Never again coughing or sneezing without thinking: "Damn, I really should have done some kegels."

Yoga pants - Thankfully they are trendy b/c they are the only thing that fits.

Your dry cleaning bill either disappears b/c silk doesn't go with spit up - or goes through the roof b/c silk doesn't go with spit up.

You only buy nice sheets if they go with milk and little boy pee.

Speaking of little boy pee - you are STILL doomed to sleep in the wet spot. Sigh.

Just when you get used to blaming your farts on them, they learn to talk and call you out on it!

I'm pregnant, and I've been throwing up and/or showing up at work looking like crap every day for over a month, now; the girls say I'm the best birth control they've ever had, 'cause there's no way they want to go through that.

You're welcome... I guess...

Again, I agree with both sides because they both have valid arguments and ideas. Parents owe their children much love and care and nurturing and support. What irks me is that no matter how hard we may try, or how pure and good our intentions, we are bound to make mistakes. My children tend to be beyond critical and unforgiving of my mistakes and I rarely, if ever, hear any praise (although my daughter does say some nice things my sons NEVER do so). ALthough children don't ask to be born and are entitled to be cared for, they aren't entitled to perfect parents and they certainly aren't entitled to treat their parents with so much contempt, disdain and disregard. Also, I do believe that there is room for gratitude, even for that to which they can expect and are entitled to

Parenthood is one of the stupidest, most overrated things on the planet. I hate being in a world that has been brainwashed into believing that you are nothing unless you reproduce. I hate Mother's Day. I hate Father's Day. Those two days make us people without kids look like we're nothing. Any idiot can have a kid. In fact, reproducing is a much more popular activity among the idiots than the decent people. And, have you ever noticed that EVERYONE who is NOT cut out to be a parent becomes one anyway? Did you ever stop to realize that the only reason most of us even exist is because our parents wanted a cheap thrill one day?

When I was in high school, a guy asked me if I was going to the prom. I told him that I had something going on and that the prom is overrated anyway. He said, “But you’ve got to go.” I said, “Why?” He said, “To get some pussy!” People like that are exactly the type of unprofessional material who become moms and dads first. I smell no quality in people like that. What I do smell is welfare. I smell more taxes for you and me. I smell another approaching generation of teenage pregnancy. This next generation will have a worst case of asthma than ours thanks to those knocked-up idiots who smoke. I think it’s bad enough that there are so many people with illegitimate kids on the way. But for someone like that to smoke is one appallingly pathetic disgrace to mankind.

One of my friends told me that he was in the toy store a few days before Christmas and he was confronted by a Christmas shopper when he picked up the last of a certain toy and started playing with it. The shopper said, “I need that for my kid.” My friend, Paul, said, “Well I’m playing with it now.” The shopper attacked him in front of several witnesses but Paul grabbed his arm and hurled him against the wall. Then some security guys escorted this renegade shopper out of the store. Any time I hear some idiot say that having kids brings out the best in you, I want to tell them a story like that.

What really disgusts me is the excessive sympathy people show toward expecting mothers, especially ones who are not married. My wife, Sara, told me that at the place where she works (or used to work), everyone threw a baby shower for anyone who got knocked-up. Almost all of her co-workers were not married. So everyone who had a stupid kid got congratulated for it. And I want to point out something about the people who congratulate an expecting mom. They are too stupid to realize that they are congratulating a knocked-up lady for raising our nation’s taxes. Everyone complains about the taxes getting higher all the time. Why are they too stupid to realize that the tax increases come from them not being willing to keep their pants on? Think about it. They decide to live a reckless carnal lifestyle that leads to them unwittingly having kids they can’t afford to support. So they turn to the government, asking for support from them. The stupid government agrees to support them but they can only afford to do that if they pull more money from the whole nation.

As long as this kind of unprofessional behavior keeps occurring, I’m concerned that America will someday become as crowded and filthy as a third world country. Fifty years ago, this kind of behavior was not tolerated at all. Any time a dumb broad in high school wouldn’t keep her pants on and discovered that a kid was on the way, she usually moved as far away as she could. Now, if some high school hoe does that in this day and age, she’s congratulated for it.

One of the most despicable things you can do is congratulate someone for doing something that any idiot can do. Especially when they do the thing that raises our taxes, puts excessive consumption on the world’s resources, and puts more future crooks, child molesters, and drunk drivers on the road. You know that’s what most illegitimate kids grow up to be. Because their dumb parents never bothered to ask themselves if they were fit for raising kids. The even dumber ones are those who don’t seem to understand how the laws of nature work.

