Whenever I worry that I’m too controlling or anxious, I pull
out a copy of the One Step Ahead catalog and remind myself that there must be
an army of parents out there who live in mortal terror of germs and falls and not
being able to see their child’s face for a full twenty seconds. Then I laugh and laugh and feel like the most laid-back mom in the world.
My current favorite product is the Giggle Bug Toddler
Tracker. It’s a plastic ladybug you clip to the back of your kid’s shirt, and
if they get out of your line of sight, you simply press a button on your remote
and the bug beeps--a 90 decibel beep, in fact. Now call me crazy, but if I was
a kid just minding my own business and all of the sudden a piercing beeping
sound starting coming from the back of my shirt, I might get a little spooked.
And if mommy came running up thirty seconds later, well, I’m visualizing
toddlers completely conditioned like Pavlov’s dog to associate a maternal face
with being really startled. Did I mention that the ladybug’s eyes also light up
and blink with a terrifying glow?
Oh, and don’t try and take the thing off, because that
sounds an alarm too. House arrest for kids!
The site pitches the product by saying, “Why pay $300 for a
fancy GPS device, when our affordable child locator does the same job?” Good
point, we were seconds away from buying that GPS when the Giggle Bug came
along. However, if you get your kids implanted with a chip, you can still track
them when they go to college.
