“I’ve never been very judicious about my own behavior or choices, until they had an impact on someone other than me,” says actor Ben Affleck, dad to 1-year-old Violet. “… my daughter, who has my last name. I don’t want her to mutter it over a drink. I want her to be proud of her old man.”
Lucky for Ben, there’s so much quality film footage that he could show his daughter each time she pulls one of those teenage laments about how her parents are such douchebags.
“I understand how you feel, honey,” he could say. “Why, I used to be embarrassed that my Mom was a school teacher. What a peon! Wanna watch my 'Jenny from The Block' video again?”
Isn’t it funny how every new parent aspires to avoid the unforgivable sins their own parents committed: the sins of being not being “cool,” not “understanding,” not “getting it”? But we all know it’s unavoidable. I mean, just the fact that most of us are at least 25 years older than our kids means that we’re not going to “get it.” And why would we want to? When was the last time you identified with someone 25 years younger than you? All the 5-year-olds I know are jerks.
As the parent of a 4-year-old and a 19-month-old, I’m not quite there yet. I still kinda think I can pull it off, this “cool” parent thing. Why not? I’ve got tattoos! I've had piercings! When my older daughter Hazel’s 15, I'll be able to say,
'Honey, go ahead and get that eyelid piercing you've been talking about. I totally understand and support the idea of you putting permanent holes in your face. You go, girl!' When my younger girl Violet wants to go to the movies alone with her seventh grade boyfriend (or girlfriend – I’m cool with that!), I’ll pretend to think it over, before nudging her in the ribs with my elbow and saying
'You and I both know that ‘going to the movies’ is code for ‘dry humping,’ dude. Just make sure you buy tickets to that new Ben Affleck movie, so you know you aren’t missing much!'I like to think that I’ll be able to relate to my girls when they’re older – or at least not completely mortify them. I guess Mr. Affleck and I have that in common (boy, there’s something I never thought I’d say). Hey, we also have a daughter named Violet in common! And we both
totally regret rubbing suntan lotion all over Jennifer Lopez’s ass in that goddamn video. Oh wait, I guess that’s just him.
