Straight From the Bottle

*takes notes*

so effing brilliant.

congrats!!

That's genius. I wonder if I could use this trick on myself for the gym. Hmm...

yay!!! we did this, too, when i had to be at work at 7:15-in-the-a-fucking-m. we packed breakfast for the girls to eat at school & literally woke them in time to pee & hit the road. worked like a charm for us & i'm so happy it's working for you!

I love it!  It's subversive and logical and funny and effective- what else could you want from child-rearing??

I have four kids and am barely sane. I swear by the chart program by accountablekids.com. It has saved me time, energy, and my childrens limbs.

Check it out :)

Brilliant! Congratulations of finding an acceptable solution to your getting out the door problem.

Oh memories!  My mom did this with my brother and I and she says that it saved her sanity.  I'm glad that it works for you.  

Yay, that is awesome!  I have to admit I pull this trick out every now and then and agree that it does indeed work.  Sometimes I send Jack to daycare in his PJ's or a random costume, as well.  Whatever it takes!!

I used to do this too when I was a kid. But I always thought it was cause my mom hated doing laundry and this was her way of not having to wash night cloths as well as day clothes?

Great job!!!!

That's genius!!  I'm going to need to remember this.

Ah, I love creative solutions to kid problems! Hooray!

Damn, I wish this would work on my husband.

congrats-- but i was hoping that the greatest secret in the universe would help me get my twin babies to stop wanting to be held at the same time?  and make my dog shut up.  and help me find fable's owl hat on ebay.

if you can provide solutions to those, i'm all ears (who am i kidding, i'm all ears anyways . . .).

Funny, I've done the opposite--bring the kid to school in her pj's.  Once she sees her friends in their clothes, she has no objection to changing.  But whatever works for you!

Thank you for admitting that sometimes your kids frustrate you to the point of wanting to hit them. Not actually hitting them. Sometimes I feel like the only mom that gets this mad (I too don't hit but somedays...it's tempting) you are an awesome & honest mom. Thanks for sharing with the rest of us.

such a clever idea. and this is something he will grow out of on his own terms.

Amazing! I love this idea.

This is hysterical, because I had the same idea when I was about 7ish.  I put my clothes for the next day on under my nightgown.  The problem is that when my parents found out, I wasn't applauded for my brillance, instead I was grounded.  

I put my kid's clothes in the dryer in the morning. Gets them toasty warm and then it's easy to get him dressed! Nothing like warm clothes on a nippy morning!

I feel your pain!  Not so much in the dressing department but the "I'm so frustrated right now I actually have an urge to hit you!" urge!  I have a zero tolerance for hitting policy in my house and thankfully we've been able to maintain that.  But somedays it would be so easy to let that go!

i definitely tried this on myself with my gym clothes last night... didn't work on me.

i'm destined to sleep in til the last minute and go to the gym at night.

here's hoping that it keeps working with archer though :)

I hated getting dressed in the morning when I was that age too. Mine stemmed more from the fact that I was picky about what I would wear TO THE EXTREME. Finally, my mom implemented a ritual where every Sunday I would pick out five outfits for the school week. And then I had less and less options to fret over as the week (and likely her patience) dwindled.

God, I hope if I ever have a daughter she is not nearly as picky as I was. I wouldn't even wear PANTS for the first 9 years of my life because I thought I would look like a BOYYEEE.

this is a great idea.  I am so glad my daughter doesn't throw these sorts of tantrums though because it would never work on her - no matter what she goes to bed in she will be wearing a totally different outfit when I get her in the morning or after a nap. The kids changes her outfit like 5 times a day!

this is genius! My 6 year old is doing better about getting dressed in the morning, but it still occasionally causes issues.  We will be trying this tonight :)

GENIUS!!!!!!!!!!

I kinda think this idea is going a bit far.  Why can't we just teach our kids that it's not acceptable to throw tantrums when getting dressed?  Parents are there for a reason.  They need to *teach* kids the right behavior, and that includes how to get dressed without a fuss.  It seems to me that this technique is showing the kid that you will stand on your head and make accommodations for their poor behavior.  It's letting the kid off the hook.  You don't like getting dressed in the morning?  Okay, then you don't have to!  The real world doesn't work that way!  Isn't anyone else feeling that?  Even just a little?

Brilliant suggestion. After the Category Four tantrum that hit me this morning (in the form of a five year old girl), I think we'll be swapping out the jammies. However, I'd think sleeping in a polyester plaid jumper may be a little uncomfortable. And, of course, she'll look like she slept in her clothes. Oh well. I may just have to deal with the weird looks.  

