Breastfeeding rights have been the big stink on the Derby lately. We had Chag's post on the mom kicked out of Applebee's, and then this post written by some freak yesterday about the mom who wants additional break time during medical exams to pump. And don't ever let us forget the controversy that was Rachael's take on formula give-aways. There's obviously some mixed feelings here, and some back-and-forth. I know I'm all over the map, and here's why.
First of all, like Chag, I had a problem with Applebee's evictee Brooke Ryan saying being asked to cover up with a blanket was "like telling Rosa Parks she still had to sit in the back of the
bus, but we'll give her a blanket to make her more comfortable." Yeah, it's a soundbite, and really, I don't think a blanket is necessary or should be required. But Rosa Parks? Um, Parks wasn't fighting for the right to sit at the front of the bus, she was fighting against the systematic discrimination against an entire group deemed inferior by those in power. The lactivism in this case was about...fighting for the right to nurse in public. A right we should totally have, and any right you don't protect gets taken away. But it's still not the same as what Parks stood for.
Now, are lactating moms also discriminated against, and could we advocate for that? Sure, and no doubt the mom working two jobs who can't even imagine breastfeeding would love some of our social support. Unfortunately, feminism is rarely easy. Here's some more thorniness: when my baby was a week old, my husband and I went to a nursing supply store to buy a pump and bottles. The lactation consultant/salesperson was horrified. "You can't bottlefeed yet. It could result in nipple confusion! Why would you want to do that?" When my husband replied, "Well, for starters, I'd like to be able to bond with our baby this way too," she said, "Well, you just can't be selfish like that. This is her special time with the baby." Too bad I wanted to share.
See, exclusively breastfeeding with no pumping or bottles meant not only was I really the primary caretaker in the early days (a job I had hoped to share equally for all of our sakes,) it also meant a real struggle to introduce a bottle so I could go back to working outside the home, something I wanted and needed to do. And this small example is just part of a whole larger struggle I felt, when I read books like the Sears baby book that said I should stay home with my baby or I'd be doing her wrong. I felt this revival of the traditional view of motherhood, and again, supposedly it's the children that suffer. I was willing to risk nipple confusion because I wanted something different. And I believe in all kinds of choices in motherhood, and I don't believe kids are condemned to a second-class life because they got bottles or boobs or because their moms stayed at home full time or went out into the workforce. I'm not pretending to have the answers in all this, but sometimes I wanna talk about more than nursing in a restaurant.
