Straight From the Bottle

Our 10-month-old son is exactly the same. From the moment he was born, he's refused to sleep anywhere but our arms, and he's still waking up an INSANE number of times every night. So...no advice, but lots & lots of empathy! Hang in there!

Whats important is that when they go to college (or whenever they move out) they aren't still in a stroller or sucking on a paci.  In the meantime, I think we as moms are allowed to do whatever possible by whatever means possible to keep our sanity in check.

So, do what you must!  

And um, losing 5 pounds by doing it?!?  Not too bad mama!

I hate to say it but my son was exactly the same and the only way we got through it was with help from "healthy sleep habits happy child" and a lot of crying. Is there no nice closet she can have as a room? (onl 1/2 kidding)

i'm not an expert, but maybe the cry-it-out method would really work in fable's case. it seems that right now, she's getting her way and she knows it. (i think babies are way smarter than we give them credit for.) can she go to sleep while archer is still up playing? can you try it at naptime when archer is not in the room?

all babies are different, and maybe your walking method is working for you right now. and probably it is a phase she'll grow out of at some point. but it seems like sooner or later she's going to need to sleep more/better so that mama can get some sleep too.

(see previous comment about sanity; that's really all that matters.)

I know you've probably gotten all kinds of advice on the sleep issue, but if you can get your hands on "The No-Cry Sleep Solution" it's totally worth the read. I had it out of the library so long I finally bought it. The author is pretty extreme on her anti-cry-it-out stance, but the rest of the book is full of great suggestions to try or ignore, as fits yours needs.

I'm sure I've probably commented on your posts about sleep ... er ... LACK OF sleep before, but here I am again.  Sierra is 14 months old.  In the last 3 weeks we've had TWO nights where she slept for 7 hours!!  It was a Sierra record.  Last night, she went down at 9:30, was up at 12:30, then 5, then 7 for real.  

But it's better than it was six months ago.  Or two months ago.  We can usually get her down in her crib now.  This is different from 6 month ago (where Fable is now) because it was like there was an anti-crib force around her.  We could rock her so she was soundly to sleep, and then as soon as you started leaning over her crib to put her in to sleep, her eyes would snap open and she would be in full out scream.  

I can't help you, but I can honestly say that I know what you're going through.  

P.S. Weaning schmeaning.  I totally understand needing a break from someone always demanding you pull up your short, but if it's still working for both of you, give her the boob.  Everyone gets more sleep that way!

My son slept in his swing until 19 months when his feet started to drag on the floor and wake him up.  He's now 2 and sleeps in his bed no problem (although we never did use the crib - we finally put it away and got him a bed when he outgrew the swing because he hated it so much).  You do what you need to when they are little - sounds like the stroller works for her.

I've been reading your blog for a couple of months, hoping you would figure this out so you could help me!  My son is about 5 months younger than Fable, and we are co-sleeping, on the boob 4-5 times a night.  It's not bothering me yet... I love waking up to his face.  I feel the day is coming soon when I, like you, will feel like "enough!"  I got the no cry sleep solution book, it's got some good ideas, and it's very "use what you want ignore the rest".  I think getting them to sleep on their own requires a lot lot lot of work on our part.  Good luck!

sleep...the eternal struggle of a mom.  

my 1st ... is not a sleeper.  never has been ... probably never will be until her teenage years.  she was exactly the same way as your little fable.  everyone told me i was doing everything wrong.  and i felt horribly guilty.  but i needed to do what i needed to do to get sleep.  

then i had my 2nd ... did everything the same.  and she sleeps.  like really truly sleeps.  and i realized that none of it was my fault with the 1st.  

what worked for us?  putting her in a mattress on the floor rather early (1 y/o) ... then if nothing else i could jump in and sleep with her if i needed to.  or i could get her to sleep in there and sneak out to my own bed at some point.  she slept so much better in that, than she did her crib.  

good luck!  it's a struggle ... but i now try to remind myself that she is a thinker ... and i'm pretty sure that's what keeps her awake at night.  and i have to try and respect that ... but at the same time ... teach her calming techniques and strategies.  knowing that the ones that will work for her ... aren't necessarily what has worked for me.

My two year old was exactly the same as Fable at that age. He kept it up until about 15 months waking up 6 times a night to feed and refusing to sleep in his crib. He had us sleeping on the floor next to the crib to get him to stay in there for an hour or two.

At 15 months I got very sick for about a week and my husband who usually works nights was home to care for me and our boy and he managed to successfully sleep train him. It took him about 4 days of putting W in his bed and standing in the dark room with his back towards W until he was sleeping. Every day he'd move slightly further towards the door and after four days he just left and W fell asleep on his own.

I don't know if it was the combination of Daddy putting him to sleep instead of mommy or the fact that my husband is less emotional about W crying in bed for him or more patient about standing perfectly still not looking at W for a couple of hours in the evening. Whatever it was though it worked.

And it worked again after I screwed up the sleep routine when we went overseas this summer. W is back to falling asleep by himself in his room (now in his big boy bed) and he usually don't wake up more than once or twice.

good luck

Oh man did this post ever come at the right time for me.  We've been having a HORRID time getting Alexa to sleep lately.  She's never been good at sleeping alone.  Always needed contact of some kind.  Now even that doesn't work.  My magic boobies have lost their mojo and nothing seems to soothe her.  A walk is in order tonight!!!!  And hopefully if I do it nightly she'll go to sleep, and maybe it will help me with my weighloss journey :-)

My daughter was exactly the same when she was very young, and we co-slept for a while. I reached the end of my tether a lot earlier than you (when she was 3 months) and began the sleep training then. Some of the things that worked for me were: letting her spend time in her cot when she was awake and happy so she would learn that it wasn't a horrible place to be; putting her in to bed awake so that she wasn't surprised to find herself in the cot when she woke up. And finally WHITE NOISE was SO great for getting her to wind down and go off to sleep. I know it sounds awful but she really seemed to find it soothing. You can download an hr long track of a vacuum cleaner off the net! (or just use the real thing). She doesn't need it any more, but it was a brilliant aid in that transitional phase into the cot. All the best!!

