Political Nanny : primaries

Dennis Sticks Around

Madeline Holler — Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:12:00 GMT

Great news, Dennis Kucinich playmates (and one-time caregivers who loved him so). Voters in Cleveland didn't kick him out of the politics club!

Kucinich won handily in his congressional district's Democratic primary Tuesday night, beating out a challenger who claimed Dennis was neglecting the folks of Cleveland in his bid for the presidency. Neglect! Not our little Dennis!

From The Hill:

The former Democratic presidential hopeful received criticism from Cimperman and his hometown paper, the Cleveland Plain Dealer, for failing to tend to his home district’s concerns. Kucinich, who led Cimperman by about 22 points with a fifth of the vote reported, will be a heavy favorite to win a 7th term due to the Cleveland-area district’s Democratic tilt.

Now, where are we at with impeaching Dick Cheney ... ?

Scrapbooking the Election: Candidates in Love

Madeline Holler — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 19:02:00 GMT

Warning: this might be a little like walking in on your parents. So if you've got some unresolved issues, you'll want to move on to the next blog. Because today, the loviest day of the year, we're going to take a peek at how the final four candidates fell in love (and how they show it now).

GOP Love: John and Cindy McCain

Now, the McCains' love is never on full display. We have to search for the subtle clues. But here's how he describes the night that they met:

From AZ Central.com: She was lovely, intelligent and charming, 17 years my junior but poised and confident. I monopolized her attention the entire time, taking care to prevent anyone else from intruding on our conversation. When it came time to leave the party, I persuaded her to join me for drinks at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. By the evening's end, I was in love."

Flashforward 28 years ... Here they are as his campaign surge begins after New Hampshire.

On her blog, the McCain's daughter describes this photo as her mom and dad "having a moment."

John and Cindy McCain in a hotel room (no, not like that. Bummer.)

Southern Love: Janet and Mike Huckabee

From The Knot: It was young love for Mike and Janet, who met during junior high school. The two started dating their senior year of high school. Before Mike proposed, he asked permission from Janet's mother and stepfather. "I didn't have money for a ring yet, so I used a pull-tab from a soda can and proposed to her in her living room," Mike says.

Mike and Janet Huckabee's wedding day, May 25, 1974.

Must be inauguration day. Huckabee's in his fat phase. More of him for Janet to love?

Puppy love. Or not. Janet and a slimmed down Mike are in the Arkansas governor's mansion. Looky in the background! Governors' names are tiled into the steps. Fancy!

The Most Examined Marriage in National History: Bill and Hillary Clinton

From The Knot: It all began in the library for Hillary and Bill. "I noticed that he kept looking over at me," Hillary says. "He had been doing a lot of that." After exchanging several looks back and forth, Hillary stood up and walked over to Bill. "I said 'If you're going to keep looking at me, and I'm going to keep looking back, we might as well be introduced -- I'm Hillary Rodham," she says. "The way Bill tells the story, he couldn't remember his own name."

Wedding Day, Oct. 11, 1975

A kiss in Little Rock, Ark., 1992 (From the Telegraph)

He's a former president, she's a new senator. Bill and Hillary in 2001.

Now she's a presidential candidate. And he's, well, sometimes her advocate, sometimes locked away in a closet and told to be quiet. A kiss in the rain, November 2007.

America's Newest Political Sweethearts: Michelle and Barack Obama

It took a month of asking before Michelle would agree to go out with Barack. They went to "Do the Right Thing" on their first date. Then it was love. He swept her off her feet.

Wedding Day, October 18, 1992, at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.

A snuggle in Illinois (love the camera ... that must feel so private!) For more on Michelle and the Obama marriage, go here and here.

A post 2004 monumental, much talked about, life-changing Democratic National convention speech. (Needless to say, well done, Barack!)

And in 2008 conceding New Hampshire (hey, don't look so sad. Like a good marriage, you're campaign is about to get better ... much, much better)

Be Mine: Partisan Valentines

Madeline Holler — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 22:37:00 GMT

Only one day left to show that you love your dearest Democrat or Republican as much as politics. Will roses do the trick? Of course they won't. But one of these partisan Valentines just might.

You love healthcare. You hate war. You want change. You need something besides politics and passion as usual. What you want is to Barack that certain someone's world.

Your support for Hillary doesn't waver with the lastest exit polls. Your love for her -- and for your own first lady -- is heartfelt. Tell her in heart and felt. (If you're hearting Huckabee, or behaving like a lovesick fool around John McCain, don't worry. These hearts are fickle. You can get them in Republicans' names too.)

God damned liberals, you say! No don't say that, say this:

Or for all the knee-jerk conservatives/romantics there's this:

Or perhaps you're ready to reach across the aisle, in which case you'll want to join in with Hillary Clinton and send your registered sweetheart this:

Check out the rest at GOP.com. [Thanks, Brian, over at DailyScanner for the tip!]

Too late to send anything? Dim the lights, fire up the laptop and watch this political valentine montage from Politichill.

Mighty Heartin' Huckabee

Madeline Holler — Tue, 12 Feb 2008 21:31:00 GMT

How is it that Mike Huckabee continues to enchant voters and carry whole states in these primary elections and caucuses? It can't just be his freaky ideas about Jesusing-up the Constitution. Can it?

Political Nanny thinks it has everything thing to do with the guy's persona, speaking style and ability to sound completely plugged in and relevant. The crazy talk gets lost in the one-liners. From The Caucus, the NYTimes political blog, we get these gems from a Chesapeake primary day breakfast with journalists:

On running for the United States Senate if this presidential thing doesn’t work out: “It’s more likely I’ll dye my hair green, get a bunch of tattoos and go on tour with Amy Winehouse.” He said "Amy Winehouse"! Does McCain know about Amy Winehouse?

On the recent flood of endorsements of Mr. McCain, now that he is close to securing the nomination: “What are these people saying – that they were for him all along but just forgot to tell him?” Ouch!

On why Senator Hillary Rodham Clinton seems to be struggling right now: “She does not have the personality of her husband. Very few people do.” See, he sounds completely reasonable -- not at all mean.

On why he stays in the race, despite the long political and mathematical odds: “The path to victory is a complicated one for me. The path to defeat is easy – I could just quit.” Thanks coach. Let's hit the showers!

Come on. Don't you heart Huckabee just a little? Maybe ... this much?

Obama Beats Out the Other Clinton Too

Madeline Holler — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 18:12:00 GMT

Yet another plurality of votes for Barack Obama that left a Clinton -- this time the other Clinton -- without a win.

Sunday night, Obama was awarded a spoken-word Grammy for the recording of his book, "The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming the American Dream." Bill Clinton was also nominated for his book "Giving: How Each of Us Can Change the World."

Political Nanny should point out that, what with her years of experience and all, Hillary Clinton has ALREADY one a spoken-word Grammy -- hers 12 years ago for the book "It Takes a Village." Bill, too, has won for two other books of his.

