Straight From the Bottle

great outlook.  I always ask people when they worry about their kids walking on time (or talking or whatever) "have you ever met someone who never learned to walk?"  honestly, (assuming no physical limitations of course) everyone at some point will stand up and start taking steps.  doing it early doesn't make them better, or faster or smarter.  Everyone stands up and walks at their own pace to their own destination.  It's only a race if you make it one.  Good for you for sharing this lesson and taking the pressure off yourself, Fable and other mothers out there worrying.  (so much easier to relax with the second kid!)

I think one of the most interesting things about having more than one child is realizing how little influence you really have.  With the first one you feel like you get lots of blame or credit for everything.  Then you have more and realize they are who they are with their own timetables and you just need to keep them healthy and stay out of their way.

Fantastic photo.  That bright, sweet face and that confident stance are amazing.  Thank you for sharing it.

Right on!

My husband was getting worried when Aiman, our boy, wasn't walking by 12 months (why does everything have to happen by 12 months?), which made me sort of worry too.

And wouldn't you know that the kid practically runs now at almost 13 months.

I learned early on not to look at statistics and as long as we and his Pediatrician feel like everything is ok, then we're all happy campers.

And GOOOOOO FABBBBLLLLEE!

What a doll, she is!

you have no idea the huge sigh of relief i uttered after reading this post. i've got a bun in the oven for the first time, and to be honest, the thing i'm most worried about is the constant milestone watching and worrying that things aren't happening on time. i just don't want to be like that. so i'm encouraged to know that there are moms like you out there who spit in the face of that. it's giving me hope that i can do the same.

Like my husband said when I was measuring 2 cm too big last week and I spend the entire weekend on Google trying to figure out what that meant and freaked out because I thought my baby had some sort of problem and it was all my fault because I've been craving french fries my entire pregnancy so I must have done something to hurt her because of something that I did that was my fault, my fault, my fault - "who wants to be average?".  The ultrasound, of course, was fine and I didn't do anything wrong, but my ass would thank me very much if I would lay off the french fries, please.

This is the JOY of having more than one child. It is so lovely to be able to sit back and relax, watching their lives unfold at a leisurely pace.

Kimberly

yeptheyareallmine.blogspot.com

Maybe you're just too cuddly to walk away FROM? :)

My daughter didn't start walking until she was 21 months. We were very worried. But she got there and hasn't stopped running and jumping since.

My daughter walked at 15 months.  She was happy to let her older brother do the walking for her and in no rush. So much more relaxed the second time around! And OMG Fable is *so* beautiful!

Oh yeah, I remember that late walking. My son didn't walk until he was 15 months old. And he didn't crawl. Ever. He did manage mobility through an utterly hilarious technique we called the "booty scoot." He was a champion sitter, so he'd throw his legs out, dig in his heels, jump his behind off the floor and yank himself forward. He had baby abs of steel. I tried to just enjoy it. It was fun to watch and it took him forever to get anywhere, so it was easy to keep track of him.

I worried a little bit that this was all "not right." But, like you, I know now not to sweat it with my second kid.

I know the feeling! James is almost thirteen months, and I've been dying for him to walk. He's been cruising the coffee table since he was five months and standing unsupported since he was eight months. I keep thinking he'll do it.... today! No? How about... now? It's nice to know that other moms with brilliant, awesome kids did things later. I guess it also bugs me that he isn't walking because he did all of his other early milestones, well, early. He was born with neck control, rolled at two months, sat up at four months, crawled at six, so this huge gap in the crawling-walking is worrisome to this first time mom!

Sometimes all the people in the world telling you not to worry doesn't help.

It is good to try not to worry, but for current and future moms out there, do not forget that sometimes the instinct that something is up is correct. I finally got my pediatrician to refer me to a neurologist when my daughter (then 9 months old) was not sitting up yet.  She had always hated being on her stomach and never truly rolled over from back to front.   She ended up just having extreme ligamentous laxity (double jointedness) that she inherited from me.  Yes she did eventually walk on her own at 24 months and 2 weeks, but it helped me not to worry knowing there was a good reason for the delay.  

we are hoping for a run by age 3.

My son didn't walk until 17 months either.  Actually, he walked a bunch over the course of one night when he was 14 months, and then he refused to do it again for another 3 months.  It drove me crazy, only because he had a younger sister by that time and carrying two was hard!  

