I think most of us look for new ways of dealing with the things that come up in day-to-day parenting, the things that add up to the guidance we provide as parents to our kids, the things that will one day combine with genetics and their experiences with extended family, teachers, and other people of influence to create the adult who will eventually emerge from our children. We can read books or talk to other parents about their experiences to get these new ideas, these new perspectives.
I ran across something recently that, while not new, struck huge chords within me that I think will eventually have a huge impact on how I parent and indeed, how I interact with all sorts of other people.
The concept was partly from this article about Non-Violent Communication (also known as Compassionate Communication, which is, for me, a preferable title), and this is it:
Children are complete and whole people unto themselves. When we think of our children as a "child", it dehumanizes them and makes it our responsibility as parents to make them behave in a certain way. By detaching from that we can see our children as whole and complete, each having the ability to express what they want (based on developmental level) and also creates an environment of mutual respect, where both parties think that their needs matter and they are conscious that their needs and the other person’s well-being
are interdependent.
So, wow. Just wow.
So do you see the effects of this, the potential? It means validating their feelings, acknowledging them as being just as important as, say, mine. I thought I was doing this, but I can see in some of the examples that there have been times when I resorted to the "I'm the mom and you should do it because I said so" mentality. On the flip side, I do believe that there are times, esecially those relating to immediate safety, that there is a need for absolute authority. After all, someone has to be the captain of the ship. But at the same time, if that aura of mutual respect is there, moving into a space of authority still works.
Sound interesting? Then I invite you to read the article. And I'd love to hear your thoughts.
P.S. Want some other thoughts on looking at children differently? I didn't write this wonderful piece on children and love but I'm a co-owner of the site.
