Strollerderby

this is crazy, so crazy that it seems to have been written for the sole purpose of sparking (forgive the pun) debate and hence, driving web traffic. i'm no prude, but i know for sure that pot doesn't make anyone a better anything except a better pothead. as anyone who's ever gone to college in the united states of america in the last two or three decades can tell you, it definitely doesn't make you more responsible, a better role model, a clearer-headed person, or any of the many other things you need to be when caring for small children. come on. seriously. wtf?

In defence of mama who says smoking pot made her focus with her child, i agree with her. My one experiece of being slightly stoned around my (then) 5 year old, after taking a drag off of a joint at a party, was very similar. My son asked me questions and I was SO INTERESTED. I was focused and calm and patient - everything a good mother should be. That is a fact. Now, I am not a pot smoking fan. Personally, it makes me feel odd and i dont normally enjoy it;  But I am also not a NAZI and I dont think this parent deserves so much flack. How would you react to a parent having a few drinks around their kid? It's totally accepted in our culture, and Im sure a million times less positive than being slightly baked, or at least in the same ball park. LIghten up people. Pot does not make people crazy, unless they already are. Sure, it isn't a good idea to be baked around your kids all the time, but i dont think that is what she is saying at all. Please attempt to look -outside the box- and the D.A.R.E. campaign. How about- think for yourself! I can guarantee that what this mom does is in no way close to as dangerous as driving while talking on your cell phone while your little nugguts are sleeping in the backseat. ...do i smell guilt in the air? Come on. Seriously. Wtf?

I, too, think there's a hugely crazy, sensationalistic factor at play here, and I think Babble really stooped to a pathetic level by printing the essay. (I don't buy the whole "we strive to show parenting as it really is, not just as it should be" argument. Come on, isn't this really about obtaining readers/publicity through wildly controversial content?)

But is anyone talking about how seriously sad it is that this mom can't tolerate being with her child without using a mind-altering illegal drug? We all have hard moments, bad days, etc.--Lord knows it's challenging to parent small children all day long--but if you're THAT miserable being with your little one, maybe you and your child would be better off if you worked and put him in childcare with someone else. And sure, right NOW all he knows is that you are supposedly "a better parent" sometimes (i.e., after you've taken a hit--and truly, isn't using drugs to get through the duties of parenting sort of mutually exclusive with being "a better parent"?), but if you think that's all he's ever going to learn from that kind of behavior, you are sadly deluded.

squawks

I've only tried pot a few times in my life and I hated how lazy and apathetic it made me (plus it smells awful!). But I know that its a drug that different people react to differently. Granted, it turns a lot of people into boring do-nothings, who I have no desire to hang out with...But a lot of my friends in college swore that they wrote their best papers and artwork while stoned. Who knows.

My main concern is that it is illegal. I'm not getting into if it should or should not be illegal, but the fact is that you can actually do time in jail for this drug. Its probably because I've never in my life been a regular illegal drug user, but I would be so uncomfortable buying, growing, or carrying around pot. My kids are worth so much  more than any high. When you decide to have kids, you just have to be responsible. Sometimes that entails giving up things that were once a big part of your life. Its one thing to break the law if you really need to make a stand or protect your family Its another thing to risk  breaking up your family, just to get high and relax or have fun.

Goodness, I hadn't read the article before I posted. Its one thing to take a hit of marijuana or have a glass or two of wine around your kid on occassion. Its another, unforgivable thing if you drive after doing so or if you do so in public places without the supervision of another adult. People: do not drive under the influence!!! Geez! And for goodness sake, if you must use illegal drugs, as a parent, don't do so out in public!

Also, I really wish you guys would replace the white baby icon thing. At least change it up so every other baby looks at little less anglo-Gerber.

And I hope I didn't come across as total judgemental prude with my last post. But I really think its unacceptable to drive under the influence. People often underestimate their limits.  And I've lost too many people to drunk driving accidents.

I agree about driving under the influence, though if I remember correctly from the article, she had already driven to the mall when she imbibed.  However, in the quantities that she was using, I don't see how taking one hit of pot is any different than moms across the US popping valium or other mood-altering prescription drugs.  Yes, its illegal, but unless any of the posters can claim they've never gone over the speed limit or gotten a parking ticket, I don't know that the illegality is really your best argument.

Just a note--parking and speeding tickets will not get your child taken away from you.  Driving under the influence of illegal drugs may very well.  After that "one hit" that did so much to change her mothering-perspective, she did have to drive home from the mall.

