Straight From the Bottle

Ohhh yes.  I definitely feel ya on the sex-is-off-limits thing... it's just not the same when you've got that little extra sump'n sump'n in between you two.  And it KIND of puts a damper on things when you think you could fart at any given moment.

Some other lovely and ladylike symptoms have been THE WORST SKIN OF MY LIFE, some enormous hooters, and the intolerance of my mother in law and all that she does/says.  h8 the woman with all that is within me.

When I was pregnant...no sex at all.  Couldn't take it after month 5.  I also developed a lovely case of rosacea that still plagues me to this day and my nipples stayed hard constantly.  It was like they had something to prove.  I also found that when I was pregnant and soon there after, I became obsessed with celebrity gossip.  I really don't understand why b/c I never have been one to care.

Also...LOVE Mao II.  It was the reason I was hired for an old bookstore gig right after I graduated college.

I've completely lost the ability to think in complete sentences.  It's frustrating when I'm in a meeting at work, and I have a thought, and it disappears from my head before I get a chance to vocalize it.  Also, don't forget the fingernails and toenails growing at warp speed...I feel like I need to find the clippers every other day!

I've heard each pregnancy is either one extreme or the other.  With my first I was like you - couldn't care less about it.  With my second, watch out!  I felt super-sexy and I wanted to have sex constantly..and it wasn't the kissy-kissy,sweet,candlit sex that I was craving either.  I think it has to do w/ hormone levels.

Oh, and Jeannine - me too on the celebrity gossip!  And I never gave a flip before..or since.

Never been pregnant yet, but just had to say that I love that pic of Archer's hands and feet sticking out from behind the HUGE magazine :)

I had the same lack of sex drive all through my pregnancy.  It started with my intense morning sickness, and by the time that passed, I was just too big, bloated, and exhausted to want to get down and dirty.  My poor husband was really excited by my new body too, which made me feel so guilty.  He was great though, and channeled all of his extra sexual energy into backrubs and cooking.

I've become overly aggressive - like in a horrible temper sort of way.

Ha. Me, I was a cranky bitch for about a month, but am okay now, having replaced that with the worst leg cramps ever.

But the sex? yeah, TOTALLY hear you. Did you read hotplaydate.com this week? It's about this.

Let's see, with my second pregnancy, I dealt with:

- Sweating like a hairy dude.

- 98% lossage of creativity. My logo designs began to resemble Microsoft clip-art.

- My bits and pieces always aching.

- Heinous veins running up my calves.

Yes Morgan! I too have been plagued with the worst skin of my life during this pregnancy. It took a few months, but I finally realized that I can't wear any make up and I have to wash my face 2-3 times a day if I don't want to look like a 13 year old.

And I also have lost the foreign film lust. Now? Really cheesy romantic comedies make me cry and blubber over how well done and thoughtful they are. Of course, now I have to watch them alone because my husband thinks I've gone crazy...

One other symptom is this huge craving--or more so a requirement-- for meat. I used to have a fairly healthy and well rounded vegetarian diet. But all I want these days is bacon, BBQ chicken and ribs. Oh man...

Just this week: dyslexic typing. (It took me three tries to type "just" and two to type "typing" correctly.)

I've also had really itchy shins. Not sure if that's pregnancy- or weather-related, but you can bet your guns I'm using pregnancy as an excuse to have my SO apply the lotion.

I cry at just about everything now: movies, greeting cards, you name it. Who knew Tom Petty's Super Bowl halftime show could elicit such weepy sobs? I even cried on my birthday cake.

Strangely enough, my face has cleared up w/ my pregnancy. Before that, I looked like a teenage fry-cook.

The one thing I can't stop eating is crappy cereal. The more sugar the better!

I became really forgetful when I was pregnant.

And I had an insatiable want to smell leather (of all forms- jackets, chairs, wallets), plastic things (the shower curtain liner, bouncy balls, etc) and gasoline.

I had to have artichoke hearts, spaghetti (a least 3x a week), and fish.

I also came down with a bad case of rage. My temper blaired.

Thankfully most of this ended 1 year ago exactly, but not the sex problems:

Didn't want sex

Very forgetful (oh yeah, that stayed, too)

Cry over everything

Reading books

Great skin (unfortunately)

Weird itchy rash under my right boob (thank GOD that's gone)

I had THE BEST sex dreams of my life while pregnant with each of my sons.  I'm talking dreams that would wake me up by giving me real orgasms.  No interest in sex while awake, though.  I just had my daughter, and was dismayed that I had not a one raunchy dream while pregnant with her.

I'm sick of the super sensitive smell! I gagged the other day dumping a hot pot of spaghetti because once the water and pasta left the pot, I was smacked in the face with this smell of hot metal. I can also smell water boiling, dog drool on the couch, and spoiled milk in the work fridge from 50 feet away.

I also hate the dizziness. I always feel like I'm going to fall over!

