Straight From the Bottle

I think it's ridiculous that you were expected to invite the WHOLE class.  Of course, I understand that it's to avoid hurt feelings but kids do need to learn that sometimes their feelings will get hurt and how to deal with it.  Oh well.  Archer's party looks like it was a lot of fun...but I would go with the bowling idea next year.  (P.S. We had my son's 1st birthday party on the same day.  We had 19 of OUR closest friends there, plus their children...all I can say is that we might also do something low-key next year.  Something less manic, for sure)

That 'inviting the whole class' thing goes by the wayside about grade 5 (although I refused to go along with it-what were they going to do? It's a public school after all). It's just a by product of our armchair psychology/curling culture. Heaven forbid kids get their feelings hurt, have to stand up for themselves, or learn how to deal with disappointment.

We just had my son's sixth birthday party, and had 24 kids so I can relate.  His school doesn't have a policy, but when I looked through the list of kids he wanted to invite it was all the boys in his class except for 1 and no way was I leaving 1 kid out.

Our school doesn't have a policy, but I still invited the entire class for my son's 4th and 5th birthdays.  Our house was overflowing with people- we had some sibs and often more than one parent show up- but it was so much fun and Ernie was delighted to have all his friends over. It seems like very few people entertain in their home anymore which makes me sad. There's just something so endearing about someone who opens their home to people with warmth and hospitality- we need more of it! Your party looks like it was a smashing success and I hope Archer has an incredible 5th year.

Yikes, the biggest party we've thrown for any of our kids was for 14 plus a few parents.  I don't think I could handle 75 and stay sane.  I'm impressed!

I don't think you really need to invite a whole class when it's that large.  The trick is not to pass the invitations out at school but to get them directly to the parents of the few kids who you want to come.  People understand.  But boy, it sounds like your event has set the bar pretty high!

Glad you had so much fun.

I think that the inviting the whole class thing means that if you bring invitations TO SCHOOL you need to have one for everyone.  I'm willing to bet that if you'd mailed invites to peoples' homes you'd be ok.  I mean, kids have parties where they don't invite their class all the time - and still talk about it.  

We NEVER invite entire classes.  So we don't bring invites to school.  Eventually (read: next year) you'll be only inviting boys anyway...

What do I remember most about my birthday as a kid? Bringing cupcakes to class and having my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins over for a party. Nobody had huge, orchestrated parties in my day (you know, the 80's).

My daughter's school has a policy that if you bring invitations to school, everyone in the class gets one. But since there are some kids in my girl's class that I definitely DID NOT want at my house, I told her she could take 2 friends to the movie for her birthday. Super low-key, but so much fun. She is still talking about it.

I am jealous of the balloon guy, though. We don't have stuff like that where I live. I'd have to pay someone to come from the closest city--150 miles away.

Oh no. Is this a thing? Having to invite the entire class? Let's see, Lisel is 1.5 years old...Dave and I have a couple of years to figure out some kind of work-around.

But it looks like a rad party nonetheless! Happy Belated Birthday to Archer. And congrats on throwing a super sweet party.

I definitely surprised my mother for my 5th birthday when I invited about 60 kids to our house and told her on the day of the party :) I was pretty cute.

She handled it well though, looking back, but we kept things low key after that :)

wow, I consider it total bullshit to HAVE to invite the whole class. I would be the parent to not listen to a "rule" that is no one's business but the parents and kid. How can they tell you how to throw a party. OY VEY! So glad I home school yet again, haha! Regardless it looks like fun was definitely had and Happy belated B-day to Archer!

Re: the balloon dude... I will be grabbing that number from you come August. Do you think he travels to Long Beach or just greater L.A.?

The only time I remember inviting all the kids to my birthday party was in kindergarten. After that I started doing smaller things, like a slumber party with 10 girls or going to Magic Mountain with my best friend. The only other thing that kind of compares is that we were required to invite our whole B'nai Mitzvah class to our Bar/Bat Mitzvahs. But that was at least not at anyone's house.