I think many of us could have felt better about an article that suggested that a cocktail made someone a more relaxed parent...a parent who was old enough to legally drink, didn't get trashed, and didn't drive.  

Sorry, Krystal. Where my kid's health, well-being and safety is concerned, any argument whose central thesis is "lighten up" just doesn't hold much water with me. Maybe you should learn to be attentive to your kids without the aid of mind-altering drugs. I'm no stranger to pot, believe me, so it's not D.A.R.E. talking. It's just common sense.

The formula bag controversy was a good discussion piece, this was just a load of crap thrown out there to get more readers. I expect better from Babble.

oh woops, i think you got me confused. im not the one doing "mind altering drugs", i barely drink.  i was actually trying to ease up on the lady that wrote the original post. i do not agree that smoking pot is as evil as you are all  making it seem. which may be why there has been some heavy debate over the issue in the news over its leaglity? in no way was i trying to formulate a "thesis", been there, done that. but, thank you for the suggestion on paper writing. sorry to offend so...and again, lighten up! xo

my main "thesis" is that we should all lighten up on each other and realize that we are all trying to do the best we can. dig? stop with the flowing negitivity and support each other.

It's been said I am sure to infinitium, (or would have been, were that a word), but again: The. Writer. Was. Driving. A. Car.

I don't care personally what anyone chooses to do with around their kid, but the driving thing puts the entire essay in a different place. Did you think that by setting this essay in the suburbs you'd pick up a new demographic or what?

DIDN'T ANYONE SEE THAT DRAGNET EPISODE WITH THE POT-HEAD PARENTS?????  LOOK AT WHAT WILL HAPPEN!!  

you have been warned.

I am a pot-smoking mom.  I smoke marijuana on nearly a daily basis, usually in the evening while my husband and I relax and chat about our day.  He usually enjoys one or two glasses of wine, while I enjoy one or two hits of pot.  I don't normally smoke with my kids (6 months and 3 years), but I definitely don't consider it any more risky than similarly light alcohol use.  I strongly agreed with the author of the article, and though of course I totally enjoy playing with my kids sober, occasionally marijuana really does make, say, spending an hour focused on my son's brio set a lot less boring.  I am absolutely shocked at the vitriol spewing forth at this mom for her marijuana use.  The women writing about this topic seem motivated solely by judgement, hate and fear.  Does literally no one comprehend the natural human desire for the calming effects of chemicals?  Ladies, we are not talking about heroin here; the illegality of it does not make it immoral or dangerous.  I genuinely cannot comprehend why marijuana is considered by everyone here to be so much more reprehensible than all the other aspects of parenting that are so often performed in a way that is less than absolutely perfect.  Whether it's cellphone use while driving, or light alcohol ingestion at a Sunday barbeque or after dinner, not one of us does everything by the book.  I am *especially* confused by the assertion that everyone would feel more comfortable if the article were exactly the same but involving cocktails; what makes alcohol so much more acceptable than marijuana?  What about all the moms that take valium, or antidepressents, or anxiety meds, or the million other chemical mind-altering substances that are so well integrated into american culture.  Is it because they are manufactured by gigantic corporations, so they must be ok?  I *really* don't get it.  Alcohol makes me, personally, feel ill and sleepy, and I don't like the taste.  My family is carribean, and pot is strongly accepted within our culture, while alcohol is practically never part of social occasions, unless it is supplied for guests.  Marijuana feels like a safe and relatively healthy vice, if I'm going to have one.  I would like to add that I have a master's degree, a very successful career, a wonderful and happy marriage, loving friends, and a rich and fulfilling personal life.  I don't smoke cigarettes or use any other substances, at all, ever.  When I'm not working (I'm staying home with the baby this year), I spend my days with the baby at libraries and museums, at parks and pools, or just at home with our toys.  I cook all of our meals at home, mostly from my own organic vegetable garden; my son's absolute favorite food is the snap beans from our backyard.  My kids don't watch tv, but our house is filled with books (I am a book person, and I particularly adore children's literature).  In fact, my son can already read about 50 words at only 3 and a half, and learns new ones every day.  All of our toys are made of wood, and I'd never EVER buy anything that beeps or lights up; our entire home and lifestyle is totally kid-centered and aranged to stimulate their imaginations and nurture their creativity.  Yet, because I prefer pot to wine, all of you think my children should be removed from my care?  Is my evening marijuana use *really* damaging to my kids, my family, or my lifestyle?  Is my husband's wine use equally damaging?  What I have been reading here seems like extraordinarily narrow thinking to me, and I am so disappointed.  There seems to be a complete lack of the type of objective critical analysis necessary to any successful debate.  It was obviously naive of me, but I expected so much better of us loving mamas.