In addition to beating out a Clinton, Grammy voters awarded Obama the prize over former president Jimmy Carter for his book, "Sunday Mornings in Plains: Bringing Peace to a Changing World" and also works by Maya Angelou and Alan Alda (two HRC supporters, incidentally. Vast artistic-types conspiracy?)

[Thanks to LA Times Top of the Ticket blog for the tip]

Voters Kick Up Dust in the Campaign Sandbox

Madeline Holler — Sun, 10 Feb 2008 22:39:00 GMT

[WITH UPDATES] By now it's clear: no candidate for president of the U.S. goes down without a fight (except, of course, if it's Fred Thompson). The latest round of caucuses and primaries kicked up more sand in the faces of Hillary Clinton and John McCain. Barack Obama and Mike Huckabee, on the other hand, make friends everywhere they go, collecting delegates like Valentines.

Here's the dirt:

[UPDATE] Once it appeared Hillary Clinton would lose Maine on Sunday, her campaign manager stepped down. The Senator's longtime BFF Maggie Williams is taking over. The weekend was nothing but bad news for Clinton, since Obama handily won the caucuses in the states of Washington, Nebraska, Louisiana and the U.S. Virgin Islands. Primaries in Maryland, Virginia and Washington, D.C., on Tuesday could push Obama officially to the head of the line.

The ghost of John Edwards made a small reappearance too, in the form of reports that both Obama and Clinton met with him separately, presumably to ask him for an endorsement. Let's hope Hillary used her nice words, because we more than suspect Obama is his guy.

Back to voting: Mike Huckabee, with his charm, moxie and evangelical roots, stomped the dirty soles of his shoes all over John McCain in Louisiana and Kansas caucuses. He's still hundreds of delegates behind, but he's not leaving the race anytime soon (he also said he's not in this to become vice president). In the state of Washinton, [UPDATE]they called the win for John McCain, though not all precincts had reported. Huckabee thinks something's weird is going on. His staff is looking at challenging those results.

A more subtle game over on the GOP side is the one Ron Paul might be playing. What does this letter on his website mean? Will it clear the air of clouds of doubt? Will he, indeed, keeping on keeping on?

In a dust-up related to the campaigns (and what, right now, isn't related to the campaigns?):

A naughty MSNBC reporter was suspended indefinitely after making a comment that Chelsea Clinton was being "pimped out." He made two on-air apologies, but Clinton said that wasn't enough and threatened to back out of upcoming debates on the network.

“Nothing justifies the kind of debasing language that David Shuster used and no temporary suspension or half-hearted apology is sufficient,” Clinton wrote to NBC News President Steve Capus, who apparently had already called Clinton to personally apologize.

We all know you don't mess with a mom's kids. Or Political Nanny's. Making fun of political policy -- or illogic, or general silliness -- is one thing. Pointing and laughing just to fill air-time is entirely another.

Now candidates, since we've all contributed to this messy primary election season, we all need to pitch in a little and sweep up. Oh, wait. It looks like Barack already did!

The Sound of Hillary's Two Hands Clapping

Madeline Holler — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 22:20:00 GMT

Philosophical Discussion Topic Card #37: What is the sound of Hillary's two hands clapping?

Answer: What you hear is the desperate chortling of Chris Matthews and his sycophants trying too hard to be funny. And saying questionable things like, "is this a Chinese thing?"

First, the video:

It's a montage of Hillary Clinton clapping at different speeches and rallies. In some, she's obviously clapping to a chant. Other times she's clapping at her audience and as a way of acknowledging the supporters standing behind her. Eventually, the montage cuts in Stephen Colbert, who mocks her: "Clap, clap, point, point ..." (Not his best work, but a it's alright.)

Funny (peculiar), the Hardball pundits don't show clips of her clapping, say, at an interview, or a small group discussion, which would indeed be weird. But she's always clapping around crowds of people who are also clapping and/or chanting. Was it a slow news day, Chris?

In fairness to the Hardball intern who put together the clip, the way candidates look into the crowd and then suddenly point and raise their eyebrows -- maybe signal with a thumb's-up -- is jarring. Kind of cheesy. It's all so Tom Jones "What's Up, Pussycat" and cringe-inducing when coming from potential leaders of the free world. But ALL the candidates perform this pointing exercise (except, maybe, Ron Paul.) All the candidates clap, too (again: jury's out on Ron Paul). What are we missing? Is it only worthy of ridicule coming from Hillary Clinton? Oh, and the Chinese (WTF?)?

This focus on Hillary for all the 2008 campaign hilarity leads Political Nanny to another discussion that started shortly before the Super Tuesday primaries and caucuses, and that is whether there is a double-standard going on with respect to negative attitudes toward the final two Democratic candidates. Women's rights advocate Robin Morgan believes it is. The author of the 70s essay "Good-bye to All That," Morgan updated her sentiments in a "Good-bye to All That 2," which became news because Part 2 was supposedly fowarded by Chelsea Clinton to a few friends. Before long, the email got all viral.

Slate's XXFactor breaks it down arguing Morgan's essay gets a bit ranty. Agreed. But the essay also points out the following:

When a sexist idiot screamed “Iron my shirt!” at HRC, it was considered amusing; if a racist idiot shouted “Shine my shoes!” at BO [Barack Obama], it would’ve inspired hours of airtime and pages of newsprint analyzing our national dishonor.

And that's true. If the complement to those "I Wish Hillary Had Married OJ" T-shirts were, instead, XL Beefy Ts bearing a silk-screened noose? There would have been no end to the outrage (and understandably so). It's as if anything about Hillary is fair game including -- no, especially -- whatever reminds us that she's a female.

It's interesting, too, that making fun of Mitt Romney's Mormon underwear never really caught on. Because religion is sacred, perhaps? Nobody mentions John McCain's floppy right arm. Why? Because that's just mean! Not to mention irrelevant. Like the central figure of a rally clapping along with the audience.

But yuck! Political Nanny hates the discussion that begs to know which trumps the other race or gender! Why? Because it pits one group of the historically disenfranchised against another. And it pushes us in that direction of having to choose between race or gender rather than being seen as a statement of the obvious: both black guys and white ladies are capable of leading the country! Instead, it's all: Voted for Hillary? We always knew you didn't fully comprehend racial struggles in America. Voted for Obama? Misogynist pig!

Even worse! The race vs. gender fight isn't fun or engaging or hopeful or forward-thinking. It's narrow and stuck and divisive. Sort of like Congress under mega-partisan Bush.

Which brings us back to Hardball and to Philosophical Discussion Topic Card #38: If Chris Matthews falls in a forest and nobody hears him, does he make a sound?

Answer: Let's give it a try.

(Hat tip to Jezebel for bringing the Hardball segment to our attention.)

And Then There Were 5: Another Candidate Waves Bye-Bye

Madeline Holler — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:35:00 GMT

[UPDATE BELOW] Another candidate has thrown in his teddy bear bath towel and will withdraw from the rugrat election race.