I wasn't so worried that something was wrong (since he'd already proven he could do it and was just being stubborn), but I wanted him to walk so badly so that other people would stop worrying out loud to me!  So many people that I knew and didn't, with kids and without, would ask me if we'd had him checked out, if something was wrong, etc. to the point that I dreaded people asking his age when they saw him crawling.  

My daughter is now 12 months old and is showing NO signs of being close to walking, and I'm always quick to tell people who ask her age and if she's walking yet that we're not holding our breath because her brother waited until 17 months.  I hope that will hold off the dumb remarks (at least from being made aloud!) for a while.  I wish I didn't get annoyed by other people's worry, but I do...

I've read your blog since Fable was 6 weeks old after finding you through momversation. I kind of don't want Fable to start walking in a weird internet-stalker-creepy kinda way, because she's the first baby I've followed and when she starts walking she won't be a baby anymore she'll be a toddler. Hope I haven't weirded you out too much!

Ha Ha to what Sydney said! Following blogs does make you feel kind of like some kind of addicted internet stalker! But who wouldn't get hooked when there are all these cute pics and great posts? I love your blog!

Anyway, I don't get all the worrying either. I'm one of 7 kids and my parent's were so relaxed and just ENJOYED us as kids. It's helped me a lot, because I get stressed too, wondering, is this "normal" is this "not normal". My husband told me the other day, "I don't think Jackson makes eye contact with us." I spent the whole day trying to get him to look me in the eye when the whole time he just wanted to stick his fingers in electrical sockets and eat his toes, you know, like a normal baby.  And this other mom at my baby's daycare was grilling the child care providers about how much her son had "practiced" crawling that day, worried he wasn't crawling enough up off his belly. I mean, I have no words for that. Practicing crawling? LOL.

Fable is the cutest, and very lucky to have a mom like you!

The Beef was an early walker, since I was completely indifferent. I think if I had wanted him to, he'd be that high-schooler you mentioned. Actually, I wouldn't have minded a few more months of non mobility (he didn't crawl) before sh*t hit the fan. The dog would have appreciated some more advance notice as well.

Jillian- I always wanted a booty-scooter! Its SOOOO hilarious. Hopefully the girly I'm pregnant with likes alternative momentum methods.

My mom has told me that highly intelligent kids are usually late walkers. :)

Then again, she may have made it up, my sister and I were both late walkers. :)

Word.

Jack walked "on schedule" if I can recall correctly, but as it stands he's slow on the speech scale. He babbles a lot, brings me books to read to him all day and says "bye", "more", "mommy", "daddy" etc, most of this with the prompting of us. And while by myself I let him be, certain he'll talk on his own time, in public I feel like feign worry too much. Maybe I should care more? We'll see. For now  I'm enjoying him as he is, because in the blink of an eye he'll be talking far more and eventually he'll say "bye" to us and move out.

I think Fable is a girl on her own mission, and incredibly adorable one at that!

That's exactly how I feel the 2nd time around.  In fact, it was a little bitter sweet when my second one walked...the babies gone forever.  PLUS, now there's two kids to chase after.

no worries.  my second walked early and it was impossible to keep up with her.  they can get into so much more trouble on two legs.  only benefit to early walking is not worrying about her dress getting stuck under her crawling knees.

every baby has their own schedule.

I love your blog and am sorry to say that I lurk here almost daily. I'll try to comment more often because sometimes you say things that I REALLY need to hear.

My third child just turned three and I had planned on taking his nuks away the day after his birthday at the end of December. I took them away, but made the mistake of setting them on top of my bookshelf, planning to box them up later. There have since been a few nights where he woke up crying piteously for one after falling asleep the first time without it. I don't want to be a hard-ass about it, but have been conflicted because I let him have one for awhile when he really "needs" it. Thanks for reminding me that he'll grow up and be a "big boy" when he's ready!

One of our day care teachers launched into the "late walker" thing when my daughter was not walking at 14 months.  I let her know how inappropriate (and hurtful) I thought that was. The thing was I was quite worried b/c my first child walked at 12 months.  No worries though at 16 months she took off.

This is such a great metaphor for what we all go through as humans: beating ourselves up because we aren't doing what everyone else is doing.  There must be something wrong with us that we: aren't married, don't have a 401-k, don't have a masters degree, haven't been to the coolest new restaurant, our kid isn't walking yet!  It's so hard to let go and be present, no matter what is or is not going on in our lives.  Rebecca, I love your writing. thank you!

