Reading this post the other day really struck a chord with me. I am the mother of a uber-femme, sparkly, Princess-loving little girl who practically poops pink. She was born that way. She has always preferred "mothering" her baby dolls to playing in the sandbox (this is a girl who will make a "bed" for her "baby" out of a dumptruck).
But I am always trying to balance the scales: I encourage (but don't force) her to try new ways of playing; we read gender neutral books with her, along with "Fancy Nancy;" and my husband and I take the kids along when we hang out with our queer friends, some of whom are women who identify as men, some of whom are men who identify as women. We discuss the fact discuss the fact that whatever a person wants to be, whether "boy," "girl" or something in-between, is their choice. We are not trying to change who our daughter is - or confuse her, though that happens - we're just trying to open her up to the fact that she can choose who she wants to be. And so can everyone else.
We're talking the talk... but over at HipMama yesterday, I read an article about a family who is walking the walk...
In "Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant," Lucy Silva Marrero writes about her life with her partner ( a female who identifies as a male), their preschool-aged son, and their hopes for having another child soon. But here's where it gets complicated: only one of the two of them can physically bear a child - and it's the one who identifies as a man. Writes Lucy: "Unless we end up with an extra $20K or so to reattach my fallopian
tubes and suck out some eggs with a needle, that is. My partner,
however, has attached fallopian tubes and a working uterus. He might
say that is an unfortunate misjudgment on Mother Nature's part, but
he's doing his best to make do with it for now. And since his plumbing
is up and running and mine is not, the only practical choice for
birthing children of our own is for me to take a turkey baster and a
Ziplock full of spermies and knock him up... Of course, in the interest of comedy, I've reduced a very serious and
thoughtful decision into something simple and comedic. The reality is
that my female-bodied butch partner who goes by male pronouns will face
the constant invalidation of his gender even more so than he does now."
Lucy and her family are fighting the binary gender system everyday—by challenging the definitions of "boy" and "girl," and by educating their son to do the same. Having a transgendered parent, their boy is being raised with with the awareness that "genitalia does not determine gender," a powerful and liberating idea.
Life for a little one doesn't have to be all pink, or all blue - and I think it's really important to discuss that with kids, in this age of Bratz, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and gender-segregated toy stores. I find it incredibly inspiring to read about families who defy this kind of stereotyping.
To read more of Lucy Silva Marrero's funny and touching essay, "Sometimes Daddies Do Get Pregnant (How I Do Queer Parenting)," go here.