He hasn't made it official yet, but advisers to the once very likely GOP nominee are confirming that former Massachussetts governor Mitt Romney will announce Thursday that he is ending his presidential election campaign. He's expected to make the announcement when he address conservatives at a convention Thursday afternoon.

Romney takes with him his five sons, loads of grandkids, his lovely wife and a much lighter personal fortune. Leading up to the Super Tuesday primaries and caucuses, he had spent more than $35 of his own money to keep his campaign afloat.

More details as we get them. In the meantime, Political Nanny will pack up his change of clothes and favorite playthings and prepare for another good-bye. We suppose Huckabee was correct Tuesday night when he said it's now a two-man race over on the GOP side (sorry, Ron Paul).

It's now John McCain's nomination to lose. With more room in the sandbox, the rest of them win!

[UPDATE] Romney told a shocked audience of conservatives his reasons for abandoning his presidential dreams. In summary, Iraq:

“in this time of war, I simply cannot let my campaign be a part of aiding a surrender to terror.

“Barack and Hillary have made their intentions clear regarding Iraq and the war on terror. They would retreat and declare defeat,” said Romney.

“And the consequence of that would be devastating. It would mean attacks on America, launched from safe havens that make Afghanistan under the Taliban look like child’s play. About this, I have no doubt.”

Others, like Brian at DailyScanner, see it as a postponement of the Apocolypse.

What's your take? Good news? Bad news? If Mitt was your guy, who will you support now?

via Politico

Good Enough Wednesday: Some Thoughts

Madeline Holler — Wed, 06 Feb 2008 13:25:00 GMT

Oh, sweet Mitt. Mitt, Mitt, Mitt. Super Tuesday? Not so super for you, Mitt. If you're planning a very special speech today, know that Political Nanny always liked you second best among the GOP. But if you're planning on burning through another 10 acres of stacked 20s from your own personal fortune, she'll think you're crazy, yet love you more than ever. Let's hope post Super Tuesday is a good-enough Wednesday for you.

And Mike! Southern voters hearted Huckabee! Sure, the West Viriginia win feels kind of disingenuous, but you take what you can get, right? Any chance you're going to turn this around and kick John McCain in the teeth? Because you are knocking them off, one-by-one.

John ... well played. That West Virginia move was slick. The rest of your wins obviously earned. Your own political surge is working.

Hillary and Barack ... this is exactly where you need to be. Tied. A continued battle. It's too soon to know. Wait! A reversal! Obama wins Missouri, not Clinton. Oops, it's still pretty close. She's got more delegates, he's got more states. She's got the old white ladies, he's got the young and the beautiful in every color and creed.

(Question: When you're George W. Bush -- or any Bush -- and you see all this "energizing" and "calls for change" and record number of voters, do you feel in any way embarassed for having created such a fuss?)

Ron Paul, you'll take (second in) Montana -- your best showing. There's a fire in this nation ...

Some extras:

Whenever reporters said "delegate-rich California," did anybody else start craving cake with a delicious, calorie-rich buttercream frosting?

Damn kids! Arnold Schwarzenegger's 18-year-old daughter followed mom Maria Shriver's endorsement, not the governor's, and voted for Barack Obama. (And wore a T-shirt in case there were any questions.)

From The Root, an African-American woman confesses that, even though she's a big ol' lefty, she's nominating Condoleeza Rice as her candidate for president. After all, the fact that a woman might vote for Obama or an AfricanAmerican might vote for Hillary Clinton just boggles the mind of pollsters and the press. However do these women make up their minds! Last night over on ABC, Sam Donaldson (who needs to hang up his toupee and retire from live broadcasting) asked, incredulously, what's a black woman to do?

Predictions ... not so easy. Even estimated bedtimes were off. No sooner were folks at CNN shaking their heads saying, "this'll be a late one ... results from delgate-rich California won't be ready until the wee hours ..." when 5 minutes later, after retrieving a pack of Little Debbie Swiss Rolls, Political Nanny noticed they called the Golden State for Clinton and McCain.

Finally, a note to John Edwards. We all know who you're going to endorse. Now that Super Tuesday is over, just come out and say it.

We'll continue licking the bowl of this delicious election throughout the day, here at Political Nanny.

Toys For Political Junkies' Babies

Madeline Holler — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 22:08:00 GMT

Many of you have privately confessed to Political Nanny how your obsession with this election has cut into your quality parenting time. Days and nights of on-demand newsfeeding. The agony of letting pundits cry it out. You know everything about the remaining candidates, yet you've forgotten your own flesh-and-blood's birth weight and shoe size.

No need to abandon either of your babies. You can rear children and obsess about the nation's future at the same time. There are plenty of activities to bridge these two seemingly opposing interests.

Political Reading for the Whole Family:

Political Nanny already told you about the children's book Why Mommy is a Democrat, wherein loving, kind, Democratic squirrels watch in disbelief as elephants behave rudely. Now the companion, Why Daddy is a Democrat is available to promote a smug satisfaction in progressive voting. In these beautifully illustrated pages, we are told that Democrats support schools (of fish!) and make the earth feel better (it gets sick!) and give police and firefighters the support the need to do their jobs well. Why ever do liberals get accused of having simple, simple minds?

Go interactive with Pat the Politician #2. In the manner of the children's touch and feel classic, Pat the Bunny, this new twist on an old favorite let's kids get in touch -- literally -- with the candidates.

According to the catalog, kids can ... Pull Hillary's purse strings. Fluff John Edwards hair. Scratch John McCain's war rhetoric. And don't forget to wave bye-bye to George Bush. Pat the Politician #2 is perfect for every voter, Democrat or Republican. Features 20 interactive pages with 22 color illustrations.

Role-Play With Political Finger Puppets:

Are your little ones missing the finer points of all this political rhetoric? Act it out in words they understand with these presidential candidate finger puppets. There are five candidates in the set -- Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Rudy Giuliani, George Bush in a dunce cap and, sadly, Fred Thompson. After you exhaust all three minutes of play with the Thompson puppet (mimicking in real time his failed campaign's light scheduling), turn Thompson into Romney with thick crop of black hair (just clip a patch from your child's Webkinz dog and stitch or glue as necessary). Only have white fur? Fine. He'll be Ted Kennedy. Just position him on your thumb so he can be near his new BFF Barack, who is inspiring the rest of the toybox atop your index finger. Alternately, insert ball bearings into Thompson dolls face and play-act an angry John McCain.

Is your child more of an issues voter? Consider the hours of fun with the gay marriage finger puppets (two men, two women and a priest). Are you raising a security toddler? Then go for the five-man axis of evil "Terrorism" set.

So you're a childless cat lady but you read a parenting blog? No judgment here, we promise. And there's something for you and your much-neglected Fluffy too. Political Pet toys. A soft, safe chew toy for the light of your life. Choose from world leaders, presidential candidates and controversial filmmakers (that's Michael Moore, right?).

