Strollerderby

Mother's Day Is Really More for Fathers Anyway

When I was very young -- probably 21 or 22 -- I bought my mom a squirt gun for her birthday. I wasn't very subtle in suggesting that if she didn't want to play with it right away, I would "test it out" to see if it was working properly. She remembers the gift as a great act of humorous selfishness.

I remember it as a watershed moment in gift giving, akin to Homer offering Marge a bowling ball -- with his name on it. So in that vein, I'd like to offer up some of the very best in Mother's Day, um, gifts.

1. Lingerie. Strappy, silky, see-through lingerie. Just the thing to wear when relaxing with a book and a cup of hot tea.

2. A set of barbecue tools -- because really, cooking in the kitchen gets so old.

3. A gift certificate ... to Home Depot.

4. A bottle of 30-year-old Scotch for her book club meetings. Yeah, book club. That's it.

5. While you're at it, a new bar set. She'll love it.

6. A book of those cheesy, spice-it-up sex "gift certificates" -- because nothing says unwinding after a long day like giving a, well, Page 32 describes it I'm sure.

7. And if you can't think of anything else, stick with a bowling ball. It worked out really well for Homer.


+ DIGG + STUMBLE

Comments

 

Hanmee said:

My father-in-law called to inform us that he would be arriving a day earlier and that he was actually driving down (lives 9 hrs away), making a stop at Grandma's house.

He told my husband that he had gotten my mother-in-law a GPS for mother's day and was using it for the trip to "try it out".

My first thought was "why doesn't he just get his name put on it" thinking also of that Simpsons episode.

Now who the heck "tries out" someone else's gift. I could understand if he installed it for her or activated a service, etc., but that's basically USING the gift before giving it.

I wish my husband had said something because he knew there was something wrong with that.

When my father-in-law arrived, my husband was upstairs, so it was just us talking and he pulls out the portable GPS and says "look at the new toy I got".

Yeah. That's what I thought.

(I'm not sure whether he's still going to give it to her or has decided to keep it for himself.)

May 8, 2007 9:32 AM
 

Grammy said:

I am really against Mother's Day.  You never get what you really want... which is a cleaned up  house, good kids, (invisible husband) and to be able to lay around the entire day with no one to bother you.

May 8, 2007 11:22 AM
 

anon said:

Hey Grammy, that's *exactly* what we give my mom every year.  Every year I find a way to get her out of the house the Saturday of Mother's Day weekend (usually dad takes her to dinner and a movie) and my brothers and I go to town cleaning the house.  SCRUBBING every corner of it, doing any and all laundry, changing all the sheets on the beds, everything we can possibly clean we do.  Then my parents come home from dinner and a movie to a clean house, mom sleeps in and my brothers and I make a huge family brunch for everyone (and, duh, we clean up after).  We give her a couple of gifts and spend the rest of the day hanging around, watching a movie or playing a board game if it's bad weather, or going for a walk/playing in the yard if it's nice.  

May 8, 2007 11:54 AM

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