My wife had a lot of friends when she was growing up. Now they have all abandoned her for a life of parenthood, primarily single parenthood. During the last few times she did talk with them, they wanted to talk about nothing but their miserable existence as a mom. I once had a friend I grew up in church with. It took me a while to realize that he really wasn’t such a true friend. It was always me calling him to talk, not the other way around. And he never returned any of my messages. One year, he went to a college in Weatherford, OK. At the end of his fall semester, I saw him again during Christmas break with a fat scabbed-over lip. He wouldn’t tell me anything except that he had an encounter with a really mean man. He wouldn’t give me any details. Then in the following summer he shows up at church with a severely knocked-up girlfriend. I had wondered if his lip that was busted the Christmas before could have been done by that girl’s ex or father. Oh well, it was all too obvious that this friend of mine didn’t have near as much class as I thought he did. And if I was in his place, I know I wouldn’t have been dumb enough to bring her to church. That kind of reckless, stupid behavior goes against everything that the church stands for. Nevertheless, one of the church’s deacons decided to have conversation with them and the first question out of his mouth was to his girlfriend. Something like, “How far along are you?” She said she was seven months pregnant. Then he said, “So you only have two more months to go. Are you excited?” I said, “She was seven months ago!” I’m kidding; I didn’t really say that. But it sure would have been funny. So, two months later, I go in the sanctuary to read a book before everyone else comes in. The next two people to walk in were my former friend and his girlfriend. And, of course, they were carrying a bundle of hell. Since he hadn’t talked to me in a while he decided to do so. He asked me what I was doing lately and, before I could say ten words, he changes the subject to his “bundle of joy.” What a thoughtful guy.

I have found even the TV to be a better friend than this guy. But sometimes the TV can disappoint me a great deal. I don’t know about you, but I am fed up with commercials from Johnson and Johnson. Not to mention those diaper commercials. Did you ever realize how they all show the world of parenthood in the best light that they can instead of how it really is? All kinds of things on TV have brainwashed people into believing that parenthood is 100% happy, happy, joy, joy. That it’s an absolutely delightful adventure you won’t want to miss. Do you see any of those people in Wal-Mart having a good time? They’re all frowning.

Have you ever noticed how difficult it is to enjoy your time at the theatre? There is always some stupid broad coming in there with a screaming rugrat. Even in the R-rated movies. How despicable is that – bringing kids into an R-rated movie? I once went to this horrible movie called "Universal Soldier: The Return". It included a fight at a nudie bar. After the movie was over I heard an 8-year-old boy say, “That was B.S.!” (Only he said the full word). I could tell right away that some despicable person had either been in denial 8 years ago about their lack of parenting skills or their reckless behavior combined with their incompetence in relationships led to the expected result. A result they have the nerve to call an accident. I call it the consequence of not being smart enough to keep your pants on.

But, going back to the screaming part, the parent shows no consideration for anyone else in the theatre trying to hear the dialogue. Anytime they rightfully complain, the parent says, “He’s just a kid.” I feel like shooting anyone I hear saying that, by the way. That is what many parents seem to believe. They believe that having a kid gives them the right to disregard their manners. In fact, they think that having a kid excuses them from anything. They don’t seem to believe it was their fault that they had children. More than likely, they are too stubborn to admit it was their fault. We all know darn well it was their fault.

As for the people who plan their kids and are not on welfare, I have nothing against them as long as they are raising their kids right. If they truly feel that they are living in a household of joy, raising children, good for them. I don’t know how they see past the mess, the noise, or the sacrifice in time and money. But if they have nothing else to live for, no wholesome interests, no talents to bring to their full potential, I see no reason to deny that they may be living in the life that God intended for them.

I know I shouldn't call people I've observed in the past "idiots" or "hoes" or the like; it's just really frustrating when you think about it. My wife feels no different. We both try to live as we think God would have us live. We have had to try more than one church before we found one that was right for us. At one church that we'll never go back to, Sara went to a women's "bible study". The bible happened to never come up; the "bible study" was nothing but a circle of nine women starting a ridiculous pity party, making confessions, and bawling about them. One girl (I'll call her Kim just to make the story easier to tell) decided to confess that she got pregnant in high school, gave birth to a "handicapped" boy, and then ran away from home after deciding the kid was too much for her to handle. So, Kim's parents are stuck with the poor "handicapped" boy, who is 6 by now. AND, they have no idea where Kim is! Nor do they know that Kim has been married to a guy in the military for the last 5 years. After she confessed all this, she bawled some more and said that she would never go back to her son or her parents, just because she was too scared to face them. You'll never believe what she said next: "I know God can forgive me for this. I think I deserve a second chance at being a mother." Sadly enough, she was given that chance by her eager-to-procreate husband.

I was once concerned that I would be alone forever after I chose not to have children. The very few women I met in the past who wanted no children were all atheists. It seems as if almost all religious women believe that being religious automatically means being family oriented. I am very thankful that I have met a Christian who knows better than that.

Thank you for your time.

I love you Jake Radison! Another woman here who doesn't want those icky ungrateful irritating bloody creatures. Sorry to the breeders! But that is the truth.