Go ahead and start watching the Florida returns. Enjoy all two hours of the debates in Los Angeles on Thursday. Tune into Hardball without guilt. That baby you hear crying? She doesn't need you. She's just interviewing fingerpuppet Hillary. And the swearing? Don't worry. That's her playing with post-Florida Rudy.

'It's OK to be Different': Dems Turn the Page on Race Rant

Madeline Holler — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 21:04:00 GMT

Political Nanny headed to the bookshelves and pulled out her heaviest hitters to cool down this simmering and saddening race/sex war on the Democratic campaign trail.

For a recent storytime, she assembled her candidates and the Todd Parr "we're all in this together" oeuvre. These colorful children's books starring stick figures of all shapes, sizes and species with the none-too-subtle titles like It's OK to Be Different, This is My Hair, The OK Book, The Feelings Book, ... well, you get the picture ... gave the candidates a chance to remember that nobody owns sadness and suffering more than another and what's truly valued over skin/chromosomes is strength, substance, and a plausible healthcare plan.

Political Nanny thinks they got the picture. (For how things degenerated, a great summary at MSNBC.)

Barack called for an end to the feud. As reported on Politico:

"Obama, too, indicated he wants a truce, saying at a media availability in Reno, Nev., that the campaign “shouldn’t be personal.”

“Bill and Hillary Clinton have historically and consistently been on the right side of the civil rights movement,” Obama said.

Obama also said he didn’t want the campaign "to degenerate into so much tit-for-tat, back and forth that we lose sight of why all of us are doing this."

Hillary stepped up with a statement calling for party unity when it comes to the rights of all Americans.

“We [Clinton and Obama] differ on a lot of things. And it is critical to have the right kind of discussion on where we stand. But when it comes to civil rights and our commitment to diversity, when it comes to our heroes - President John F. Kennedy and Dr. King – Senator Obama and I are on the same side.

“And in that spirit, let's come together, because I want more than anything else to ensure that our family stays together on the front lines of the struggle to expand rights for all Americans.”

Political Nanny has also been reminded that no matter how different we feel that we are from another, there is always, somewhere, common ground and agreement. Which is why Political Nanny finds herself in the unfamiliar position of agreeing with New York Times columnist David Brooks. Not everything (and that's OK), but scroll to the bottom and we get this:

"The final two points I’d make are: First, this whole show seems stale and deranged to the younger set, as Obama and Clinton seemed to recognize when they damped down the feud yesterday afternoon. The interesting split is not between the feminist and civil rights Old Bulls, it’s between the establishments of both movements, who emphasize top-down change, and the younger dissenters, who don’t. Second, this dispute is going to be settled by the rising, and so far ignored, minority group. For all the current fighting, it’ll be Latinos who end up determining who gets the nomination.

At last, a bridge to the 21st century."

Todd Parr, don't you agree?

More in candidate-care ... Two Extra Cookies

Political Nanny is awarding a Clark County (Nev.) judge two extra cookies at snacktime today for ruling that NBC must include Dennis Kucinich in tonight's debates on MSNBC. NBC, who is appealing that ruling, argues only the top three Democratic contenders should be involved. Political Nanny wholeheartedly disagrees. Who cares if Dennis hasn't racked up delegates. He's running for president. He's a national figure. Plus, they invited him!

Everybody Gets a Blue Ribbon!

Our handsome boy Mitt leads in today's Republican primary in Michigan. Political Nanny is secretly crossing her fingers for him to win. He really wants to, it's the state he grew up in. Sure, he's a touch out of touch, promising to rebuild the auto industry when, to put it bluntly, that's quite unlikely. Still. She'd like to see as many candidates stay in the Republican race as long as possible.

Foodie in the House!

This isn't directly related to the presidential elections, but it might be a taste, literally, of what Democratic leadership at the highest levels could bring. Seems House Speak Nancy Pelosi has taken her promise to "green" the House into the cafeteria. Now hungry staffers can dine on healthy stuff, the harvest of which doesn't wreck the environment.

Naturally, the prices have increased considerably and that's not so great. But what's funny and telling are many of the comments, especially those admonishing "Nanny Nancy."

Just imagine what those commenters would say to Babysitter Barack or Househelper Hillary or Meddling Mike -- or any other future president who might actually take the health of the entire nation seriously.

Photo: AP via Politico

Image: Amazon.com

Ultrasound Canceled! It's Still the First Trimester

Madeline Holler — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 22:20:00 GMT

If only we could hold a sonogram wand against the belly of this election beast, the sex of the next president, and the size of his/her win, could be accurately predicted. But the campaigns are still developing, it's early in the race, and this election has crappy health insurance. We'll have to wait and count votes to see who actually emerges from the mess.

A tough lesson for those in the news business! Pundits and political writers relied on old wives' tales this week to try to predict the details of the nation's first primary before it was even over. They observed whether New Hampshire carried its primary low or high, they peed in glass jars and mixed it with Dran-O, they relied on polls that gave Barack Obama double-digit leads. Then they painted the nursery blue.

Boy, are they pissed. It’s a girl!

Why? How? Where did it all go so wrong?

For your very uncommitted, undecided Political Nanny, this aftermath of the "surprise" "comebacks" (well, maybe for McCain) in the New Hampshire primaries has been more fun than a baby shower with no games AND an open bar. Political Nanny hated all the frenzy and frothing at the mouth that followed Iowa and led up to New Hampshire. She’s hoping, audaciously, for a little more caution going into South Carolina and eventually to Feb. 5, Super Tuesday.

But the fun! The fun! Maureen Dowd, a die-hard Clinton-hater, bawled like a girl after the results and speculated that New Hampshire ladies sopped up Hillary’s tears with sympathy votes. We're laughing so hard we're crying, Maureen.

Others, like Salon’s Rebecca Traister, navigate us through the makings of an anti-Hillary pile-on. The details -- from prologue to postscript – are so compelling, you’ll never take a thing Chris Matthews says seriously again (not that you have for a verrrrrrry long time).

Politico offers this mea culpa and explanation for why journalists got it wrong. It’s refreshing in its candor, delightful in its self-loathing. A sample:

Our own publication, Politico, did its part in promoting several of these flimsy story lines. We used predictive language in stories. We amplified certain trends and muffled the caveat, which perhaps should be printed with every story, like a surgeon general’s warning: “We don’t know what will happen until voters vote.”

And for some nasty fun, watch the blooper videos from Slate. Be patient, Anderson Cooper looks like a total ass in the final clip (and why Gloria Borger keeps trying to make her point, we can only guess). The collection also includes an NBC correspondent's confession that, regarding Obama, it's difficult to be objective. Yikes!

You know, the gestation of an election is supposed to take some time. It’s not supposed to be decided by fewer than 1 million people (just under 800,000 to be more specific) in two different states. How ridiculous would it be to have all but one candidate drop out at this point – before the bulk of the country (remember, the population is over 300 million) could help narrow the field? How fat and swollen and pre-diabetic and endless and post-due would a general election feel in that case? Schedule an induction, STAT!