I am trying this tonight. My middle child, four years old, HATES clothes. He makes us all suffer every morning. He will only wear shorts, short sleeves, and flip flops. Thankfully we live in California, but it's Northern California so it's not sunshine and rainbows EVERY SINGLE DAY. This morning it was a windy 56* when we walked to school. I could see his goosebumps from across the street. Anyway, I hope this will save us some time in the morning, even if he will only wear summer clothes. Either that or we may need to move to Hawaii (yay!) and homeschool (nay!).

Kimberly

yeptheyareallmine.blogspot.com

hi, rebecca, i have 3 kids and i feel your pain. i am also a preschool teacher and know lots about kids. i'm sure you've tried it all but just in case this stops working too i will add to the suggestions:

try giving him a choice of two outfits the night before. have him pick one and lay it out on his dresser/floor/on his fav teddy bear...and then the next morning should be okay since he picked his own clothes right? of course! probably not.

tv in the morning...not so sure about that one. i feel like he won't associate the morning with getting up and out the door. it becomes more of a time to lay around and get comfy and not want to leave. would you ever consider having him leave the house in pajamas? OR if that's too harsh or if he likes that idea too much, how about a timer? you can even let him set it so he feels in control. set the timer to 10 minutes and if he gets dressed before the bell rings he either: is happy knowing he "won", gets a prize, gets to watch his show, gets a story read to him or has extra time to walk to school and stop and see the sights. if he does not beat the bell then it's no show, or no time to stop along the way to school or he goes to school as is.

just my opinions and just some ideas...good luck!!!

Yes!  Lisa made the perfect comment when she said, "It's subversive and logical and funny and effective".  So right!  All the best parenting is!

Funny how solutions to the most vexing child-raising problems can be so simple.

Seems like no matter how much time I budget for the mornings, I'm still herding the children like zoo animals in the last ten, white-knuckle moments...

Interesting, Katie. I think if Archer was like "I'll only sleep in my clothes!" then yes. But our solution had nothing to do with what HE wanted - it was merely a solution. And it worked. And when you're a parent? That's all you can hope for sometimes. You win some. They win some. And sometimes? But most of the time? Making up your own rules is the only way to get shit done and live happily ever after.

(You'll see.)

Fricken awesome!!!! Thank you for sharing : )  

You seriously rock.  Thank you for being you and making my day seem a little less crazy.  What a GREAT idea.  

Great post!

Awesome! Hey, whatever works. Star charts only work for a limited time with my kid, too. We have to be creative. And don't feel bad about wanting to hit him. I've felt that way before, too. Sometimes they can push us to our limits.

Ahhh. Isn't it wonderful?! Funny thing is that since I've gone back to work now -actual get-out-of-the-house-miss-my-baby-all-day work - I have done this very same thing. I have to agree the the Arch-man, totally fun. :)

This obviously works for you, so I say hurrah.

But don't be surprised if it stops working.

Just like the star chart, once the novelty wears off it may be back to the battle royale.

I am a behaviorist, and one thing we do all the time with the kids I work with is something called a 'reinforcer assessment'. Basically- does the kid still give a fig about the reward? You need to keep it tantalizing, 'cause kids change their minds.

So IF the tantrums start again (and touch wood that they don't), you have to try your damndest to not let Archer see that you are frustrated, because getting a rise out of you is a powerful reinforcer. Kids his age are control freaks. It's developmentally appropriate and absolutely maddening. :)  Keep your face utterly neutral, help him get dressed, ignore the tantrum. The moment there is a HINT of cooperation, praise him lavishly.

The kids I work with throw MONSTER tantrums (furniture being hucked, feces are often involved) and this is how we tackle them. It is amazing how well it works. Ignore undesirable behavior, praise desirable behavior. Good luck!

Want to know a deep dark secret...

My college roommate and I would sleep in our clothes if we stayed up late and had an 8:00AM class the next morning.

Its the second (and third one) getting in at the edges of the main tantrum that send me right up to the edge you described in capital letters.   The strength it takes not to react is at the limit of what I can muster.  I get the capital letters-  and the phone call,  and the chagrin when they are all perfectly quiet and polite starting 90 seconds before he walks in the door.

I may have to try that...

Your solution had nothing to do with what Archer wanted?  Archer wanted to avoid getting dressed in the morning. And now he can (thanks to you).  I get what you're saying about making up your own rules to get shit done, but in this case...I think your own rules are a little dysfunctional.  And teaching our kids to be dysfunctional is not cool.  I just don't dig this whole "whatever works for you" attitude that is constantly echoed by other mothers.  Because guess what?  Making your kid sleep in jeans does not "work," in my opinion.  That's basic Life Skills 101 -- put on pj's for bed and get dressed in school clothes in the morning.  I don't see why anyone would let a kid "win" that battle.