Really? You expect the hyper-intensive "we want the best for our kids" parents that populate the internet today to agree with you that driving under the influence of an ILLEGAL mind altering substance to be open minded?

I would have the same outraged response if you were expecting people to agree that driving while over the legal limit of alchohol consumption was not worthy of taking kids away.

Look, I have friends who smoke pot, with their kids in the house, and I don't agree with it, but that doesn't mean I have to condone it.

Yes I drink in front of my children, I sometimes drink to excess, never in front of my children, and never in a situation when I am soley responsible for their care and safety.

You parent in the world you live in, not the world you wish you lived in. You might wish pot were legal, but it isn't. So the issue isn't pot at all. The issue is, do you engage in unnecessary illegal behavior when you have a child to take care of?

Say this woman smokes pot, engages in highly enjoyable play with her son, then drives to the mall completely sober, not realizing she has a busted taillight. Your friendly local policeman pulls her over to write her a fix-it ticket. He smells pot, and sees the kid in the backseat. What do you think happens next? Do you think the machinery of the state - cops, judges, child protective services - is going to agree that a little pot here and there hurts no one? The system isn't built for such nuance.

Risk is a function of probability and impact. A thousand moms might engage in the above scenario and only one will get caught - but what a price she will pay.

Right, but isn't a relaxed mama best for our kids?  And ALL mamas have exterior coping mechanisms, some very healthy, and others less so.  Everyone falls somewhere on the continuum of dependence on external stimuli for relaxation, whether it is shopping, food, gambling, sex, alcohol,gossip, controlling behavior, etc...this list includes basically all human frailties.  If legality mattered, that would mean it is best for the kids if a mama sublimates her frustration by gambling away a college fund; that is is it more acceptable because that is LEGAL?????  Illicit affairs are legal, but are they less harmful to family integrity than pot?  How about trying to decide, objectively, whether the behavior is HARMFUL????? What about obesity due to a diet primarily comprised of french fries?  Do you SERIOUSLY consider foster care superior to a mom that has a light or moderate chemical vice?  Just as no two people use alcohol in the same way, you cannot treat all levels of marijuana use in exactly the same way.  There are shades of gray here.  When deciding what's 'best for our kids', there are no absolutes.  Can we not be our best selves without having to be absolutely perfect?  People, PLEASE, keep your *judgements* fair!!

It doesn't really sound like you want judgements to stop at all, as long as we're not judging you right? It sounds to me more like you're trying to justify performing illegal acts in front of your children to yourself.

Good luck with that.

Thank you Aeden for your honesty.  I live in an area where pot is decriminalized (meaning the police do not waste their time on it) and is medicinally legal.   I'm shocked at all the judgement here.  I guess it's a cultural thing.  I agree that talking on your cel  while driving is more dangerous that taking a hit of weed and I agree that a little weed can help one focus on the repetitive play of a toddler.

To the defensive pothead moms,

If you were dropping your kid off at daycare and the providers were staring at their hands and talking about how the hole in the donut must make it holy, man, would you be down with that? What if your babysitter whipped out her one-hitter while you were rattling off the emergency numbers and told you that was the only way she could stand to be around your horrible kid for five hours?  Would you commend them for their honesty and be proud of how "real" they were? Would you write crazy-long internet posts about relaxed babysitters being the best babysitters?

And as someone pointed out in the comments on the essay itself, it is the privilege of well-off white mommies to rationalize their substance abuse problems on the internet rather than to CPS. Talk about judgmental--try telling an actual judge "But I grow organic vegetables and go to museums!" But I guess the popo aren't going to bother you in the Heritage Meadows subdivision.

You'll smile a lot. You'll be walking down the street one day and you'll notice your jaw just hurts like hell. And you won't be able to do a thing about it, and you won't want to either. You'll look like a crazy person, walking

The comments here are, quite frankly, disturbing.

It must be a "culture thing" because I can't fathom how anyone in their right mind would call someone who smokes weed a bad parent, based solely on that.

I guess me being a little less stressed around my kids is a terrible thing...

And what about those of us who aren't performing illegal acts? What if we live in a place where marijuana is legal? Am I still a bad parent, or do you actually see that having a joint and having a beer pretty well go hand-in-hand.

(Though you'd never find alcohol in my house, ever)