So, call the lab, cancel the next ultrasound, and have a little fun. Let’s take the presumed advice of an election midwife: eat right and drink plenty of fluids, exercise moderation, avoid polls and negative campaigning. Above all else, give the horse-race analysis a rest and try to enjoy this very special, very magical time that only happens once every four years of your life.

And now, a tribute, to a Political Nanny fave, Bill Richardson. He has withdrawn from his race for president. No, we never thought he’d actually make it to the White House (now THERE’S a prediction even Political Nanny feels was safe to make), but we liked him behind the microphone. In the most recent debate – the one right before the New Hampshire primaries – he was funny, smart, and able to get the discussion back to the issues. Even though he won’t be the Commander in Chief, we get the feeling he’ll nonetheless be moving to D.C. for a job about this time next year. Political Nanny will pack your toys and change of clothes, little Bill, and have them sent to you there.

Finally, this tidbit:

John Kerry has endorsed Barack Obama, not his former play- and running-mate John Edwards. On the one hand, that's sad for Edwards, on the other hand, does a Kerry endorsement have much weight? Hey, Political Nanny is just asking!

Photo: BBC.co.uk

Primary's Baby: N.H. Girl Stalks the Candidates

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 17:47:00 GMT

You can tell a lot about a presidential candidate by the way s/he holds a baby. OK, not really. But we're going to deeply analyze it anyway. Why? Because it's fun, because it's naughty, because Political Nanny wishes SHE would have thought of doing what this forward-thinking and shameless contributor to Slate has done.

Darren Garnick, a New Hampshire resident, hauled his five-week-old daughter Dahlia to campaign events around his home state, handing her over to candidates and capturing the moment in a stillshot. The results? Fabulous! The slide show is at once a marvelous demonstration of parenting at its least protective and political coverage at its weakest. In other words, refreshing!

First up is Barack Obama, who winds up holding Dahlia on two different occasions -- the first time in a sweet (and completely competent) traditional infant cradle hold, the second time while Dahlia wears a "Black Power" bib at a rally. Let's look at the cradle hold: Obama is clearly a man who put in the hours with his own kids. He's got two, but they're young and there's not a lot of distance between daily baby-holding and this picture. (We need to keep that in mind when we look at the pics of some campaign trail parents whose own days of second-nature infant handling (the floppy necks!) are decades behind them.) At the rally, Garnick reports that Obama kissed Dahlia's forehead (melt) and then held her up for cheers.

Next up, Rudy Giuliani is stuck with the screeching girl in a fleece pumpkin costume. He looks like he's going to drop her, but he hangs on tight. He was at a disadvantage -- how do you securely snuggle with a squirmy winter vegetable? Let's not judge Rudy too harshly.

Then there's John McCain, who launches the beginning of a curious trend in the baby holds: he's circled his thumb and four fingers around one of Dahlia's legs. Political Nanny doesn't recall doing this with her babes. Perhaps it's an older generation male thing? Because Edwards, Kucinich and (look closely) Romney are doing it too. Political Nanny is not saying it's harmful, just curious. Did they learn this in a Kissing the Baby workshop at Let's Play President summer camp?

What you really want to know, though, is something about Hillary Clinton's baby snuggling chops. Well, hold your "cold-heart" comments, she does just fine with Dahlia, who gazes right into the mother-of-one's eyes. Sure, there's a bit of stiffness in the hold, but Hillary's kid is pushing 30. Maybe it's been awhile. Please note, however, that Hillary is doing that protective palm-around-the-shoulders upper hand thing, which Political Nanny always appreciates when strangers hold her little ones.

In addition to the leg-grip, Mitt Romney does the fingers-around-the-neck upright baby display so competently, he'd make any OB/Gyn proud (except maybe Ron Paul). Garnick notes that the picture, which includes Romney's wife, looks like the New Hampshire father is giving up Dahlia for adoption to a rich white couple. Agreed!

Finally, we see Huckabee and Chuck Norris in a horizontal split-screen shot. Huckabee's doing the hands-under-armpits-with-dangling legs hold (baby facing outward), while Chuck Norris has turned his arm into a seat, allowing Dahlia to rest against his chest. He lays a hand -- it's a registered weapon! -- protectively against her chest. Well done, Chuck, well done!

Garnick didn't get Dahlia into the arms of Fred Thompson (who didn't do much in New Hampshire) or Duncan Hunter (what a relief!) or Ron Paul (coulda shown Mitt a thing or two). And he admits Mike Gravel freaks him out, so he didn't stand a chance. But Political Nanny is grateful for the slideshow and its insight. How will the candidates handle Iraq? Who cares! How are they going to cuddle the nation?

Photo: Slate.com

Candidates Play Musical Chairs

Madeline Holler — Wed, 09 Jan 2008 13:22:00 GMT

When election officials pressed pause and the candidates scrambled to their seats last night, the line-up in that round of musical chairs reshuffled. Hillary Clinton moved from third in Iowa to first in New Hampshire. Edwards dropped from second last week to third last night. Obama's second-place finish in the primary was a letdown after his first-place finish in the caucuses. (See above for best disappointing-returns photo ever. Is that couple real or what?! Ahem, back to the results.) So far in this round for Democrats, no one will follow Chris Dodd and Joe Biden in leaving the game. A good thing.

Over with the GOP, only Mitt Romney landed in the same chair he started out in, while John McCain scrambled to get the empty first-place one. Huckabee settled for third, which sets him back a bit since his first-round win last week in Iowa.

The other candidates -- Bill Richardson, Rudy Giuliani, Fred Thompson, Ron Paul, all the rest -- continue to try to connect with voters, register with the media and gather support for better finishes.

What does it all mean? Did the tears work for Hillary? (Shame on you, NYTimes and Maureen Dowd for today's column headlined "Can Hillary Clinton Cry Her Way Back Into the White House?") Or was it the case she laid out in the debate two nights before? Are those truly independent voters buying the maverick message of John McCain? Was the media's infatuation with Barack Obama not enough to entice New Hampshire voters to cast ballots for him? Or was it the weather? The lack of college students? The speeches? The promises?

New Hampshire is another small state with a big early influence on the elections. So Political Nanny is glad to see the shake-up. She'd like all the candidates to stay in the race for another month. There's more to be said of the bigger ideas to the broader audiences. Iowa and New Hampshire were practice rounds. On Jan. 15, Hillary Clinton runs against herself and the "uncommitted" votes protesting the fact that their favorite candidates are not on the ballot. After that, the Nevada caucuses and South Carolina primarie on Jan. 19. Ten days after that, big Florida. We're all waiting anxiously for the music to pause, again and again and again. Because there's nothing quite as exhilirating as play musical chairs with closely matched peers.