We didn't do school friends this year, as my daughter is only two. But I think the rule in her school is that if you send invitations in to school to be handed out, then you have to invite the entire class. If you SEND invitations in the mail, it's another story because then the school cannot get involved. But even so, it's one thing to invite 5 friends to your party and another NOT to invite 1 or 2. When my nephew was about Archer's age, he decided he ONLY wanted boys at his party, and you know what? His mom was fine with that (after making sure a few times) because he wasn't intentionally leaving ONE kid out, he was just going through a phase (as were most of the kids in the class).

I remember being the one who got left out a lot... I'd rather invite all.

I totally got around this policy with my son's first "school era" birthday party. We have to invite everyone if we take the invites to school, so I mailed them :). So that way my son could bring who he wanted in his class and also others who were not in his class. I was shocked to hear that parents stayed because around here you drop off your kid and a present than go spend two-three hours with yourself.

Awww, I'm glad Archer's birthday was a success. Love that photo of Archer in the bouncer. LOL, on that last line. =P

Rules about inviting a whole class seem way extreme, though as a teacher I'm always glad when invitations are subtle enough to escape the classroom radar.  On the other hand, I was in agony yesterday when some parents showed up at the end of school to collect their birthday girl and her party guests.  After clarifying the guestlist with an enthusiastic show of hands and loud whoops all round, they proceeded to round up all the girls in our class... except one, who stood to one side, excluded and mortified.  I don't feel comfortable butting in to give my opinion on these people's private party planning, but in this instance I really wish they'd chosen a much more select group.

We're only required to invite the whole class if the invitations are distributed at school. You mail 'em, you can invite whoever you want.

looks like you did a *great* job. as for the whole class.... uuuuum is this an upper middle class thing? an LA thing? here in the mid-west we invite cousins and a few neighbors, plus a big ol cake from target.

I'm not even allowed to MAIL my own invitations! If I invite anyone in Archer's class its school policy that the school mails them for me (I must stamp but THEY address.) Apparently this isn't the norm? Thank goodness for all! Although, I do like the idea of everyone being invited. I always felt excluded as a kid and would NEVER want to do that to anyone. Still - I'm much more a "small crew" sort of party host. Perhaps come Kindergarten rules will be different.

Hopefully, you can have that low-key thing for next year?  I'm glad to hear that you all had fun, though!

We threw each of our 4 kids a giant first birthday party...sort of a "yay, we survived the first year" party.  After that, all birthdays are family only (and we have a very small family to invite).  Once the boys got to be school age, we came up with a birthday plan.  The Birthday Person gets to invite 2 friends to a movie.  We do pizza and cake at my house.  We don't do big parties and we RARELY attend them.  

I love that everyone has to be invited.  With the turn backward in child-rearing (spanking making a comeback???) I thought this was a nice evolutionary step in the path toward human kindness.  But I never thought of the actual logistics.  Holy crap!  That is a lot of people for a b-day party.  I don't even think they would fit in my house!  This makes me a little nervous.

Huh, I never realized how out of date our small town birthday parties are.  There are ususlly just 5 or 6 kids. The rest just have to deal with the hurt feelings I guess.  Also parents almost never stay.  Even if you've never met before and know nothing about each other except that your kids are in the same class, you just drop them off at the door and come back when it's all over. I suck at big groups. My kids would never ever have birthday parties if I was expected to entertain adults as well. I love that you had a bouncy castle though, and also that you peed in it, that's awesome.

Wow, that's nuts.  The party looks amazing and I'm happy it was a lot of fun, but it is kind of nuts that you HAVE to invite everyone.  I was hardly ever invited to anything, and when I was it was usually as a Joke (I'm not even kidding).  But our daycare/preschool just has a "if you bring the invitations in you have to invite everyone" policy.

I think once every five years a big party is kind of a cool idea.  Five, ten, fifteen.

My most memorable birthday party was a sleepover.  My mom RENTED a VCR so we could watch movies.  It was so 80's.

Usually you should be able to get away with inviting all the boys or all the girls.  And since my son's bday falls on Labor Day weekend, every year we send out the invites and ask people to bring sides/apps instead of gifts.  Everyone makes their favorite food, we can have a huge amount of people because all we are supplying is the main dish, and then we don't have a ton of toys we don't need or want...works out for everyone!

