Dad" next year:

John McCain has a multi-layered family tree -- some of his offspring are way grown-up kids from a first marriage, some way grown-up kids from a second marriage and some thrown in later for good measure. His daughter, Meghan, is very visibly involved in his campaign (she's traveling with him and blogging about it ... and also offering make-up tips). McCain's youngest daughter is Bridget, who you may remember is the daughter he adopted from Bangladesh that some sleazy South Carolina Bush operatives used to undermine McCain's values credibility back in 2000.

McCain: Bridget, 16 and Meghan, 23

Hillary Clinton finally took the muzzle off of Chelsea last month, following the senator's New Hampshire win. Now we not only see Chelsea at all her mom's rallies and debates, we also get to see video of her talking to younger voters.

Clinton: Chelsea, 27

Mike Huckabee is the father of three grown children, a daughter and two sons. His daughter works on his campaign (watch her here ... she has a fantastically rich Arkansas accent) and clearly has it together. Political Nanny doesn't think Huckabee will be the next president ... but Sarah? Well, seems like we'll be nannying her a couple of decades from now.

Huckabee: Sarah, 24

One of Huckabee's sons, David, might be the former governor of Arkansas' skeleton in the closet. In 1998, when the boy was 17, he was involved in the hanging of a dog at a Boy Scout camp. What makes this a problem for Huckabee is that he appears to have fired the director of the state's police force for not helping him out with the problem.

Huckabee: David, 27

Mitt Romney has all five of his sons working hard on his campaign. They've got a website with personal blogs (a few of which need some updating, Ben!). And these guys, what with there being five of them, are all over the campaign trail riding bikes and shaking hands and flashing their big white teeth at the cameras. (Any chance at least one of these guys is gay or liberal or pro-choice or deeply in debt or unmarried or infertile or atheist or anything interesting like that?)

Romney: Tagg, 37

Matt, 36

Josh, 32

Ben, 29

Craig, 26

Ron Paul's "kids," Ronnie, Lori, Rand, Robert, and Joy, are all way grown and parents and some of them are even grandparents. Pictures of them are hard to find. But here's one with Ron and some of his grandkids. To see Paul's two daughters go here.

That sure is one big happy Family Campaign photo album! Awwww, aren't they all so cute?

Who Loves You, Campaign Baby? (Rambo, Porn Stars and Writers, That's Who)

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 14:23:00 GMT

Running for president is not a popularity contest. Oh, wait, it is! And just like high school this competition hinges on the backing of other popular kids. This year's election has been a veritable Endorsement Bonanza. Everybody is getting in on it, no matter what their relevance levels, which for most, in Political Nanny's estimation, peaked somewhere between 1983-1989.

So for every Maya Angelou that steps up to stump for Hillary Clinton, there's a Toni Morrison who thinks you should vote for Barack Obama. Mike Huckabee's campaign took off after Chuck Norris promised to kick campaign butt. Now Hulk Hogan is throwing his weight around to encourage support for Obama. Rounding out the Aging Muscle-Man endorsements is Ric Flair, also for Huckabee, and Sylvester Stallone, a McCain man, naturally (this endorsement suspiciously coincided with the release of Stallone's latest Rambo movie).

This year's backers come in all shapes, sizes and professions. Here are a few more:

Vampirist Anne Rice and barrister-cum-crime-novelist John Grisham heart Clinton.

Porn star and writer of "How to Make Love Like a Porn Star" Jenna Jameson would like to tell you how to vote like a porn star -- casting a ballot for Hillary Clinton. She has her reasons. Of course, Porn Stars are not a monolith. Savanna Samson wanted to toss her lot to Rudy Giuliani, but his campaign climaxed prematurely and made a huge mess. Equally deflated is King of Porn, Hustler's Larry Flynt, who made his sweet love for Dennis Kucinich well known. Now, all Flynt has left are a few good memories of what might have been.

There was, of course, the Grande Dame of endorsers -- Oprah for Obama. Here are some other celebrity endorsements (a couple of which are even 21st-Century relevant)

Kevin Bacon - John Edwards
Donnie and Marie Osmond - Mitt Romney (Political Nanny KNEW he'd have someone!)
Lance Armstrong - John Edwards
John Mayer - Ron Paul (that body of thought is a wonderland)
Jeff Gordon - Rudy Giuliani
Bo Derek - Rudy Giuliani (eh. 7.5)
50 Cent - Hillary Clinton (word?)
Adam Sandler - Rudy Giuliani
Martha Stewart - Hillary Clinton (you OK with that, Hillary?)
George Clooney - Barack Obama (double swoon)
Harry Belafonte - John Edwards (daylight come and he went home ...)
Wilford Brimley - John McCain (dinosaurs, unite!)
Scarlett Johansson - Barack Obama

You're relevant to Political Nanny no matter when you peaked. Whose endorsement are you endorsing? Whose endorsement do you find stunning?