Photo: NYTimes.com

Sensory Overload During N.H. Primary

Madeline Holler — Tue, 08 Jan 2008 21:07:00 GMT

Seriously, Political Nanny is just waiting for a nationwide media meltdown. Reporters laying face down on the ground. Photographers throwing their equipment across the room. Candidates pounding their fists and bawling like babies. (That may have begun to happen already.) There's just so much going on, so much to say, so many ways to look at today's primaries in New Hampshire.

Let's start with the crying:

Hillary Clinton got emotional yesterday when she was talking to a small group of voters in New Hampshire. She teared up. She visibly suppressed a lump in her throat. And she set off a fit of commentary on what the tears meant, whether they were geniune, were they a part of a new post-Iowa campaign makeover, and why did she wait so long.

Today, Fox News reported that uber campaign strategists James Carville and Paul Begala would be riding in to rescue Hillary campaign. Which must have given die-hard Clintonistas a bit of relief. However, were now reading that, no, no, no, it's not true. You're kidding. Fox got it wrong? But there are likely changes coming for her campaign staff. Political Nanny has been waiting for that announcement for a couple of weeks. Oh, and in case you'd like to put Political Nanny on retainer, she'll give you her first nugget of advice for free, Hillary, release Chelsea from the grips of your protective motherly instincts! Let her talk! Let her be interviewed! Help her help you!

Free ride:

The other Clinton, Bill, accuses the media of giving Barack Obama and John Edwards a free ride. Naturally, the media doesn't believe it. Let's be honest, though. Obama is simply interesting, which doesn't necessarily make him a better president, just a better news story. So, while Political Nanny wouldn't call it a free ride, she would call the media's handling of Obama a comfortable ride at a nice price.

Now, Political Nanny would be remiss in not sharing the fact that (1) when doing Google searches for pictures of her candidates, it's much easier to find authoritative yet friendly, strong yet sensitive, handsome yet intelligent pictures of John Edwards and Barack Obama than it is of Hillary Clinton. Look at this picture on CNN.com today of Obama. Why not just Photoshop in a halo? They've got pixie dust flaking off his head! Just saying ...

Also, we know a lot about Obama's good work -- South Side Chicago, the international travel, fun with hard drugs, that kind of thing. And for Edwards? Well, he reminds us of his life's story every time he gets to a mic. (And it's a good story, don't get me wrong!). But for Hillary? We get to hear about her cheating husband. I mean, for god's sake, she's the first woman to really have a shot at becoming president of the U.S. She's got more of a backstory than woman done wrong, no?

Whew! That nearly triggered a Political Nanny meltdown! Back to New Hampshire ...

What hinges on McCain's outcome:

John McCain needs to do very well in New Hampshire to keep his campaing going. What's amazing is that he actually has a chance. He's been getting more support -- Iowa notwithstanding -- and the campaign we were all willing to write off over the summer has survived (but isn't survival what McCain is all about?). Political Nanny wants to see McCain stay in the race. He adds to the tension among the GOP candidates, which reminds the rest of them to behave. Plus, he's got a nasty streak that's quite entertaining.

Oh, man, Mitt needs to rally!:

Last week in Iowa, Huckabee stole the thunder that was a Mitt Romney win and eventual nomination. And now, everybody's looking at McCain. What does this mean for Mitt? A second-place finish, while not the worst possible outcome, it's also not what he expected. And for the GOP in N.H., second-place is the new also-ran, since Huckabee hasn't really bothered much with a campaign there.

Running low on ballots:

Perhaps the most aggravating news that comes out today is that some counties in the state are running low on ballots. My goodness, aren't we just screwing up elections year after year in the United States? Here's hoping the ballot supply lasts until the last voter goes home. If not -- if this primary gets contested or yields inconclusive results by tomorrow morning -- well, that's when Political Nanny promises you SHE'LL throw a tantrum.

So amidst the crying, the surging, the polling, the voting, try to stay calm, dear candidates. Try to stay calm.

Bill O’Reilly Incites Political Playground Scuffle

Madeline Holler — Mon, 07 Jan 2008 19:11:00 GMT

An angry, antsy and entitled Bill O’Reilly caused a scene Saturday afternoon during a New Hampshire campaign rally when, attempting to speak face-to-face with Barack Obama, he shoved the senator’s 6’8” bodyguard, called him an SOB and then, evading any personal self-reflection, declared the bodyguard “low class.”

Cute!

The whole scene is hilariously retold (including details of people shouting “hate-monger” at O’Reilly and flipping him off) by Slate’s John Dickerson, who, incidentally, would make a great Political Manny: he confesses to having, in the heat of the moment, yelled at O’Reilly to “grow up!”

“ … which was thoroughly unprofessional, except that I have little kids and I think it's important to discipline misbehavior immediately. If I don't dare to discipline, they'll grow up to be like, well, Bill O'Reilly.”

Forgiven!

Obama eventually talks to O’Reilly, who is trying to get the leading Democratic candidate on his show. Obama tells him there are people waiting in line. Watch the events unfold here.

Photo: New York Times

Election Milestone: Candidates Take First Steps In Iowa (Quick, Get the Camera!)

Madeline Holler — Thu, 03 Jan 2008 15:38:00 GMT

Political Nanny is sitting on pins and needles, at once excited, deliriously proud of and terrified for her candidates. Today, the 15 reach such an important milestone: the Iowa caucuses. They look so grown up! It seems like just yesterday ...! It's all happening so fast (well, not really.)

As the unruly group of them toddles around on stages, grabbing at microphones, saying "cheese" for the camera, and slobbering all over Iowans one last time in hopes of charming each and every one of these Midwesterners to go out tonight and be counted at the caucus (and chances are, they won't), Political Nanny is watching and trying to remember Iowa is not the final word. It's the first, only the first. We caregivers -- those of us experienced with cadidate-children -- know that the early walker in Iowa will not acurrately predict who gets to sit in the White House highchair. (Remember little guy Dick Gephardt?) See, there's time to catch up.

In the meantime, Political Nanny will be watching her babes today as they smile and shake hands and talk pretty and learn their numbers (polls and precinct percentages are the new flashcards!). She'll be watching tonight as the reports come in. Tomorrow, she'll usher the remaining ones over to New Hampshire for primaries there next week.

Those little buggers never could sit still.

Group Hug! Candidates Endorsing Candidates

Madeline Holler — Wed, 02 Jan 2008 19:30:00 GMT

Political Nanny's pet presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich made a surprising demi-endorsement just a day and a half before Iowans kick off the voters' portion of the 2008 election program.

He told his supporters to back Barack Obama if they can't gather enough Kucinich delegates to meet a minimum percent of those gathered. As we discussed before, Iowans have a built-in back-up plan when it comes to determining their state parties' favorite candidates. If a candidate can't gather enough support, those caucusers are allowed to regroup with their second-choice candidate. Kucinich hopes his would-be supporters will gather under the Obama sign.

Naturally, he'd like New Hampshire's Democratic primary support to go all and only to him.

