People will tell you James Bond would make a horrible parent. He frequently travels. He drinks to much. He's a womanizer. And oh yeah, he kills people for a living. On top of all that, he's been known to cavort with a nuclear physicist played by Denise Richards.
*chuckle, chuckle*
But the DVD for the latest Bond film -- "Casino Royale" -- was just released, giving me the opportunity to hit the pause button on this (seriously, go look -- you'll thank me), while also affording me the chance to wonder whether 007 would make a good dad. Because let's face it, the James Bond franchise is going to get there eventually -- he's slept with too many femmes fatales to not have at least one kid pop up in a future film.
Can't you just imagine: "James Bond in Old Finger."
Still, as a parent, Bond has a lot going for him:
1. Those shooting skills are just what you need when aiming for the Diaper Genie with a fully loaded diaper while simultaneously keeping your kid on the changing table. Unlike me, Bond probably wouldn't miss.
2. Those combat skills are just what you need to A. put pants on a squirming toddler, and then B. snap tight all those god damn tiny snaps.
3. And then there's the cars. Who needs a minivan when Q can rig an Aston Martin to include infant seats and hidden nanny compartments? Just replace the champagne cooler with a bottle warmer, and he's ready for Wal-Mart.
4. Home-schooling seems like a natural option, considering the kid will have days that involve flying around the world three times in 90 minutes. And really, nothing says education like a hands-on lesson in how to disarm a nuclear weapon or escape from a shark tank.
5. What about all those woman Bonds spends his nights with? Well, someone's got to babysit while Bond saves the day.
6. That license to kill could come in handy on prom night.
7. The guy has access to cash. Serious, serious cash. I can only imagine the stroller he would push. It would make the Bugaboo look like a shopping cart.
8. Sure, parent-teacher conferences would last all night long -- but at least the kid would get straight-As.
9. On the bad side, evil geniuses plotting his demise would not be a plus for scheduling play dates.
10. Still, there's something to be said for a dad who appreciates a fine martini. If the kid has colic, he'll need one.
