Our discussion concludes as James Poniewozik responds to Babble's contention that "we are nothing more or less than
parents who, in some fashion, defy the traditional image of uptight
cardigan-wearing Donna Reed clones who are perpetually alienated from
modern culture."
Stroller Derby: How do you respond to Babble / Stroller Derby's claim that we're not "just" about hip urban parenting?
James P: I'll respond in three parts:
A. Yesterday, I visited Babble.com. The number-one story in the homepage box was, "The Hippest Babysitter in America." Babble's tagline is: "A magazine and community for the new urban parent." "New" urban, hip urban. Tomato, tomahto. It probably is a generalization to say that Babble is all about hip urbanites; however, Babble doesn't seem to have a problem creating that impression to market itself. It's only when somebody makes a criticism that "hip" is suddenly reductive. And while I'm not privy to Babble's business plan, I doubt the whole "hip" perception harms it with advertisers.
B. I do understand the charge that "hipster" is a generalization. (Just as "new urban parent" is.) Here's another generalization in my column: "Gen X." In reality, some parent-memoirists, including some of Babble's, I believe, are Baby Boomers; conversely, some are probably young enough to be considered Gen Y. Gen X seems like a fair median, though.
C. Come on, "Donna Reed clones"? How self-serving. (Anyone who criticizes us is a '50s sexist who wants to enslave women!) That's a 60-year-old image. It hasn't been "defiant" to oppose the Donna Reed stereotype since "Maude." I would bet good money that most Babble writers' mothers weren't Donna Reed types, much less any contemporary you could find without calling a casting agency.
Stroller Derby: What do you think about Stroller Derby's statement that "...if there were ever a time to be self-reflective and even a bit angst-ridden, that time is now. As relatively new parents, we learn a great deal by reading the writings of others in similar straits. And if our kids listen to the Ramones and wear Baby Gap, it doesn't mean being cool is our primary objective. On the contrary, any parent with a heart, no matter what they wear, where they live, or what is on their iPod, understands the tectonic shift that must occur when one is the guardian of little innocent people."
James P: Again, I think this is someone believing that I'm telling them they're a bad parent. Sure, you care more about your child than you do about being cool. Of course. Because you're human, and not a monster. But in the writing that I'm responding to, there's this constant sense of the writer assuring him/herself, "Hey, just because I have a kid, I'm not like
all those other horrible robots, right?" Well, yes, in a sense you are, because your priority in life is now the preservation and welfare of another human, and kids' basic needs are more or less universal. In another sense you're not, because you don't stop being who an individual when you have a child. But guess what? That was always true! We didn't invent that! That's not a new concept that just emerged around the time Nirvana released Nevermind! And that refrain--"We're doing it differently; we aren't losing our individuality to parenthood like people used to"--that's so terribly smug and self-congratulatory. But a great way to market to people.
But the first sentence also interests me: "If there were ever a time to be self-reflective and even a bit angst-ridden, that time is now." What does "now" mean? When you've just had a kid? Well, sure. As it has been for 2 million years' worth of humans, who managed to handle the anxiety without quite such a lengthy journey into their navels. Or does it mean, "Now, when parenting is so hard, and the culture is so hostile to parents, and the schools are in such crisis, and the world
is so screwed up, and everything is so expensive, and nothing is as safe or as easy as when I was a kid." *That* is an attitude I hear a lot in the real world, and I confess I am very skeptical of it. We grew up having our parents tell us how much harder they had it when they were kids. We will be the first generation to bore our own kids with stories of how much easier we had it when we were kids.
To read the first part of the interview, go here, and you can also read JP's blog and blog on the topic.