Hey, just a quick note about peeing when you jump up and down (or sneeze, cough etc): go get some Smartballs, wear them for a few weeks and those pelvic floor muscles will tighten right up. You'll only wish you did it sooner.

(Make sure you get silicone ones cos they're very hygienic and easy to clean.)

That's just plain ridiculous to have to invite the whole class .. craziness.  Thankfully my son school and daycare never had that rule, however, we have much smaller class sizes to it would have been easier. In daycare (age 3-5) I think I 'did' invite the class, but it was 8 children. In school, no way, I mean, he's not even friends with all of his class.  Anyway, looks like you made an awesome awesome time for Archer, and really it's only money right ha ha ha .. no, but I guess, if there are people with less funds they just do a cake and icecream type of party right?  

Everytime you post pictures of your family doing something I think 'fairy tale', you are seriously right out of some very cool book to me.  Your house, your fashion (all the family), the names, the location .. soooo cool .. I really enjoying the refreshingness (is that a word?) of your life!

The all boys all girls thing makes sense but Archer loves him some lady. A great number of his friends are girls and I want to keep it that way because girl/boy relationships are awesome. Growing up, I had all-girl birthdays but I think that's because I never knew how to friend boys until I was a lot older.

And thank you all for kind words!

Miss, I'm going to have to look into those balls! Ha! xo!

It will change as Archer gets older. Around second grade, he'll start making his own friends (versus the friends he makes based on who YOU are meeting...) and I would assume the elementary school won't require you to invite everyone!

It's just proper etiquette to invite the whole class if you are handing invites out at school, but once you are able to mail them yourself, your son will pick and choose based on his friends (or how many presents he's going to get if he figures that out!!!!!).

I find it ridiculous myself. It's annoying and frankly unfair to assume that pen has the money to invite that many kids. Sigh.

I've had to do it twice. Funny how after first grade the teachers stop caring about that. My middle kid has a summer birthday so we just call who we know.

Our rule, that we adopted from people older and wiser than us, is that our kids get to invite one kid for every year they've lived. So at my son's fifth birthday, he invited five friends. Next year, six. It's been awesome. (Also, his five-friend party this year? A bowling party. Total blast, not much fuss. Highly recommend.)

Archer is FIVE now?? It seems like just a few months ago I read his fourth birthday post! Where is the time going?! He is so handsome...happy birthday Archer!

What a great party and amazing feat of balloon ingenuity- power lines- yeah!  I think inviting the whole class isn't just about not making anyone feel left out, it is also teaching about community.  Inclusion and generosity.  Really good stuff.  Hard to do though!

now that we live in LA i am peeing MY pants about shit like this.  (my Ben is only 10 months old, but  Fear is FEAR) I certainly don't make enough for a "birthday fund" since Ben can't afford to give me a raise - but whatev, we will make him feel like we are rich somehow. I have to say: You fine woman, are amazing- Moving (we just moved but i somehow had a much more difficult time that you) and hosting a birthday on this scale?! impressssssed, I am. I was thinking lately that I can be a better mommy, even though i do the best i can and i try really hard,  i need a strong Can-Do mom type role-model so i do more social type stuff.... I need to check back here more often! At least Archer got a great party and had an amazing time! The big 5 is important! as is the big 10, 16, 18, 21.... I guess that's all. Thanks for being super mom and for keeping this blog alive on top of that!

In response to the bajillion people that you had to invite to the party, I once heard or read something somewhere that said that the kid should be allowed to invite 1 friend for every year that they're been alive. Thus, in Archer's case, your whole 5 friend bowling idea is right on target. I think it's a great rule of thumb and definitely worth considering.

Wait, you're not allowed to mail your own invitations?  Are you serious?  I have never heard of that.  It's a tad creepy.  I would have trouble resisting the urge to send random invitations for small parties all the time just to annoy someone.  

So much fun, Archer looks so very grown up.  We had a magical come to the house once and his rabbit pooped on my rug.  The kids LOVED it.

