Dear Big Retailers,
Hey. Some of us here have been concerned about all the lead toys being recalled. It's no fun having to dispose of Dora in the middle of the night because someone would rather beat her head against the wall repeatedly than give up her Dora. Oh wait. She did that anyway. But you know what I mean, right?
So let me get right down to it.
When I hear that you and some of your Big Retailer friends have been pulling lead-tainted toys off your shelves surreptitiously and without notifying anyone, like, say, those people who manage recalls? For our safety and all? Which means that people LIKE ME might have those toys at home without knowing it? I get kinda pissed off.
It kinda makes me want to out you, you know, Big-Retailer-that-sounds-French-if-you-mispronounce-it? and has a symbol like a bullseye? You and your retailer friend Bollar Peneral and...the other one.
And what makes me REALLY pissed is that I think now I trust Wal-Mart more than I do you. I am totally breaking up with you.
Love,
Everyone
P.S. The dog is going down, too. You watch.