"Ignore undesirable behavior, praise desirable behavior."

It is so great for me to see this from a behaviorist. It look me many years with my oldest to get there, and then having a co-parent during the teenage years that thought this approach "permissive" and undisciplined kinda undermined my whole thing. But now that person is no longer co parenting with me because I believe that when it comes down to it one knows best about one own child.

Rebecca, your son will just grow and adapt at his own pace, as have we all.Waht you did for him was cool and outside the box.

To the nay sayers...go get your own kids, raise them <sucessfully> to adulthood, and then get back to me with you 2 cents.

Ditto on the tantrums. Ditto on the "I am afraid I am going to hurt my child". Ditto on the dressing at night! Works like a charm.

Katie, Please try to be nice. You don't have to agree with everyone, but no one likes to be attacked.

Guess what? I sleep in my clothes. My kids don't usually change for bed (though they don't wear jeans as they think they're uncomfortable to sleep in). This works for my family. I am a grown-up and I STILL do it. Is there something wrong with this? Really? I REALLY have to wear "pajamas" to bed? Why? Where is this written? This is such a new fad in the whole scheme of the human race. And in many countries, the idea of "dressing for bed" is ridiculous and laughable.

Also, Archer is a PRESCHOOLER. Preschoolers sometimes NEED to have a little control over their own lives. Can you imagine, truly imagine, what it would be like to be 4 again? To be told what and how to do every aspect of your life? Where to go, what to eat, when to sleep, how to dress, and on and on. Give the kids a break!

Also, when a mother confesses that she is almost at her breaking point and is relieved to find a solution that WORKS and works WELL, you need to either congratulate her or back the hell off.

Rebecca - Good luck and good job. Also, your post about the rainbows with sparkles and vaginas and bows cracked me up.

Wow, I would have never thought of that! Your mom's friends were smart. ;o) I'm going to have to tell my aunt about this. She was babysitting our little cousin recently and my little cousin Bella is (from what I heard) EXTREMELY PICKY of what she wears. I heard her mom bought her "seven" coats and she didn't want to wear any of them. She likes to make her own decisions, and she wants to decide on everything she wears, down to her socks. Mind you: She's only five! Yup. I guess a girl's gotta have choices. Even at five. Bleh!

P.S. Question: Doesn't Archer's clothes get wrinkled while sleeping, or is he not much of a mover while sleeping?

My dad this with me all through preschool and kindergarten! And then my grandma visited and was appalled and I had to sleep in PJs.

In regards to Katie's comments: while there have been times that I think the world is making things easier and easier for children and we're not always preparing them for the real world, I have to agree with this plan 100%.  I think this was a fabulous compromise!  (And the real world is all about compromise, right?!)  Archer didn't want to get dressed for school, Mom said that's not an option.  Archer had to get dressed for school, the time was simply changed.  Preschoolers are still trying to understand the boundaries between them and the rest of the world.  They don't yet fully comprehend limits, and they crave some element of control in a day that is, by in large, controlled by adults.  The bottom line is, Archer's happy, Mom is happy, and that makes the family happy.   Sometimes when I stress about a parenting decision I need to think... will they still be doing this in high school because I'm allowing it now?  No. He'll outgrow this as quickly as he's outgrowing clothes.  It's a fabulous solution to an all to typical problem!  Well done you.  

Also, I think parenting is all about choosing your battles.  Is it more important that your child is dressed on time, or when they get dressed?  Yes, some things are non-negotiable, but in most cases there are clever ways around the situation.  A win win.

Thank you, Katherine!  

"It's not acceptable to throw tantrums..."

That's the most awesome parenting advice EVER! Why hasn't a parent ever come up with this before? Thousands of years of meltdowns could have been completely avoided!

I did the dressing-at-night thing with my youngest when she was your son's age. It works, it removes one battle from the day (I mean it's clothing for god's sake, not running in front of a speeding bus with scissors), it saves time, and it reduces stress on the whole family. Good on you for finding something that works!

Sleeping in one's clothes. The homeless do it. The Heene family does it (All the better to spring up in the middle of the night at a moment's notice to chase UFOs).

Do you know how much little kids sweat during the night? A lot. So you're sending a rumpled, sweaty boy off to school. Not a good idea. I take it he doesn't shower or wash his hair in the morning either. I feel sorry for the kid who has to sit next to him.

