We all know this picture from our childhood: there were certain kids who were always
standing alone at the edge of the action, never included, sometimes
made fun of. If it wasn't you, it was someone you remember (barely, since you didn't know them well).
And it always seemed to be the same few kids. New research is examining
the reasons for inclusion or exclusion, and has come up with a couple
of theories. Before I get to that, here's my theory: Kids
Don't Like Someone Who is Different.
Let's see what the experts say,
shall we? Well, hmm, they talk about the "individual
social deficit model", which is about kids who are shy, wary, or
socially
inept. In other words, different. And the experts also
discuss the "intergroup social cognition model", which is based on
bias, prejudice, etc. Like a kid's appearance or family
heritage. Again, if this marks a difference from the norm, the
kid is a candidate for exclusion. Even more disturbing but
equally obvious is earlier research which shows that kids who
experience pervasive
long-term exclusion suffer from depression, anxiety and
loneliness. Next this research group is going to look into the
decision-making process by which certain kids are included or
excluded. That's great, but what about the outcasts in the
meantime? What can we do about them?
As the mother of a child who is "different", I wonder what his
future will be like. Right now most people respond positively to
him, as he's a cute and charming three-year-old who also happens to
have Down syndrome, but what will things be like when he's older and no
longer so cute? I don't advocate forced inclusion for anyone, and
I believe that kids should be allowed to choose their friends, but
maybe there's something to this research that will help erase or blur
some of the differences among us that we now perceive.
