When my older son was about three, he took to wearing an old skirt
of his big sister's (she was about 15 then). At first it was just
around the house, but eventually he insisted, as three-year-olds do
about a whole host of things, to be allowed to wear it when and where
he pleased. At that point I was used to putting barrettes in his
hair and seeing him carry around an old purse (he made quite a striking
figure in a very boyish polo shirt, a raggedy black pleated knit skirt,
sparkly barrettes, and the purse). It was capped off when his dad bought
him, for his fourth birthday, a pair of pink plastic high heeled
shoes. Nathaniel refers to that time as "when he was a girl" and
in fact most people did take him for a girl for at least a year,
complimenting me on my "lovely daughters" after his little sister was
born.
Now, I know enough to know that gender issues have nothing
necessarily to do with being gay, but my son's preferences during that
time did bring a question to the forefront, which was, "What if my son
is gay?" My conclusion? "No problem." I knew I would
be able to accept my son for who he was, whoever that turned out to
be. Well, I hoped I would, of course, not really knowing how I
would be in reality, because how can you know your reaction to anything
in advance? But I hope I will be open to it when and if
it comes up in his life. Or his sister's. Or his little brother's,
for that matter.
It's not so easy in many families. There are expectations,
misunderstandings, long-held beliefs, a whole host of things that all
could make a kid's coming-out as gay one of the most difficult,
painful, and stressful times of his (or her) life as well as the family's. Apparently, though,
the climate is changing somewhat according to this New York Times article
which tells the poignant story of Zach O'Connor and his family.
Zach came out to his parents at the age of 13, much younger than what
was previously the norm, at the same time escaping the years of
angst that often have preceded such an announcement. Apparently
this is a trend fueled in part by increasing social visibility through
the Internet and TV shows like "Will and Grace." In addition,
there is a burgeoning number of support groups and social groups in
many communities and schools to help these kids connect and understand.
I
think that this trend toward acceptance can only be a good thing.
I went to high school with a couple of boys who came out afterward, and
I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for them in high
school. It's wonderful that Zach's parents are as accepting as
they are of him, and I hope that this truly is a trend for the future.