Also, my sex drive swings just as bad as my emotions. I'll go weeks without wanting any, then demand sex like four times in one day. Then, when I've worn my poor husband out, I sob uncontrollably when he politely turns me down. Whee, pregnancy is a blast!

Hm.  Just got over the morning sickness portion of the deal and:

1.  Until two weeks ago (week 12), all I wanted to eat was sausages, quesadillas, taquitos, and whatever else was salty and fried.  Since last week, I've been washing down at least 2 lbs of fruit a day with a big, sweet vanilla steamer--unthinkable just a couple of weeks ago!

2.  Also, sex?  Mutable like crazy.  One weekend I can't get enough, and at other weekends I'm like "nyyyahh, lemme sleep" and have been known to fart, just as a deterrent (it works!).

3.  SNORING!  OMG, I've started sawing wood.  This alone is more embarrassing than farting.

4.  Those boobs?  I swear, I'm going to have to start looking for bras in 34J.  And did I mention that it hurts just to take the bra off?  Well, it does.

Pardon me now while I dig into my second apple of the day.

This weird thing happens to me when I'm pregnant - around the beginning of the 3rd trimester I start completely losing my sense of style. Happened to a much lesser degree the second time around, but still somewhat. Also, I develop a passion for celebrity gossip (nomally I don't really care) and when I'm pregnant I start having very vivid sex dreams :-O

I masturbated almost daily, but I think it was more anxiety than anything else. There was a brief interlude where I was actually craving giving the BJ. My husband did not complain. But as far as sex? I was game until I got big and then it just wasn't as much fun and my husband was a little freaked out too...so win/win.

My feet tingled too, but it can be over 100 degrees and humid as hell here in the summer...

I became homicidal when someone asked me for the 5000th time, "So, when are you due?"

I'm 30 weeks now and I feel ya. My ankles itch almost constantly. Sex in my mind seems AWESOME but as soon as my boyfriend touches me I am revolted. I feel the total opposite of sexy. Also I'm a pretty rock & roll kind of girl, but loud noises make me absolutely violent and insane now. I can't listen to the music in my car loud. I hate when the TV is on in my house. I just want everything to be quiet and mellow. Pregnancy is making me crazy!

Ha! What is it with pregnancy and celeb gossip? I swear-- it's MIND NUMBING and maybe we all need to numb our minds in preparation? Emmalee -- I also can't handle loud music or TV. I'm only happy when I can *barely* hear my favorite shows. And the sex dreams? Totally have those, too. I'm horny when I'm asleep, apparently but not so much when I'm awake. Weird!

My skin also has been awful this pregnancy. With Archer my skin was better than its ever been (I don't have great skin to begin with.) But right now? I'm all blotchy and I have bacne (back acne) like a mofo. SEXY, right? Ugh, not so much.

I have to go itch my toes now.

Thankfully I never had the ice cream and french fry cravings, but instead Veggie Subs from Subway.  I'd never had heartburn in my life until I was pregnant so I tried the BRAT diet (bananas, rice, applesauce and toast) which I thought was quite ironic.  HORRIBLE bacne, never before, never since!  I'm actually one of the ones that craved sex constantly and would be OUTRAGED/WOUNDED when my husband didn't approach me first.  But the all-time craziest symptom I had was, get this, SLEEPING ON MY EAR WRONG.  Seriously, every other night I would wake up and have slept with my ear bent up against the pillow and it would REALLY HURT!!  Must have been something to do with the swelling...

Couldn't have sex....doctors orders.

I actually told the popcorn guy at the movies exactly how much fake butter to put on my popcorn, because "food is all I have left."  Yeah, I actually said that.

I cried at Panera Bread because they ran out of fresh mozzerella for their fresh mozzerella and tomato salad.

I had a really bad time with constipation.  

Oh, and even though I only gained 20 some pounds, it literally took me 15 minutes to get out of a chair.

With you on the itchy feet.  

Also dealt with buzzing neck, like bugs crawling up my neck.  Had to wear something on my neck or it drove. me. batty.  Garment of choice was a sick black poofy vest that I wore 24-7 to cover my neck - even/especially to my office job.

So weird.  

My first pregnancy I had perfect skin and hair that was just the right kind of wavy and I don't remember my sex life changing at all. This time around my hair is FINALLY starting to do something I can live with, skin is disgusting, first three months I didn't want to be touched and now I'm always horny when my husband isn't around but when it's actually an option, the thought never crosses my mind. Also, forgetful and drop things a lot and I think I'm already starting to do the waddle at 16 wks. Plus my mental filter has left me blurting out really bitchy things at the worst times.

Oh lawzy, I could write a book.

