Strollerderby

Sad to say, but this has been happening with our four-year-old son, too.  And it ebbs and flows - some days, he's fine with sleeping in his own bed and he sleeps through the night in it.  Other times, he wakes up at 3AM telling us he's had a bad dream.  On those occasions, my husband tells my son to either go back to his own bed or go sleep on the couch in the living room.  We keep trying to get my son to tell us his dreams, but he really doesn't remember them well.

The worst nights are when he starts off the night in his bed, and fifteen minutes after bedtime, he pulls out the bad dream excuse.  Then we let him sleep on our bed, but we do our best to move him back when he's deep asleep.

Some of this sleeping in your bed may be because she's sharing the room with her sister, and she wants some more closeness with you and your husband.  In our case, our son may not want to sleep alone sometimes.

Heck, I'M looking forward to hearing other readers' suggestions.  Forced insomniacs of the world, unite!

Darlin,

This is a huge issue for so many parents.  Because I had twins the first go-round, I never tried the family bed... But I've heard that if you give them a bed IN YOUR ROOM so they get used to their own bed.

As for the rest, it's all willpower, girl.

You have my full sympathy. If I lived closer, I'd bring over a bottle of wine.

-Rachael

I'm busy reading up on how to get the almost two-year-old to sleep through the night (and by through the night, I mean for, say, a five hour stretch.) We put her in her own bed a few months ago.

Anyway, because I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm reading books about this. "The No-Cry Sleep Solution for Toddlers and preschoolers" seems to be helping. They ahve a section for older kids like yours. I didn't read that part closely, but from what I can tell, she recommends setting up a sleep area next to your bed and reminding her that's where she can sleep if she needs to be near you. (Maybe you could set up the princess sleeping bag?) Then, you eventually work on getting her just to stay in her own bed -- and here she seems to lean heavily on prizes, individually wrapped. Good luck and keep us posted.

By the way, don't you wish these parenting help books would just cut to the chase. This no-cry sleep solutions is like 380 pages long -- lots of reassurances, etc. Just give me the solutions! Who has time to read, especially since I'm not getting a lot of sleep.

Oh, yes, and know that you aren't the only one in this situation.

I'm no help but can offer sympathy:

Child #1 :  Had never heard of "family bed".  Not an issue.

Child #2:  Heard of family bed, but The Ex wanted too much nighttime action to make co-sleeping much of an option.  Bleh.

Child #3:  Co-slept until she was 3.5, when I talked it up bigtime about her move to sharing a room (bunk beds) with Child #2.  This seemed to ease the transition for her, and she moved into her own room at 5.5.  "Nighttime action" no longer an issue.

Child #4:  I don't have enough bedrooms to give him his own room, and at 3 he sleeps in a crib (he's a small guy) in my room.  And when he doesn't feel well he insists on coming into my bed.  Like last night.  And almost every night for the past month.  [sigh]

Alisyn,

From your post it would seem that Hazel shares a room with she sister, but not a bed?  Have you considered putting them together in a double bed?  She may just be looking for someone to snuggle up to.  My sister and I shared a bed until I was eight or so and then changed to twin beds.  You could even try just pushing the two beds together.  Good luck - just remember very few high schoolers are still sleeping in their parents beds (and for those who are<ewww>), you'll get there - eventually.

I have a 16 month old who sleeps in a crib, so I can't offer any first hand experience- BUT I love a blogger that goes by Mary P.  She is a mother of three and has 20 years of experience teaching children.  

Mary P. is funny and kind and most importantly spoke about this subject yesterday and offered a great idea.  I'd recommend checking her out. (daycaredaze.wordpress.com)

Quick summary: Make a "bad dream bed" on the floor by your bed and tell Hazel she can come and sleep there whenever she wants.  She might abuse it for a few days, but you'll both be sleeping and eventually the novelty will wear off.  This way Hazel won't be banished and you will be rested

Mary is much warmer than I, so do take a peek!

Good Luck

Unfortunately, all of the advice I've read for getting children out of your bed (whether it's a family bed, or they wander in at night) assumes you have a ton of space...we can't fit another bed in our room. We can't even fit a sleeping bag in our room. (We MIGHT be able to get a bassinet in our room if we needed one, but that's about it -- but if we did have another child, we'd probably need to move anyway because Kiddo's room isn't big enough to share without bunk beds, either.)

We have a queen-sized bed and a cat and a 4-year-old (she's my stepdaughter, too, so there's that whole issue) and it used to be, if she wandered in at 3 or 4, no biggie -- she'd climb in, we'd all sleep. She's now starting to show up at midnight or 11, often when we're still up, and at least twice now when we've...had to instruct her on knocking protocols. Even if we've not been interrupted, if we're still awake and she raises holy hell ("there's nowhere for me to sleep!" was her refrain, and "your own bed" was met with wailing) she'll get in and thrash around and cough and snort and nobody gets any sleep for hours.

Sigh.

I'm not a fan of co-sleeping beyond night feeding stages, but as the non-bio-mom, I obviously didn't get a say in that when she was little (and her dad, my partner, is neutral on the subject but since his then-wife wanted to try, he was game). I'd love to say it's not gonna happen with any future kids, but I know "when I have kids, it's going to be different" isn't how it works.

My 4-year-old  has a wobbly tooth. We were reading a book last night about the tooth fairy and Allie asked if the tooth fairy could come visit her that night.  I came up with an ingenious idea and I hope it works again tonight.  Because last night is the first time I've slept sans child(ren) in about 8 months...

I had Allie draw a picture of a tooth on a piece of paper.  We folded it up and placed it under her pillow.  I told her that as soon as she fell asleep, I would call the tooth fairy to come do a trial run tonight, but that she'd have to stay in her bed, or else the tooth fairy wouldn't be able to find her.

Somehow it worked, and not only did she stay in bed all night, but she woke up right away to find out if the tooth fairy had found her.  I'll let you know if it works again tonight.

One four year old in a king bed - try a big 3 year old and a four year old in a queen bed :)  Anyway, we tried sticker charts and carrying them back in (they have been randomly coming in, one or both, for a while now).   So I've resorted to a dog door - is that bad ? :)  The first few nights we ignored the crying for as long as we could and ended up in their beds, but night 3 not a peep all night!

First of all I really love the title of this blog!

I have both professional and personal advice in this area. I have worked with several parents and I have an almost 5 year old son and a 3 year old daughter.

The bottom line is pure and simple bribery. We got my son to stay in his bed with Hot Wheels cars. At 99 cents a night for a few weeks it was worth it. My daughter has been better but many times will fall asleep in our bed and then we transfer her to her room. The key is when they wake up and come into your room that you turn them around and put them back, reminding them of the bribe all along the way. If you cannot get then down in their room try a sleeping bag on the floor, you do not want something so comfortable, like your bed, that they think it is better to stay with you than on their own.

We were lucky that the behavior was not long term. 4 years is going to take some time to get rid of.

Best of luck and feel free to contact me if you want.

Dr. Mike

Babblers, I am grateful for all of your helpful tips and advice, in response to my r ecent post . Thanks to your creative ideas (bribes) and timeless wisdom (more bribes!), my 4-year-old daughter, Hazel, who had been coming into our bed at night for the

When I was a child, we were only allowed to wake the parents in cases of extreme weather, suspected haunting by ghosts, or extreme physical distress. Otherwise, their bedroom was off limits . This rule was instituted following my discovery of the "massager"