Thanks to BuzzFeed

Debate Zingers, Right and Left

Madeline Holler — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 04:54:00 GMT

The CNN/Politico/LA Times Republican debate Wednesday night and the Democratic debate Thursday night didn't break any new ground. Except for one. There were some pretty funny zingers in both.

McCain tried his best to clobber a surprised Mitt Romney all night. Huckabee went after the moderators, who were ignoring him on the outerreaches of the seating arrangement. Ron Paul called the nitpicky Iraq discussion "silly," since he thinks the U.S. should even be there.

The Democrats aimed their mirth not at each other or the moderators. They aimed it at Republicans. Liberals (or whatever they want to be called, "progressives") haven't been this happy in a long time.

Here are two of the best from Thursday night (you can watch video here):

Barack Obama on whether Mitt Romney, a former CEO, might be more qualified to run the business of a country:

Let me just also point out that Mitt Romney hasn't gotten a very good return on his investment during this presidential campaign. (Laughter, applause.) So I'm happy to take a look at my management style during the course of this last year and his.

Hillary Clinton on umpteen years of Clintons and Bushes in the White House:

"It did take a Clinton to clean up after the first Bush and I think it might take another one to clean up after the second Bush," she said.

Keep'em coming, candidates. These debates are wearing thin.

President Jesus' Co-Pilot

Madeline Holler — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 18:41:00 GMT

As if there weren't enough candidates to choose from, a political operative for Jesus Christ has announced His run for higher office and opened up the miracle worker's candidacy for vice presidential nominations. The bumper sticker may declare Jesus as YOUR co-pilot. But who, indeed, is His?

Stephen Heffner, a lapsed Catholic and former reporter, recently launched the website JesusIn2008.com. He asks that people weigh in on the Holy Candidate's platform and also propose a running mate. Heffner hopes this process will help voters when they go to the voting booth in November. A Georgetown University professor sees it another way:

From USA Today: "[the website] will let the secularists and non-believers get their ya-yas out because it'll be funny to see evangelicals and fundamentalists fume." Damn God-baiting secularists!

There are three rules for participating: you can't preach or behave rudely. And no miracles.

After all, if Jesus were to use miracles to solve the energy crisis or fund Social Security, strategic debate would be pointless, says Heffner.

Instead, Heffner wants participants in this online convention to think of Jesus not in terms of the personal savior, or, Political Nanny assumes, Mike Huckabee, rather:

Our candidate is Jesus the man, the revolutionary individual who comes to us through history as a model for ethical and moral human behavior – the exemplar whose first instinct in any situation was, simply, to do the right thing, according to the website.

Feel free to weigh in on platform issues like the Death Penalty (some commenters make the case that Jesus would oppose it -- take that W!), Community & Capitalism (others argue Jesus would have been something of a regulator -- what do you think of that, Dick Cheney?), Abortion (a discussion that's a little less dogmatic than Political Nanny expected, better alert Ralph Reed!) and Gay Marriage (Jesus wouldn't hold how a person is born against them -- feeling woozy, state Republican leaders?).

As far as VPs, so far there are nominations for Mike Huckabee (ready to revise the Constitution), Mitt Romney (since JC lacks critical administrative experience, argues one), Jerry Brown (can't figure that one out), Lucifer (a secularist's ya-yas?), Mohammad Yunus, founder of the Grameen Bank of Bangladesh (the microloans guy), and a couple of others Political Nanny, who confesses to being woefully untrained in theology, does not recognize.

Of course, there's the small matter of the requirement that American presidents be born on U.S. soil. Hmmm, Jesus might want to hook up with Arnold Schwarzenegger and work on that one. (Now THERE'S a possible running mate.)

Ahhh, the virtual political process works in mysterious ways.

Photo: passtheammo.com

Toys For Political Junkies' Babies

Madeline Holler — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 22:08:00 GMT

Many of you have privately confessed to Political Nanny how your obsession with this election has cut into your quality parenting time. Days and nights of on-demand newsfeeding. The agony of letting pundits cry it out. You know everything about the remaining candidates, yet you've forgotten your own flesh-and-blood's birth weight and shoe size.

No need to abandon either of your babies. You can rear children and obsess about the nation's future at the same time. There are plenty of activities to bridge these two seemingly opposing interests.

Political Reading for the Whole Family:

Political Nanny already told you about the children's book Why Mommy is a Democrat, wherein loving, kind, Democratic squirrels watch in disbelief as elephants behave rudely. Now the companion, Why Daddy is a Democrat is available to promote a smug satisfaction in progressive voting. In these beautifully illustrated pages, we are told that Democrats support schools (of fish!) and make the earth feel better (it gets sick!) and give police and firefighters the support the need to do their jobs well. Why ever do liberals get accused of having simple, simple minds?

