Once upon a time, I had a friend named Heidi. Despite her New
Joisey accent and the oft-excessive outgoingness that accompanied it,
there
was much to love about Heidi and we spent hours dishing on ways to
parent our children better. The trouble was, Heidi came with
Chandler, who was a few days younger than and light-years away in
temperament from my daughter Serena. I hated Chandler. He
was rough; he whined; he had gross two-year-old habits. He didn't
listen to anyone, least of all his mom, and he ran away from anyone in
authority. I tried not to be
the one watching Chandler very often, because my children mostly minded
me and I didn't want to be faced with disciplining someone else's
child. That kid was just crying out for a smack between the eyes
with a two-by-four, or maybe, I don't know, limits? But I
certainly wasn't going to be the one to administer the one and other
other wasn't my job.
I thought I was alone in this until I read Madeline Holler's essay Friend Alert: I Love You, But I Hate Your Kid.
Suddenly: Not Alone! Madeline talks about her love-hate
relationship with friend Lisa who came with terror-child Evie, and how
her discomfort with Evie ultimately led to a major shift in the
relationship (that and an across-the-country move). How can you
be friends with someone if you're really uncomfortable with their
child? Do parents come as a package with their children? In
many ways, they do.
Just
as Madeline never really resolves this problem, allowing time and
circumstance to ease into a resolution, I've never really addressed
mine either. But a few years later, Chandler's in Serena's first
grade class and Heidi is just another one of the school parents,
passing in the hallway. There really isn't an issue anymore,
thankfully. What about you? What have you done, or not
done, to resolve discomfort with the children of your friends? Is
everybody the wimp that I am?