He's learned that all he has to do is scream and kick and refuse to do something and you and your husband back off. Wait 'til he's a teenager, hon; he'll be completely out of control because you've taught him that he runs the show.

How about a different approach? How about threatening to send him to school in his pajamas if he's not dressed on time?

But the smelly kids have all the fun!!

Seriously, though, Meg -  Are you for real asking me if my kid showers before school? HE'S FOUR!

And, actually? Archer doesn't run the show at all. Not even a little bit. Taking him to school in his pajamas would be him GETTING WHAT HE WANTED.  

The tantrum had to do with him WANTING to STAY in his pajamas in the morning. Not him wanting to sleep in his clothes the night before.

good job and compromise mama. compromise is such an important lesson to learn about relationships and much more healthy that dictatorship.

Life skill 101...sleep nekked...or maybe just with shoes on (the ones with velcro straps). I'm sure EVERYONE has learned this one already...the sleeping nekked part. (The shoes part is my special gift to all.) And who wants to shower? It just encourages (air quotes) weird  people (end air quotes) with limited perceptions to pass judgement. HUGS!

I remember being in a store once many years ago, and there was a 3 year old in line with his mom- it was May in CA, and he was wearing a devil costume complete with horns, a pinned on cheetah tail, and frog rainboots. He looked so hilarious. His mom caught my eye and said "yes, he chose his own outfit and dressed himself. I am just delighted that he is wearing clothing of some sort." She was happy, he was happy. I have never forgotten them. As someone above said, parents must pick their battles.

I don't know of ANY 4-, 5-, 6-, year old children who bathe  before school in the morning. They all have a shower/bath  before bed. It's part of my 5 y/o daughter's bedtime routine...bath, book, bed. Been like that since she was a baby. She has issues with clothes in the morning too, but more in the way of, "MY SOCK DOESNT FEEEEEEEEEEEL RIGHT! I CAN FEEL IT ON MY TOE!! I HAAAAATE SOCKS!!!!!!" ...

So not sure if dressing before bed would help.

Good for you for finding a solution that works for you & your family.

Oh AND....like you said, he's FOUR! How much could he possibly smell??! Four year olds still smell like sweet dreams when they wake up.

If he was fourteen...then maybe.

i think we've overlooked the important thing here- as long as Archer remembers to put his deodorant on everything will be fine. duh.

jessica, you've forgotten something...we also need to know whether Archer is shaving before school or rolling up at pre-k with a three-day beard.  *eyeroll*

The best parenting advice I ever got was to remember that for the first decade (give or take a little) 80-90% of your job as a parent is "managing" your child, more than "disciplining" him or her.  This seems like a perfect example of successfully "managing" a child.  Maybe he's not a morning person, and lots of people aren't.  When they're adults not-morning people can choose jobs that start later, choose to skip breakfast, can choose lots of ways to get through the morning.  Since Archer can't choose a later school start, can't choose to skip breakfast, etc., why not give him a choice everyone can live with?  I doubt sincerely Archer will continue to go to bed in his clothes after he gets to the stinky stage, because by that time (unless he's unfortunate enough to get really stinky at nine) he will have reached a stage where being clean and nice-looking will be its own reward, and he will be able to (probably) make some different choices to make his mornings easier.

Damn.  I sleep in my clothes and my kids don't bathe every day.  With all our sub-human behavior, it's a wonder anyone speaks to my family.

I just wanted to echo what another poster mentioned regarding star charts/treats.  You totally gotta switch up the treats.  Cupcakes, matchbox cars, stickers, crayons, tattoos, whatever.  We are currently using Halloween candy as the boys' treat for completing their daily checklist (make bed, clean up legos, clean up action figures, straighten desk, put away dirty clothes, pick out clothes for tomorrow).

I just have to say,  you guys are awesome. So much great advice in here and even with the crazy Anons and their crazy commentary, I'm so grateful for all your words of encouragement and advice. All good stuff. You people rock major.

Everytime I see hal dressed up in your clothes I laugh out loud. It is too much.

I think pajamas all day on the weekends is a grand idea-

let a kid be a kid. cozy and comfy at home with his G.I. Joes.

who gives a rats ass anyway. right?

Sounds like it is working so I say good for your and good for Archer!  

Sidenote, my parents always let us dress ourselves, I remember my little brother going to 6th grade every day in purple sweatpants, sometime over the summer something clicked and he started wearing jeans, and name brand t's and carrying how he looked. All of us just go through phases, and eventually we grow out of them.

Thank you, Thank you, Thank you.

That worked like a charm!!