Depression has seeped into our household. And while I was hyper-aware about post-partum depression to the point of checking in with myself, my therapist and my closest friends, it never occurred to me to worry about my husband's mental health. Of course, I did worry about him. There was another person in the center of our relationship. And he was sad to leave us behind each day and he felt a newfound pressure to provide that I thought the simple declaration of a feminist partnership would eradicate completely. But I didn't worry about depression in him. Until about six months ago and now, three years later, it is a very present force in our small apartment. One of the biggest surprises is that, when I've opened up to other women about this, many have responded that their spouses or former spouses had also been tangled up in depression. It makes me wonder: Why don't we talk more about the beyond-sad dads?
One of my mama friends says she thinks that men -- and this is more guideline than rule observational stuff -- don't open up to their friends about those deep and weighing stresses that build up over time. Of course, there is the whole brain chemistry component to depression, but could it be that part of the reason we don't talk about men being depressed is that men don't talk about it much amongst themselves?
The good news is that there is more and more emerging about post-partum depression in fathers. But I think there is more to be written -- and discussed -- about depressed dads with children who've grown past the baby stage and how that impacts the whole family. At one point, I honestly would have said that women cannot be responsible for probing into men's depression as well as women's depression, PPD, depression in their kids...and the list goes on. But now that it has made its home in mine it seems more important to start talking than leave it up to someone else. Anyone?
