Straight From the Bottle

I think this is a wonderful idea. I can not wait to hear about your adventures!

I've never heard of a Mother taking a whole month to really enjoy the first baby before the next arrives. Usually there's too much going on and everyone is hectic, especially Mom. You are such a good Mommy chica!

you seriously rock!

xoxo

You are so sensitive and kind! Many pay lip service to the sentiments you're talking about, but to take the time to make it happen is another story. I can well imagine mothers frantically trying to stash their kid so that they can rest/prepare/get ready. I agree with the others: you rule.

I have four kids (the oldest is five) and the best advice I was given is this: When more than one kids wants your attention, give the attention to the older child.  The new baby does.t know she's missing out on anything nut the older one does.

When I was expecting my second I tried to make sure that all changes to my older son's routines were well in place long before the baby came. I even went as far as setting up the bassinet next to my bed weeks in advance so he would be used to the fact that it was there and not think of it as a giant basketball hoop or a place to climb in and out of. Which of course he did do for the first couple of days (as well as climb into the baby bathtub, bouncy seat & exersaucer when they came out of storage) So I brought out pictures of him as a little baby and showed him how he used the gear when he was little and explained how the baby would use them when he arrived.  Those were my first moments of really teaching him about how he would now be sharing his things - items, space in the house and his parents - with his baby brother.  We had those big brother books but I think seeing the pictures of his parents, his house and our baby things in action made it much more concrete for him than seeing the cartoon characters in the books.  

And adding Brendan to the mix went very smoothly for us (where James was concerned at least) so I think I did some things correctly.  James never said anything negative about the baby nor tried to poke him on the sly, etc. like you often hear about with jealous siblings.  His behavior stayed that of your average 2.5 year old.

So my advice to you is to enjoy your special time with Archer but also make sure that he transitions back to school with enough time before his little sis arrives so that he doesn't feel like his special time with Mommy ended because of the new arrival.  Make sure you tell him how lucky he is to go to school while the baby is too little at the moment to enjoy such a special privilege.

Try to set up any baby stuff as early as possible, even though you might feel silly about it being done so early.

Last but not least is a piece of wisdom another parent told me when I expressed my feelings of sadness/guilt/mourning for the loss of the special time with James.  She said "James has had you all to himself for 2.5 years, but Brendan will never have you all to himself."  

And in the true spirit of motherhood, I then started feeling guilty for a whole different reason ;-)

I think about that often, actually, which is why I'm glad we spaced them 3.5 years. I'll have the baby all day just the two of us, while Archer is in school, so even though it will be nothing like Archer experienced, having mommy and daddy all to himself, at least we'll have plenty of alone time so she can feel like my partner in crime, too. :)

Also, great advice. We're going to set up the bassinet and the carseat in the next couple of weeks so Archer can get used to them. He'll also be back in school a month before the baby is due so he'll know the baby's arrival wasn't reason for the party stopping.

I've been reading your blog for ages and I am now 3 months pregnant with our first baby. I just wanted to say thank you for sharing - I always learn so much. I live overseas, away from my family and old friends, who are starting to have their own babies, and so I haven't really got an insider's peek of how it's done (in all the gory details) by people like me. (Whatever that might mean!?) So I really appreciate your honesty and willingness to put it all out there. Thank you.

Congratulations on your family and all the best for the arrival of the youngest.

Steph

x

This is so sweet. I feel like I'm gonna cry!

My son loves playing on Photobooth with me.  We make silly faces together.  I feel you on that period of mourning.  His little brother is due in mid-november.  He'll be two-and-a-half, and he has very little understanding of what's going on and what will go down. Still, I feel like part of him knows, at least by the way that his mom is now overly clingy and somewhat insane and cries over weird(er) shit.

Ahhh...as the proud mother of 2 for a little of over 2 weeks now!!!!...I can only say that I shared your thoughts, and I have been pleasantly surprised...baby girl has been great, and the new baby has been a good sleeper, which is all that you can really ask of a new baby right!  Good Luck!

My boys are exactly 18 months apart and I think that I was more scared about the oldest and his reaction to his new baby brother than anything.  At a year and a half old, though, there is little that he understood about us bringing home a baby.  The baby is now 16 months old and it's not been an easy road.  I mourn the loss of the world revolving around #1, even though I KNOW that he'll not remember any of this.  I'm certain he won't even remember a time before #2.  But I always will.  And I'll always question myself and my choices and wonder if I did the right thing by having a second baby.  However, I can't imagine my life without #2.  There are days that he is the only thing that can make me smile because he is so sweet and cuddly and loving.  2 1/2 year olds can be VERY difficult to live with, as I'm sure you remember!  

I wish that I would have poured myself into #1 the month before his brother was born.  I think you're so smart for doing this.  Just as much for yourself as for him.  It will help with some of the mama guilt that we are all so used to having, no matter how good of a job we are doing.  It's one of the joys of parenting!  

Can't wait to meet the baby girl!  Have a lot of fun with Archer, hug him as much as you can and snuggle him down.  Make sure he knows (and remembers!) that he will always be your first baby, the one who turned you into a mama. :)

I agree that you're doing a great thing, and I really admire your enthusiasm--when I was 6 months pregnant with #2, the last thing I wanted to do was chase my 2-year-old around all day!  But the only thing I'd add, which I'm sure you'll figure out for yourself, is to be sure you can find time to spend alone with Archer after the baby is born too.  The best thing I did after I had the second one was take the older one to music class on Saturday morning and then out to the coffee shop.  Being two and a half at the time, she often threw a fit when we had to leave, but I know it mattered to her that she had time alone with me.

I remember watching my husband and son waiting for the elevator to take them home while I stayed behind to be with our son who was in the NICU.  I was recovering from an emergency c-section.  The distance I felt then was like the Grand Canyon between us.  

