It always makes me laugh to read articles like this one from Babycenter on the Seven Signs Your Child Loves You, detailing tangible behaviors in one handy little checklist for concerned parents to tuck into one of the twelve pockets in the top half of their mom jeans or the equally alarming over-pleated khaki dad version. Babycenter's signs were...well, fine. That is, if the "stares into your eyes/picks little flowers from the garden for you/throws tantrums/wants to eventually come home from grandma's house" quells your desperate worries. We parents at Strollerderby were not satisfied with the thoroughness of this tidy table, so we've thrown together a few more signs you will want to look for in assessing whether your kid loves you. Or at least if your child loves you more than their other parent/grandparent/nanny/babysitter/teacher/second cousin twice removed who sends stickers. Here;s our official formulation of parental child love:
Mike says his daughter shows an abundance of love by fetching "dad juice" from the fridge. Thank God she's finally walking since all that dragging clanky bottles while crawling is such a nuisance. He also says her bottle opening skills aren't quite there yet but with toddlers, its the the thought that counts.
Karen says kiddie love is directly proportional to the amount of bodily fluids they get on you. This is why I love Karen. As the mother of an extremely urpy child, I have concrete verification that I'll be adored forever. Or at least as long as we're 40,000 feet above ground or on a car trip that exceeds a half-hour. Sigh.
Madeline's just feeling bitter and ripped off to hear that other people's kids feel love. Awww, don't sweat it, Madeline. You can always have more kids to monitor closely for feelings of affection or even baseline tolerance of you and the hubs.
Kelly's daughter shows mommy that she loves her by engaging her in the fine art of macaroni necklace assembly. She's also quick to tally up adoration when she must have a new Bratz Doll or similar. Also, Kelly mentioned something braggy about pushing her baby out and then not throwing her colicky ass out the window, but if you know Kelly like we do, you know that simply another verbal major muscle group flex to remind us she's a blahblahpersonaltrainer-fitnessgurublahblah.
As for me, I will know my preschool really is crazy about me when he prepays for a three-year-long therapy package once he's out of high school and everything's official my fault for suffocating him with love, smooches and teeny tiny booty pinches. I will have to just trust in my smothering ways until then, or glean what I can from my obsessively-growing Beanie Baby collection.
Sure, there are parents who have legitimate concerns about whether their kid is healthfully showing developmentally-appropriate signs of love. And sure there are parents who need a table format to reassure them that their kid is pooping enough, eating enough, napping enough, parallel playing enough, acting out anger enough, watching enough crap TV and chugging the consumerist plastic and vibrating baby toy industry along enough, and apparently, loving enough. We've all been there in our most sleep-deprived and hug-starved moments. But surely, if the worry is real for either the parents or kids, someone with a wee bit more authority than Babycenter ought step in, right? And until then, let's keep the real signs rolling.