I quote you so much my friends think I need help... but they listen anyway (it's their job, dammit!)... but I digress. Another great post and point. I think everyone needs to take a chill pill when it comes to milestones. I just dumped my pediatrician because my baby is only 10 months and has been knee-walking for the past two months (this is sort of how it looks like if you haven't seen it yet www.metacafe.com/.../leila_month_8) So my pediatrician started telling me how most babies who do that start walking late and how my baby will probably need a physical therapy... double-u tee eff? She is only 10 months! PROBABLY?! I'm a first-time-mother why would you even talk to me about this so early? So that I could get drunk with worry?! Push her to walk? Stress? So I found another pediatrician who thinks it's the cutest thing ever AND has never heard of babies walking late due to their knee-walking. Could I please have at least a few more months of just enjoying her quirkiness? Thankyouverymuch.

My first son didn't walk until 16 and a half months, he walked into my hospital room to see his new baby brother, who in turn, didn't walk until he was 17 months.  I remember watching him chase his friends on hands and knees while they all ran.  It was horrible.  But you are right, the second time I didn't care....and now I have a baby girl....and I still won't care if she doesn't walk until they did.

I love this.  My son walked early at 10 months but my nephew didn't walk until he was closer to 14 months.  My sister in law felt awful and of course, the elders of the family didn't hesitate to compare the two.  There is something amazingly nurturing about allowing your child to come in to his/her own.  Your babies are beautiful and individual and shouldn't be on anyone's timeline.  My son is very tall for his age (because my husband and I are both over 6 feet).  People often assume he is older and give me the mama stank eye at the playground (you know the one!) when he is having trouble communicating with children who look his age but are actually 1 or 2 years older than him.  It is a constant battle not to want to rush him just to escape the judgment.  Thanks for reminding me that it is okay.

Thanks for the great post.  I was the same way with my son, over-explaining why he wasn't walking yet to people who hadn't really asked and didn't really care.  We went to his 18-month appointment feeling a little apprehensive and defensive, but his doc was great.  She said, "Eh, he's fine.  His legs look good.  Give it another month."  And he started walking the next day.

I take the same approach with potty training.

Our old pediatrician was always fond of saying: "I've never had a patient who went to their senior prom in diapers."

My son is 16 months and still crawling.  I too feel like I have to explain him/myself when we are around other walking toddlers.  But I'm really not worried.  I have decided to just enjoy this time, especially when I see all the other moms chasing after their walking/running toddlers!

My toddler did walk early.  A little too early, in my opinion, and I already feel like a need to talk to her about learning to slow down and smell the roses.  She's on a race to grow up and I wouldn't mind a little more baby time.

I'm so happy for you that you're in this place.  Because worrying SUCKS.  ESPECIALLY about your kids.  Fable is obviously moving along.  Standing and all that.  So yeah, she'll get there when she gets there.

Theo crawled and walked late too and I was all "Pshaw. Have you seen the size of his melon? YOU try hefting that thing around.  He'll be fine."  And he was.

I haven't started yet and he's still a bit too young, but I have a feeling I'll have this attitude with potty training.  He'll get there when he gets there.  No 5th grader still craps their pants so he'll be fine.

Yeah Fable and yeah you!

I LOVE your writing, Rebecca, and the sentiments that you share, as well as all the fantastically cool posts of your readers!  I am really trying to be mindful of all of these types of things as a first time mom of a 2.75 year old boy.

In my opinion, it's OK that he often says no when we ask him if he wants to use the potty.  It's OK that he still wants a little bottle of milk and some cuddles and rocking before bed.  My husband gets all freaked out and competitive, and I have to be the voice of reason.  After all, he's 2 - that's little!  The fact that he can sit for 15 minutes at the dinner table is no small miracle, as far as I'm concerned.

Those second children are so healing.

Glad you're on the no regrets parenting plan for this one, a good example for all.

I love that you're not fretting about this. And that you're not buying into the competition that comes on the playground. I can't stand when people are constantly comparing baby milestones, as if the fact that their baby reached it a few months before yours did makes their child superior somehow.