I was desperate for him to know he was still special.  Tucker didn't seem a bit phased by it.  To this day when we drive past the hospital he asks to be reassured that I'm not staying.

He's crazy (and I mean crazy) about his brother.  He's a total maniac around him.  He can't wait for the day he can wrestle with him.  Some days he doesn't wait.

When I had me second baby, my Mom stayed at home with my daughter who was then 2 years old, when I got home after the the hospital stay (I had a C section, and my son had to stay in the NICU a few nights) I went into some serious post partum...for my 2 year old. It was horrible, I felt like I wasn't bonding with my son, and I had missed SO MUCH with my daighter in even just those three days I was in the hospital. I L-O-V-E this idea that you are doing, it will help him, and mostly it will help you. Because your time will be split between 2 (or three if you count hubs!) and it will be different.

I love reading your stories and seeing that we all have the same fears and worries no matter what walk of life we are in. You will be great, Archer will be great and your new baby will be fabulous and small and precious.

Oh, this is just fabulous. I think it's wonderful that you are spending time together like that before the new little one -- I think your little man is going to be a fabulous big brother!

Archer will make such a great big-bother, now that he knows how to love so well.

Ok, I'm cracking up, going to myself, "why does everyone have that weird baby as their icon??" ha. Here I am!!! I love it.

I am sure some of your readers have posted comments with similar situations to mine, but well, since it is mine, I'm sure you want to hear all about it.

I had a lot of sleepless nights wondering how things would be when we would become FOUR. It is a crazy feeling. I'm sure Justin probably has a different feeling than I do, but when C was born, he was already the little brother, yet still a first for me.... he came into a family and those times before he arrived were so special and treasured.... before we changed the office to his room, etc... I'm feeling all squishy for you. Love you.

I love this idea.  

My little dude is only 8 months old, and I'm not planning for a second anytime soon.  However, I have this idea that when the next baby comes along, there will be a "Welcome to Big Brotherhood" party for Westley--with presents, guests, cake, the whole deal.  I may change my mind when the time comes, but in my imagination, it seems like a fun way to acknowledge that the first child is going through a big change.

I wouldn't assume that Archer's going to be jealous, bitter and angry. It doesn't ALWAYS happen that way. Sure, his sister will annoy him sometimes, and no one will know how to push his buttons quite like she does, but don't expect the worst. I have three sons and my boys always LIKED the new baby. And kept on liking him, right up until he was old enough to get into their stuff. Then it's just plain sibling rivalry. Good stuff.

It is wrenching though, giving up that precious one-on-one stage. you only get that with your firstborn.

As I sit here, a few weeks before we officially start trying for #2, I can totally relate to all of this.  It KILLS me to think of the possible sadness in Zoe's eyes when/if we bring home a second baby.  I will never forget the first few months (ahem.  the first few YEARS) of her life where all I did was stare at her.  Like you, I hope that spacing ours out  will make it a little easier on the transition.  Zoe is happily established in part time daycare and will be even more independent by the time a second baby arrives.

pumpkinpie is convinced she's going to be the lovingest big sister in the world. I've told her that babies are not that much fun at first and that if she doesn't always feel taht way, it will be okay, but so far, she will not hear of it. We'll see...

Our timing is terrible, as she goes to school like the same week, roughly, but I think once we get settled past the first couple of months, she'll be okay. She's pretty big on denying being small to the point of being offended when I say she's my baby. Maybe that will help. She's older, too, and I like having that gap, like you. I think it means I can give the baby more time than I would be able to if she were younger and that she can maybe understand and express more of how she's doing.

We'll all be fine, Bec. You, me, Archer, Pumpkinpie. There is, I think, some mourning involved, as you say, but also some joy. We'll make it.

Beware of the softserve.. remember Tori Spelling??

hi

I ve been reading ur adventures since a while from Paris, now London, and you are very inspiring as  a mother ,I never really felt I should be  a mum but you have found  a way to make me warm up to the idea   and Archer is soo cute now I want one just like him if you have the receipe!!!! can t wait to see what happen next it will be full of joy I am sure...thanks for sharing...merci

What a wonderful idea. I hope he remembers it when it counts... 30 yrs old and in therapy...

I think this is so cool!  We are TTC for #2 right now and I look at my son (15 months) and wonder how life will be when he's not the complete center of my universe.  When I have to share my heart, when he has to share me.  I wish I had the option to do what you are doing!  I'm a full-time, in the office 5-days a week mom, and it's just not feasible.  We're working towards it (maybe when baby #3 comes??), but then there will be another set of guilt: I wasn't able to stay home with them past 12 weeks and now this one gets me all the time?

We also have to figure out when to move him to a "big boy" bed since baby #2 (the one currently in my head and not my uterus) will need the crib.  He's too young to get excited about cool bedding, so I don't know how we'll swing that.

We are planning a home birth, so at least he won't be without his mom for an extended period of time.  That should help him adjust...

I can't wait to read about your adventures with Archer!

i have to admit that when i first read the title on GGC i didn't get it but when i came back today it hit me and i laughed and laughed (son.dun dun dun dun....) thanks for that. i think what your doing is great- we all get that mommy guilt, you are not alone. have a great time!!!

I am an only child and someone once explained sibling rivalry to me thusly: imagine that your husband comes home one day and tells you, "Honey, I have a big surprise! I'll be bringing home a new wife soon for you to play with! You're going to have such fun together. You can go shopping and work out at the gym and when I have to work late you'll have a friend to keep you company so you won't be lonesome! Of course I'll love you every bit as much as I ever did; we'll just have a new person to love. Won't that be great?"

This makes me realize I need to find a way for each of my twins to have time alone with me.