Attachment Parenting (AP) is all the rage when it comes to babies, what with all the slings, breastfeeding-on-demand and co-sleeping going on these days, but it extends far beyond the early years. The backbone of the AP philosophy is mutual respect, and with older kids, that often translates into finding an alternative to punishment - whether that means allowing natural consequences to take their course, offering constructive advice, walking away, or turning potential conflicts into challenges that can be faced together - is a key point in developing mutuality. Not letting the children get away with murder, mind you, but letting go of the authoritarian in us as parents, and embracing the mediator, the peacemaker.
Aletha Solter, founder of the Aware Parenting Institute, internationally recognized expert on non-punitive discipline, has much the same philosophy. The Parenting Pit recently posted 20 alternatives to punishment, most of which are worthy of at least one try.
1. LOOK FOR UNDERLYING NEEDS.
Example: Give your child something to play with while waiting in line.
2. GIVE INFORMATION AND REASONS.
Example: If your child colors on the wall, explain why we color on paper only.
3. LOOK FOR UNDERLYING FEELINGS.
Acknowledge, accept & listen to feelings. Example: If your child
hits his baby sister, encourage him to express his anger and jealousy
in harmless ways. He may need to cry or rage.
4. CHANGE THE ENVIRONMENT.
This is sometimes easier than trying to change the child. Example: If
your child repeatedly takes things out of the kitchen cupboards, put a
childproof lock on them.
5. FIND ACCEPTABLE ALTERNATIVES.
Redirect your child’s behavior. Example: If you do not want your child
to build a fort in the dining room, don’t just say no. Tell her where
she can build one.
For the rest of the list, follow the link.
