Brooke Shields hopes to have a joint birthday celebration for her daughter Grier and BFF TomKat's own lil' Suri. Back when their parents still loathed each other's existence, the babies were born right down the hall from each other at St. John's Medical Center on April 18th of last year. What better way to honor it all than with a big ol' birthday bash?
Now, there are about a million ways to make fun of what a Scientology birthday party might entail but I couldn't come up with anything funnier than the imagined scenario written up by my friends over at A Socialite's Life, where they envision Brooke showing up at the Cruise manse with streamers and wearing a party hat and Katie Holmes is all wan and pale and brainwashed.
Brooke: Hey! I'm here for the party!
Katie: What? Uh, I'm really not allowed to have people in...wow, it's really sunny out today. I miss the outdoors.
Brooke: Katie, it's me! Brooke Shields? Remember? Tom trashed me in the press and then apologized? Remember we said since our kids were born so close together that we would have a combined birthday party?
Katie: Listen, can you get a message to the outside for me? Please, you've got to listen to me. He'll be home any minute...
Brooke: I brought a cake, and some photographers, and oh, the baby. Wave hi, Grier!
Katie: *hangs head, listlessly*
We're all going to hell, aren't we? At the very least, the intergalactic warlord alien Xenu is probably going to be pissed at us.
About MetroDad
I'm a French-named, speed-reading, former public policy analyst now trapped in the body of a Asian-American fashion executive. I've ridden elephants in Sri Lanka, imbibed snake venom in China, skiied the Italian Dolomites, eaten barbecue in Pakistan, travelled to every state except North Dakota, visited 28 out of 32 major league ballparks, worshipped at the altar of Graceland 5 times and have shut down most of the nightclubs in Paris. That being said, I still get lost every time I go through the Lincoln Tunnel.
It's safe to say that we'd probably get along if you can truly appreciate the real beauty in...a good Peking duck, Sunday's NYT crossword, nice manners, Scrabble, Law & Order, spontaneous travel, Otoro, Jim Jarmusch, Tabasco sauce, Morrissey, Haruki Murakami, Peets coffee, Radiohead, listening to baseball games on the radio, Thievery Corporation, X-Men comics, fresh powder, Southern BBQ, Christopher Hitchens, bloomin' onions, mid-century design, the warmth of a good scotch, a great day spent fishing where you didn't catch a damn thing...
On a related note, I'd like to believe that I probably have absolutely nothing in common with another human being who really loves any of the following: pro bass fishing on tv, NASCAR, low carb Cabernet, Kathey Griffin, Microsoft, the Olsens, Applebees, Jessica Simpson, romance novels, tofu bacon, Pamela Anderson, ballet, "Survivor" or HUMMERs. Similarly, I could also never be friends with someone who mixes up "they're", "there", and "their". I will give you a smidge of credit if you know the difference between "if" and "whether". But if you leave any participles dangling, we're breaking up.
In conclusion, let me just say...
Lex clavatoris designati rescindenda est.
(The Designater Hitter Rule has got to go)