Go interactive with Pat the Politician #2. In the manner of the children's touch and feel classic, Pat the Bunny, this new twist on an old favorite let's kids get in touch -- literally -- with the candidates.

According to the catalog, kids can ... Pull Hillary's purse strings. Fluff John Edwards hair. Scratch John McCain's war rhetoric. And don't forget to wave bye-bye to George Bush. Pat the Politician #2 is perfect for every voter, Democrat or Republican. Features 20 interactive pages with 22 color illustrations.

Role-Play With Political Finger Puppets:

Are your little ones missing the finer points of all this political rhetoric? Act it out in words they understand with these presidential candidate finger puppets. There are five candidates in the set -- Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, George Bush in a dunce cap and, sadly, Fred Thompson. After you exhaust all three minutes of play with the Thompson puppet (mimicking in real time his failed campaign's light scheduling), turn Thompson into Romney with thick crop of black hair (just clip a patch from your child's Webkinz dog and stitch or glue as necessary). Only have white fur? Fine. He'll be Ted Kennedy. Just position him on your thumb so he can be near his new BFF Barack, who is inspiring the rest of the toybox atop your index finger. Alternately, insert ball bearings into Thompson dolls face and play-act an angry John McCain.

Is your child more of an issues voter? Consider the hours of fun with the gay marriage finger puppets (two men, two women and a priest). Are you raising a security toddler? Then go for the five-man axis of evil "Terrorism" set.

So you're a childless cat lady but you read a parenting blog? No judgment here, we promise. And there's something for you and your much-neglected Fluffy too. Political Pet toys. A soft, safe chew toy for the light of your life. Choose from world leaders, presidential candidates and controversial filmmakers (that's Michael Moore, right?).

Go ahead and start watching the Florida returns. Enjoy all two hours of the debates in Los Angeles on Thursday. Tune into Hardball without guilt. That baby you hear crying? She doesn't need you. She's just interviewing fingerpuppet Hillary. And the swearing? Don't worry. That's her playing with post-Florida Rudy.

Now Casting 'Election 2008: The Movie'

Madeline Holler — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 00:36:00 GMT

Eventually, the 2008 Election is going to make a great epic movie. Sure, we don't yet know the ending. And yeah, so far the story centers mostly on the campaign and surprise Iowa win for a bi-racial Senator, and a pretty decent tearful plot-twist, courtesy of the ambitious, conniving, first woman to do anything important in this country ... ever! There's also the tension building over a New Hampshire comeback for the aging Republican stalwart. Comic relief/hints of horror from the fundamentalist Christian with populist appeal threatening the hopes and dreams of a Morman businessman with daddy issues. There's the 9-11 Mayor, the stinking rich son of a South Carolina mill worker and a second-rate actor on a ubiquitous television franchise to squeeze in there too.

You couldn't write this stuff! But somebody will. Though it's a bit early to be drafting a script -- and hiring a script doctor to come in and punch up those debate scenes (let's be honest, Monday night was 10 minutes of rancor surrounded by 100 minutes of the usual) -- we can start thinking about other ways to get this project greenlighted. Help Political Nanny cast the lead roles:

Slate has made a solid case for Reese Witherspoon as Hillary Clinton in this very amusing video that cuts several Hillary moments with those of another Witherspoon role, Tracy Flick in the 1999 movie "Election." The anger at a lifelong ambition suddenly under threat. The singular focus on winning. The tears. (If it gets on your nerves the first time, go back to it later and watch it again. Eventually, you'll love it.)

How about the rest?

For obvious physical reasons, Mike Huckabee should be played by Kevin Spacey. We're sure Spacey's already brushing up on Scripture, guitar chords and radical weightloss techniques in anticipation of this film (think Spacey will go fat suit or real weight-gain for background scenes as a tax-hiking governor of Arkansas?). It's so the role he was born for, not that Bobby Darin disaster he got a little too into a few years ago.

Fred Thompson could play himself. And he could play himself playing himself on Law & Order and it could get a little Being John Malkovich only with Southern aphorisms and lots of scheduled naps.

Political Nanny feels like Mitt Romney could be played by Tom Cruise (in lifts), what with them both being Scientologists ... or Mormons ... or whatever. Same difference. If Cruise refuses the height-enhancing orthotics, his hair could land him the Edwards role, which leaves Romney open for ... suggestions? A young Charlton Heston?

Joe Biden's role would be too small for the talents of Alec Baldwin, but we'd like to see him do it anyway. The two come so easily unhinged that we feel, just like the real Biden, Baldwin will steal the few scenes he's actually in.