I've got no advice for Fable in particular since I've tried all sorts of things and am not consistent with anything and my 7 month old isn't the greatest sleeper.  However, I will say that our kids share a room, too, and I've been amazed how much we can let the baby scream and the 3-year-old never wakes up.  When we did do a few nights of crying it out to get the babe to sleep on his own, we just let my daughter stay up a little late and watch a movie on the couch with Daddy.  Then, once the baby was asleep, she went to bed.  He wakes up screaming in the middle of the night all the time, and I think my daughter has woken up twice.  And she's a light sleeper. It sounds like Archer is a great sleeper, so I wouldn't worry about Fable waking him up.  Chances are she probably won't.

of course she'll stop sleeping in the stroller, for someday she will be too big.

i wish i had some help, but we went to a sleep clinic at a local hospital to help us get 2 of our 4 babes to sleep on their own. (and let's face it, it's all about training the parent to let the kid learn to put themselves to sleep.)

it was a gradual 3 step approach to get them to sleep in their bed on their own. each client is given a different routine based on your situation, but it was a life-saver.

no matter what you do, i wish you all luck. i know what it's like to not sleep.

BLESS ALL OF YOU for not judging me. I was NERVOUS going to read these comments so truly, thank you for your understanding. I've tried letting her cry for 15 minutes but that's about all I can take and then I grab her and then she passes out as I rock her in my arms and then eventually I get her back down. The thing is? She will only sleep 2 hours at the MOST in her crib at night. She truly hates it. Anyone have similar experience with a child who hates their crib?

I've been putting her in it and trying to make it a fun experience - music, toys, etc... still no such luck. She's like GET ME THE HELL OUT OF HERE AHHH!!!! the moment she steps foot in that sucker.

Sigh...

Hi Rebecca,

Oh, how I feel you. Reed will be two next month . . . and he still sleeps in our bed. He has always refused his crib, won't sleep in the car . . . or the stroller, for that matter. Just. our. bed. I'm pretty sure he's going to sleep there until he's 10, so . . .whatevs. I actually like sleeping with him and am semi-secretly glad he's still there (I'm pretty sure he'll object to snuggling at 15, so I'm trying to get all I can in now).

Tried cry it out, but am too spineless, Ferberize Schmerberize . . . people yell at me all the time but they don't have to get up 15 times a night. Even in our bed, he still gets up. Most often when my husband is at work and I'm desperately trying to get work done (I work at home primarily, too), and then I get behind, pissy, infuriated . . . did I mention exhausted?

So yeah. Our bed it is. And I'm comfortable with that. It's no one else's business where your kid sleeps so Do. what. works. for. you. There's always the couch for sex . . . or the kitchen. Garage, maybe. Variety's the spice, right? Good luck. Eventually, Fable will sleep. Reed will sleep. And there will be happy mamas in all the land. Right? RIGHT????????

Yea, we joke that my almost 10 month old son (been enjoying reading about Fable because of the age) thinks his crib sheets are made of acid. I can toss and turn in our bed with him and he sleeps right through it, but (I am not even exaggerating) his butt touches the crib sheets and he wakes up screaming.

Ahhhhh good! I'm glad I'm not the only one with an older child using a "Bink". Mine is 4 and for the life of me, can get him to give it up.

And for Miss. Fable, what ever works to get her to sleep. Is there a wrong way to sleep? I think not! So you go with your bad self, and keep on strolling her (since it is benefitting you at the same time!).

My son is pretty much the same way.  He will not go to sleep in his crib but if I am lucky I can place him in there if he is already asleep.  Otherwise he is still in our bed.  It sucks but a girl has got to sleep because dark circles are very unbecoming.  

Derek is 14 months and will not sleep anywhere except our bed. Just like other posters, as soon as we start to lay him in his crib he wakes up and screams. We are going to get a regular bed for him, and get rid of the crib. I hope it gets better for you, I know how it feels. Good luck!

My daughter slept in her carseat for the first 4 months, and then we endured another 10 hellish months of trying to g et her to sleep in her crib.  And her toddler bed shortly after she turned 2.  OMG.  Some kids just don't sleep well.  I'm sorry!

My son sleeps like Archer did, so no help there. But man, I hope she takes it easier on you soon, cause I'm tired and grumpy just reading that. Good job staying strong on not getting her down initially in your bed, even if she does wind up there sometimes. And really, you can't blame her. I'd totally love to be walked to sleep.

Its a comfort knowing I won't be the only one with a preschooler who has a paci attachment. The Beef is only a little older than Fable, but I know its coming. They're only allowed in his crib, but the dude will sleep with one in his face and one in each fist. He's an addict for sure.

I think you have to come up with your own plan and stick to it.  The plan needs to be custom to you and your lifestyle.  If you decide that rocking her back to sleep isn't an imposition on your well-being then that should be part of your plan.  

For example, I have twin girls.  I have one that is a super sleeper and the other one that wouldn't sleep well as a baby.  I personally beleive that before 6 months old I was there's.  They cried, I responded.  Around the 6 month mark my not so good sleeper needed to gain the skill.  For me it was a matter of my well-being.  I wasn't being there for her when I was starting to resent her for keeping me up at night.  It was a hard thing to admit because I wanted to be there for her but i really did start to find it hard to be nurturing with her at night.  

I used the techniques in the baby whisperer because it was something that I could do (there's a bit of cry-it-out and a bit of nurturing which I found to be a good middle of the road approach for me).  I think anything will work as long as you are committed.

It'll get better.  Having a baby that doesn't sleep well really gets your parenting skills tested: doesn't it ;-)

normal is whatever gets you by :-)

I've read your blog forever (love it!) and never commented.  