"This is obviously an 'Iowa-only' recommendation, as Sen. Obama and I are competing in the New Hampshire primary next Tuesday, where I want to be the first choice of New Hampshire voters."

Obama's response?

“He and I have been fighting for a number of the same priorities — including an end to the war in Iraq that we both opposed from the start, reforming Washington and creating a better life for America’s working families. I encourage all Iowans to take part in the caucuses this Thursday — not because it will be good for any one candidate, but because it will be good for our party and the future of our country.”

Political Nanny feels certain that Kucinich's suggestions for second-best presents an interesting dilemma for more than one lefty Iowan, since Ralph Nader also recently made an endorsement of his own: he told the press he's backing John Edwards.

Those Democrats -- it's just one big group hug after the next. (Hey, John, quit pinching Hillary!)

Guess Who Ralph Nader Just Endorsed!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 17:33:00 GMT

Who cares what the governor of New Hampshire thinks, right? Or the editor of Iowa's largest daily. Or, sorry to say, Sean Penn. Political Nanny listens to Political Nanny when it comes to who she'll vote for in the primaries.

Endorsements, with a couple of exceptions, just haven't been that interesting. Until now ...

Public citizen, consumer advocate, sometimes presidential candidate, one-time election spoiler, and Babble "Timeout" subject Ralph Nader made an endorsement, just in time for the Iowa caucuses. He's throwing his support to John Edwards.

We're no experts, so who knows whether Ralph is a good or bad playmate for John. But Political Nanny adores Ralph and respects his opinion. His support feels like a gut-check: she's long suspected John really means what he says and contrarians like Ralph are the first to smell the BS, yet he thinks John, for the most part, is the real deal.

From Politico:

Nader said he has watched Edwards from afar and sees his more pugilistic brand of populism as a "glimmer of hope."

"It's the only time I've heard a Democrat talk that way in a long time," Nader said, acknowledging what was, for him, a rare moment of praise for a Democratic leader.

"Iowa should decide which candidate stands for us," he added. "Edwards is at least highlighting day after day that the issue is who controls our country, big business or the people."

Not the most unflinching of endorsements -- indeed, he's used the endorsement mostly as a way to criticize Hillary for being too Republican. But what's notable is that it's not himself that he's endorsing. Can we assume he won't be making a bid? Or does that depend on whether John Edwards gets the Democratic nomination?

In any case, Political Nanny is excited that Ralph Nader has come out to play.

Candidates, Political Nanny Loves You. Now Change!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 00:00:00 GMT

Over the past three months, Political Nanny has grown to love her lot of disagreeable, argumentative, name-calling, cackling, power-praying little presidential candidates. They're approaching the first of many back-to-back primary election milestones -- only three days until Iowa! -- but have already blossomed into tough and sturdy and, how shall we put this, flexible campaigners.

But could they be better? Oh, couldn't we all. In the spirit of starting anew, Political Nanny has made some resolutions for the campaigning men and woman of 2008.

Over at the Democrats' favorite playground ...

Barack Obama: resolve to inspire (again … and, alone!). What happened to the guy who swept us all off of our feet nearly four years ago? This sparkling source of hope has gotten dull from so much positioning and polling and over-wrought handling. Get back to the basics -- make change feel possible! Make it feel inevitable! If the old caucusing biddies in Iowa (or New Hampshire or South Carolina) weren’t going to vote for you months ago, they’re not going to vote for you now. Indeed, one person can change the world. We just don't want Oprah to think it's her!

Hillary Clinton: tear down that wall! This distance you keep from the voting public reminds us of a certain guy president and no, we’re especially not talking about your husband! So let us in. Let us ask questions – any question! Not pre-approved ones! Trust us! We’ll do the right thing! Trust yourself! You've got the answers!

Joe Biden: Keep on keeping on. You know everything, you really do. You probably even know you don’t have a chance to win. But the candidates need you – America needs you. In government and in this campaign. You turn meta-answers into concrete plans, Joe. You say what we need to hear, not what we want to hear.

Chris Dodd: Be (even more) like Joe. With two of you, oh, how the front-runners won’t get away with pandering to the polls!

John Edwards: John, sweetheart, listen. You have got to expand your message to the middle and upper middle class (who look more like the lower- and middle-class you're talking about, everyday). Here's the deal: the mortgage industry is handing you talking points for these people who, to be honest, you might sorta be alienanting with your anti-corporate talk (you see, that’s where they work!). But with housing, ohhhhh, housing. Just bring up housing, foreclosures, bubbles, all of it -- and they’re listening. They're listening to you.

Bill Richardson: Keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the vice presidential stars.

Dennis Kucinich: Don’t go changing to try to please Political Nanny. She loves you just the way you are.

Mike Gravel: Come here and give Political Nanny a hug, you silly guy.

Now back at Camp GOP ...

Rudy Giuliani: Rudy, Rudy, Rudy. So much to love. So much to loathe. Political Nanny would like you to be your own guy. She knows that Republicans often get bullied by big scary Christians who claim to be friends. But would real friends ask you to be someone you’re not?

John McCain: Resolve to stay tough. And be strong. You keep hope alive for conservatives who don't necessarily think the church and state are one and the same. Oh, and next time a supporter mentions The Bitch, show some sac, dear John, and don't be so quick to laugh.

Mike Huckabee: Michael! That's enough! You, my boy, are a man of faith. But you must also resolve to be a man of respect. If all you have to offer Americans are platitudes and religious references, please reconsider your leadership goals and run for president of the Southern Baptists. Because Political Nanny likes her America inclusive, cohesive and as plural as it can get.

Fred Thompson: Sit down, honey, let’s talk. Political Nanny thinks you don’t actually want to run for president. And you know what? That’s perfectly fine. No shame in “spending time with the family.” So, whenever you’re ready to call it quits, know that millions of others are ready for it too.

Duncan Hunter: Still more are ready to see you go, Duncan. So, Political Nanny would like to see even less of you in the new year, young man. You can use the extra down time for painting murals on your very special wall.

Mitt Romney: Political Nanny thinks you’re a good boy, Mitt, she really does. But you want your buddies to like you so much that you’ve changed your mind, mainly by closing it. You say such damaging things to millions of families in the U.S. and completely dismiss millions of others. Political Nanny wants to see you be the truest, most honest version of yourself in 2008.

Ron Paul: You're doing something right, Ron Paul. Look at all those people giving you money! But that doesn't make you perfect, not by any means. In the new year, Political Nanny would like you to work on (1) living in reality, (2) increasing your dosage of paranoia-tempering thorazine and (3) smiling.

And last but not least, a New Year's resolution for her GOP debate interloper and possible candidate (please, please, please) Alan Keyes: Just. Do. It.

Happy New Year, kids! And Happy New Year, voters! Let's resolve to get together everyday for a little election downtime with Political Nanny!

Mommmm, Can We Watch Oprah and That Oba ... Oba ... Oprah Guy?

Madeline Holler — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:02:00 GMT

No one knows the influence of TV characters like a person in charge of young children.

