Who are these tiyerd "celebrities" cluttering up the pages of tabloids and online sites just because they have kids they cart all over West L.A.? Yeah, I'm talking about you, Sabrina, the Teenage Witch. I don't know what you've done lately, but every time I sit down to check my gossip feeds you and your kid are front and center. Why? Move over, Melissa Joan. Maybe I don't want to see your perky mug when I'm trying to find out who Lily Allen puked on last night.
I'm also talking to you, Denise Richards. I've seen you and the kids at the zoo, the park, out shopping. Can't you stay home for five minutes so the paparazzi can move on to someone else more interesting effed up? Like Courtney Love?
And Brooke Shields? You know what I'm about to say. Going for a walk? Having tea? Cut it out.
At this point y'all are famous just for being mom-ebrities. Call your agents! I know there's a Danielle Steel screenplay somewhere that needs filming. Get back to work! Take your kids with you, but get back to work! Give us a break and stay out of Santa Monica for a week. Trust me, Fred Segal ain't going anywhere.