Just wanted to provide a different perspective here:  I'm now 20 years old (no kids, yet), and I had a pacifier until the age of six.  I didn't have severe dental problems or psychological damage.  My mom's attitude was pretty much "She'll use it until she doesn't want it anymore, and the problem will take care of itself if she tries to take it to high school."  You know, the whole mocking thing from other students.  I eventually just stopped of my own accord.

My mom's attitude was always do what works for both her and me, screw other people's judgment.  And I turned out fine.  Hang in there, Rebecca!  You are an awesome mom, woman, and writer, and your kids are beyond adorable.

We used an Amby as a transition to the crib (http://www.ambybaby.com/) after some significant struggles, and now we have a 20 month old that sleeps 12 hours at night and takes a 2 hr nap during the day. What was nice is when she woke up and started to fuss she would rock herself back to sleep.

I slept in an electric swing for almost a year. YES electric as plugged into the wall. That was recalled by the time my brother came along 18 months after me.

Who cares where she sleeps. She is safe and she sleeps!

No Cry Sleep Solution best book I have read about sleep. I also agree with the other woman about not using everything. But it gave me some bearing on how to do it. With out let my bubba cry it out. It was hard at first but it worked. But I sure any sleep to you is good sleep!

Rebecca, not to be competitive or anything, but I think my baby girl, Nola might win the worst sleeper medal. Oh she naps.  In her swing.  And she is 11 months old.  I nurse her down to her crib at night.  A few times she has slept there for THREE HOURS WOOOHOO!!!  Sometimes two hours.  Often one hour.  And all too often a half hour or so.  And then she is in bed with me the rest of the night.  

So, I have no advice. But maybe I should try the stoller?

I have the same problem - my son (8 mos old) HATES his crib!  I guess we are fortunate that he goes down in his crib for about 3 hours initially (after he nurses to sleep, I can put him down.  Sometimes it takes 2 or 3 tries).  After he wakes up that first time though, all bets are off - he screams and cries every time I put him down.  If I successfully put him down, 10 minutes later he is screaming bloody murder.  SO, I just take him in our bed and he sleeps soundly beside me...  oh well - since I have a 4 year old who was also a terrible sleeper and did not sleep through the night until 15 mos old (not even once!) and now sleeps so soundly that even as we wake him to go to the bathroom and sometimes his brother screams bloody murder and he doesn't even stir, I am hopeful that this phase too shall pass and eventually I will again get a full night sleep!

We tried cry it out MANY times.  People say "But did you REALLY try?"  Um-- YES-- 45 minutes he would scream without stopping.  By that time he was too worked up and overtired to settle down and go to sleep.

I'm convinced that some kids are just not good sleepers not matter what you do.  My son is almost two.  He did not "sleep through the night" until 10 months and he didn't consistently sleep bedtime to morning (morning being 5:30 a.m.--UGH) until about two months ago.

My point: don't beat yourself up thinking you should be doing something differently.  I made that mistake SO MANY times, thinking that I was "reinforcing poor sleep habits" (whatever that means!)  We tried so many things, nothing really worked, he's starting to grow out of it on his own.

Whatever gets you the most sleep is what you should do.

And my 2 yr old is a paci addict too-- DEFINITELY not taking that away anytime soon.

i lucked out & had 3 great sleepers...but i wanted 2 say that u should definitely continue 2 do what works 4 u & Fable...u've got that Mama instinct & should always listen 2 that!  u know better than any1 what Fable (& u) need!  keep on keepin on girl!

Babies are crazy, and you do what you gotta do! My nephew slept in his infant swing until he was TWO YEARS OLD. It looked crazy to see this giant kid stuffed in a tiny swing, but it was the only way he would sleep.

You're pretty much a saint and an amazing mom for going the distance for your little lady.

I was there. My daughter would only sleep in her stroller or car seat for months. In fact the only reason we moved her out of her car seat was because the doctor was complaining about her flat spot. Now we were lucky as it only took a few days to get her settled into the crib, but I feel your pain. I am a firm believer of we do what we have to so that our whole family thrives. And if that means she sleeps in her stroller for a bit, then so be it. She will get to that crib eventually.

gus was the same way. we had a crib but he never slept in it. co-sleeping never was a problem with us as it seemed pretty natural. he still sleeps with us at 5 but we're happy. but it didn't matter cause he was a pain to get to sleep. as soon as my hand moved away his eyes were open. as soon as i left the room as a baby, boom he'd be awake. have you tried leaving a sweater or something of yours in the bed? maybe take her crib sheet and lay on it yourself one night then put it back in there? is co-sleeping that bad? she's just 10 months and will grow out of it soon enough....

I am a big believer in the, as long as it works for you camp. I have three and each one is a different type of a sleeper. My first slept in her crib and was an all night long (bless her) sleeper. My second just plain never slept. My third, who is Fables age, still wakes up at night. Once, twice, sometimes three times. He is not consistent at all. He slept with us until about 6 months, because hi, I was TIRED. :) Now, eh. Some nights I put him back in the crib, some nights he comes into our bed.

Basically, that long wordy paragraph was just my way of telling you, let the girl sleep in the stroller if that's the only way she sleeps. Truly, they all one day learn to sleep in their bed. Alone. All Night. Or so I hear.

Oh and my friends son slept in his car seat beside their bed, until he was nine months old. He'd only sleep in that position.

My little girl Danger had THE SAME HORRIBLE PROBLEM! She NEVER slept in the $300 bassinet we bought her, EVER!  If her hand couldn't touch my face she couldn't sleep those were the rules.  My Doctor told me that because she was so small when she was born that she just needed a little extra time and because she is my first and I loved the way she smelt and all that other wonderful baby stuff I totally appeased her.  Until it got to the point when she was 5 months or so that when I would move over in bed to give myself just an inch of personal space once she had fallen asleep she somehow would be touching me again in 2.3 seconds.  I thought I was going INSANE!  So I decided that was that and got her crib all ready for her arrival and then FAILED over and over and over again at getting her to sleep in it at night or nap time.  Someone gave us the book by these folks (http://www.sleepyplanet.com/) and OH MY GOD, SWEET LORD BABY JESUS THE WORLD WAS GOOD AGAIN but only after 3 days of hell... let me tell you the three days were soooo worth it.  Now she goes to sleep on her own no problems in about 2 minutes.  I never believed it could be possible, I mean she's "just not a good sleeper" but I was wrong.  The best part about the book is that if you have a question or a problem that isn't in the book or isn't quite as the book explains it or whatever you can just email the author and she gets back to you within like 6 hours!