When my son was a baby and we were going through this, I kept telling myself, "By age 5, nobody will be able to tell who walked or talked first. They'll all be on the same level." And was hoping it to be true. And you know what? It is. He's about to turn 6 this month, and I can't tell you which kids in his kindergarten were the first ones to talk. They're all chatty and bright and active little people, and I feel so silly for wasting so much of my time worrying about it.

Where was this topic 6 months ago!!! No, I'm kidding! My son didn't walk till he was about 16 or 17 months and I was so freaked out the whole time that something was wrong with him. Now he's 21 months and not really talking much and I feel myself getting all angsty about it! So, I did what I always do. I scour the internet disregarding the things that make me feel crappy and only paying attention to whatever makes me feel better. I found out that a reason for some children taking their time with things like crawling, walking, and talking is that some babies are just really chill. They are not very needy and they don't feel the extreme desire or motivation to do those things. Sage has always been a very happy and expressive baby but he never really complains. Wet diaper, poopy, sticky, whatever and he just didn't seem to mind so it made sense that if he never fussed about that stuff why would he even care if he walked.

Little Miss Kickboxer will be the first American President to crawl up the stairs to the Capitol Building to her swearing-in ceremony.  Unless, of course, she does decide that standing or walking have their merits.  For now?  13 months and still crawling ...

My first daughter didn't walk until she was 22 months old.  Why?  She just didn't feel like it.  We'd seen her stand and even take a step or two, but she refused to walk regularly until she was almost two.  I think late walking is just a sign that your kid is independent, in a weird way.  They'll decide when to change how they get around, thankyouverymuch.

Beautiful entry. I just think that with "boys" sometimes they take longer to do things than girls. I believe that my cousin walked at seventeen months as well. Of course we were all concerned for him, but we didn't have to be. He walked when he wanted to. In his own time, as you've written about Fable.

Besides you won't be able to carry her around for much longer, so treasure that time while you still can. ;o)

I have had parents compete with me over whose baby has more teeth. Teeth, for crying out loud, as if that's a sign of, what? Greatness? Failure?

I'm in the camp that says find a good, sensible pediatrician whose judgement you trust. If she tells you not to worry, don't. (And the "normal limits" for walking go all the way to 18 months.) I am also a huge believer in Vitamin M (for loving mom, or loving dad). A child whose mother believes she hung the moon, whether she did it from sitting or standing, is getting all the important nutrients for a healthy life.

Thanks for this post, Rebecca. I am also pregnant for the first time and am finding that these milestones things are apparent in pregnancy as well. I was so stressed because i could not feel the baby move inside me at 20 weeks - it happened like gangbusters at 23 weeks and I realized that you can't compare yourself to every book you read or every mother you meet otherwise you will drive yourself over the bend. We are all different PEOPLE and let's embrace that and not make people feel less-than just because they don't fit the mold. Love your blogs!

Eh, walking is over-rated anyway. I walked at something ridiculous like 9.5 months. I just got up one day and started walking. My moms advice? "DO NOT push them to walk! Once they walk, its all over.. They start climbing.. then you have to constantly chase them! Let them crawl for as long as they want." I agree. One of the better pieces of advice my mother has told me.

It sucks big ones to have an early walker.  Really.  I read somewhere that the range for "normal" is 9 to 18 months.  I went to a first birthday party once with a hostess who introduced me  every time by saying, "..and her daughter walked at ___ months!"  as if my daughter is some kind of a freak side-show.  Bless you for having some common sense and also the wisdom that comes with having a second kid.  I like moms of two or more kids more.  They are much calmer about this stuff.  It doesn't matter.  Really.

You're a great Mommy.  XO

She's too much. So adorable. In her own time... My 4 year old is yet to be potty trained, dare I admit this? He's also super tiny. Not cool when my younger daughter is about to pass him in weight. They all come in different shapes, sizes, & approach milestones in their own time. (FWIW My SIL was the valedictorian of her college and didn't walk until 20 months.)

Steph

Reminds me of my friend's grandfather, when she was stressing about her son not talking.

He reminded her that the kid would talk when he was ready, and its not like he knew the cure for cancer and was holding out on the world.

Its funny and true, all at once.

i'm glad you could relax a bit more this time around. i find it doesn't do me any good to worry, so i don't and now that i'm on number 4 (and final) she kinda does whatever & i don't fuss. much.

You are AWESOME! Thank you for sharing your stories. YES to each and every one of these comments.

