I don’t remember when my husband and I decided to co-sleep with our
firstborn. I know it was well before her birth, because I remember turning
down the offer of a crib from a work friend on the same day I announced
to the office that I was pregnant. How I knew anything about
co-sleeping or that it was even an option, I have no idea.
Which, really, doesn’t that just prove that it’s the most natural thing to do?
Oh, but time to sharpen the claws, because my colleagues here at Strollerderby mostly don’t agree. Two-thirds of them have been caging their babies since birth – though Jessica mentioned (rather defensively) that she “used a crib bumper.” Mmmmhmmmm. Was it stuffed with downy-soft love and security?
This Strollerderby Smackdown: Co-sleepers Rumble came to a head when I innocently mentioned a New York Times article about how 15 percent of us admit to sleeping with baby and many, many more do it in secret. The author, for example, still shares a pillow with her third-grader. (Hey, did I just hear you judge her?)
Anyway, a doctor who studies these things says there are three kinds of co-sleepers – those who want to breastfeed and think bed-sharing is good for their emotional development (that’s me!); those who have to because there aren’t enough beds; and those who just wind up doing it, because the kid comes in at night or there’s a thunderstorm or the child is sick (that’s Karen!). See? Isn’t co-sleeping great.
The doctor didn’t create categories for baby-cagers, probably because it’s just too sad to think about a child all alone in a dark room “crying it out.” That quivering baby finger’s pointing at you, Mike (our resident stay-at-home "dad")! “My tips for co-sleeping: Buy bottle of wine. Buy steak. Send wife away for the night. Put kid in crib and shut the door. Yes, there were tears from both of us. But the steak was also really good.” You know, I’m just not seeing the sacrifice, Mike. (The steak sounds good, though. Medium rare?)
Rachael feels strongly that infants need to learn early to not be “such needy, needy babies.” She’s got her young ones in a “gated bunk bed” (aka: toddler cage, hello!). She defends her choices (see? It’s all about her! What about her children?!) and says families who co-sleep have a higher rate of divorce. I’m pretty sure she made that up. She also mentions “healthy boundaries.” Whatever. Spoken like a true prison warden.
Kelly not only abandoned her baby every night and twice daily for naps in a cold, dark, private room -- she Ferberized her. Something about, well, in her words: "I put my kid in the crib and let her cry, because that's what babies do, they cry, all the damn time, so let ‘em do it in another room so I can get some sleep. Plus I didn't want her to turn into some weak-chinned namby-pamby still begging for my teat when she turned twelve.” With that attitude, you're making ME cry! I'm just saying ... (What does crying sound like, anyway? My kids, with their emotionally met needs, never did.)
In Kelly’s defense, Jessica’s incessant politicization of this likely steered her from making the better choice: “Thousands of years and hundreds of cultures say you are right. But this is America!!!!, dudes, and we do shit differently here.” Save it for the election, Jessica, save it for the election.
And that’s it, folks. A major battle in the Mommy Wars fought out here on Strollerderby. (Karen, I think co-sleepers totally won!)
Readers on the frontline, which side are you on (and yes, according to international treaties, all parents are required to choose a side)?