I'm done my ramble now.  This saved my life so I needed to share it with you because FAble sounds JUST like Danger when it comes to sleep!

It sucks that you are having such a hard time getting Fable to sleep, but i have to say I'm glad I'm not the only one who has a sleep challenged tot.  Want to know my family's sleeping arrangement?  Me on the futon sandwiched between a 3 yr old and an almost 9 month old, husband on an air mattress next to the bed.  Seriously.  

The 3 year old temporarily slept in her own bed, but once little brother came along and started sleeping with me (at first he was an awesome sleeper who would sleep on his own, but somehow I screwed that up) she decided that she needed to sleep with me again.

Our plan:  get into a house soon (in a small apartment now)so that we can really work on each child starting out in their own bedroom.  And for the nights they won't stay in their own rooms:  buy a king sized bed so we can all sleep on it together.  I miss having my husband in the bed.

I think you are doing a great job!! Baby steps... keep doing what you are doing and you'll make it there. I know this might not be what you want to hear, but I have a big sigh of relief that you are taking this slowly (the weaning from breastfeeding and co-sleeping). I think its so much better to make the transition on your (and her) own time. Be confident in what you are doing, only you and Hal really know what is right for your family right now.

But, I'm sorry that you have to put in so much more work to get her to sleep, it sounds very tough, but she'll eventually get to the point you want her at, just keep persisting.

Does she ever sleep on her stomach? My 9-month-old, Annalise, will only sleep on her back if she is 100% exhausted. Most nights she instantly flips over as soon as I put her on her back. She seems to feel more secure on her stomach. I don't know if that would work for Fable at all or not.

I'm sorry that you're struggling! It's a very difficult part of parenting, I think. You know that they need to sleep and have healthy sleep habits...but getting them to that point often means that YOU don't sleep. And if Mommy doesn't sleep, no one is gonna be very happy.

Good luck!

my daughter, scout, is 15 months. we literally, not even a little bit joking, have bounced her on an exercise ball every night ,almost since birth, to get her to sleep. she despised her crib. at 10 months we put her on the floor with just the crib mattress. we bought on of those side things so she wouldn't roll out and shoved it against the wall. MAGIC!!!!! for her first birthday she got a twin size bed and it's at the foot of our bed. she went from waking up a gazillion times a night to sometimes we get a straight 10 hours!! woohooo!!! i say put her on the floor and get her a bigger bed, it just might do the trick!

just wanted to say GOOD LUCK and omg, 10,000 sympathetic-mama kudos to ye!  sounds like you're making the best of things; i hope fable becomes more accepting of her crib (and sleep!) soon.

also, i know the title of your blog is from a song i know, and now it's stuck in my head!  is it carissa's weird?

xoxo!  

Our daughter, Nina, sucked at sleep too and we also put her in the stroller and rocked her to sleep in our office listening to Weezer then tip toed around the house for maybe 30 minutes while she slept, it was torturous. Then all of a sudden we woke up on a Saturday morning and realized that neither one of us had got up with her and was 8:30 in the f-ing morining! We rushed in to check her vitals and she was sleeping! From then on she has slept so well it has been a huge mind F.

YOU WILL MAKE IT! You will get your sanity back...someday!

Dr. Ferber saved my LIFE. I have a four-year-old and four-month old twins. The twins have been sleeping through the night for well over a month now thanks to the Ferber Method. It SUCKS doing it -- it is HARD on everyone for a few days, but a few days of feeling like crap and listening to all the crying and then WHAMMO... life as you know it changes and get so much better. I swear swear wear it! Babycenter.com has a good article about The Ferber Method -- it is NOT all about crying it out -- cry cry cry until they fall asleep... that is a myth. Read: www.babycenter.com/0_the-ferber-method-demystified_7755.bc. Seriously... saved my life.

Both of our kids slept in our bed until 18 months and 2 year, respectively. And they were both against sleeping in the crib while it was in our room and then didn't take much issue with it when they were in separate rooms. You might try covering her with whatever shirt you wore that day- my daughter would scream whenever I wasn't holding her and that's the only way I could get her to stay asleep for longer than 15 minutes alone. Granted it gave me only about 30 more minutes but still...

don't worry! Fable will totally get there! mine did this too. he would only sleep in his swing or the car seat, never in his crib until he was a yr old (maybe longer). he also didn't nap more than 30-40 min unless I was holding him, so that was fun too. I remember being worried that he'd outgrow his infant seat & then where would I be? somewhere around a year we were able to transition him into his crib (we started with naps, & once that started happening, moved into nighttime).

what kept me going was remembering that getting sleep, any sleep, any where was what was important-- & to keep taking baby steps to get to where we were trying to go. my son's now a champion napper & sleeps thru the night in his own bed without any problems (& goes to sleep very quickly & easily, knock wood). it took a long time but it happened. & I'm sure when he transitions into a "big boy bed" (soon) things will be disrupted until he gets his bearing again!

2 things I did then to help transition were 1. try to follow a routine as much as possible-- ie, having naps come after the same activity & around the same time, every day, & have some kind of mellow but consistent nighttime "getting ready for bed" routine since babies (& kids) really respond to routine & it makes them feel safe.