Pregnancy rhinitis.  

shortness of breath.

nausea

smell sensitivity (see above)

restless leg syndrome.

my walking pace (native New Yorker fast) slowed down to senior citizen slow.

not just sex aversion... TOUCH aversion.  don't even put a finger on me, mofo.

food aversion.  I didn't want to eat ANYTHING, until

cravings... yeah, yeah.  I only wanted Ortego tacos and pineapple.  not together.or chocolate chip cookies.

unbearable and unrelenting exhaustion.  could not lift my head off the couch.

brain aversion.  nothing intellectual.  hgtv and harry potter, please.

total and complete loss of creativity.

charley horses.

sciatica

facial and body hair disappearance (legs, underarm, eyebrows, the little bit on my belly or mustache... medditerranean, you know... all gone.)

the runs

forgetfulness

inability to walk up stairs or bend over.

crying at the drop of a hat.

acne

extreme annoyance at people who said how wonderful I looked, because didn't they realize I was miserable?????

no strange symptoms to dish (that I remember now) - but I LOVE LOVE LOVE that pic of Archer.

seriously! BACNE is the WORST!  i was so pissed about it the entire pregnancy... and you can't use any powerful treatment to eliminate it... ugh, gross.  my nose was like a bloodhound.  and let's just say my partner is "earthy".  puke. after i would work out i would break out in a heat rash...  oh, and talke about baby-mush-brain... thank you US Weekly, oh, pregnancy bible...

I'm now totally convinced that the rise of US Weekly has to do with the rise of Pregnant women in this country. Seriously. Does anyone who isn't pregnant buy US Weekly? I've only ever bought those damn mags while pregs. And thank God some of you can share my pain of Bacne. I also get BAAAAD heatrash (have severe sun allergy) so my skin is just totally gross. No backless shirts, here.

I lost my balance completely while pregnant. I fell over all the time. I broke the knees on 4 pairs of jeans in the 9 months I was pregnant. It was crazy, my hubby was so worried about me all the time cause I just kept falling down.

I craved the french fries with ice-cream but my hubby, in an attempt to keep me from gaining too much weight, turned into a food-nazi so I was denied almost every craving I had and due to the crappy balance I was not allowed to leave the house to hunt for weird food to eat.

The smell thing was horrible. It took me forever getting to work in the morning cause I had to get off the subway (or metro as we call it here) every other station so I wouldn't vomit on all the people who don't shower or wears too much perfume.

I cried all the time too and I hated being pregnant so I was pissed off every time someone told me to enjoy it.

I love you blog.

Wow, I had no idea that the celebrity gossip thing was pregnancy-related.  But it totally fits for me, too.  I stopped being able to read anything serious because all the little words on the page made me carsick.  Same with knitting - all the little stitches all lined up made me feel nauseated.

Sex hurt.  So I didn't have it.  Also had the sex dreams.

For me the weirdest thing was the nesting - never before in my life was I so concerned about how clean my floor was.  When I was on bedrest and people would come to see me and ask what they could do for me I would beg them to clean my floor.  No one thought I was serious.

I had a week or two of crazy pregnancy horniness in a sea of sex allergy.  It was very weird.  I think it was right around the time my gag reflex stopped reacting to every single taste/smell/sight.

Anything intellectual at all felt like "too much work."  I was all about the celebrity gossip, the babies-getting-born shows and the makeover shows.  I didn't know it was possible to watch as much 'What Not to Wear' as I did when I was pregnant.  I think I know every episode now.  If I'm channel surfing and it's on, I'm like, "Oh yeah, there's Jen.  I'm so glad Nick gave her a layered bob."

Ha! You're cute, BOB. Touche.

My weirdest pregnancy symptom was that I tarnished silver jewelry when I was pregnant.

Finally! Sarcasm and cynicism being applied to pregnancy. Everyone talks about how women are supposed to have a "pregnancy glow" when you're pregnant. The only reason any pregnant woman should have a "glow" is because they live under an abundance of power lines. The closest thing to a "glow" that I ever had was this terrible rash that would cover my chest the millisecond that sun hit it. I FINALLY have boobs but I can't show them off because if I do, the sun gets to them and makes me look like I have some sort of red-tinted Leprosy. "There's nothing that could make a man not love boobs!" ...Oh really? Tell that to my husband after we spent a day outside in the middle of August. You want a man to stop staring at your chest and start looking you in the eyes? Get a heat rash.

I'm so glad I'm not alone.  My husband has only mentioned being horny a hand full of time since I've been pregnant and thank god because I want nothing to do with that!  I mean I try to want it but really is there a comfortable way to do when you are 26 weeks?  I don't feel sexy and I'm certainly not wanting it.

I have an almost constant lump in my throat.  The only time it goes away is when I'm eating.  Fortunately, the morning sickness is letting up, so I can eat now--as long as it's not meat.  I can't even think about it.

I'm so glad to see so many of you share the same feeling with me.?absolutely have no sex interest at all but in my sex dreams I was so horny. Of course as soon as I woke up it's finished. And everytime after sex I would feel pain down there for a long  long time. So sad!