You're AMAZING, all of you. So wise and inspiring and supportive. I AM SO LUCKY to have readers like you. Truly. Thank you all, ye wise women. Bless.

Beautiful!

My first, Jenna, started walking at 12 months but in the same fashion as Fable. Imagine my surprise when my second, Eli, started walking (and not well) at 9 months. He quickly went from walking to kind of throwing yourself forward and running as fast as your little feet can go so wrecklessly. So many head bumps :( I thought for sure that he would have no skull left by the time he stopped being so wobbly. Thankfully this is not the case.

But, Jenna started talking quite earley and this time around my little guy has not. He is so shy, barely talking until now (16 mos). This time around I have my little sister who has a 19 month old asking me, "Isn't Eli doing this or that yet?" I know it's the first time mom thing. She compares everything her son and my son do and I just have to inwardly roll my eyes, and remember that she doesn't mean any harm by it.

All of that to say... why must we compare??? We do it to ourselves, lets not do it to our kids. Why not encourage and praise their/our strenghts and help them/ourselves to rise up to whatever path they/we may take? I wish I was better at this with myself, I think then it would rub off on my kids. (BTW I am totally guilty of the "your cousin doesn't whine when i comb her hair and she is littler than you")

My best friend finally walked at 15 months.  Fast-forward 21 years to college graduation.  She was one of 20 out of over 5000 classmates that graduated with a 4.0.  Now she's getting paid to get her doctorate.  Her late walking had nothing to do with her ability level.  I doubt Fable's does either.  :)

Smart Mama.

I think Fable is the sweetest and prettiest looking thing on 2 feet, no matter where she puts them.  I was not blessed with children and I so love being a web stalker and watching all this beautiful little babies growing up.

And MRS.NOTOUCHING:  thank you so much for that video of Leila.  Oh God I have watched it all morning and I cannot stop laughing.  She is precious and she has certainly started my day off in a great mood!

LOL, it's so funny; that 'second-child syndrome'. My first son walked 'early' at 10 months. But he was late to roll over and I remember getting down on the floor with him trying to coax him to roll over, worrying about why he wasn't doing it yet. What was wrong with him? Why couldn't he master this? Was it because he had severe jaundice and in the NICU? Was there something physically wrong with him? My poor BABY!

Now my daughter is almost 4 months old and has shown no inclination to roll over. And you know what? I could NOT care less. I don't even know if she's supposed to have by now. I know other babies her age are rolling, but is that early? Who the heck knows! I don't have the time or energy to obsess over her milestones like I did for my firstborn. And that is making me a more calm easy-going mom this time around. She'll get there. Soon she'll be rolling over and getting pissed off that she's stuck on her belly.

I think your attitude is great.  

My son was an early walker (9 months) and talker (sentences by 1 year...really), and to be honest, it's not so great.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I love my kid to pieces and he's the most awesome child in the universe and I wouldn't have him any other way than exactly who he is.  And I'll take full credit for his obvious brilliance if he's an astronaut at 17 or whatever (please note the sarcasm).  But I feel like his "babyhood" was SO short.  It doesn't help that my husband and I are both tall (I'm 6' and he's 6'6"), so our kid has been a giant since birth.  Having an almost-three-year-old who looks, talks, and acts like a five-year-old is fun sometimes, but I also miss my BABY!  I feel like he was little for such a very little while.

what a lovely post!  i vividly remember posts of when fable was still in your belly (i was pregnant at the same time) so it's amazing to see her growing and thriving, and turning into such a beautiful little lady!  

my little girl is 9 months old, and absolutely refuses to crawl.  she likes to roll everywhere, and gets really upset when i try and put her in a crawling position.  this post is a good reminder for me to relax, to keep in mind she'll be taking off sooner than later.  i love your statement that she has a whole lifetime ahead to move forward on foot - wonderfully put, lady!  cheers to you and your amazing family.  thanks for sharing!  happy trails!

Oh, I agree 100%. Only, I don't think that I noticed how much energy I wasted worrying about the first until the second one arrived and it all seemed so stress-free. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that the first baby forces you to make rapidfire decisions on a daily basis about things that you never thought about before, let alone, took a position on. When something seems 'wrong', then there is all this angst and second-guessing, did I do something wrong?!! Its true that the best thing parents can do, in most cases, is just relax. So much easier said than done...