& 2. the other thing I did was I started telling/talking to my son about what we were doing & what was coming up next-- ie, "it's time to get ready for bed now. we're going to take a bath & get all clean, & then we'll snuggle & have milk & after that it will be time for sleep." I would tell that "story" along each step, so he knew what was coming up next & could relax into it. when it was time to put him into his bed, I'd follow the same routine too-- "ok, it's time for sleep now, I'm going to put you in your bed. (::put him into bed:: sometimes he'd resist & I'd hold him a bit longer, or sit back down & start that part again) once he was in bed,  "ok, time for sleep now. I love you & I'll see you in the morning time." if he fussed, I'd wait a bit & then go back in & repeat the "ok, it's time for sleep now..." ideally I'd just pat his back but sometimes I'd rock him again depending on how wigged out he seemed. I started this probably when he was around Fable's age & even tho he couldn't respond it really seemed (seems, I still do it) to help.

also, you might want to check out askmoxie.com-- she's got a whole section on sleeping & developmental stages, etc & she has lots of helpful advice as well as plain old comfort. one helpful piece for me was to learn that kids almost always have a sleep "regression"  when they're going thru a developmental push, & so just to weather it & pick things back up once they're thru it-- ie, instead of banging one's head against the wall pointlessly. I'm remembering that 9/10 months is a big one & most kids go thru some kind of sleep disruption then.

best of luck-- you're doing fine!

My Avery never slept.  Even as a newborn, he shunned naps, slept for no more than 2 hours at a time, and basically drove me crazy.  The one thing that did help was the baby swing...he slept in there until he literally wore out the motor because he weighed too much (pretty sure an 8-month-old isn't still supposed to be sleeping in one of those things).  What did I do?  Called Fisher-Price and got a new motor!  We probably spent $500 on D batteries that first year, and after we blew up the second motor I decided it was time to retire the swing.  He slept with us for a while (which means that he slept some and I slept none), until I'd finally had enough.

At 18 months, we did the cry it out method.  The first night was over 2 hours of crying (off and on) and I wanted to claw my ears out and was sure I was the worst mother in the world.  The next night was slightly better, the third even better (about 30 minutes), and by the 7th night he was going to sleep on his own in his own bed and has done so ever since (he's 2 1/2).  Lifesaver.

Do what you have to mama, and don't feel bad.  Sleep is rough.

Oh, this post (and especially the comments) made me feel so much better. So, we're not alone, and, probably, although I'm NOT the perfect mom, I'm not really doing anything that wrong or reinforcing bad habits (and should probably stop feeling guilty).

My son is 2 1/2, about never slept in his crib, NOT a good sleeper, always wakes up, but does well in the car or stroller, etc... We tried the crying it out method, but I mean, II DIDN'T WORK. The kid would only work himself up so badly he would choke and vomit, for HOURS without calming down. I don't know how I did it but I kept on trying for two weeks, and instead of getting remotely better, it was getting worse, so after that we were just completely broken-hearted and exhausted.

So we've been co-sleeping, and man, it works. Of course, I got a lot of judgment and scolding for that. But I mean, most of the people whose kids sleep well didn't have to do anything for that! Before I had a kid (of if I had an easy one) I would have probably judged it too, but now it seems to me it's just a lottery of kid's personality traits.

He'll still sometimes wake up but we can easily put him back to sleep. I think it's true that these kids NEED and CRAVE touch in order to feel emotionally secure and let themselves go. One night when my son was 10 months and was babysat by my mom, she called me, worried, saying she had been rocking him for over an hour and instead of falling asleep he was just fussing and writhing more and more. Are you holding him away from your body, I asked? Yes, why? she said. Turn him around against your chest and put his hand on your skin,  right below your neck. She did, and I swear, he fell asleep in 20 seconds.

I also half-secretly like him in our bed, it feels very natural for the whole family to sleep together, although I do miss cuddling with my husband (but as one commenter put it, it doesn’t mean you’re not having sex anymore. It only means you’re not having it in the bed).

We are now transitioning him to a toddler bed, near ours for now, then eventually in his own room. We’re doing it more because we think we’re not helping him in the long run by not teaching him to fall and stay asleep on his own,  than because we think the situation is unbearable or something. The last couple of days have been really tough, with him waking up every half hour, crying, calling for me (he’s not disintegrating like he did as a baby though, so we’re sticking with it)... It just reminded me of how catastrophic and tiring it was before we just brought him with us.

What’s gonna happen now? I don’t know. If he doesn’t transition easily, will we be lazy and so tired after a while that we give up and bring him to bed with us again? We’re thinking about having another one now, so he can’t be in our bed forever. But bottom line, I think, is that ultimately you do what you can and what works best for you, sc*** people who think you’re doing it wrong, they weren’t in your situation anyway. My son is the only kid ever in the history of his daycare that the teachers were never able to get to sleep in the crib, and their threshold to crying was probably much higher than ours. When he had surgery for ear tubes and woke up alone and confused after, medical professionals (in a children’s hospital!) were completely floored by his intensity and even wanted to sedate him (but he calmed down almost instantly when his father arrived to hold and reassure him).

And oh, he’s also still a paci addict, although I only limit it to when he’s sleeping.

Dude. SO normal for a 10-month old (um, actually, 8-11 months is just fracked for baby sleep).

1. Do whatever works best for the whole family. Babies and toddlers are INSANELY flexible and can un-learn anything they've learned... eventually.

2. GUARANTEED Fable will NOT be sleeping in a stroller when she's 16. So, yeah, this phase WILL pass.

3. There's no good research on exactly how much sleep any kid NEEDS; there's HUGE variability with some kids "needing" 14-16 hours and others "needing" 8-10. Is Fable generally happy (like we need to ask you that?), healthy (I'm talking about whether she gets 20 colds per month, not some sniffles and sneezes in the winter), engaged and energetic? She's getting what she needs.

3. Not that you asked and I do apologize for unsolicited advice. Feel free to IGNORE this: I wouldn't bother with any fantabulous sleep-training method during this developmental transition phase. It's likely to put everyone up for a whole lot of heart ache and if you're generally all doing great, you may not want that. But 12 months? FABULOUS new stage to implement whatever sleep-training works with your maternal instinct/desperation level.  There's a whole lot of great developmental psychology research on why this stage in development isn't so great for changing sleep habits:

bedtiming.typepad.com/.../8-11-months

Bottom line though: oh man, SO, so many of us have been there and it WILL be over and she WILL sleep well. Someday.