“Brush your teeth and we can go watch Ellllmoooo!”

“Caillou will be on after your naaaaaap!”

“Sponge Bob never cries in the bath!”

Trot out a favorite name and the hellions are putty in your hands. Or, at least more inclined to follow directions as you beg for one, tiny, ounce of cooperation.

Political Nanny wonders if this technique will work on grown-ups too? She won't know exactly until we see the outcome of the Iowa caucuses or a few of the primaries (or until someone does a poll after this weekend). In any case, she will be monitoring The Event in South Carolina on Sunday. That’s when Oprah Winfrey makes the first of several scheduled appearances before a live studio audience … no, no, no, … before a mob looking under their stadium seats for vintage-inspired, combed cotton twin sets … no! gah! That’s when Oprah will stand in front of an adoring crowd, telling her throngs of followers to vote for Barack Obama because he’s inspiring/a hero/a network of angels/remembers his spirit. But, like, it’s not going to alllll be about him, right? We want to see our girl!

The anticipation is killing us. Will she talk? How long? Will she ask questions? Present a check? (She's so going to present a check.) Will there be facing yellow chairs or a podium and a microphone? (Chair, chairs, bring the chairs!)

Will the throngs of ticket-holders – they moved the event to a stadium that holds 80,000 (!) – get to meet Oprah, get their pictures with her, go home with new Sony Cybershots and a tin of hand-crafted brownies?

Oh. And we wonder what Obama’s going to say. (Think he’ll say anything to Oprah. Think they’ll hug. What’s Oprah going to wear? Think she’ll do one of those remotes with Gayle where they pump their own gas? God, that’s hilarious. And do you think she’ll take commercial breaks and do that thing where she repeats herself, “we’ll be right back. We’ll be right back.”?)

Let’s Get This (Election) Baby on a Schedule!

Madeline Holler — Tue, 27 Nov 2007 12:02:00 GMT

Election 2008 has already gone on forever, yet we still have 11 months to go. Like a baby – eating, sleeping, reaching major fundraising milestones – it’s all so unpredictable.

For example, the primaries. Alllll those primaries. And debates. More debates. Plus, some appearances we’re really excited about – namely, Michelle Obama agreeing to double the average IQ on The View by guest-hosting (please, please let there be a phone-in from Elisabeth Hasselbeck).But how to keep from feeling overrun by the demands for attention and wails for support from these needy, needy candidates?

While Political Nanny isn’t terribly strident when it comes to babies – she’s a big fan of on-demand nursing and sleeping for newborns – she does prefer a certain amount of predictability and control from her unruly charges on the campaign trail.

So, to help us all get a better night’s sleep and feel more confident as voters, she’s putting this election baby on a schedule, making adjustments as time passes and the candidate pool thins. If your favorite bundle of political policy joy is making an appearance, by all means, let us know!

Campaign Schedule:

Nov. 28: Republican CNN/YouTube debate in St. Petersburg, Fla.
Dec. 1: The 6th Brown & Black Forum for Democratic Presidential candidates from Des Moines, Iowa.
Dec. 4: NPR-Iowa Public Radio "radio-only" Democratic Debate. The debate will be moderated by Steve Inskeep, Michele Norris and Robert Siegel and will be broadcast and webcast live (2:00 pm EST) from the State Historical Society of Iowa in Des Moines. All democratic presidential candidates will be in attendance.
Dec. 5: Michelle Obama to guest-host on ABC’s The View.
Dec. 8-9: Oprah Winfrey hits the campaign trail with Barack Obama in Iowa, New Hampshire and South Carolina. (Barack O-baaaaaamaaaaa!)
Dec. 9: Univision hosts a Spanish-language Republican debate from Miami. (We're looking forward to translations of the Q&A on immigration!)
Dec. 10: Democratic presidential debate hosted by CBS News in Los Angeles.
Dec. 12: Republican presidential debate sponsored by Des Moines Register and IPTV, Johnston, Iowa.
Dec. 13: Democratic presidential debate sponsored by Des Moines Register and IPTV, Johnston, Iowa.
Dec. 17: CNN and Politico.com host a Democratic presidential debate at the Kennedy Library in Boston.
Jan. 3: Iowa Caucuses (this is Old-Middle-West English for “primary election”).
Jan. 5: Wyoming Republican “convention.” (See: Iowa Caucuses)
Jan. 8: New Hampshire Primaries. (This, plus Iowa, begets a round of candidates dropping out, right?)
Jan. 10: Fox News holds a Republican debate moderated by Brit Hume from South Carolina.
Jan. 15: The Caucus of African American Nevadans and Impacto host a Democratic presidential debate in Las Vegas.
Jan. 15-29: Michigan Primaries, Nevada caucus, South Carolina Republican primary, South Carolina Democratic primary, Florida primaries.
Jan. 30: CNN and the Los Angeles Times host a debate of the Republican presidential candidates in California.
Jan. 31: CNN and the Los Angeles Times host a debate of the Democratic presidential candidates in California.
Feb. 5: Super Tuesday with more than 20 states holding their primaries or caucuses.
Feb. 9 through June 3: The rest of the states will hold their primaries. (June 3? Jeez, Montana and South Dakota, why bother?)

Nanny Cam: Take That, Healthcare Hoarders

Madeline Holler — Tue, 13 Nov 2007 23:12:00 GMT

Today, John Edwards will start airing an ad in Iowa where he threatens to take away healthcare benefits from lawmakers if they fail to pass a universal health care plan in his first six months in office (if elected president and all that).

Political Nanny promises to post the ad, after she (1) finds it and (2) cleans up the mess her exploding head made after reading about this ad.

It better be good, Edwards, it better be good.

Update: Eh. It's okay (enough of the violins!). Political Nanny was kind of hoping for more bravado, tying off a Senator's chemo-drip or something. But seeing whether he'd actually follow through on this promise is reason enough to vote for him, right?

Nanny Cam: The Edwards Iowa/New Hampshire Ad

Madeline Holler — Wed, 07 Nov 2007 17:24:00 GMT

The one bad thing about not living in Iowa or New Hampshire (and truly, it’s a gift when you don’t) is that you miss all the early campaign ads. I love getting to know a candidate through carefully selected video clips of “average” and “hard-working” Americans – always driving tractors or welding steel -- played in short bursts between my favorite TV shows.

Political Nanny will bring as many as she can through the Political Nanny Cam. Prepare your heartstrings for a year of vigorous tugging.

Edwards’ Iowa/New Hampshire ad has all the required elements and had me tingling the second he mentioned Elizabeth in the hospital. In these 60 seconds, he lays out why he’s not a hero but the lady in the sleeveless top is. Why it's not about him, it's about those two old geezers taking apart an old tractor engine. A piano slowly builds to a crescendo in the background, pulling it all together.

He’s right, you know, I’m the true American hero.

Is there an ad running in your area that you'd like to share with the class? Nanny wants to know!