Straight From the Bottle

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  • Bribing for Brotherhood

    "Hey, Archer. Guess what! There's a baby in Mommy's body!"

     

    "Baby?"

     

    "Yeah. Right in here. In my belly, see?

     

    "No baby, Mommy." 

     

    "Yes, baby. Just really small baby right now. Grape-sized."

     

    Whatevs, lady

    Archer flashes me his "what the hell kind of drugs you on, woman" face

     

    "Do you want to have a baby?"

     

    "No!"

     

    "You don't want to have a little brother to wrestle with?"

     

    "No!"

     

    "Do you want a little sister to play with in the park? You can frolick and--"

     

    "No!"

     

    "You don't want a little friend to build forts with and draw on walls with and--?"

     

    "NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

     

    "You know what? When you have a baby you get ice-cream. All you can eat ice-cream. And cookies."

     

    "Ay-Keem? Yay! Ay-keem!!!! Yay!"

     

    "So do you want to have a baby and cookies?"

     

    "Yays!"

     

    "Do you want to have a little brother to wrestle with and ice cream? "

     

    "Yays! Ak-keem baby!"

     

    "What about a baby sister to push on the swings and cookies?"

     

    "YAYS! YAYS! OKAAAAAAAY. Coo-KIE COO-KIE. YAYS, MOMMY! YAYS! Wheredigo-Ak-keem-COOkie?"

     

    So I'm really happy to report to all who've enquired that Archer can't wait to be a brother. And ice-cream. And cookies. And... yeah. 

     

    *** 




in

About the Blogger

rebecca woolf

Rebecca Woolf in LA

Who says becoming a mom means succumbing to laser tattoo removal and moving to the suburbs? This young writer and mother of two gives it to you Straight From the Bottle.

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