My 12 month old is very similar to Fable at that age. This month I got brave and used Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning technique to get her to sleep in her crib: for 3 days and nights I sat next to the crib and soothed her (voice, presence, contact) till she fell asleep, then the next 3 I sat in a chair (voice and presence) , then... I went out the door (just voice). It wasn't nearly as heartbreaking as I thought it would be, she handled it much better than I expected. I think she was ready for it. If I'd tried it two months ago though, I'm not sure it would have went so well. She's still waking up once or twice, but all I have to do is go in there, give her back her blanket and her soother and turn on some music.

Good luck! Sleeping in her stroller is SO not the worst thing a mom could do.

my son slept in his carseat from the day he got home from the hospital until ...well... we'll just say that his feet were hanging out when we started moving him to the crib.  EVERYONE saw fit to give us a whole bunch of shit about it, but the Dr. said it was fine, the baby was happy and sleeping and so were we.  Don't have mom guilt about this.  If Fable is safe and happy in the stroller, and you are getting a few Z's, it's all good. People are going to be all judgementy about all sorts of things.  Don't let this be one that bothers you.  Any BTW, your blog rocks!  

Hey, all's fair in love and war.  If the stroller works, the stroller works.  Look at it this way:  It's certainly more environmentally friendly than driving her around in the car, right?

You rock!

It's normal enough.  It's normal for you.  It's normal for Fable.  So yeah, take it and stop fussing :-) (FWIW we co-slept lots longer than you, and I nursed my second til he was over 1 1/2 ... whatever works, whatever works.)

As humiliating as it is for me to admit, our daughter slept for at least 11 months in her swing. She started sleeping through the night at about 2 1/2 months and would not, absolutely would not sleep anywhere else. I figured, I have a preschooler and a newborn, fuck the critics, I wanted as much sleep as humanly possible.

Do what works for you. Don't worry about what anyone else says. As my cousin said to me, "I don't know any adults that sleep in swings, so don't sweat it."

maybe Fable likes the feeling of being in her stroller because she is surrounded by the sides of the stroller.  It is like she is being cuddled the whole time she is sleeping. The next best thing in her mind if she is not sleeping in your bed.  She probably views the crib as a wide open space that doesn't offer her any cuddles when she wakes up and she is upset by that and then wants you.  Her confidence to go back to sleep by herself will come in time.  You just have to keep up with it.  My children always slept alone in their cribs from day one but that is not to say that there were not nights when it was difficult. A couple of nights a month, my daughter would wake up and scream and not go back to sleep unless I was in the room with her.  I would lie on the floor next to her crib and wait for her to go back to sleep. Me being close to her would be the only thing that would stop her hysterical crying.  She wanted me to pick her up but I would not because then she would never sleep on her own. I would just talk to her and tell her that mommy is here and that she needed to go back to sleep. It worked for us and she got through those nights just fine as long as I was in her eye sight if she woke up again. And trust me, on those nights she woke up repeatedly just to check to see if I was still there.  Eventually she outgrew those nights of needing me there for comfort and now she and her brother are the best sleepers.  I guess what I am trying to say, is that no one method is the perfect method.  You sometimes have to try it all to find that one thing that works for you.

oh man, my son is exactly the same... unfortunately he's over 2 years old now and still a horrible sleeper. He loves physical contact when he sleeps, and he just really doesn't like to be alone.  He is better now... wakes maybe 2 times instead of 5 ... slowly getting better.  

I have to say, that for the first 9 months of our daughters life, we were in the same situation. But somewhat worse - it was only me, mommy, mom, and myself that she would sleep with/for/near/tolerate. My husband could not be left alone with her for more then an hour without terrible results of both of them looking like they had just been through 'Nam when I got home. What it took - literally... was because she was not (ahem) planned necessarily... and we have a one bedroom for the time being, we moved into the living room on an air mattress, and let her cry herself down - it took the pediatrician yelling at me for 7 months to do it, and 9 months of co-sleeping which led to whispered arguments all night long between me and my husband to finally push us to do it. It took 3 nights, and now she sleeps from around 7pm to about 6am. I never knew I could get drunk on sleep... 4 months later, we are still on the air mattress, and still looking for a new living situation, but we are ALL sleeping better for it. Could you try moving Fable's crib into the living room for a few nights? (and yes, weaning helps a TON - we are 3 weeks off of boob, and she is much better with bedtime in general)

Its good to know I am not alone in this battle. My 9 month co-sleeps. He is one of those that craves constant physical touch. We tried the cry it out method and I do mean really tried. He and I both ended up sick after the 45 min torture. So guess where he is....right back between me and hubby. He is still not a great sleeper even co-sleeping. Thats something inherited because I am not a great sleeper....Im just going to wait it out. It will work itself out one way or the other...Oh yeah he also will only nap in his swing.....

You're a good mom. You know what's right for your baby. And for your family. I wonder though if a few sleepless nights for Archer might mean years of wonderful quiet nights in the future?

I know it sucks. I held my baby girl every moment for the first six weeks and she was held every moment by me and whoever was available for the next six months. Then we Ferberized her. She survived and has no feelings of abandonment (like I feared she would have). She sleeps in her big girl bed now (she's 4) and still comes in to sleep with us in the middle of the night. But she knows that she has to fall asleep in her bed before she's allowed to come knocking on our door.

Sheesh...I have no advice for you.  My 2 year old still sleeps with my hubby and I whilst sucking her fingers. She also is still taking a bottle (nursed and then weaned to a bottle, go figure?!?).  My now 13 year old daughter took her boppy/paci until she was 6.  My 13 year old is perfectly normal and has a great, straight set of pearly whites too!

They are only babies/kids once and the experts don't know EVERYTHING. Hang in there!

aha!  the smiths!  it's a smiths song!  not that it matters at all, but it's been stuck in my head for like 2 days...  ;-D  x.