Only Tommy Lee Jones and a box of jawbreaker candy could do the role of John McCain any justice. Which leaves Robert Duvall to play Rudy Giuliani (mmmhmmm, good one, huh?! And we know Duvall would say yes!). But Chris Dodd? We'll have to have open casting for him unless you've got some ideas.

Barack Obama has said he'd like Denzel Washington to play him in the movies but thinks his ears make Will Smith a better fit. Fine, but Political Nanny likes any excuse to watch Denzel so he's got her vote.

Duncan Hunter, Tom Tancredo, and Mike Gravel can be played by extras. After all, this film's got a budget.

And Dennis Kucinich. Dennis, Dennis, Dennis. Now, keep an open mind on this one. Political Nanny sees Mike Myers channeling a little Austin Powers channeling the comeback role of a lifetime. Think it'll work? (Julianne Moore gets to be the hot Mrs.K!)

Political Nanny also hears Ralph Nader is thinking about getting in the race. Who's going to play him? Jim Carey? John Turturro? Alan Alda? The talented and versatile Fred Thompson? Fred's got time to rehearse and he'll be available since, well, he called it quits Tuesday and will only appear in the first 20 minutes of this politico-historical epic.

That leaves squeaky Ron Paul, sweet Bill Richardson and gasbag Chris Matthews, who would no doubt want to play himself. Any suggestions? We're looking for an Oscars sweep.

Photo: Wonkette.com

Candidates' Cribs: Their Digs, Pre-White House

Madeline Holler — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 22:10:00 GMT

Readers, rest assured. America's housing market meltdown won't leave any of the candidates without a very, very pleasant roof over their heads. But you're kind for caring. How about we take a peek at those roofs and do a little real estate market analysis, you know, on behalf of those candidates who don't manage the upgrade to something bigger and whiter.

Mother Jones was kind enough to assemble a photo album of many of the top candidates' domiciles and CNBC ran the numbers.

John Edwards, that son of a mill worker, lives in the most expensive house of any of the candidates. His rambling $6 million compound, which he purchased in 2007, has risen in value over 4 percent. Think he went the exotic loan route? Incidentally, the average home value in his North Carolina county is $365,000. He's defintely on the other side of the tracks . And when this Chapel Hill estate won't suffice, he's got his $1.08 million beach home.

Rudy Giuliani lives in a $5.25 million nine-room co-op in Manhattan's Upper East Side, by far the best of all the candidate's cribs, in Political Nanny's opinion. The Manhattan housing market has been quite good to him -- the median price of a Manhattan apartment has risen 14 percent since moving day a few years ago. The average cost of a Manhattan apartment is $1.5 million, which, in local money, is kind of slummy, right?

Next up, John McCain's $3 million Phoenix condo (which, according to MoJo, is actually two condos combined into one). We all know the market in Arizona's cities is tanking. The average home price in Phoenix is $428,000, down 1.8 percent in the last nine months. Now, from the outside, his condo looks like a hospital. But for beauty, he can always go to his $1.1 million 6-acre ranch in Sedona.

A tie between Hillary Clinton's Westchester, N.Y., home price and the home Mitt Romney has in Belmont, Mass. There are others. These houses cost the candidates $1.7 million. Clinton has a slight edge in that her neighborhood's prices are down just 2.8 percent, while the Romney's are watching a 9 percent decrease around them. For the Clintons, the average price in the area is $1.13 million. For Mitt and family, the median home price in Belmont is $680,000. (MoJo pictures his $3 million New Hampshire house on a lake, which should not be confused with his $5.5 million main residence, a former ski resort in Park City, Utah. Yow!)

Barack Obama bought his almost-South-Side Chicago house -- a beauty -- for $1.65 million in 2005 (the height of the market, what was he thinking?!). The average value of a home in his area is $310,315. Overall, prices are up 1 percent, so, he's doing OK and won't likely need to take advantage of Hillary's mortgage bailout plans.

Missing from the market analysis: the stats on Fred Thompson's McClean, Va., home, which set the Thompsons back $3.3 million. With prices dropping in the Northeast, though, we'd hate to see him get upside down on his financing. And also Mike Huckabee's Little Rock McMansion, which he and his wife paid $525,00. Sounds like a steal, but we're guessing it's one of the more pricey homes in Arkansas. Which would explain why they registered for house-warming gifts after they bought it.

Now, for any of the candidates trying to establish some Green credentials, Political Nanny's advice is: install solar panels and change those incandescent bulbs, quick! Most of these rather enormous homes likely have an oversized and embarassing carbon footprint. We're just saying ...

Finally, the ones missing from the collection are two that Political Nanny would have really liked to see and also a pair that could give some perspective: the homes of Ron Paul and Dennis Kucinich. Send over the links if you think you have tracked either or both of them down. Is Political Nanny alone in imagining Kucinich's digs might bear some resemblance to Austin Power's pad? No, only her?