We just chose a couple kids out of my son's class that he was close to and mailed the invitations directly to their home (we asked the school for the addresses and parents, when they enrolled were entitled to check whether their addresses, phone numbers, or email addresses were given to other parents).  I think I got an address and an email address, and I emailed the one parent for their home address after explaining that it was for a bday invitation.  No problem.  I think it is INSANE to have to invite the entire class of 25 kids.  Aren't kids allowed to have actual friends anymore?  Or has Facebook affected our society so much that we have to "friend" everyone?  Unreal.

My half brother is much younger (we're 28 years apart) and my dad says that he can't believe the difference in the way birthdays (aka a personal celebration) are handled since I was a kid.  I believe at my bro's school they simply asked that invitations not be distributed AT school (they provide a directory for the families) to keep kids from feeling left out, but without mandating that everyone be invited.  Seems like a fair compromise and common sense, right?  Ugh, so lame that you would be expected to fund parties beyond your comfort level or means, and not to mention if a family decides to accept these invitations it means 25 extra presents to buy.  I agree with Allyssa: has FB meant we all need a false sense of a huge social circle, even if we prefer a more intimate one?

I read a post from the kid who was left out perspective - I believe it was Julie from alittlepregnant.com?

www.alittlepregnant.com/.../i-bet-theyd-come-if-i-made-the-frightening-meat-hand.html

I felt sad. I understand the school's policy but also understand your constraints. Maybe that's why people are scared of hosting parties at home.

I second what Gigi wrote, I had Julie's post in mind when I read this too!

I'm glad you do understand why the rule is in place, but I do think it's a tad bit ridiculous you aren't allowed to send invitations out on your own! I don't think it's that big of an issue when they are mailed privately because there's less hype about it amongst the kids when they get the invitations at home.

I would rather invite the whole class then leave anyone out I just realized so this whole post is totally moot. I guess I'm hoping come next year? There aren't as many kids in his class. Eesh.

Crazy to invite the whole class! Also, what is with the trend of the parents you don't know staying at the parties? My mom used to drop me off and squeal out of the drive way as fast as she could to optimize her kid-free time ;)

we've had a hard & fast rule that they can invite the number of kids that represent the age they are. 4 years old? 4 kids. we're low-key kinda people, too & i don't want that many people in my house for these parties. kindergarten was the last year we did that, though b/c it was too many with family & friends. we'll have the 70 people parties for bar & bat mitzvahs. womp! womp!

I think inviting an entire class is a very nice idea. In theory. What about all the kids who cannot afford to attend all the parties because they are required to bring a gift? Won't their feelings be hurt? Won't their parents feel bad? Wouldn't it be better to send the invites to the kids' homes? I think so.

Also, what about safety? At some point, the kids won't want their parents to stay. Then you've got 25 kids to supervise. Yikes!

Also, as a vetran mom and party planner, I find it much easier to rent a space. No pre-party cleaning, no after party cleaning, and when the party is over, you're not stuck with a bunch of hangers on who won't go home. Works for me!

Totally, kwallca. We rented a space last year and it was awesome. But having a backyard and being able to hang in it? Was pretty cool, too. :)

Oye, that sounds (and looks) like a wild, fun party!

But for 70 people, a backyard and a warm-climate are a must.  We had close to 50 for son's first birthday party (there weren't even any schoolmates, obviously) and heck to the "no" will that be happening again at our house.  Fall birthdays are so hit or miss with weather!  My biggest issues were exactly what kwallca says: pre-cleaning, cleaning up, and hangers on who won't go home so you can defrag after a very very long day and hopefully defrag the toddler too!

Way back when, my small, quaker elementary school insisted that if you were going to invite more than half of the class, you had to invite everyone. I think that is a better rule (as someone who was occasionally left out). 25 five year old kids is a LOT of kids. Geez.

There are 25 kids in your son's class?  That's a lot of kids. Kudos to you for being very generous. It seems the norm differs according to where you live. Here in NJ (and I think it would be much the same back in Australia) we follow the rule  that IF we are having a party, then  inviting all kids in the class and expect that at least one parent will stay until the kids are about 6 -7 years old especially since we don't all know everyone, and honestly the extra sets of eyes and hands are welcome. Some bagels and coffee and cake- and they take care of themselves. My fear is that my twins will want separate parties.