Same problem with my son who is now 4.  He maybe slept with us about 3 times in all of his life but from about 3-9 months would not sleep.  He was too big for the swing which he loved so he would only sleep on me or during boob time and when he was done would wake up.  We have done everything from shaking the crib mattress gently (he needed the motion) and finally I snapped and had enough.  So he cried it out and it sucked, but eventually worked.  some nights it was around 45 minutes and some 20 and then finally he just started going down without crying at all.  My advice is have Archer fall asleep in your room with the door closed and once Fable is asleep and done crying move the sleeping Archer back into his bed.  Kids are smart, she knows you will come in and save her from her crib if she keeps it up long enough.  During the day I would use whatever works, nothing wrong with the stroller.

Hi there! My daughter was a terrible sleeper as well. Although she slept in her crib from day one, she had a hard time staying asleep. I went on a mad hunt interviewing moms for help here's some advice that I got...put a heating blanket/pad in the crib while your rocking her to sleep and take it out before laying her down.  If she likes your smell put your pillow case in the crib with her so she can get some familiarity.  Did you know there is a gadget that you can put in the crib that simulates the car moving at 60 MPH? (Yes, there is a gadget for everything!) For our daughter, it was a humming fan and a very DARK room.  She has the blackout curtains that Velcro down the sides and in the middle from Bed Bath and Beyond. The girl sleeps from 8pm till 9:30am. Sleep is very precious and highly under rated.  Best of luck to you!  And just remember when she's gets caught skipping school one day, you'll shrug and say we'll at least she's sleeping through the night now!

Awww...I feel for all of you.  The reason, of course, that they wake up when you so much as bend to the crib is that you have all taught them that this is what you're going to do ever since the very first time you went to do it and didn't....their brains are on the alert now and will wake for it. (just as you would probably wake if your child stood by your bed without saying a word).  And babies are brilliant.  They will probably never be as brilliant or intuitive as they are at this age.  0 to 1 year sees almost a 60% growth to their final brain size.

So I say if Fable will sleep in the stroller, let her sleep in the stroller. Who cares? LOL if she sleeps in the stroller until she learns to talk?  Great...then you can explain to her why she shouldn't sleep in the stroller.

You know, all my young life my mom tried to make me sleep the hours that she (or Dr. Spock) thought I should and would not listen when I told her I COULD NOT SLEEP! If she put me to bed at 6 PM and I managed to actually fall asleep, then I would wake up at 1 AM and be up for the duration.  For my whole childhood I would get in trouble for being awake...either for reading under the covers until all hours or reading by the sunrise.  To this day at 50 yrs old, I sleep 5 hours.  No matter what time I go to bed, I sleep 5 hours.  (ahhh...when I was young and adorable in my 20s it was 3 hours!)  All I'm saying is...who cares?  If it works for you guys and it works for Fable, who cares?  If she needs more sleep, she will fall asleep in the middle of dinner or conversation ha-ha.  If it starts to annoy you and you WANT to cry-train her, then do it.  If it doesn't, then seriously, wait until you can talk to her about it if you want.  Who cares what experts say?  All experts ever gave me as a kid was a lot of trouble and grounding for disobedience.

My daughter was a terrible sleeper for the first 9 months of her life.  Which is to say, she would fall asleep on my boob- and stay there- or she would. not. sleep.  When we finally decided to switch out of the co-sleeping/night nursing/nurse to sleep routine, we had several epic fails before we solution that worked.

We started with her morning nap because that's when she slept most soundly.  I nursed her to sleep as usual, then put her down on a blanket/mat on the floor and sat next to her.  The first few times, she needed to wake and nurse before she slept on the blanket alone.  When she got used to waking up on the blanket after one nap, we added her afternoon nap.  At night, she still slept with us.  When she'd learned to sleep well on the blanket, we moved the blanket into her crib- but put the crib in the living room so she was still near me.  When that was tolerable to her, we moved the crib to her room.  Once that was okay, we started putting her into the crib "mostly asleep".  Now, somewhat reliably (though she still has off days) she will wave "ni-night" to her daddy and the cat and happily put her head down in her own bed.

She's 15 months old now, and I'm not gonna lie- the process was graaaaaaaaduuuuuuuaaaal.  But we didn't have to fight, or listen to her cry, or walk a zillion miles in the warm, wet sweater that is a DC summer.

Though I wouldn't have minded losing 5 pounds!  

My daughter is almost 10 months and was getting up four times a night to eat and it was killing me. It felt like I had a newborn all over again so we tried sleep training her. We used the cry it out method when we moved her from her bassinet to her crib and it took about 3 days and she had gotten used to it so we used it again here. 3 days later and she is sleeping from 9-10 until 5:30-6. I know cry it out seems like it's not an option but have you thought about letting your son camp out in the living room for a couple of days? You could use a tent and a sleeping bag and make a game out of it. It's been almost a week and I feel so much better, I have more patience and the cold that I had magically disappeared once I started getting better rest. Good Luck!

I forgot to add that I love the Smiths reference.  

Hope things are getting better.

My first born colicky son spent the first 6 months of his life in a basket on the dryer, in the swing seat, in his car seat or in our bed.

He is now 16 and survived :)  Whatever gets you through.

Must say that when I had my second and third borns (twins) I knew I had to get them on a decent schedule from day 1 or 5 ;)  They were put to bed in their cribs on regular intervals suggested by the baby books, no rocking or putting them to sleep with the boob. And imagine my surprise when it WORKED!  They were well rested babies who never cried when put down (maybe as they were together?), at a very early age they learned to go to sleep on their own.

Yeah, not all peaches and cream, they woke for months every flipping two hours for feedings being underweight, 3 weeks early.  But if they were fed and changed they were good to go.

Sorry, rambling. Miss them that young at times :) Enjoy where they are now as it all changes so darn quick!

Have you tried a white noise machine?  Worked like a charm for us, especially with two kids sharing a room ...

Well, my second son slept in a baby tub for the first three months of his life because we didn't want to buy another crib and his slightly older brother wasn't done with the one we had. So a stroller is a vast improvement! Also, I had a friend whose daughter slept in the stroller for about three months and another friend who's newly adopted son slept in a stroller for nearly a year. Hey, whatever works!

That being said, my sons didn't actually sleep for more than 2 hours at a time until the ages of 3 and 2. And some nights 20 minutes in a stretch was paradise. For THREE years. Yeah, I rejoice that they don't wake up anymore.

Rebecca -- Stop worry about it and do whatever you figure out works. Some kids do just suck at sleeping. You're completely right about that. I have three kids. My oldest, 8, was a terrible sleeper as a baby and continues to be a terrible sleeper. She has a terrible time trying to fall asleep every night. No crying it out, no bedtime routine, no hot milk is going to change that. It's literally chemical with her. We found out when she was 6 that she is gifted and has ADHD. It's very hard for kids with ADHD to turn off their brains! They literally can't stop thinking. So even as a baby, she couldn't turn it off. I'm not saying your baby has anything. I'm just saying that sometimes it's just their personality and sometimes it's chemical. And all you can do is try to figure out the best tricks that work for your child. My second child is an OK sleeper and my third puts herself to sleep. She holds her blankie and sucks her thumb and she is out. We did nothing differently. That's just who they are.

All I got is some advise/retort for the critics that is far more pleasant and works better than "Go Reproduce Yourself!" at 100 decibels ;-):  "I'm glad you're so concerned and have offerred to come give us a hand tonight so that we can get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep!  THANK YOU!!!!!"  They will either back off, or they will come to realize that they don't know as much as they thought they did.  And yes, Virginia...this even works on judgemental Mother-In-Laws.  

Side note: any other nursing mamas feel like they have been kicked in the nips with steel-toed boots when trying the CIO methods?  My son screams or cries, instant, PAINFUL, shirt-drenching letdown.  

I second the recommendation to read askmoxie.org.  It made me feel so much less like the bad parent of a lonely vampire.  The site brings up a lot about sleep regressions and developmental milestones and just how hard 9-10 months is.  I'm right there with you with my 10 month old sucky sleeper.  Stay strong!

My 4 year old (first born) was exactly like fable. I looked good because all I did was feed boob, walk him in the stroller or wear him on me, rock him, whatever it took to get him to sleep. He HATED his crib. Hated, hated, hated it. At 9 months, he jumped out of it. At 16 months, we tried a toddler bed. At 2, we got a full size mattress on the floor. At 4, he still sleeps with us. Sorry - no help here, just letting you know you are not alone. Eventually they grow up and sleep on their own. Until then, I just tell myself to enjoy the adorable, snugly body next to me.  

I don't have any little ones, but I have spent a loooot of time around them.  I'm wondering if either the crib mattress is really uncomfortable or if it just doesn't smell like mama.  Maybe if you slept with the sheets from the crib mattress for a few nights so that they'll smell like you and Hal, she might feel more comfortable?  I also think the idea of putting her in there when it's NOT nighttime (perhaps with a toy or two, to play and realize that the crib is not evil.) is pretty good.  

Other than that...eh, you are trying.  And that's really all you can do!!!

Here is the answer to your problem: No naps. A kid (mine, like yours) who doesn't seem to need more than 8-10 hrs sleep a day, can get them all in one go. It is kinda brutal to not have that nap recess in the middle of your day but I swear, every 20 minutes of napping puts an hour on her bedtime, so the choice is yours. I've opted to give my days to the kids so that I can have my entire evenings for myself and my husband. It's a tough day but the kids are both asleep by 7:30.  

Someone may have told you about this already but I just spied it and thought of you :o)

www.cookiemag.com/.../lolaloo.html

I want to feel relief from reading your post and the comments, but I have to admit that I just feel this rising tide of anxiety. MY FEARS ARE CONFIRMED. My son may continue to be a bad sleeper well into his toddler years! I'm not sure if I'm built to handle that. We have tried every book out there...even going as far as hiring a sleep doula (who basically charged us $250 to tell us to let him cry it out).  Though some things have improved (I don't breastfeed him to sleep anymore at night, though I still have to for his naps), he still wakes up about four times a night and is up for the day between 4 and 5 a.m. Both my partner and I are beyond exhausted and it's difficult some days not to resent our lil' babe for causing all this trouble.  HOW DO YOU KEEP SO POSITIVE? At this point, I just need to find tools to learn to be ok with this situation.

What can I say? I soooo feel your pain sister!

My little Alix: sweet, sweet, sweetheart, but I swear she gets a G (Godcanyoubelievehowterriblethisis?) at sleeping.

Our daughter (just turned 2) started sleeping nights when she was 8 months old (going back to work after maternity leave was a bucket of fun!!), and, hasn't ever slept 7 full nights in a row.

I know. Me telling you that right now is just what you needed to hear (so many more months to go! yeah!).

And we had the same problem that you have, i.e., we are certainly cruel enough that we would try and let her cry it out, but our kids share a (tiny) bedroom. What to do?

Add in the extra problem that we would give her a bottle to help her go back to sleep (and not wake her brother): perfect sleep terrorist.

So, this summer, we asked our son (4) if he wouldn't mind sleeping in our room for a few nights (we moved his mattress), and we tried the Ferber/cry-it-out (you know, where you progressively let them cry). And it has got a lot better (although not perfect, I'll admit).

Our next step this September, when she turned two, was to take out two of the bars in her crib, so she can get up on her own. She has done it once, had a walk around the appartment(we kind of ignored her and pretended to be sleeping. Cruel, I tell you!), realised no party was going on at 4 in the frickin' morning, and walked back to bed.

It's a bit early to be doing that with Fable, but just an option to consider for the future?

Ok, I'll stop now. First time commenter, and soooo lengthy already. Sheeesh, those French people;-)

Bon courage!